Mothering Forum banner

*** Bitter Sushi Ladies, March 2011 Thread ***

17K views 420 replies 39 participants last post by  Kyamo 
#1 ·
#52 ·
Finally ready to really jump back in now that I feel like we have some forward momentum to talk about. Stasis just doesn't seem that interesting. But we had our first infertility appointment today with a local OB who was amazing. Hubby has an SA sometime next week, I have an ultrasound Thursday to check for cysts, fibroids, or any possible sign that could indicate endometriosis. If they do see anything abnormal I'll have a lap done sometime in the next few months. We told him we're really just interested in testing right now, but in about 6 months (once the due date would be after nursing school graduation) we'd be more open to medical intervention. He suggested birth control for 3 months which he thinks would regulate/shorten my cycles but I just don't really like that idea at all! He also said he'd want to try Clomid first but I'd really only want to give it one more shot since we did two cycles of it last year with a general practitioner who was happy to hand out drugs. I forgot to ask how much he could offer us and what he would try before referring us somewhere else. It's a shame the only RE in our state is in Little Rock which is about 3 and a half hours from here. I am planning on trying to find a job there when I graduate so if we still don't have a baby on the way by then, we'll begin pursuing IVF after we get settled in there. It just feels so great to be going forward towards some kind of answer. And to know that even if we don't get answers, I'll still be having a baby sometime in the next few years, which after this long is just the boost of hope I needed.

So yay! I'm back!
 
#53 ·
Day three of vitex, and so far, it's been great. It makes me drowsy, so I just take it at night and it helps my insomnia problems (I've had severe insomnia all my life, but recently it's been worse.

We're talking more, it's exciting getting to be this open with each other. He's also feeling world's better with CPAP. He told me today he woke up, felt a little sleepy still, but then had lots of energy after he got up and dressed...like that's the craziest thing he's ever heard of. I told him that's how most people feel, and his eyes got wide like he was shocked. He was so used to crappy sleep that he just kind of accepted it as normal. After just a couple days we've both been happier, more active, and even our sex life has improved, and it was pretty great before.

He also bought me a couple dresses, because I haven't been able to feel sexy in a while. Amazing what just that has done for my overall view of myself!
 
#54 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by SimplyRochelle View Post

Finally ready to really jump back in now that I feel like we have some forward momentum to talk about. Stasis just doesn't seem that interesting. But we had our first infertility appointment today with a local OB who was amazing. Hubby has an SA sometime next week, I have an ultrasound Thursday to check for cysts, fibroids, or any possible sign that could indicate endometriosis. If they do see anything abnormal I'll have a lap done sometime in the next few months. We told him we're really just interested in testing right now, but in about 6 months (once the due date would be after nursing school graduation) we'd be more open to medical intervention. He suggested birth control for 3 months which he thinks would regulate/shorten my cycles but I just don't really like that idea at all! He also said he'd want to try Clomid first but I'd really only want to give it one more shot since we did two cycles of it last year with a general practitioner who was happy to hand out drugs. I forgot to ask how much he could offer us and what he would try before referring us somewhere else. It's a shame the only RE in our state is in Little Rock which is about 3 and a half hours from here. I am planning on trying to find a job there when I graduate so if we still don't have a baby on the way by then, we'll begin pursuing IVF after we get settled in there. It just feels so great to be going forward towards some kind of answer. And to know that even if we don't get answers, I'll still be having a baby sometime in the next few years, which after this long is just the boost of hope I needed.

So yay! I'm back!
Welcome back, I've missed your posts. I hope you get some answers. I don't remember what your cycle issues are, but at least for me, BC does a great job of regulating my cycles, ... WHILE I am on it lol. It just goes back to crazy after stopping it. So BC to regulate your cycle for fertility seems really questionable to me.
 
