How long will you wait to tell people you are pregnant? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 08-10-2011, 11:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We are TTC our first child and I am wondering if there is a certain amount of time we should wait before announcing we are pregnant?  I know some people wait in case they have a miscarriage, I am just not sure what we should do, or how long we should wait if we do decide to.  Any advice?  What are you guys doing?


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#2 of 26 Old 08-10-2011, 11:47 AM
 
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I think it is all your personal preference. I would love to wait until 12 weeks or longer- but life circumstances are such that I will probably tell people by 8 weeks, especially since we have embarked on the long journey of infertility, so most people know we are TTC. If this had been a swift process, I definitely would have waited as long as possible!! Good Luck, I hope your BFP is around the corner!


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#3 of 26 Old 08-10-2011, 01:02 PM
 
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Hi, with DD we waited until we heard the heartbeat at 11 weeks, but told family and stuff right away.  I got pregnant in Aprl and we told people alot of people very early (6 weeks or so at a destination wedding).  I ended up miscarrying at 12 weeks (blighted ovum) and the hardest part was having to tell the people that we had  told that we aren't overly close to.  So this time we will only tell the people we are close with (those we would confide in if a miscarriage were to happen again) right away and tell the rest of the world after the first ultrasound (usually around 12 weeks) indicates all is well.  Good luck to you!


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#4 of 26 Old 08-10-2011, 05:48 PM
 
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We'll likely wait until we're out of the first trimester.  If I tell anyone in my family, they aren't going to keep it a secret.  Being from a small town, it won't take long to get around (and I'm four hours away!).  I don't think I could handle having to untell so many people.  


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#5 of 26 Old 08-11-2011, 08:19 AM
 
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Hi there, when me and DH first fell pregnant with our 3rd DD, we told EVERYONE right away!  We were so exited!  But after our MC, we will probly wait until about 16-20 weeks, as we lost our little angel girl at 14.5 weeks.


I am 28 and a Show Dog Handlerdog2.gif from Cape Town, South Africa, my DH is 33 and we lost our angel3.gif baby at 14.5 weeks.  I have a DDhearts.gif of 9 and a DSbiggrinbounce.gif of 4.  We are finally expecting our rainbow1284.gifbaby babyboy.gif around 2nd June 2012!

 

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#6 of 26 Old 08-11-2011, 09:19 AM
 
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I'm not sure how long I'll wait.  I've been thinking about this a lot, actually.  I have only told one person (my cousin) that DH and I are trying again (we took a little TTC break), and I don't think I want to tell people right away.  Last month we thought we were pregnant and DH told his best friend.

 

Honestly, I'll probably hold off on telling anyone until I am showing.  With my last pregnancy I was *very* obviously pregnant at 10 weeks.  I'm a SAHM and my brother and sister live in another county, so I might just wait around then (if I get pg this cycle, I'll be about 10 weeks around my nephew's birthday).  I don't want to tell them on the phone, and I'd prefer to tell them at the same time, so that would work out wonderfully.  If we got pregnant next cycle, we could tell family at Thanksgiving!

 

ETA: I didn't really start showing until I was about 4 months along with my first, but I popped out immediately with my second (sorry for the picture over-share, but I really was huge):

 

9w3d_2.jpg

 

Ten Weeks:

10w_1.jpg

 

13w1d copy.jpg


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#7 of 26 Old 08-11-2011, 09:24 AM
 
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Kitten - Now that you mention it, I was also showing quite earlt, so not sure how I will 'hide' it for 20 weeks.  Will take each day as it comes, that is IF i even get prego's.


I am 28 and a Show Dog Handlerdog2.gif from Cape Town, South Africa, my DH is 33 and we lost our angel3.gif baby at 14.5 weeks.  I have a DDhearts.gif of 9 and a DSbiggrinbounce.gif of 4.  We are finally expecting our rainbow1284.gifbaby babyboy.gif around 2nd June 2012!

 

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#8 of 26 Old 08-11-2011, 09:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That's a great point about how early I might "show", Kitten.  This will be my first time, I think I have heard you don't show as early the first time, right?  What I want to do is tell EVERYONE immediately.. but I am afraid of the MC and that would be awful to have to tell everyone about a MC right after... anyway.  Thanks for your feedback guys, it helps me decide! 


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#9 of 26 Old 08-11-2011, 10:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by janellody View Post

That's a great point about how early I might "show", Kitten.  This will be my first time, I think I have heard you don't show as early the first time, right?  What I want to do is tell EVERYONE immediately.. but I am afraid of the MC and that would be awful to have to tell everyone about a MC right after... anyway.  Thanks for your feedback guys, it helps me decide! 



Yeah, Janell...everyone is different, of course, but I didn't show with my oldest for quite a while.  I get excited and want to tell people right away, but think I'm going to hold out as long as I can get away with it.  From what I've heard from friends who have had miscarriages is that they were glad they told people they were close to, as they were a great support during that time, but they hated having to explain/tell people that they weren't really close to.  Makes sense.  :)

 

And good luck in your TTC journey!


