Bitter Sushi Ladies, May 2011 - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#181 of 258 Old 05-19-2011, 09:50 AM
 
LessTraveledBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,324
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetest77 View Post

LTB - I know you feel like you are being selfish, but this really is an amazing, selfless thing you are doing!  I'm praying that things to move forward quickly on the fostering front (and that you get PG)!


Thank you, Sweetest!

 

TBH, at the moment I mainly just feel like a fraud. Both when buying the car seat and at flea markets looking at baby stuff, I feel like I am trying to pretend to be a mom to a baby. Obviously, I don't at all pretend that we will be having a baby of our own, but that strange feeling does not leave. It is mainly a little voice saying: "What do you think you are doing? Only pregnant women get to do these fun things and YOU ARE NOOOOT PREGNANT." Well, I am well aware that I am not pregnant, but the babies will still need things while at our house, and I would rather buy them cheaply as I see them, rather than needing to run to a store in a hurry to spend a lot right before the first baby. Yet, I think I may feel more entitled to do these things when it is more certain that this actually will happen. I know they desperately need families and the social worker was at least nice enough to make me feel like we have a lot going for us... Yet... I guess, at least for me, infertility can really have an affect on all kinds of things.

 


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
LessTraveledBy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#182 of 258 Old 05-19-2011, 10:31 AM
 
sweetest77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 255
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

LTB - I really wish you could enjoy this baby stuff, you deserve it!  I'm going to try to give you a different perspective...

 

yesterday I told a really close friend that I was pregnant (only person irl who knows besides my DH and mom).  I felt the need to qualify my announcement with "well, you know it's really early and anything can happen, you know how common miscarriage is when you're my age, blah, blah, blah"  She told me to stop focusing on the negative and just think positively, she gave me permission to get excited!  I decided to let myself enjoy this time... I can't control what happens but I don't need to make myself miserable in the process!

 

So my point is, please, please, please try to enjoy yourself.  Let yourself get excited at the prospect of having a baby to care for and all the exciting things you need to do to get ready for that.  

 

One more thing...  During my 2 years of infertility I always had the same prayer "Please, Lord, bless me with another child, and if that isn't your plan then please bless me with the peace of understanding why".  

 

I started to feel that peace a couple of months before I conceived.  I can't explain it but I started to notice how full and blessed my life already is and thinking about Mary and the fact that she only had one baby really helped me to understand that it's not about me or how many children I have.  It's funny but I always knew that God would answer one of my prayers, but I never expected him to answer them both! 

 

Maybe the fostering is God's way of giving you a sense of peace, and you just need to accept the blessing.  I don't know but I like thinking of it this way :)  Sorry for blabbering, hopefully something I said helped!


Me (42) DH (43), Catholic Mom to DD (11), DS (6), DS (1)

Expecting #4 in May 2014

sweetest77 is offline  
#183 of 258 Old 05-19-2011, 12:31 PM
 
Kinza's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 347
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

sweetest!  I don't know how I missed your announcement--big congratulations to you! smile.gif


A and M, June 2012
Kinza is offline  
#184 of 258 Old 05-19-2011, 11:53 PM
 
LessTraveledBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,324
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetest77 View Post

Maybe the fostering is God's way of giving you a sense of peace, and you just need to accept the blessing.  I don't know but I like thinking of it this way :)  Sorry for blabbering, hopefully something I said helped!



Yes, baby or peace has been my prayer, also, and I am doing so much better these days. I  think I will feel differently as it gets closer to someone actually being placed with us. At this point it feels like it is too good to be true that we would be allowed to look after a baby. (Yet, we are definitely not less qualified than some doing this, I think...) Basically, infertility has caused a strong feeling that a baby is something way too good to hope for and totally above me in some way, and this is, I think, partly what is causing these emotions. Like since we can't make one, how could we be allowed to care for one? Yet, rationally I do realize that all kinds of people have babies all the time, also the kinds that are not able to care for them.

 

In the end, I think all these new emotions are healthy and will help us to find new ways work through the infertility. I do enjoy the feeling of something finally happening, as well as the thought that I don't need to know about the future: Maybe we will do this for a very short time and realize that we prefer just the 3 of us in daily life. Maybe we will do crisis care for a long time. Maybe one of the crisis children will be a good enough fit with our family to stay as a long term placement. Either way, I am ready to move on to something new, finally.


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
LessTraveledBy is offline  
#185 of 258 Old 05-22-2011, 05:21 AM
 
Milk8shake's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,797
Mentioned: 104 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)
Found out last night that SIL lost her baby.
It's crappy. BIL called up at midnight so she could talk to me.
I think it brought a bit of stuff up for me and DP.

But I was glad to be able to "be there" for them, even though they are 18 hours away.

