Do you tell people you're TTC or pregnant? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-04-2012, 08:41 AM
 
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Hey firsttimettc, sounds like we have similar stories though mine is sort of the other way around: DH and I finally got married a little over a year ago but been together for 9 years. I was ready to TTC 6 years ago but it's taken him this long to "give in". One of the reasons we waited so long to get married is because in his experience most of his friends got pregnant within a year of getting married. I said, yeah the longer we wait to get married the more likely that is to be us!ROTFLMAO.gifLet me know if you want to talk some more because it sure sounds like we're in the same boat.

I'm not good with keeping secrets so a number of people know we're TTC, though most of them probably think we're being pretty casual about it. When we do succeed I don't think I'll want to tell anyone except for a few close friends and my mother about early PG. If, God forbid, I were to M/C, I'd hate to have so many people feel sorry for me, I'd rather have them celebrate with me when it's real, i.e. after 1st trimester.


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Old 04-04-2012, 12:49 PM
 
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I was excited to tel ppl we were TTC, but I strongly stressed the DO NOT TELL MY SISTER> No one is allowed to post on FB about it either. My mother, brother, DH's mother, and some friends know. We are military living over seas so it isn't hard to keep this a secret from my sister. My sister really wants a baby, but her DH doesn't. I guess her financial situation is also holding them back also. I know it would hurt her to know we are TTC baby #3. Her lil sister not only got married first, but has 2 kids and working on the 3rd. She is going to hit the roof. I feel awful and don't want to hurt her, but this is our life. We have been talking about TTC since 09. I don't know what to do... Tell her when we get a BFP or later on in the pregnancy. I know both are going to crush her. How am I going to tell her?? Make up some lie? Oh I wasn't feeling well and went to the Dr. surprise??   

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Old 04-04-2012, 09:22 PM
 
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When I was TTC #1, I only told close friends and my mom we were TTC.  Once I got pregnant, we told everyone the day of/after my BFP.  We couldn't wait, even though we were going to.  My BFP was on July 3rd, so if we'd kept it quiet when we went to our best friends' 4th of July party, they would have wondered why I wasn't drinking.  

This time around, friends (close or otherwise) know, and my mom knows.  I don't want to tell my in-laws b/c they will try to convince DH that we need to wait until he has a better job, etc.  Well, we are comfortable - not really struggling anymore, but we don't have much excess $ anyway.  It is really none of their damned business if we can "afford" another child in their mind anyhow.  I breastfeed, cosleep, cloth diaper, and want to home birth, so our expenses will not be that high compared to most people.  

When I finally get pregnant again (or IF I do), my *plan* is to keep it quiet for awhile just because I kind of want to enjoy our little secret before telling everyone else.  I'll probably tell my mom within a few weeks, because she will be living with us this Summer - can't hide it long!  I want to wait to tell the in-laws especially, maybe 2-3 months in.  They live across the country, and aren't visiting anytime soon, so they will never know.  I may wait 2-3 months to tell friends too.  With my first pregnancy I didn't obviously show until I was around 5 months, because I was already overweight (and still am).  

This question wasn't asked originally, but I'm curious to know what everyone else is thinking of doing in regards to finding out the gender/revealing it, and choosing a name/revealing it, etc.  I would really like to have SOME sort of surprise since it will be our 2nd baby.  I either want to be surprised about the gender myself, or find out but not have anyone except me and DH know.  OR, if I decide to reveal the gender to people, I will probably keep the name we pick a secret until the baby is born.  I will tell online friends, but probably not on Facebook, b/c someone will let it slip.  LOL.  What will you guys do??


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Old 04-05-2012, 07:34 AM
 
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nikki - Coming from someone with IF (not the same as not having a partner on board with TTC, but same net effect), I would actually encourage you to tell your sister you are TTC again, and I would definitely NOT wait longer to tell her you are expecting. The news is not going to be easy on her no matter how you tell her, but being the last one to know definitely makes it hurt more. Telling her you are TTC now at least gives her time to prepare herself for a pregnancy announcement, instead of it coming out of nowhere.


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Old 04-07-2012, 08:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by filiadeluna View Post

This question wasn't asked originally, but I'm curious to know what everyone else is thinking of doing in regards to finding out the gender/revealing it, and choosing a name/revealing it, etc.  I would really like to have SOME sort of surprise since it will be our 2nd baby.  I either want to be surprised about the gender myself, or find out but not have anyone except me and DH know.  OR, if I decide to reveal the gender to people, I will probably keep the name we pick a secret until the baby is born.  I will tell online friends, but probably not on Facebook, b/c someone will let it slip.  LOL.  What will you guys do??