Sarah ❤ Engaged to Manuel ❤ Mommy to Ben (10) and Aislinn (5), loving stepmom to Jordyn (11), Jazmyne (9) & Brooklyn (6)

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#10 of 26 Old 08-12-2011, 04:33 AM
 
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With my first pregnancy, I told close friends at 8 weeks. When I miscarried at 9 wks, it was hard to do the work of "un-telling" but my god, did women come out of the woodwork: friends who I'd known for years revealed that they'd lost a pregnancy. I was grateful for the support when I needed it most.

 

That said, I also had to endure a few weeks of "Congratulations!" from people who hadn't been updated yet, and that's just the nature of the beast.


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#11 of 26 Old 08-12-2011, 10:13 AM
 
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I will wait until at least 12 weeks, maybe longer. With my first pregnancy/miscarriage I told some people and I wish I hadn't. It felt too personal after the loss. With the second I don't think I told anybody. Most of my family still doesn't know, they don't even know that I'm trying. My youngest brother knows about the first one, but I don't think I told him about the second. And I have one Aunt and cousin who know about everything, and are under strict orders to keep it mum. I'm not very close with my family, so I want to avoid the "Who is the father?" "How are you going to take care of a baby by yourself?" "Why do you want a baby?" "Did you get pregnant on purpose?" "Weren't you using birth control?" "I didn't know you were seeing anyone." until I am more sure that there will be a baby.

 

I guess because I'm doing this alone, it feels more personal. If that makes sense?


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#12 of 26 Old 08-12-2011, 10:59 AM
 
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I'm a sharer, but through the TTC process have gone from giving lots of info to keeping my cards close to my chest.  Think I might actually be pregnant this time, but I'm not saying a thing to anyone (except my DP) until I know for sure.  It will be hard to keep it quiet, but I'll try to for the first 8-12 weeks anyway.  Good luck getting pregnant!


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#13 of 26 Old 08-13-2011, 10:02 AM
 
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I'm ttc #1 too. I was thinking about when I would tell people. I think I would tell the people close to me right away. Like my mother, two brothers and best friend/cousin. So only them, DP and me would know.

 

They love me a lot and would keep a secret if I told them to. I feel I would need the support of my family to get through a mc.

 

I would wait to make it public until the first trimester is over. 


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#14 of 26 Old 08-13-2011, 11:25 AM
 
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We are also ttc #1 and we have agreed to tell at 12 weeks or so, but it is going to be super hard!  I might tell a few people (my mom, sibs and a couple of close friends) a little earlier but then wait to really announce it until 12-14 weeks. :)


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#15 of 26 Old 08-13-2011, 05:45 PM
 
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With my first pregnancy, I told people as soon as I found out.  Nine months later I had a healthy baby girl.

 

With my last pregnancy, I waited 2-3 weeks to tell people. Went to the birth center for my u/s a couple weeks after and realized I'd had a miscarriage. It SUCKED having to tell everyone from the ladies at my La Leche League meetings to my chiropractor that "no, I'm no longer pregnant".

 

So next time, I will be waiting until after I see that baby on an ultrasound!!


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#16 of 26 Old 08-15-2011, 08:13 AM
 
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With DS, we waited until around 12 weeks for all but immediate family/best friends. With our recent m/c, DH was so excited and somehow managed to tell way too many of his friends right away. (Super cute, but it was hard.) I didn't tell anyone but my parents and sister. I did tell my closest friends after the fact because I was obviously distraught. Should we get pregnant again as we hope, we've already decided to try to wait until the anatomy u/s which last time for me was about 17.5 weeks. With DS I didn't really show until 25 weeks or so...I felt huge but most people were like, "Oh, I thought maybe, but I wasn't sure." So I hope I'll be able to hide it that long. (I'm normal weight.) We'll tell our immediate family and closest friends when we hear a heartbeat - for various reasons I'll have early monitoring - since they know about our struggles and I wouldn't want to leave them hanging.


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#17 of 26 Old 08-15-2011, 10:01 AM
 
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This is kind of depressing but I would wait to tell anyone anything until you absolutely had to. I told everyone everything when I got pregnant. Even people really close to me that I love drove me crazy with questions and crazy advice ...  you aren't eating right, I hate that name, you shouldn't do that, you have to do this, etc. It was maddening. 

If I'm lucky enough to ever get pregnant again - people can expect a heads up when they get the birth announcement ... lol. 

 

 


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#18 of 26 Old 08-15-2011, 10:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for the advice!  I think we will wait until at least 8-10 weeks, but it is kind of sucky.  I would probably tell everyone if I could, but DH says I can only tell parents until about 8-10weeks.  I want to respect what he wants, but I have a few really close friends who I want to tell, so maybe he will change his mind after I get pg.  It's great hearing everyone's story, it really helps!  Thanks ladies!