#55 ·
Had to jump ahead and respond to rcr
hug.gif


Please don't let me influence you to feel negative. I am getting old. I am 44!!!TTC since I was 41. I am done I think. You are still young. I get depressed whenever I see that I am the old timer (in more ways than one)

I am not removing myself yet. I don't think you should leave, maybe take a break if you need it. This thread is always here for you and we love you
hug.gif


I'm sorry to only reply to one person. My puter is in the shop, I am on DH's and he is needing it back and I reeaally wanted to say that
love.gif
 
#56 ·
Wow, so many messages I don't know where to start, but let me say welcome to the newbies and welcome back to the rejoiners!

SweetBee - to answer your question, yes I am temping! However, this particular crazy 3 month cycle has been really, really unusual in that my body has tried to O twice and failed, plus I was sick at one point, plus I missed a whole week when we were in California on vacation. So, FF doesn't think I O'ed yet, but I have had several days of temps over 97.3 which usually means O for me, and the last 2 days have been at 97.6. Looking good so far! I have been crampy today off and on, but it seems too early for me to have AF coming, so I'm not sure what to make of it. Emotionally I am kind of a mess too, but that may also be due to the excitement/stress about the possible changes coming up..moving, etc. I'm scared to get too hopeful, if that makes sense, but seriously, even just O is super exciting at this point for me. I love it that acupuncture seems to have helped *something* happen.

SimplyRochelle - I remember you, but can't quite remember if it was from this thread or the long cycles thread? At any rate, I am so glad you have some hope again! I agree with Kyamo though, I would not do bcp for the sake of fertility, that seems very counterintuitive.

objet glad things are going so well!!! Yay for positive energy and happier hubby! I'm glad you're keeping us posted on how the vitex is working!

kparker - hang in there friend. those needles are getting you closer to your goal!

InWaiting I am so frustrated by people's insensitivity and it really angers me that your coworker was talking that way knowing your struggle. I am so sorry. I hope it happens for you soon and you can just bask in the joy of that instead!

Laggie sorry for CD1.

MBA I just want to say you are an awesome threadkeeper.

rcr I have not lost hope for you yet, for whatever that is worth. I believe it will happen!

monkey good news about your grandpa!

Can y'all tell I'm in a really positive mood? AFM, still holding on to the hope I currently have and loving the moment. Praying it lasts.

Sorry for anyone I am leaving out..there were so many to catch up on this time!
 
#57 ·
Hey everyone.
wave.gif


Sorry I've been MIA like all week. It's been a busy one and very stressful.

I never did figure out a good babysitter solution (Did I even share that issue on here?), so I broke down and asked my grandparents. They're going to watch the kids while I work so DH can go ahead and take the promotion at his work. Which means shipping my kids out of town half of each week. I'm very upset about the whole thing, though I know it's a step in the direction of eventually scaling back my time at work. Hard to be positive about it, though. I think overall I'm just really not adjusting well to the end of student life/beginning of working life. I just want to be a SAHM - preferably a pg one...

I consider myself on CD 22, 7 DPO. FF hasn't given me crosshairs, though. Probably b/c I'm only temping on my days off so there are a lot of holes in my chart. It has been a less stressful cycle post-O, so I think the scaled back temping was a good idea. I'll probably keep it up next cycle if I don't get a BFP this time.

Um...personals are going to be brief b/c I didn't have the courage to attempt multi-quote (I just read through all 3 pages of the March thread b/c I had forgotten to update my subscription). Beloved and rcr...I'd understand if you guys took a break or unsubbed but you'd be missed for sure. Oh, and thanks for the link to the other infertility thread. Welcome to all of the newbies and welcome back to our returning members. I'm sorry for you ladies that are in a particularly dark place. Thanks for the new thread, MBA.

Thinking of you all.
grouphug.gif
 
#58 ·
Thanks for the welcome back! Lilmom and Kyamo, the problem right now is that we really don't know what the problem is. We got married when I was 19 and DH was 20, and immediately gave way to the baby fever, but neither of us had jobs with insurance and didn't think we could really afford to buy it on our own. We ended up with a $4000 bill from ending up in the ER after trying to miscarry at home at 12 weeks and felt like we needed to pay that off first. So we've just been in this stasis mode waiting for either a pregnancy or insurance. Unfortunately the insurance came first, so now we're just a little bit behind, at about 3 and a half year actively ttc, we're finally get some of these initial tests behind us. I really suspect that we are dealing with MFI simply because I do ovulate every month, even if it is a little bit later than "normal" and my DH continues to smoke cigarettes despite my protest. I'm hoping that after his SA and my u/s next week, we'll be that much closer to an answer.
 