With our first two kids, we didn't find out the gender prenatally (but my mother's intuition was right on both of them), and also didn't share names until after the birth. With Jonathan, we found out the gender and were going to keep it between us, but then on the way home from the ultrasound, DH sighed and said, "Go ahead and call your mom." LOL. We intended to not share the name until he was born, but when I unexpectedly and suddenly got put on hospital bedrest and we didn't know if he or I would make it, we decided to go ahead and name him and share the name, so people praying for us could pray for him by name.

If we're blessed with another pregnancy, we'll probably be finding out again, since I don't know how long the baby will be with us, and I want to know everything about him/her while he/she is around. And unless I have a complicated pregnancy again, we'll probably keep the names hidden, but haven't really fully discussed that yet.

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Old 04-09-2012, 05:41 PM
 
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I haven't told anyone I am TTC except my closest friends, and my SO has told his mom which means his sister also knows.

 

There are some people who know that I didn't tell, because someone I thought was a close friend did not even stop to think whether I was okay with my fertility issues being blabbed to everyone we know, but I don't really associate with her or anyone we knew in common anymore.

 

I don't really hide it either, though. If anyone is interested in me enough to read my blog, I do mention it there.


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Old 04-09-2012, 06:37 PM
 
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Come on & just tell me what is TTC?

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Old 04-09-2012, 06:53 PM
 
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Come on & just tell me what is TTC?

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Old 04-10-2012, 09:15 AM
 
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We haven't told anyone we are TTC except my MIL (if I may call her so cause we will only be tieing the knot at the end of this year) and we won't. We've been together for 10 years and I recently though 28 would be the right time to have our first child but I was still doubtful just feeling not ready and my beloved was not enthusiased at all because I'm the one working and he doesn"t have a job at the moment. Its actually "MIL" who talked him in I hope I have that kind of connection with my baby. So we are to tell anyoneexcept her; my mom will definitely not appreciate (over conservative against sex out of wedlock so you canm only imagine having a child?!!) and also any negative comments about his situation or whatever and also the fear of miscarriage moreover its a cultural thing not to tell when you are pregnant. So I hope I'll be able to keep it tight. In any case I dont plan any facebook announcements though I won't hide either.


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Old 04-10-2012, 03:52 PM
 
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We have been TTC for over a year and haven't told anyone at all. I feel like once you tell people you are TTC, you invite them into your uterus to express opinions. The people who would want to know the most are our families, but I know our mothers would drive us crazy with unsolicited advice. We are evasive when people ask if we're planning on having kids and people always drop the subject pretty quick. It feels pretty lonely not having anyone to talk to about it though.

 

When we finally get pregnant, I am not sure what I am going to do. I would like to wait until the risk of miscarriage is lower, but like a lot of you, I am terrible at keeping secrets. I know that I am going to turn down a drink and someone is going to ask me and I am going to be unable to lie. But I would hate to have to share the news of a miscarriage.


This, so much. We haven't told anyone because of their advice/ridicule (I'm 22 and they want me to have a *~career~*) not to mention my family is very conservative, and they don't agree with no circ, cosleeping and EBF. They also think CD is weird and hippie. So they'll just have to find out later!

This has turned out to be advantageous as well, since we just recently m/c at 8wks :[

 


I double agree with this. I have learned after 2 pregnancies that the less others, know the better. Unless you love unsolicited advice and a million-gazillion questions from people you don't know...

 

Are you having a c-section?

 

Ummm, do I know you?

 


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Old 04-10-2012, 03:59 PM
 
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Hi, I am new to this forum. I got married last may and since then have been TTC. We haven't told anyone but like a lot of people on this forum, we get asked constantly by friends and family "so when will you two be having a baby". I feel like saying "don't worry, you'll probably know when I start to grow a basketball at the front of me". People just have no idea how upsetting it is when you desperately want a baby and you're constantly being asked about it. Particularly when friends and workmates are all falling pregnant at the drop of a hat around you.

I know a lot of people have been trying longer than me but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Good luck to you all and happy baby dust xxx


Agreed. I had a waitress, that I only kind of know from waitressing with her for a few months in the past, ask me today when we will be having another baby. She said that she really thinks I should have another so I have something to do at home all day. Sigh. First of all, DD is only 14 months. Secondly, we have been unsuccessfully trying off and on. And thirdly, SAHM's don't SIT ON OUR ASSES ALL DAY LONG!!!! Sorry, that kind of ticked me off.

