Do you tell people you're TTC or pregnant? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 47 Old 04-09-2011, 07:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm thinking I want to wait to tell everyone until I'm 3 months pregnant. Is that crazy? I feel like I might explode! Obviously my husband knows and I told my best friend (and those of you who know me in IRL that are on the MDC will figure things out :-P), but I just feel like waiting to tell family and such. I don't want any bad words about us TTC (though I'm not sure why there would be besides that I'm in school) and I figure that won't happen if I'm already pregnant when I tell them. I also don't want to go around shouting that I'm pregnant only to miscarry. I don't know though. Is it crazy to not tell anyone? Am I going to actually explode? :-P


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#2 of 47 Old 04-09-2011, 11:25 AM
 
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We are TTC#1, and we haven't told family, or at least I haven't told mine. I don't mind if he tells his, but mine is weird, so I might wait until I'm in the PG safe zone. A few of my friends know we are TTC. But, even those who know we are TTC, I'm not sure I'll tell all of them if I get a BFP.

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#3 of 47 Old 04-09-2011, 08:14 PM
 
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We're not telling anyone we're TTC, not even friends.

 

But when we get pregnant we're planning on telling everyone pretty soon afterwards. I'm not so good at keeping secrets for very long. shy.gif


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#4 of 47 Old 04-09-2011, 09:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm also awful with secrets. I kind of feel like screaming it from the roof tops if YKWIM. I'm immensely happy that I can spill my guts on here. :-P


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#5 of 47 Old 04-10-2011, 01:49 AM
 
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This board definitely provides some relief. love.gif

I know a lot of women wait till the second trimester, but I feel like it would be so much work hiding the sickness and excitement. I understand why they do it, just not for me. shy.gif


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#6 of 47 Old 04-10-2011, 08:17 AM
 
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We weren't going to tell anyone, but DH told his best bud right away (surprising that he was the one to break!) and then I started to tell people. It's easier that way for us, because it's our first and everyone kind of knew that we would be trying soon after our big vacation in Africa. So instead of this unspoken thing happening, it's just out and casual. I think with my need to talk things out, its easier this way. For the first two months not telling I was feeling lonely! This forum definitely helps, though. 

 

Now, we don't plan on any "reveal" on facebook until 2nd tri, but that's neither here nor there at this point.


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#7 of 47 Old 04-10-2011, 08:34 AM
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I told people because I can't keep a secret.

But I think the decision to tell or not has a lot to do with how you would deal with this if you lost the baby. Think of all of the people you would have to tell if you lost the baby, and how hard that would be for you.

I had a miscarriage - and of course it happened a few days after I told people about the baby. Great timing, huh? So I had to go tell all those people and on top of my own feelings, I had to deal with their feelings. It was not that bad for me, but I'm a pretty matter of fact kind of person, and it was a fairly early loss. But for some people, having to tell people just compounds the grief.
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#8 of 47 Old 04-10-2011, 09:57 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsFortune View Post

I told people because I can't keep a secret.

But I think the decision to tell or not has a lot to do with how you would deal with this if you lost the baby. Think of all of the people you would have to tell if you lost the baby, and how hard that would be for you.

I had a miscarriage - and of course it happened a few days after I told people about the baby. Great timing, huh? So I had to go tell all those people and on top of my own feelings, I had to deal with their feelings. It was not that bad for me, but I'm a pretty matter of fact kind of person, and it was a fairly early loss. But for some people, having to tell people just compounds the grief.


That is what I'm afraid of. But, like a few of you, I'm horrible at secrets. I PROMISED myself that I would tell NO ONE that we were trying. Yeah, that didn't work. So, even though I say I won't tell anyone about the BFP (if I get it), I wonder if I'll be able to do it? I know I can trust that I won't tell my family because I definitely cannot deal with them if I were to m/c. I would just like to get a BFP so I can test myself!