#59 ·
MBA - Not sure why dh is annoyed with the temping (all 2 days of it!), I think that he thinks that if we just keep doing what we are doing it will happen. I think that really he is afraid that something is wrong with one of us and that we won't have another and so he plays the I can take one or leave one attitude but I think he is doing that for me so that if it doesn't happen I can be upset but upset for me and not for both of us. Make any sense?

Objet - Glad things are looking up!

Kyamo - Thank you thank you thank you for telling me about the Dollarama, I picked up some opk's and hpt's today for a $1.25 each, you saved me a fortune!

Welcome new ladies and welcome back all returners!!!

AFM - CD 48, did an opk yesterday and today and they were both positive so maybe things are looking up. Hoping this was just one freak cycle and things go back to normal once af finally shows her face. I am temping now but I think it will take me awhile to get used to that. My temp yesterday and my temp today - both taken in bed as soon as I woke up were not even close. I guess I need to give it more time ..nnn..
 
#61 ·
Thank you Julie... I am enjoying this thread but it seems so much bigger and more active so it's hard to jump right in without feeling a bit overwhelmed. I was actually surprised with the welcome I got when coming over here because I wasn't sure that I did belong yet. I was not made to feel like I didn't once and everyone was so sweet. I still feel overwhelmed and trying to get to know everyone is hard... but I am trying. :)

I feel bad that I made so many people upset on the ONE thread, I really didn't mean to but seeing BFPs posted not only by the original posters but than quoted over and over on the day I started AF was like a giant smack in the face and I had a rough day. Than to see my girly, music, leaving, it just felt like I should say something to make it a little easier on those of us not ready to see that. It was just a suggestion... one I, apparently, should not have made.

Quote:
I think there is plenty of room for celebration in, say, DDCs, where everyone is likely to be on the same wavelength.
See, that was my feeling too. They get to go on and celebrate in their DDC, they get to go on and have a baby in their arms in 9 months... while some of us are still sitting back in the TTC section watching everyone else move on... I didn't think it was too much to ask to just make it a link instead of a big, blaring picture. It wasn't like I was asking them not to post it AT ALL... just post it with a little sensitivity. Anyway, I don't want to get all into it again but I appreciate having someone understand where I was coming from. I knew I should have just come here and left there a long time ago. :)
 
#62 ·
Welcome A2E
love.gif
I think you are in the right place. I feel so much better since i stopped looking at the other thread. I just peeked though. I am now a bit desensitized to it now though. I really do wish them well, but sometimes it is hard to see BFPs when all of mine are snow white, and af is getting more frequent. I thin my LP is shortening and I may be in peri, oh well.

My coworker was talking to someone about her friend who is older and she was saying that she was going through "mid life baby crisis"
eyesroll.gif
I'll bet that is what she thinks about me
eyesroll.gif


Coworker is still being really nice to me, and it is helkpful as she was very cold to me, and I just couldn'y atand working next to her (sorry for typos, hubby's puter)

I just got through with af, and this time I didn't even test obsessively like I used to. I am still not avoiding, but have stopped temping, and am just living life. I have a hard time leaving this thread though, I am just so hopeful for all of you.
 
#63 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by miriam_bat_avraham View Post
I'm also sad to see that there are people who come to this thread for support but say they don't feel accepted here. I feel like we're pretty open and kind and welcoming here, and I put a lot into my BSL friendships because this is really the only place I can have in-depth conversations with a high level of emotional and mental investment when it comes to talking about TTC and treatment, and I try to give that back to the women in this forum by being truly supportive. It's hard to hear that I could be trying to reach out to someone and help them, only to find they have a less than favorable opinion of us
greensad.gif
feels like I can't win on that one.
I don't get that! I have been here maybe 6 months and I have never seen anything other than everyone being welcomed here. However, I do think that some people have a negative feeling towards this thread, not because of any of us, but because they within themselves do not want to end up here. It is easier to feel.. what... anger and pity? towards us than to admit you (anyone) might at some point end up really belonging here. I could be wrong... but I just don't see it how anyone would feel unwelcome here due to anyone's comments.