          Me & him and our beautiful fur boys Duke and Chopz
Forever missing our little ones lost
 
How we survive, is what makes us who we are - Rise Against
 
***4***8***12***16***20**24*** 28***32***36***40
Milk8shake is online now  
#186 of 258 Old 05-22-2011, 11:36 AM
 
LessTraveledBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,324
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

How bitter sweet (and maybe even bitter sushi) to have the ability to help someone due to having suffered so much... I don't even know what to really say Milk8shake. Even the "very wrong" thought comes to me that I am happy you are now not alone in the family having gone through something like that.

 

 

Speaking of wrong thoughts, apparently I have had such on the adoption and fostering section. I need people to write more here, so I don't go there, it seems... hah.

 

CD 1 for me. No tears here, just the usual problems. =I am ok with not being pregnant but there are some people I cannot stand seeing. Even though I am much more at peace with everything, strangely enough I also feel more likely to say something not so polite to some people. I don't suppose I ever will (would be soo against my culture) but I do have the dialogue in my head of how it would go.

 

I have been sewing this weekend and it has been nice. I made something for dd and for myself and have some gorgeous fabric to make something for a baby boy. (If this foster care thing happens, I hope to send something home-made with each baby as they leave. That way, assuming the bio or foster parents save that, it can become part of the "who I am" thing... a little sign that the baby was loved while here. Well, I will only do this with the babies that stay a bit longer, not the ones that stay just a couple of days. Tomorrow will start week two of waiting for the social worker to contact us. I heard that almost nothing happens there in July, so they try to get all the work done in June... I should know at least something within a month, then, I suppose.

 

How's everyone else doing? In some ways I am always happy when this place is slow. I always think that people are a bit less raw, or having more other things to think about.

 

 


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
LessTraveledBy is offline  
#187 of 258 Old 05-22-2011, 06:20 PM
 
Smilesarefree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Milk8shake View Post

Found out last night that SIL lost her baby.
It's crappy. BIL called up at midnight so she could talk to me.
I think it brought a bit of stuff up for me and DP.

But I was glad to be able to "be there" for them, even though they are 18 hours away.


Sorry to hear about your sil, they are lucky to have you.

 

LTB - I hope you hear from the social worker soon!  Waiting for just about anything drives me crazy!!

 

So we had some friends from away come for the night, they had their babe four months after I had dd and I keep waiting for them to tell us that they are pregnant again and I was obsessed the whole time they were here with staring at her belly.  She's tiny and she did have a little pouch going on and I kept staring at it, I hope she didn't notice.  She knows that we are trying to no avail so it's possible that they are and didn't say anything because she'd be afraid of how I'd feel.  I'd say to myself, 'stop looking at her belly"  and then I'd find myself staring again.  On another note,  I was at my hair dressers the other day and she announced that she is 4 months pregnant, I did my best 'omg congratulations'.

 

I am 5 dpo today, with no high hopes, just taking it one day at a time trying to convince myself not to waste any $ on hpts.

 

Smilesarefree is offline  
#188 of 258 Old 05-22-2011, 08:29 PM
 
lilmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Milkshake- So sorry to hear about SIL, for her sake and yours as well. But also glad you could be her support system right now.

 

LTB- I'm totally confused by you saying you had "wrong thoughts" acc. to the adopting board? Also, very glad you have been relaxing and sewing! I wish I knew how to sew, and also how to quilt. Those two are on my list of things to learn that are not yet accomplished. I can mend a hole or tear in clothing but that's it. Sounds like your fostering plan is right on track! Keep us posted! I was thinking to myself that it's been quiet because so many just graduated to DDCs and the ones of us that are left are too bitter to say much. I hope that's not really true, but it has been true for me.

 

Smiles- I have been there with friends, wondering if they are pregnant and just don't want to hurt  my feelings by telling me. Usually I'm right, and they are. (Yes, I'm bitter) Although, I haven't had anybody announce anything in the past, oh, five months? Now I'm at the point where they're actually giving birth. And I'm, once again, still not even pregnant. I'm assuming once these ladies have their babies, some more will start announcing, because it's been a never ending cycle the past few years. I hope this is your time, Smiles! And that this tww goes quickly for you.

 

AFM, 3dpo, I think our timing was bad. Trying to look on the positive side that I did finally O (on day 28).  That means I'll have another shot in oh, another six weeks I guess. UGH. I'm just really tired, really stressed, and really feeling unhappy about alot of things right now. I am at the point where I almost WANT DH to get fired and just get it over with because I am tired of living under the stress of it every day. And he's acting miserably, which is why our timing was bad too. He is driving me crazy, and after so many days of trying and trying I just didn't feel like BD'ing anymore with him for a while. But even though I am pretty sure I'm out for this cycle, I will still cheer everybody on. I'm just not in a good place at the moment. And upset that I missed my chance, when my chances aren't very often. I literally had two weeks straight of ewcm, and I just got too much BD in before I needed to and not enough at the right couple of days!!! Blah!