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#9 of 47 Old 04-10-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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With our first my best friend knew we were trying that's it. When we conceived one person at work just looked at me and asked when are you due? No idea how she knew but she kept the secret, we waited to tell everyone until the first tri was over. Lots of upset feelings but we regret nothing.
This time, we wanted no one to know but after being unsuccessful for some time one of my friends does know. It makes it harder and am thankful for forums like this. We just wanted this to be very key, the less that know the better. If we are unsuccessful it is something we can deal with privately.
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#10 of 47 Old 04-10-2011, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That all makes sense. I think we'll avoid telling most people about TTC because I don't think it's something that I really feel like telling family and stuff. When we get a BFP, I'll probably tell family and close friends, but I'm certainly not going to go around announcing it to the world. I don't think I'd fair well if I had a m/c and had to tell every person I've ever met about it. 


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#11 of 47 Old 04-11-2011, 04:14 PM
 
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We have been TTC for over a year and haven't told anyone at all. I feel like once you tell people you are TTC, you invite them into your uterus to express opinions. The people who would want to know the most are our families, but I know our mothers would drive us crazy with unsolicited advice. We are evasive when people ask if we're planning on having kids and people always drop the subject pretty quick. It feels pretty lonely not having anyone to talk to about it though.

 

When we finally get pregnant, I am not sure what I am going to do. I would like to wait until the risk of miscarriage is lower, but like a lot of you, I am terrible at keeping secrets. I know that I am going to turn down a drink and someone is going to ask me and I am going to be unable to lie. But I would hate to have to share the news of a miscarriage.

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#12 of 47 Old 04-11-2011, 04:36 PM
 
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Our DS was a surprise, and I was afraid to tell my family because we were really excited about it and knew my family would be a little disappointed that we did not marry first.....except my sister, whom I was hesitant to tell because she had been TTC for about 6m at that point and I didn't want her to feel sad about it not happening for her yet (she got her BFP 3m after mine smile.gif so our sons are very close in age).  We ended up telling her, and everyone else just before the 3m mark...my sister was upset that I didn't tell her sooner.

 

This time, I told my closest local friend when we started NPP, but she doesn't know that we are TTC now.  When we get our BFP, I will tell my sister (I had to promise her, lol) and close family/friends right away, and then the rest of FB land in the 2nd trimester.


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#13 of 47 Old 04-12-2011, 05:56 PM
 
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I've told a lot of people we're TTC, but my situation is different. Since we're struggling with infertility, I tell people we're TTC mostly to shut them up from making insensitive comments/jokes about pregnancy. (We've been married less than a year, so I get a lot of comments about "of course you're not having kids" or "haha, wouldn't it be so funny if you were pregnant", which is painful since we actually do want kids and haven't been able to have them yet.) Also, since we've started fertility treatments, we've asked family members to pray for our TTC efforts. Dh doesn't really like telling people, though, so I've done most of the telling. I'm also terrible at keeping secrets, so I imagine word will be out pretty quickly when we do get pg. I also feel like I'd rather have people know I was pregnant if I miscarry than have to tell them that I miscarried without them knowing I was pregnant, or just suffering in silence.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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#14 of 47 Old 04-13-2011, 05:03 AM
 
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I've only really told 2 friends, my mom and MIL also know. One friend is very helpful, she's only dating so she is very easy on me, when AF comes she just says that OK, it will happen next month, no pressure, which is nice. The other has a 1 yr old that was a surprise, so her advice is always to stop thinking about it and that we are trying too hard, so I try to talk about it as little as possible except to say yeah we are trying, unfortunately my DH is good friends with her DH and told me they were talking about it yesterday, so I don't know, it's like I feel embarrassed because I'm completely at the mercy of my own body... hers worked and mine doesn't. My mom gives good advice but also asks on like a daily basis after O if I know yet... which makes me more stressed. My MIL doesn't ask me anything, but she is constantly giving us the eyes whenever we see her waiting for an announcement, I'm not sure other than knowing we would like a baby, how much she knows about our efforts. In some ways it would be easier for the whole world to know so they will stop asking, but then of course half of them don't stop asking. I should just post a sign- We are having some trouble making a baby, please don't ask about it. With all that said, when we first started TTC, we wanted to wait until 12 weeks but there is no way I could have kept it a secret, now the excitement is fading as each month I have less hope that it is going to happen. So I have much more patience. We also have a strong history of early m/c (3 of the last 4 first pregnancies) so the wanting to wait to tell people is more a of a need to wait to tell people. I'm crossing my fingers that my 12 week wait starts soon!