I am one of those that use this almost like a journal. I don't know how to multiquote and don't write lots of personals. Yet, I know we all share the same pain and often can understand each other. I always think of you all react to your posts in my head...
 
#64 ·
A2E & MBA -- I've given this some thought and I hope I say this the right way, but I can see both sides of the whole "one thread" issue. And there really are two very different perspectives here. I believe that no one who is suffering from infertility or multiple losses or both should have to hide their sadness or frustration. I think we should be able to be real about our feelings without worrying about diminishing someone else's joy. But I also believe there is a flip side to that - that no one should have to hide their joy because it might affect my feelings. And I could see how just as someone struggling with infertility would be hurt by seeing so many BFPs, another might be truly hurt by someone saying "You can celebrate, but you need to do it where I don't have to see it." Please don't take this as a criticism, because I promise it's not meant that way. I really do understand the feelings involved. But I think, from where we are in our journey, it can be hard to understand the feelings of those new to the TTC journey. And I think if one of us posted on the one thread and we were told to please go post about our losses and infertility on the BSL thread and just link to it so the one-threaders could choose whether or not to see it - we would all be pretty offended by that, rightfully so. So to me, for the one thread to be an inclusive place for everyone, in all stages of the TTC journey - I do believe it does need to be open to both sorrow and joy in equal measure. This is such a hard topic to mention and I really really want to say the right thing here. I just know, for example, someone in my life who was nervous the first 12 weeks of her 1st pregnancy and it was partly because of knowing of my miscarriages and the losses that she knows others have experienced. I think it's hard to remember that our stories can be pretty scary for someone new to TTC to hear. And I'm not saying that is our fault, it's absolutely not. And I'm not saying we should pretend that TTC isn't hard for us, because I don't think that either. I'm just saying that this affect our stories can have on each other, it goes both ways. And so I think the openness, it must go both ways as well. And I'm feeling a bit worried about posting this, but it's what I feel in my heart that I can add to the conversation, so I'm going to post it. Please know that it's meant with kindness.

MBA - I think it can be hard for newbies to feel they fit in just because most folks in the thread have been posting for a while and all know each other. It's just like when you go to a party and you walk up to a group of people and it's obvious they all know each other really really well and you don't know anyone and it's hard to just jump in and start talking without feeling somewhat intrusive. I just think it's a thread where it naturally takes a lot of time to really get to know everyone and all of their stories. As a somewhat newbie myself, I don't see the thread as a clique or anything like that.

AFM - CD 2. Trying to prepare myself for my first appt soon with an RE.
 
#65 ·
MBA - I think what you wrote about this thread is beautiful and might be really great as part of the blurb on the front page. I think people are hesitant because there is no set "join-time." But the thing is, bitterness and a need for emotional protection doesn't come at the same time for everybody, and I think that's the essence of this thread.

jennabella, I think what you said is really important, too. At some point I started to consider The One as a place to post only when I was in a particularly good mood for some reason, or feeling hopeful and positive, because I didn't feel like many of the newer TTCers "got it" like we do. However, they deserve to have a place to post their feelings, too. Don't feel bad for posting your opinions, especially when you do it so gracefully and with such care!

A2E, you hit the nail on the head: it definitely became too much for me to continue to reach out to people and make connections and bonds with people who were just going to continually graduate and leave me behind. That's why I feel like the BSL and the Veterans Threads are so wonderful, because I think, (I hope!), that the bonds we make are lasting and go beyond a graduation. right?
hide.gif
 
#67 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tear78 View Post

That's why I feel like the BSL and the Veterans Threads are so wonderful, because I think, (I hope!), that the bonds we make are lasting and go beyond a graduation. right?
hide.gif
Yes... if I could just graduate.
 