 

 

 

lilmom is offline  
#189 of 258 Old 05-22-2011, 11:19 PM
 
LessTraveledBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,324
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by lilmom View Post

 

LTB- I'm totally confused by you saying you had "wrong thoughts" acc. to the adopting board? Also, very glad you have been relaxing and sewing! I wish I knew how to sew, and also how to quilt. Those two are on my list of things to learn that are not yet accomplished. I can mend a hole or tear in clothing but that's it. Sounds like your fostering plan is right on track! Keep us posted! I was thinking to myself that it's been quiet because so many just graduated to DDCs and the ones of us that are left are too bitter to say much. I hope that's not really true, but it has been true for me.


lilmom... So sorry things are rough! I think almost everyone who has ttc for a while has some of these issues. At least it has definitely been true for me that it is not fun to have to be on a schedule. Then again, we do have great timing basically every cycle. Just does not do anything.

 

I think you may be right... I love it that people get out of here, but it also changes the thread a bit, esp. when someone who has earlier written a lot is no longer here.

 

About me causing trouble... I wrote something that some people had a hard time with and some seem to feel I should wish to debate the matter or, rather, change my opinion. However, my opinion was formed based on what the OP had decided to share in the first message. She later on added things in the thread but I could not get over how she had decided to introduce the topic. The thread is not exactly recommended reading for you ladies here, as it has to do partly with pregnancy. I realize that I am just not able to take things the way I used to. That is why I will never be able to join some of the threads here, including the DDCs. I have a hard time staying nice in some situations. (And I did not say anything terrible in that thread. Some people simply disagree with me strongly, and that is ok with me.)

 

It is getting too hot to sleep at our place, so we will soon escape to my family's the summer house. It will be nice.... It is little and peaceful, and dd has space to run around there. (We live in the outskirts of a city, normally.) It is also close enough that we can come home for the day whenever we feel like it, and far away enough that I have an excuse not to see any people I don't feel like seeing. There is one particular friend that just makes me feel like screaming... loudly. Wonderful people, but so painfully mainstream that it is awful to watch. Or maybe more 70's than current mainstream, no idea. I just can't stand it. They have the idea that it is normal for babies to cry and that's it. Just makes me want to throw up whenever I have to observe. Since they have the right to parent in whatever way they want, the issue is mine. I just want to stay away, but it is not that simple. Selfish reason to foster number 59 or something: When I am busy caring for a little one, I don't need to sit there and watch them. I must admit that I am hoping that my trying to answer a baby's cues will make them too embarrassed not to try at least a bit. Afterall, it should be a whole lot easier with their child than with the little ones that come and go.

 

Has anyone found that there has been a change in whom you consider close friends since before the infertility and now? I have one friend who is just amazing. We have a "therapy session" (talking for some hours in a cafe) every two or three months. We have been close for over ten years. I also have a friend with whom I was not close at all, who has now become one of the people I really like to get together with. Then there is one amazing friend whom I met only last year. The other friends, some of whom I had been really close with, I hardly talk to anymore. It has gone from us being super close to e-mailing twice a year. And, to be honest, I am quite ok with that, even if it is a bit sad. (One of these is someone that started to ttc the same time we did and now has a three year old. Her announcement of the pregnancy was about as difficult for me as could be. She told everyone else but me, then gathered a big group of people and had me react right in front of everyone, when it became obvious that she was pregnant and that everyone else knew. Since I had thought we were super close, that was a really bad day for me. I felt like she had only thought of what was easy for her, and had not cared enough to tell me. It really hurt. I realize that the reason she had not told me was the she knew it would hurt, so she chose the easy way out and had the group of friends discuss it in front of me, then saying "oh yeah, I guess you did not know." Things have not been the same since. Looking back, I wish I had lost it in some way, not just sit there and try to smile for her. I think a genuine reaction of hurt, anger and joy for her might have saved the relationship... or not...)

 

It seems I am having a negative morning. Too much time to think... I better start cleaning or something, again.

 


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
LessTraveledBy is offline  
#190 of 258 Old 05-23-2011, 10:18 PM
 
lilmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

LTB- To add insult to my injury, one of my, really former now, friends had her baby this morning. She also has a 2 yr old, so is another one who has had multiple babies since I had DS.

 

Thanks for explaining what you meant about the other board. I get it now. I feel the same way, not sure I could ever join a DDC on here. I think BSL graduates might be about all I could handle. I just don't have patience and tolerance for some things anymore. And, I also am not the greatest at not giving my opinion, even if it disagrees with everybody else's.