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#19 of 26 Old 08-21-2011, 02:39 PM
 
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My husband and I will definitely tell our friends, family and church immediately! I can't wait to shout it from the rooftops as soon as I find out! I'm hoping in about a week and a half, I can take a pregnancy test and get a positive! I just got an HCG trigger shot, and I have a good feeilng! Good luck & baby dust to you! <3

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#20 of 26 Old 08-29-2011, 09:16 PM
 
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I'm TTC as a single mother by choice, and I live in a collective house with 9 of my best friends. I wouldn't be able to go a week or two without telling my housemates.

 

My blood-family is another story. I'd probably wait a while to tell them. 12-20 weeks.


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#21 of 26 Old 08-30-2011, 01:18 AM
 
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Thanks for asking this question!

I'm pondering this issue at the moment, as I just got my first-ever BFP about a week ago.  We haven't told anyone IRL yet, but it's becoming increasingly difficult for me not to just call up my parents and good friends to share the good news. I'm a sharer by nature, I think nearly everyone we know has heard that we've been trying to conceive!

 

By chance I will be visiting some good friends (two couples) in another city next week, and because I hardly ever get to see them in person, I think I will have to tell, even though I'll only be in the 7th week. My parents live overseas, but we are going to visit them in September so I think I'll wait and share the news in person with them, when I'll be around 9 weeks along, and of course we'll skype DH's parents to tell them as well.  It's a bit odd to tell our friends before our parents but they've been very supportive while we were ttc and also both couples are currently expecting, so it will be awesome to tell them that we're joining that club.

 

Maybe because it's my first-ever pregnancy I'm so afraid that it might not stick so I suppose that's why we aren't telling anyone we know here where we live. We don't have very close friends here and I think it would be super-uncomfortable to have to 'un-tell' them if something happened. So I think we'll wait until we're back from our trip (which is just at the end of the first trimester) to make our 'official' announcement to our local circle.


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#22 of 26 Old 08-30-2011, 01:24 PM
 
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i will definitely tell my parents and few close friends right away. 

 

the thing is, most people know we are TTC anyway, so when they ask if i am pregnant yet, i won't be able to lie. it's not me sharing though, it's DP! he tells EVERYBODY! i am a private person and would probably keep it to myself apart from telling my mom but he is pretty excited and just seems to want to tell the world lol.

 

so i think we will tell only those people who we see a lot and who we are close with right away and wait a couple months(?) to be totally public with the news.


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#23 of 26 Old 08-30-2011, 01:57 PM
 
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Always an interesting question. With our first, we waited until 13 weeks and then told EVERYONE. lol...I had a horrible doctor the first few weeks who managed to convince us that we would be miscarrying at any moment, not to mention my morning sickness made it literally AWFUL to visit anyone...and, you know, it's that sort of news you want to break in person ;-)

 

This go around, no one knows we are ttc, no one expects it, and we don't even know when we might be seeing family next. Ideally, I'd like to wait a long while...I'm going into this pregnancy knowing exactly what I want out of the birth, pregnancy experience, ect... and I think it will be important to me for this to be a private affair for quite a while. 

 

But, everyone is different!


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#24 of 26 Old 08-30-2011, 04:00 PM
 
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DD, the day I got my BFP, 9 dpo, we told family. 6 weeks we told everyone else.
DS, told close family at 4 weeks, the rest of the family at 12 weeks, friends at about 14 weeks.
This pregnancy....we'll I'm 9 weeks tomorrow and all of 3 people know!


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#25 of 26 Old 08-30-2011, 08:08 PM
 
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With my son we told immediate family right away after the BFP- it was Christmas and my sister was in from out-of-town, so it seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up.  Extended family was informed when I was about 9 weeks because I was in the hospital with complications and had to miss a family funeral.  I needed a super good excuse for that!!!

 

If we get pg again, I will pretty much have to tell people right away, simply because I am expecting some pretty severe complications again and I will need a TON of help, both to survive and to help take care of my toddler.  I expect to be pretty incapacitated.

 

So in other words, my "We're expecting!" announcement won't be the stereotypical joyous sharing of good news- it will be a fire alarm going off and "all hands on deck."  I don't think I will have the luxury of waiting for a good time or ultrasounds.


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#26 of 26 Old 08-30-2011, 10:33 PM
 
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We will probably tell my parents, maybe our siblings and a few VERY close friends that know we are TTC right away, but not sure we trust his parents not to tell the rest of the family! We have no past experience with pregnancy, but have seen too many friends and coworkers miscarry. We won't go public with the pregnancy until we know there is a heartbeat, I've heard chances of miscarriages goes way down after that. I just hope that I don't have bad morning sickness and give it away early!

 

This is our second month TTC, 6 days until AF is scheduled to arrive and I have a few symptoms which make me feel I could be pregnant BUT it could just be wishful thinking.

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