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#15 of 47 Old 04-16-2011, 10:13 PM
 
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I don't anymore.  


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#16 of 47 Old 04-17-2011, 05:15 AM
 
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I told my parents but not my in-laws. I also told my closest friends because we're all in the same boat or about to get into that boat!! In the end, I weighed the fact that my body hasn't adjusted well just coming off of BCP (tired, crampy, bloated), that I've had to change some of my habits vs. making excuses it was just easier to tell them. Everyone who knows we're ttc is pretty low-key about but I only told those who I trust.

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#17 of 47 Old 04-17-2011, 08:55 AM
 
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So, this issue is becoming salient right now. Well, not so much the telling about TTC part, but the when to tell about early pregnancy part. I'm about 3DPO and my in-laws (whom I LOVE) are coming down here for Easter dinner with my family. So, an early test day would be Friday or Saturday, and dinner on Sunday. If I see a BFP (fingersx.gif) I would LOVE to tell both sets of parents at the same time. Our first will likely be the first grandkid, unless our siblings GREATLY accelerate their plans.

 

My mom can't keep a secret, so it is likely that once she knows, a number of her friends will know, along with the rest of the family. I think I could reasonably expect to keep it a secret from work/school. I *think* I would be okay with telling people about a loss if it came to that, but who ever knows?

 

Normally I wouldn't bring it up because it's way too optimistic to think I'll get a BFP this cycle, but the reasoning is that I don't want to spring the idea of telling everyone on DH! Need to give him time to prepare.


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#18 of 47 Old 04-18-2011, 11:33 AM
 
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I've been lurking for a while here but as we're finally TTC I feel like I can speak up! 

 

I told a few very close friends around 8 weeks pregnant with our DD because I needed some emotional support during a MC scare.  We didn't tell family until 2nd trimester.  Several family members were upset that we kept it a secret.  But, I found that reaction really confirmed our decision NOT to tell as it rapidly became about their experience.  My mother, for example, became highly invested in what it would be like for her to become a grandmother. 

 

We're just beginning TTC #2 now and we've told a few friends who have kids the same age as ours of our plans.  I've also told my sisters that we have a vague plan to have another child.  But, we definitely won't tell our parents, work colleagues or larger circle of friends until 2nd trimester.  Part of our decision is that we don't want to deal with everyone's expectations.  But another VERY big reason is we don't want to talk about it with our DD until we're sure and we don't think that extended family should know before our immediate family (DD). 

 

It is hard to keep it a secret though.  Both because it's so exciting and because you have to make up so many excuses.  Why no wine?  Why another stomach virus? Why a dr. appt? Why no wine with dinner again a full month later?  Etc...

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#19 of 47 Old 04-20-2011, 06:37 AM
 
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We have been TTC for ~2 years -- since soon after DS was born, always wanted kids close in age -- and didn't tell anyone (outside MDC) until a few weeks ago. Now, a few close friends know, and it's a bit of a relief to be able to talk about it occasionally!! I think I fear judgment -- we have a really difficult 2yo with some issues and DH is unemployed and things like that, I know some people will think it's poor planning to be TTC but we know what we want and I don't want anyone messing with us lol.