 

It sounds so wonderful to go to the summer place. I wish we had something like that. When I was a kid, my godparents had a lake house, and we would spend time there every summer. It was every kid's dream. Bunkbeds for the kids, a pool table, a boat at your disposal to go out on the lake, a fishing dock, swimming, and it was basically in the woods, yet close enough to town that you could still go into town and get groceries to grill or cook whatever you pleased. Those were the days!

 

I hope somehow we can create those memories for my DS, although that place has long since been sold and my godparents have passed away.

 

To answer your question about changes in friends since infertility, YES. Oh yes. I have found that so many of my friends who have kept on having babies and I haven't, just don't talk to me anymore, or don't talk to me as much. I also have one friend who I wasn't super close to before but we are much closer now, as she struggled for 3 years before having twins. She really is good to talk to about the whole thing, because she had almost given up completely, and had been told that the chances of her ever having a baby at all were basically zero. There was a problem with her husband too, and that took it down to less than zero. Then, God worked a miracle and now she has twins.  There are also some people who I have backed away from friendships with myself, because it was just too painful to hear about how they just desperately hope to never have another child and it's so hard and why would anyone want to have a bunch of kids, etc etc. Those are the ones I just absolutely can't listen to or be around. Such as my SIL! I currently have one friend who I have been very close with over the past 2 years who knows my whole struggle, and I think she may be pregnant again right now, because she hasn't been emailing or calling me at all the past few weeks, which is very unlike her. I think she doesn't want to hurt me so she's not saying anything. I know she wants more children and I truly would be a happy for her. I guess I still feel like I just don't fit in anywhere. Sigh. Maybe one day. Who knows, we could have had ok enough timing..I just don't feel like we did.

 

 

 

lilmom is offline  
#191 of 258 Old 05-24-2011, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
monkeyscience's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bismarck, ND
Posts: 2,318
Mentioned: 117 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)

Bleh. Put me in the category of too bitter to say anything. Also, insanely busy with the end of the school year. Grades got turned in today, though, so now I mostly have to focus on getting together summer study packets for the kids who failed so they can try to get credit by exam. BLEH.

 

I just really have nothing to say at this point, as our one shot at fertility treatment failed, and we don't have money to try again. I am so envious of everyone who ovulates on their own... which seems to be everyone but me. Seriously, even here and in the infertility one thread, I don't think I've heard anyone say they've gone more than a year and a half with out ovulating even one time on their own. (I technically have ovulated once in said time frame, but it was with the fertility meds). Don't get me wrong - I know some of you are ovulating like clockwork and not getting pregnant, and that has got to be maddening. But at least there's hope. Maybe something will change one of these months. But my body seems to have completely given up on ovulating on its own, and never did ovulate on its own more than 3 or 4 times a year, as far as I can figure. So there is zero hope for me without fertility drugs, at least thus far. We are coming up on what I've (privately) dubbed our "infert-iversary" - our one year wedding anniversary, which also marks when we will be officially considered infertile (one year of unprotected sex without conception).

 

Since I have leftover metformin from my failed attempt at using it last fall (it made me horrifically sick when I started taking it twice a day), and some refills so I won't have to see a doc right away, I restarted that on Saturday. I'm also the heaviest I've ever been in my life, and I'm hopeful that it might help me lose a little weight, and maybe that will help things along. (I'm 5'7" and about 155 lbs, so I'm not really even classed as overweight - just chunky compared to the rest of my life.) Anyway, we'll see what happens. I've also considered seeing if one of my friends who is a doctor will write me a prescription for Femara, and we can just do that naturally, without the trigger. I don't know if she'd feel okay with it, though, as she isn't my doctor, and probably doesn't know a lot about using Femara for fertility. I don't want to put her in an uncomfortable position, even though I think she would tell me no if she truly wasn't okay with it.

 

Anyway, that's my whine for the week. dh and I are hopefully going away for 2-3 days next week for our anniversary, which should be fun, if we don't stress too much about money. I'm getting increasingly anxious about dh not having a job, especially seeing all the articles about how companies won't hire people who are unemployed. I think it's a little different since he just barely graduated from college, but it scares me. :(


Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, one (9/13 @ 7w 6d), and a (10/6/14)

PCOS
monkeyscience is online now  
#192 of 258 Old 05-24-2011, 04:30 PM
 
enigo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Monkey hug.gif
I gotta say last year at this time I was ovulating so irregularly. (CD 38 the last time I got preg and mc'ed). I tried acupuncture and it regulated my cycles the first month! I was blown away! I was really concerned there was some deeper issue, but everything was supposedly normal. Now I'm not pregnant or anything, (still...irked.gif) but I feel like at the very least I'm not "broken" any more.