#68 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by rcr View Post

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tear78 View Post

That's why I feel like the BSL and the Veterans Threads are so wonderful, because I think, (I hope!), that the bonds we make are lasting and go beyond a graduation. right?
hide.gif
Yes... if I could just graduate.
hug.gif
 
#70 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tear78 View Post

A2E, you hit the nail on the head: it definitely became too much for me to continue to reach out to people and make connections and bonds with people who were just going to continually graduate and leave me behind. That's why I feel like the BSL and the Veterans Threads are so wonderful, because I think, (I hope!), that the bonds we make are lasting and go beyond a graduation. right?
hide.gif
Yep, that's right. I know someone from P&BL (I think it was Monica), went through on a particularly lousy day, and counted all the bfps that had passed through since she joined. I could never, ever do that, because I would cry. But I know that I have this bitter side that thinks awful things sometimes. For example, (and I shudder to type this), when I see ladies posting that they can "relax" now, because they have seen the heartbeat, it drives me crazy. Really crazy. It's so evil of me, but I just think to myself, well "I know from experience that a heartbeat doesn't guarantee anything". It hurts me. I know that sounds insane, I really do. It's my own personal trigger, to know that I am the frickin "1%" whose body cannot keep my babies alive.

I really hate that I am posting this, because I know that there are ladies here who will get a bfp, hear a heartbeat, and be so reassured by it. And I'm sure nobody wants to hear me say things like this. But what I want to get across to A2E, is that I think we all have *something* that just gets us down. It's different for everyone. Don't feel bad about it, just surround yourself with people that get it.

And as for MBA's comments about the thread, and joining, I know that last year when Tear created the Vet's thread on P&BL, I really felt that I couldn't join it, because I hadn't been around that long, and also because I'm not technically IF. But then I just thought to myself, "you know what, I've been through enough!". And I joined, and never looked back.

It's like that here @ BSL, okay, I'm a newbie too, and I have barged my way into the thread, and the discussions, but I know that that I belong here. And I will just keep barging until everyone gets used to me. Sadly for me, and happily for many others, the Vet's thread is languishing at best, so although I'd like to keep it going, and I will stay on as threadkeeper, I wanna be somewhere with a bit more action. Here :)

Anyway, AFM: I'm cd 18. I think we may have gotten some action in the right window over the weekend. I'm really trying not to be too full on about it. Not to mention that poor old DP is working like 80 hours a week at the moment, and he is mostly too exhausted for much action. Poor guy. I keep having dreams about pregnancy tests though. Positive ones. It's really odd. Anyway, here's hoping that the next week will fly by, and I will be able to test.
 
#71 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tear78 View Post

MBA - I think what you wrote about this thread is beautiful and might be really great as part of the blurb on the front page. I think people are hesitant because there is no set "join-time." But the thing is, bitterness and a need for emotional protection doesn't come at the same time for everybody, and I think that's the essence of this thread.
I agree with you about what Miriam wrote.

For me, the hesitation to join here came mostly from worrying that I'd come in here and join, still being less than a year trying, then get a BFP and do to you folks exactly what I was trying to get away from in the One. So I did lurk for awhile. Unfortunately, there certainly was no impending BFP. But I certainly felt and feel welcome.

I went and took a look at the controversy in the One as well, and it was a little bitter to see my name had been erased from there, even though I haven't even read it in months, let alone posted. Of course it makes sense I am deleted, having been gone so long, but still. Reminder that I am too infertile to belong there, I guess.
 
#72 ·
Kyamo - I understand that reticience about joining. I was afraid I was too "new" at TTC to be accepted here as well. And I was really afraid of people telling me the same thing they tell me in real life: That I'm young, that it hasn't been that long, that I just need to relax, etc. (Which is all lovely and maybe true, but it's just not the same thing when you have a MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS and have sex, umm... all the time? vs. totally clueless with potentially bad timing) Anyway... in my usual lack of restraint or tact, I just jumped in, anyway. And so far I have no BFP to make anyone hate me. ;) I admit, though, that I'm afraid some of you will find it hurtful if I do get pregnant quickly once I start actual treatment. Still and all, I like the fact that you'll know what it means to me, if things should go that way.