I'm not sure what we'll do if we ever get a BFP... With DS, we told family immediately (wanted the extra prayers!!) but we never told anyone else... because I wanted to wait 'til 12 weeks, but then there never seemed to be a good time, then it was 'old news' but no one knew, if that makes sense? So I was around 5mos along and really showing so people figured it out (and I think many felt bad that we hadn't made any announcement, they thought I was hiding it from them or something, though that wasn't really my intent!) We just aren't good at the whole "announcement" thing (many people didn't know we were engaged until we told them a week before that we couldn't make an event because we were getting married... we were engaged for over a year! lol)

So I guess most likely, people will just find out whenever I start showing...

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#20 of 47 Old 04-20-2011, 06:03 PM
 
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I want to try to wait to tell anyone until we hear the heartbeat. Maybe it will be 10wks, maybe 12, even 14...we will have to see. Now to just get a little bean growing in there...


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#21 of 47 Old 04-23-2011, 07:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the replies! I ended up telling my mom in context of something regarding DD and preschool and she didn't make a big deal at all. She's mentioned a couple of times that we should wait longer "because we're so young and before we know it our kids will all be grown", but I just keep telling her that we want to now. Slightly annoying, but I am happy that I got her opinion on the preschool thing. 

 

Now I guess we'll tell DH's parents? I really want DH to tell them though. I feel like it should come from him since it's his parents, YKWIM? It's hard not to mention it when trying to talk about things regarding the future though. I'm not good with secrets. :-P Definitely still not telling friends and stuff though. 


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#22 of 47 Old 04-24-2011, 06:37 AM
 
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lactatinggirl - congrats on your pregnancy, first of all!

 

I couldn't wait when I got my BFP to tell the closest people in my life.  For the "general public" I waited until about 10 weeks...lol.

 

I've already started telling some of the closest in our lives about TTC, but not everybody. 


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#23 of 47 Old 04-24-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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I asked a couple people about recommendations about mid-wives so they know we are TTC.  Not sure we will keep it a secret from anyone once I get pregnant because keeping secrets is not my cup of tea.  If I get morning sickness, I don't want to try to "have another stomach bug" every day.  I am hoping I will be like my mom who I never remember being ill with her 7 pregnancies.


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#24 of 47 Old 04-25-2011, 05:52 PM
 
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lila...I didn't get sick...and I know others who haven't, too!  You might not!


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#25 of 47 Old 04-27-2011, 05:25 PM
 
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I hope I will not get sick. Just have to wait and see what happens.

 


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#26 of 47 Old 05-03-2011, 03:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurucha View Post

We have been TTC for over a year and haven't told anyone at all. I feel like once you tell people you are TTC, you invite them into your uterus to express opinions. The people who would want to know the most are our families, but I know our mothers would drive us crazy with unsolicited advice. We are evasive when people ask if we're planning on having kids and people always drop the subject pretty quick. It feels pretty lonely not having anyone to talk to about it though.

 

When we finally get pregnant, I am not sure what I am going to do. I would like to wait until the risk of miscarriage is lower, but like a lot of you, I am terrible at keeping secrets. I know that I am going to turn down a drink and someone is going to ask me and I am going to be unable to lie. But I would hate to have to share the news of a miscarriage.


This, so much. We haven't told anyone because of their advice/ridicule (I'm 22 and they want me to have a *~career~*) not to mention my family is very conservative, and they don't agree with no circ, cosleeping and EBF. They also think CD is weird and hippie. So they'll just have to find out later!

This has turned out to be advantageous as well, since we just recently m/c at 8wks :[

 

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#27 of 47 Old 05-03-2011, 04:01 AM
 
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We told people we were TTC and it took us almost 3 years with DD1.  It was awful.... I hated people asking how things were going when they were not going well.  I also had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and we had told many people we were pregnant, then had to tell everyone about losing the baby.

 

With both DD1 and DD2, we waited until 12 weeks (actually 13 weeks with DD2, until we heard the heartbeat).

 

That is just us, but if we have another, we won't tell we are TTC or when we are in early pregnancy.