So now I am ovulating every month, about cd 17-20, but still not getting pregnant. (Although my boobs are KILLING me!) fingersx.gif

Me jammin.gif DH  REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 06/06 superhero.gif ...MC 2/9 11/9 5/10
enigo is offline  
#193 of 258 Old 05-24-2011, 04:42 PM
 
Smilesarefree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Lilmom - Hopefully your timing was ok, it sucks to miss a cycle when you have a regular one it must feel worse when you have long cycles.  I don't try too early or dh won't want to keep trying so I pee on my opk's faithfully waiting for the first sign before I start 'pestering' him.  He's still into the 'it will just happen sometime mode', well it's been like 13 months and I'll be 37 this year so eventually it just ain't gonna happen no matter what.

 

Monkey - I would think that asking your friend couldn't hurt. I hope you mange to destress and enjoy your anniversary.

 

I have moved away from the being sad to anger which is a new I feeling for me.  It feels better to be angry than to be sad.  I'm not even sure who or what exactly I am angry at I am just angry.  Yesterday I had an ' I hate the world day' and dh just doesn't get it.  I realized today that I never stop thinking about another baby, it is always there in my head no matter what I am doing and the fact that I can't ever seem to leave it behind makes me mad at myself. 

Smilesarefree is offline  
#194 of 258 Old 05-24-2011, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
monkeyscience's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bismarck, ND
Posts: 2,318
Mentioned: 117 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)

Thanks, ladies. grouphug.gif

 

dh got a call during dinner... he has a phone interview tomorrow morning!! It's for a job he just applied for TODAY, so I'm really hopeful that: 1.) They were very impressed with his resume, and 2.) They're really hiring, not just taking resumes in case they happen to start hiring again someday. Also, it would be working on wind energy projects, which is pretty cool! Praying so much that this is the answer!

 

Smiles - Sorry your dh doesn't get it. My dh is still in the 'sad' phase, and doesn't like me to discuss the fact that we didn't get pregnant last cycle, because he says it makes him sad. I'm like ARRRGHHH, I need to TALK about things that make me sad, not pretend like they never happened! But overall, I think my dh has been pretty great with the whole thing. I also think that men just really don't totally grasp the biology behind getting pregnant. Even though I explained it all to dh several times, I think he still secretly felt like I really could get pregnant *any day*, if we were just lucky. :P


Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, one (9/13 @ 7w 6d), and a (10/6/14)

PCOS
monkeyscience is online now  
#195 of 258 Old 05-24-2011, 06:34 PM
rcr
 
rcr's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,716
Mentioned: 6 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
you can count me among those who are too bitter to post. But I did notice the news about enigo's sore boobs. Yay for painful breasts! Hope they stay that way! redface.gif

Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.

Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.

rcr is offline  
#196 of 258 Old 05-24-2011, 08:06 PM
 
lilmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Monkey- I sure do hope you can get the femara and that it does the trick. You might remember me talking a while back about how my mom ttc for 6 yrs before having me, then went on to have 2 more kids. One of the reasons she had such a hard time was that she literally did not ovulate for TWO YEARS straight. And the other 4 years, it was about 3-4 times a year. So, it is still possible it could happen for you. Once my mom had me, somehow it regulated her and she started ovulating. I have no idea how that works or what made it happen. I sure wish I did, because that was not at all true for me with DS. Anyway, as for me, I've ovulated a whopping 9 times since Dec. 2009, so I really do understand how frustrating it is for it to not be happening. And in my situation, we don't live in a city where drugs are available to me, or a fertility specialist, AND i'm 35. However, I'm hoping that we are going to be moving really reallllllly soon and that I can find a good fertility doc who will give me some clomid.

 

About your DH, I'll include him in my prayers for the interview! Woo hooo! Sounds very good to me. Keep us posted.

 

enigo- sorry about the sore boobs! I've got the same problem at this very moment! I feel like it is torture to wear a bra and also torture not to! Decisions, decisions..

I hope the sore boobs are a good sign for both of us. (I have this every time I O though..)

 

Smiles- Thanks for the kind words! I really hope your DH gets on board soon and quits being confused about the process, and sad. Luckily my DH seems to really get it that there is not alot of time left and he is game for BD whenever, but this time it was me. I just got sick of it, because it seemed like I was on the verge of O for so long and I was kind of upset with DH so I probably missed it on the exact day I got upset with him. Ugh. Unless of course he has super sperm that lived for a while. Which I guess it is possible. But I'm getting worried about my 35 yr old eggs these days..36 this summer..and I feel angry sometimes too. Angry that all these people who don't even WANT babies get pregnant so easily and I can't..angry with myself for all the years I did NFP and avoided when obviously it was super hard for me to get pregnant anyway..angry about the unfairness of infertility, and the disappointment, and angry that my son may not get to have siblings. But most of the time I am just trying to hold myself together until we can move and hopefully drugs will be the thing that helps me. I know what you mean about preferring anger over sadness. Sadness feels so defeated to me. From anger I can find strength to keep going. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else, but it's where I'm at these days.