 


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Old 04-12-2012, 10:28 AM
 
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Wow! This is making second guess telling anyone!  Since I still have no kids or no BFP, the thing that has been really annoying me the past almost 6 years of marriage is people saying things like "oh, you don't have kids, so you must have ALL the time in the world to do what you want, I'm so jealous".  Or "wow...I wish I had time to go shopping every day like you do, BUT I have kids!!!".  Seriously annoying, and no, I don't go shopping every day but for some reason my SIL's all think I do (they all have 3 kids each).  I know without a doubt that having children is the hardest job in the world, but its also annoying when people assume child-less couples have all the time in the world on their hands (getting two degrees in 4 years gives me plenty of free time! haha).  Anyways...kind of off topic, I just wish people would keep their mouths shut when they make comments on my lack-of children or if I am blessed with babies, on how I am handling my pregnancy, etc.  

 

Update from my last post.....I ended up telling two of my sisters that we are TTCing!  I felt so relieved, the longer this BFP takes in coming, I feel like I'll need more support.  My one sister wondered why I haven't told our mom yet.....I'm still debating that.  


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Old 04-12-2012, 10:40 AM
 
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Since I still have no kids or no BFP, the thing that has been really annoying me ... people saying things like "oh, you don't have kids, so you must have ALL the time in the world to do what you want, I'm so jealous".  Or "wow...I wish I had time to go shopping every day like you do, BUT I have kids!!!".  Seriously annoying, and no, I don't go shopping every day but ...I know without a doubt that having children is the hardest job in the world, but its also annoying when people assume child-less couples have all the time in the world on their hands ... I just wish people would keep their mouths shut when they make comments on my lack-of children or if I am blessed with babies, on how I am handling my pregnancy, etc.  

 

nod.gif I totally agree!!! This reminds me of an annoying experience, A childhoo friend came to vist us and we ended up having a drink at pub 50m from my house with my partner; her partner came looking for her created a scene when she had told him she was coming over to see me and the last sentence he threw at us when they left was "Oh please you guys dont have any child you can't understand the depth of our relationship" !!! Unbelievable, I'm insulted when I didn't even invite her to come over, we have a drink and he basically says we are not good company cause we aint got kids!! I just hate all the judgement on childless people


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Old 04-12-2012, 03:22 PM
 
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Wow! This is making second guess telling anyone!  Since I still have no kids or no BFP, the thing that has been really annoying me the past almost 6 years of marriage is people saying things like "oh, you don't have kids, so you must have ALL the time in the world to do what you want, I'm so jealous".  Or "wow...I wish I had time to go shopping every day like you do, BUT I have kids!!!".  Seriously annoying, and no, I don't go shopping every day but for some reason my SIL's all think I do (they all have 3 kids each).  I know without a doubt that having children is the hardest job in the world, but its also annoying when people assume child-less couples have all the time in the world on their hands (getting two degrees in 4 years gives me plenty of free time! haha).  Anyways...kind of off topic, I just wish people would keep their mouths shut when they make comments on my lack-of children or if I am blessed with babies, on how I am handling my pregnancy, etc.  

 

Update from my last post.....I ended up telling two of my sisters that we are TTCing!  I felt so relieved, the longer this BFP takes in coming, I feel like I'll need more support.  My one sister wondered why I haven't told our mom yet.....I'm still debating that.  


I get comments like this about being a stay at home mom. Women I know, but are not friends with, will say how if they stayed at home they could probably go shopping anytime they want or that I should have another child so I have something to do all day. As if my 1 year old isn't enough to keep busy all day!

 


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Old 04-12-2012, 03:23 PM
 
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Oops! haha I already brought up that story on this thread. haha. I think I am losing it today! blahblah.gif


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Old 04-12-2012, 03:27 PM
 
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We didn't tell anyone we were TTC our third but I did tell a fair number of people soon after I got the BFP. Then I wished I hadn't because I had an early miscarriage. I wasn't shouting it from the rooftops or anything but there are a few people I now have to tell about the miscarriage who I'd rather not have to. Next time I'm going to wait as long as possible and keep the circle of those "in the know" a lot smaller. It's all about how you process loss; I'm moderately introverted so prefer to be private about it. It's just hard because I a) get so excited about the BFP and b) have so many symptoms so early that it's hard not to want to explain to people why I'm so fatigued and bloated. :-p

 

To me the worst thing about having told people is that they now all know we're TTC. I would rather they found out after a sticky pregnancy; now the cat's out of the bag and it makes me feel very exposed.


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Old 04-12-2012, 04:45 PM
 
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We weren't going to tell anyone we are ttc but after a million people asking "are you pregnant" every time I mentioned I was tired or didn't feel good people just started to figure out we are. I think I am only going to tell a few peopleonce I actually am pregnant (dh, bff, and sister)... maybe my dad. I don't know. Who knowsI may be so excited I just go shouting itfrom the roof tops.


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