Others have said good things, too, I just can't remember all of what I wanted to say. And I think the Provera is making me super cranky with my poor dh. He keeps asking me what's wrong, and I don't know. He just irritates me really easily right now. :p
 
#73 ·
When I first joined the BSL, I was 6 months out from my first miscarriage. I ended up getting pregnant a couple months later on clomid, which is pretty fast. I got nothing but love from my BSL friends. Then I had an ectopic and I've been resident here for 18 months and two more miscarriages, and plenty more time to marinate to a tasty bitterness. But I did experience the fast BFP and it was fine. At least as far as I know.

The BSL knew about my latest pregnancy before my husband. Sharing joy after shared bitterness is so much sweeter.

I love to see new faces here - this group is supposed to be churning over. We're supposed to get pregnant, dammit!

Then again, I don't like new faces, because it means personal heartache for other women.

I have "yelled" at someone who posted here after 3 months. Not my finest moment. But 6 months? Bitter as good beer? Come on!

PS - Any one who wants to PM their address, I'll send a BSL care package of pregnancy sticks. Postage covered to anywhere the post office will mail it. I think I have a 100 to split.
 
#76 ·
I think when we are too bitter for the one thread whatever the reason, BSL is the place to be. I find myself too weary with TTC to visit either thread much. Even on this thread almost everyone graduates in front of me or moves elsewhere for different kinds of support for another leg of their journey. There are really only a few left even in BSL that were here when I first started reading a few months before I joined. (Lots of BSL graduates, hooray!) Several ladies who were in BSL when I first was here have already had their babies. Some have moved to IVF or infertility and not come back or occasionally (love to see you all!).

I am halfway given up TTC now (not "expecting" a BFP anymore, and trying not to think about it even though we are still trying). I don't want to talk too much about giving up even here. For me this is even though I have not reached two years yet, but it has been so exhausting to my spirit, and was not what I expected. And we are not doing any new things so each month is like the last. A few comments a month even here is all I can handle and I truly don't now how to be supportive to others month after month after month so my posts are mostly self centered now. I am not headed for IVF or adoption or anywhere new like that. I am excited for every single graduate who has become a familiar face in either thread. I was super-excited and also rather sad when the last person (Melungeon, I think) on the One Thread who I remembered from my beginning there graduated. I see others here now. I wish you the very best, I want you to all graduate with the least possible frustrations on your way, and yet I expect you to all graduate without me.

I hate to imagine anyone curbing their joy to keep me from sadness as a witness. When a woman is so successful with her TTC that she remains innocent and perhaps even foolish in her expectations because it always goes right for her, well to me it is like the sweet happiness of a child who knows nothing else. I would no more hinder that than the joy of my innocent child. Those who have it easy seem young to me. (Not young in age but just in traveling the TTC path.) Well, being young is a gift. It belongs to them as it is given, as my path is mine as it is given. As the saying goes, youth is wasted on the young. I guess that's said because for many when we have it we hardly see what a gift it is, nor do we make the best of it. Easy fertility just seems so similar.

And FWIW I think the happy quickie fertile ladies are generally compassionate (during the wee blink of an eye they are here) when someone shares a glimpse of our more difficult road. Every once in a while a few comments are made like this between these two threads, and even though it is awkward for all involved, I think it helps everyone. Most of what is said is caring. Some things get misunderstood. But some of it is understood and people make real efforts to be sensitive. Thank goodness. What a great community.

It's my understanding that BSL is open to anyone who has been through enough to feel down about it and wants to hang with these ladies. Here, being bitter can be FUN. And there is plenty of positive encouragement as well. This is just the slow lane for TTC. When the revolving door in the fast lane is revolving too fast then you change lanes. And it is fine to do both 100% according to your own comfort. Please please forgive my corny metaphors tonight I do not know why I am being a goof. (Maybe because I am 2dpo with great BD timing and trying to occupy my mind while feeling a bit happy about having done our part to make it possible.)

"2WW, here I come, you know me well, you can throw whatever you got at me and I will not be impressed. I dare you to rock my world!"
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top