 

AFM, really huge temp spike up this morning. I am hoping this is a good sign despite my fear about bad timing. Maybe FF got my O date wrong. ?!?!! This was the best temp spike I have seen myself have since the history of my charting..went up from 97.7 to 98.34...hoping, hoping. Supposedly 5dpo today..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lilmom is offline  
#197 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 04:17 AM
 
Kyamo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyscience View Post

Since I have leftover metformin from my failed attempt at using it last fall (it made me horrifically sick when I started taking it twice a day), and some refills so I won't have to see a doc right away, I restarted that on Saturday. I'm also the heaviest I've ever been in my life, and I'm hopeful that it might help me lose a little weight, and maybe that will help things along. (I'm 5'7" and about 155 lbs, so I'm not really even classed as overweight - just chunky compared to the rest of my life.) Anyway, we'll see what happens. I've also considered seeing if one of my friends who is a doctor will write me a prescription for Femara, and we can just do that naturally, without the trigger. I don't know if she'd feel okay with it, though, as she isn't my doctor, and probably doesn't know a lot about using Femara for fertility. I don't want to put her in an uncomfortable position, even though I think she would tell me no if she truly wasn't okay with it.

 

I'm sorry you're having a hard time finding an affordable option.  I just wanted to say that even if your friend is not comfortable with that, you can probably find a gyn who would prescribe you some clomid with minimal monitoring. That's what I started with, just clomid and a prog blood test to check if it worked, no trigger, nothing else.  


Mommy to  N baby.gif, born 2/20/12.

Kyamo is offline  
#198 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 06:27 AM
 
enigo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
X-posted
I just tested at 8dpo...I mean what's wrong with me? Who does that anyway winky.gif
The worst part is, I think I see something. Over the last 2 1/2 years on this hellride (Oh crud, almost 3) I have developed the super power of seeing a second line, and I swear I can burn one on just by staring at the test.
This was with SMU and I really wish I hadn't tested. Now I'm a mess.

Me jammin.gif DH  REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 06/06 superhero.gif ...MC 2/9 11/9 5/10
enigo is offline  
#199 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 09:04 AM
 
LessTraveledBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,324
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Lilmom.... I think anger is actually progress, you know. There are so many emotions to go through before healing (thought hopefully baby asap). I think something that really helps me right now is that I am no longer grieving for the past 3 years or so. You know, I have accepted that I will never have that time back. The only thing left for me now is the future. It is still painful to think that we would never have another child and all that, but it is helpful to no longer be sad about the spacing and all that. I really think that anger can be very healthy...

 

Enigo... Hoping for you! My positive test with dd was faint at 13 dpo, so I can't even imagine seeing anything that early. Yet, some people do.

 

rcr.... I am sorry it is hard for you to post. Hoping those sore boobs are a very good thing.

 

monkeyscience.... I hope your dh will get the job! (Or any great job, soon.)

 

AFM... While I was talking to a friend today, I realized that my healing had started around the time I started to write here. My journey is far from over (that doctor's appointment in a month... ugh... and whatever else....). Yet,  I have hope of happiness these days, baby or no baby. I did not think it was possible for me.

 

I got tired of waiting and e-mail the head social worker. She gave me the contact info for the person who now has our paperwork, so I hope to get the first meeting scheduled soon. No idea when this person will have the time to meet with us, but at least I will know more about what is happening. I just want her to say after the first meeting that she understands that we know enough and can start right away. Riiight... Not happening. Hah. I am just expecting kind of a boring summer, and would be ready to have a little one come soon.


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
LessTraveledBy is offline  
#200 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 11:12 AM
 
enigo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's funny I thought about getting rid of my DS's crib and changing table. It's taken apart under my bed, but it sticks out and I stub my toe on it at least once a week. I was thinking I'd sell it on Craig's list, but damned if a bunch of glowing pregnant ladies are coming to my house to check it out. Even worse you know they'll ask about DS being an only child, blah blah blah...
I may set it out by the road so someone will pick it up when I'm not going to be home.