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#28 of 47 Old 05-06-2011, 04:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurucha View Post

We have been TTC for over a year and haven't told anyone at all. I feel like once you tell people you are TTC, you invite them into your uterus to express opinions. The people who would want to know the most are our families, but I know our mothers would drive us crazy with unsolicited advice. We are evasive when people ask if we're planning on having kids and people always drop the subject pretty quick. It feels pretty lonely not having anyone to talk to about it though.

 

When we finally get pregnant, I am not sure what I am going to do. I would like to wait until the risk of miscarriage is lower, but like a lot of you, I am terrible at keeping secrets. I know that I am going to turn down a drink and someone is going to ask me and I am going to be unable to lie. But I would hate to have to share the news of a miscarriage.


I kind of feel like this. We started TTC last fall and miscarried. We told no one, but did mention it finally last month to MIL. She told DP how we lost the baby because we are always trying to diet and that if I didn't fatten up, I'd never get pregnant. By "diet" she means eating organic, whole foods and being vegetarian (we supplement our veg lifestyle appropriately to be sure we get enough protein and B vitamins). So yeah, that I didn't need. We are TTC again, but won't be telling anyone. If we miscarry again, we won't be mentioning that either :(

 


namaste.gif WAHSM to Ani (7) and Juddah (18mo.)

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#29 of 47 Old 03-29-2012, 11:10 PM
 
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Hi, I am new to this forum. I got married last may and since then have been TTC. We haven't told anyone but like a lot of people on this forum, we get asked constantly by friends and family "so when will you two be having a baby". I feel like saying "don't worry, you'll probably know when I start to grow a basketball at the front of me". People just have no idea how upsetting it is when you desperately want a baby and you're constantly being asked about it. Particularly when friends and workmates are all falling pregnant at the drop of a hat around you.

I know a lot of people have been trying longer than me but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Good luck to you all and happy baby dust xxx
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#30 of 47 Old 03-30-2012, 09:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trying2bPositiv View Post

Hi, I am new to this forum. I got married last may and since then have been TTC. We haven't told anyone but like a lot of people on this forum, we get asked constantly by friends and family "so when will you two be having a baby". I feel like saying "don't worry, you'll probably know when I start to grow a basketball at the front of me". People just have no idea how upsetting it is when you desperately want a baby and you're constantly being asked about it. Particularly when friends and workmates are all falling pregnant at the drop of a hat around you.
I know a lot of people have been trying longer than me but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Good luck to you all and happy baby dust xxx


I totally know what you mean about people always asking!  I've been married to my DH for 6 years this May and I can't tell you how many times we've been asked.  I think finally most people have stopped asking, but a few friends still do!  We've only officially started TTC last month or so, but have not been using any BC since Jan. 2012.  Still no BFP, but dying for one soon!  It is VERY hard not telling anyone that we are TTC because we have been married so long and I've been wanting to start TTCing for 2 years now.  It litterally took THAT long to get my DH to be on board.  And he is still not 100% on board!  I really want someone to talk to about this, because he is pretty unsupportive.  I've ended up telling a few friends that we are TTC and one SIL.  But I kinda think a lot of people already know we are TTC because I've had baby fever for so long.  I wish I could tell more people, like my family and my DH's family, but he is SOOOO uptight about telling people.  This forum really has helped!  

As for telling people when (please God!) we are pregnant, I think I will tell my parents right away, because it will be their first grandchild!  Then maybe my siblings, then wait a few weeks to tell my in-laws, then a few close friends.  Then after 12 weeks, I will tell everyone (facebook and all).  I'm dying for that day!  It is soooo hard seeing so many of my friends having babies and getting pregnant at the drop of a hat and I still have nothing.  
 

 


28 years old, married 6 years to a 27 year old geek.gif man, with cat.gifcat.gifdog2.gif and we have been TTCing seven cycles since Jan. 2012.  Samuel 1:19 "...and the LORD remembered her."

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