Me jammin.gif DH  REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 06/06 superhero.gif ...MC 2/9 11/9 5/10
enigo is offline  
#201 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 03:37 PM
 
kparker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 897
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Also too bitter here, just trying to deal with day-to-day. But I watch, and I silently root for you all and feel for those with troubles, losses, and AFs. <3


Mom to 3 , 1 , 10 hermit crabs, and a 156g stock tank pond with goldfish and lilypads!
IUI#4 success! Welcome Guy V 11/14/12
kparker is offline  
#202 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 05:43 PM
 
Smilesarefree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by enigo View Post

X-posted
I just tested at 8dpo...I mean what's wrong with me? Who does that anyway winky.gif
The worst part is, I think I see something. Over the last 2 1/2 years on this hellride (Oh crud, almost 3) I have developed the super power of seeing a second line, and I swear I can burn one on just by staring at the test.
This was with SMU and I really wish I hadn't tested. Now I'm a mess.

I do that!!!!  I test at 8 dpo and 7 dpo etc.  Although I am also 8 dpo today and so far I have manged not to test for once.  I also have the super power to see a line where one does not exist!!!  Hopefully for you this time it is a real line!
 

 

Smilesarefree is offline  
#203 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 05:46 PM
 
enigo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smilesarefree View Post

I do that!!!!  I test at 8 dpo and 7 dpo etc.  Although I am also 8 dpo today and so far I have manged not to test for once.  I also have the super power to see a line where one does not exist!!!  Hopefully for you this time it is a real line!
 

 


I swear I look and nothing is there. Then I blink, swear I see something... get in better light (The best light seems to be in the shade in the middle of the day outside.) The bathroom, forget it.

Me jammin.gif DH  REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 06/06 superhero.gif ...MC 2/9 11/9 5/10
enigo is offline  
#204 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 06:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
monkeyscience's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bismarck, ND
Posts: 2,318
Mentioned: 117 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)

grouphug.gif to everyone.

 

Dh is having a second, in-person interview Friday. So excited! Keep up the prayers, please!!

AGreenMum10 likes this.

Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, one (9/13 @ 7w 6d), and a (10/6/14)

PCOS
monkeyscience is online now  
#205 of 258 Old 05-25-2011, 09:55 PM
 
lilmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 843
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

enigo- I hope it's the real deal. I am pretty good about not testing but I see lines occasionally where there is nothing. It will make a person crazy.

 

monkey- fantastic news! good luck monkey'sDH! Will keep praying for you.

lilmom is offline  
#206 of 258 Old 05-27-2011, 11:05 AM
 
LessTraveledBy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,324
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hoping for some news, Enigo and Monkey!

 

I talked with the person we had been assigned to today. She will call me back on Monday and then we will hear when we will meet the first time. Meanwhile, I have been reading about long term fostering (stories by foster moms), and I am feeling more and more that it is not something we will do. We will see how it is for our whole family to help these babies and their mamas. If dd and we all deal ok, I would probably like to keep doing that for some years. However, attachment is everything to me, and I have a very hard time imagining needing to do things I feel are detrimental (visits by bios, if I feel the child suffers, forcing the children to do things, all that). This, mainly right now, is why long term fostering does not feel like a possibility to me. Thankfully, I don't need to know right now. It is not impossible that they won't even accept us, anyway, or something.

 

I am back to having some thoughts about adoption. However, having researched all that earlier, I am not going to make myself go through the whole research process again. I am just going to sit here and be calm. One of the things that carry me is that I have always had such a strong belief in that things will go as they should, even when they are very difficult things. That everything is allowed for a reason and that good things can come out of bad things. I do believe that if something is meant for us, it will happen, whether I keep panicking about it and looking for it right now or not. I know I have grown hugely from this whole ordeal. There are worse days, also, but on the whole I am doing well these days. E.g., I spent a day with a pregnant friend today without having any jealousy or desperation, and actually did not even wish to be pregnant. Somehow it has become all about parenting for me, not about being pregnant.

 

I had spent years researching what we might still try in order to get pregnant. Then, how to be able to adopt, then fostering. I feel like all the routes to having more children have now been researched. It is not impossible that short term fostering will become our way of actually letting go of the odea of having more children. It may be that I will come to realize we are not able to have the very things I enjoy and crave the most. Then, I suppose, I will simply need to figure out what exactly it is that I will move on to as dd grows. I always thought I would be a SAHM for a long time, yet. Maybe I will be a stay at home something else, instead. I really don't know. I just know that I am tired tonight. Somehow the idea of fostering, no matter how short term, places me in the very center of the whole question about why some people are not able to have babies, while others have them without being able to care for them. I feel blessed to feel strong enough to stand there... But I also feel worn out by this long process of searching for answers. 


Mama to a little lady and always praying for more.
LessTraveledBy is offline  
#207 of 258 Old 05-27-2011, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
monkeyscience's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bismarck, ND
Posts: 2,318
Mentioned: 117 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 56 Post(s)

dh thinks his interview went pretty well. They said he would hear back soon. Hopefully that's true!

 

Today was the last school day for the kids. I still have to go back Tuesday. It turned into a nightmare day of trying to backup my computer files after my dh accidentally locked me out of my computer last night when I was going to back them up. Sigh. I feel like a sea cucumber, and dh has decided to have friends over. :P He is cooking and cleaning, and I'm being a vegetable, but the thought of having to be social (especially with new people - I'm meeting one of his friends and his friend's gf for the first time) is utterly overwhelming.


Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, one (9/13 @ 7w 6d), and a (10/6/14)

PCOS
monkeyscience is online now  
#208 of 258 Old 05-27-2011, 05:04 PM
 
enigo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Nothing today at 10 dpo. I know know it's soo early. But besides the incredibly sore boobs. Does anyone know why they would be so sore one non pregnant cycle and not sore even a little the next non pregnant cycle? It just seems so strange all other things being equal. They usually hurt in the TWW by about 5dpo. This time and one other it started the day before O. They used to just always feel like this in the TWW. They never hurt in the TWW when I was still nursing DS. The cycle he weaned...sore. Thought I was prego for sure then!

Me jammin.gif DH  REPlaySkateboard04HL.gifDS 06/06 superhero.gif ...MC 2/9 11/9 5/10
enigo is offline  
#209 of 258 Old 05-27-2011, 05:31 PM
 
Kyamo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

enigo, I don't know the reason, but the same thing happens to me.  For me, boob soreness varies a lot from cycle to cycle, and I have never been pregnant.  I do notice it is usually most noticeable in the first half of the TWW though.    


Mommy to  N baby.gif, born 2/20/12.

Kyamo is offline  
#210 of 258 Old 05-27-2011, 06:49 PM
 
Milk8shake's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,797
Mentioned: 104 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 14 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by LessTraveledBy View PostI just know that I am tired tonight. Somehow the idea of fostering, no matter how short term, places me in the very center of the whole question about why some people are not able to have babies, while others have them without being able to care for them. I feel blessed to feel strong enough to stand there... But I also feel worn out by this long process of searching for answers.

Oh I feel you.  The thing that put us off fostering was having to actively encourage the restoration of a relationship between child and bio parents.  In some cases, I'm sure this is for the best, but I just know that I would have a real problem with it, especially if I knew there was neglect or abuse involved.  The "why" question is something I struggle a lot with.  It simply isn't fair.  I feel like we could be good parents, but we are continually faced with people who aren't.  It pisses me off.  And honestly, it is exhausting.  Although this process has changed me in a lot of ways, and made me more compassionate, I have less and less energy and patience than ever. 

I think it takes a very special person to do what you are doing.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeyscience View Post

Today was the last school day for the kids. I still have to go back Tuesday. It turned into a nightmare day of trying to backup my computer files after my dh accidentally locked me out of my computer last night when I was going to back them up. Sigh. I feel like a sea cucumber, and dh has decided to have friends over. :P He is cooking and cleaning, and I'm being a vegetable, but the thought of having to be social (especially with new people - I'm meeting one of his friends and his friend's gf for the first time) is utterly overwhelming.

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA  -  I'm sorry, but your "sea cucumber" comment just cheered me up a lot.  I tend to liken myself to a sloth on occasion! Social sucks a bit too.

I'm heading out tonight for my old bosses' birthday.  We've kept in touch, but this will be the first time I've seen her since I walked out of our office in tears 12 months ago, and never went back. 

It's a bit scary.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by enigo View Post

Nothing today at 10 dpo. I know know it's soo early. But besides the incredibly sore boobs. Does anyone know why they would be so sore one non pregnant cycle and not sore even a little the next non pregnant cycle? It just seems so strange all other things being equal. They usually hurt in the TWW by about 5dpo. This time and one other it started the day before O. They used to just always feel like this in the TWW. They never hurt in the TWW when I was still nursing DS. The cycle he weaned...sore. Thought I was prego for sure then!

Frick.  10dpo is still so early.  With my last pg, I tested neg at 10dpo - I honestly thought I wasn't pg until a few days later when I almost puked in the car.  It ain't over :)

 

AFM:  Have chatted to SIL a few times.  BIL is having a tough time with it.  Apparently tougher than SIL, but I think she is putting on a brave face.  I sent them a card, but I've been looking for something to send them.  Not jewellery, because I want it to be for both of them.  Any ideas?

 

Me? Meh.  The desire to be pregnant is really starting to outweigh my fear of another loss.  It's a strange place to be.
 

 


          Me & him and our beautiful fur boys Duke and Chopz
Forever missing our little ones lost
 
How we survive, is what makes us who we are - Rise Against
 
***4***8***12***16***20**24*** 28***32***36***40
Milk8shake is online now  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off