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Bitter Sushi Ladies - December 2011

4K views 72 replies 17 participants last post by  lavatea 
#1 ·
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Welcome to the December 2011 Thread
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This is a thread for those who have been TTC for a long time, whether 6 months, 12 months, or more. At this point many of us are at or past 1 or 2 years, many have had losses, many are dealing with various forms of infertility, and some are just in a waiting period until they can TTC again.

The name? Well, all things considered we tend to be a little bitter sometimes. So read with care. And due to everything, our emotions run a little raw like sushi. Too many cycles of BFN and CD1 sushi & sake to console ourselves. This TTC business is something that seems to "just happen" for so many...but we just can't seem to get it right. So this is where we can be together, share and express anything.

Current Bitter Sushi Ladies

cbaa2010 BFPChart2.gif

TTC # 1 since Oct 2010

enigo

Has one beautiful son, trying to conceive after three losses

Gemmine BFPChart2.gif

me(27) & DH (28) TTC #1 since July 2010 with 1 loss April 2011 (5 weeks)

IsisandOsiris

TTC #1 since August 2009

jennabella

TTC #2 since July 2009, with a loss in February 2010 and a loss in July 2010

kittenbritches

TTC #3 since May 2010

kparker

TTC #1 since 9/08 with male factor, IUI #4 ???

lilmom

36, TTC #2 for 2 years with PCOS and rarely ovulating

littlest birds

TTC for 16+ months after VR BFPChart2.gif

Objet_Trouve

TTC #1 since Jan 2010 with PCOS BFPChart2.gif

rcr

TTC since December 2007 with 1 failed IVF, 5 failed injectable IUIs, and now on to 2nd IVF in Jan 2012. Trying to keep hope alive.

SkeeMama

TTC since end of '06. Last loss in Sept. 2011. Waiting on tests
Smilesarefree

36 year old mom of one wonderful dd trying for another since April 2010

Sourire

TTC #1 since August 2010

Wissa19

Wissa19 (33), DH (39) sweet buddy (12/07), TTC #2 since 06/09

yoyonana

34 , DH 31, TTC for 3 years, done all kinds of tests, unexplained infertilitty

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In our thoughts, on hold, and/or waiting
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milk8shake

TTC#1 since April 2009 - taking a much needed break after five losses - saga to be continued mid 2012

AGreenMum10

silverbird

- ttc #1 since June 2010, after a two year delay for illness. Husband passed away 5/25/11
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mi_dawn -

lost baby William (born still 4/09) and two m/c in 09.

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BSL BFPs!!! Stick little babies, stick, stick, stick...

monkeyscience - due 8/2012
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bootsvalentine - due 8/2012
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kinza - due 7/2012
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calycanth - due 6/23/11
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LessTravaledBy - due 6/24/12
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CA Country Girl - due 6/26/12
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Praha - due 6/11/12
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Sweetest77 - due 5/20/12
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TandN - due 5/17/12
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Kyamo - due 3/7/2012
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MommyMatsumoto - due 1/2012
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Emaya - due 1/2012
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Sweet.Bee - due 1/15/2012
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Rachel88 - due 11/20/2011
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Waiting on an update...
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BSL BABIES
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lavatea - baby boy 12/11/11

Code Name Mama -Ailia Genevieve 11/24/11

miriam bat avraham- Talulah and Susannah 11/11/11

grahnola mum/GMUM - baby girl 10/6/11

Jane - baby boy 9/30/11

borobaby - River Ann 9/19/11

justthinkin - baby boy 8/27/11

Maurine - Phin 7/20/11

Tear 78 - Anika 7/15/11

slylives - Cameron 6/15/11

kalamos23 - baby boy 4/28/11

xtara2003x - Emerson Rae 4/27/11

jenniferadurham - Ryan born 3/28/11

Nanette56 - Tristan and Cael born 3/18/11

finnegansmom - Henry born 2/11

jessica_s - Asher Kingston 1/20/11

LINK to our graduates thread - Winter 2011/2010 Edition!

Please let the threadkeeper (wissa19) know if your info needs to be updated.

New ladies are always welcome, but please join with care.

Please put all notes for changes or additions to this post in bold! Thank you!!
 
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#2 ·
I know I said I wouldn't going to be the thread keeper. However, I couldn't stand for the thread to disappear. I will be a "silent" keeper this month.

So, I thought we could do an infertility take on "on you might be a ******* if"

Here's mine....You might have infertility if you check the expiration date on pregnancy tests before you buy them.
 
#5 ·
Thank you Wissa, i hope you will change your mind about being silent, i will so miss your stories and opinions and hopefullness. I want good things for you and to share them with you when it happens. Also, i just legit LoL at your ******* quote...

You might have infertility if you know your CD but not the date..
 
#6 ·
Please add me to your thread.

We have been TTC since the end of 06,

most recent loss was end of September.

Doing a whole protocol of TCM & supplements.

Now, we are waiting to test...

days seem to drag on this side of O...

Thank you for being the keeper, albeit silent, sounds like I should stalk your history....
 
#7 ·
you might have IF if you are sick and tired of having sex with your husband.

you might have IF if you have jumped ship from all the crunchy natural stuff like Maca and herbs, and moved on to shots and interventions.

Thanks for keeping the thread alive, Wissa.

Welcome Skee.

As for my blurb, it looks like my IVF will be in Jan, not Dec, so you can change that if you want.
 
#8 ·
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there semed to be no hope at all."
-- Dale Carnegie

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."
--Thomas A. Edison

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did." --Newt Gingrich

"Perseverance is failing 19 times and succeeding the 2oth."
--Julie Andrews

"Hope is the companion of power, and mother of success; for who so hopes strongly has within him the gift of miracles."
-- Samuel Smiles

"Even miracles take a little time." ~ Fairy Godmother: Cinderella

Even impossible says "i m possible"

--My favorite quote taken from an annomyous woman with IF -

"I know God would not give me anything that I could not handle, I just wish he would not trust me so much".

--Thought we might all need a little inspiration--

Very funny Cbaa & RCR on the IF if's.

Welcome Skee -- May your stay be short.
 
#9 ·
I lol'd at cbaa's since that very thing happened to me today at the doctor.

Met with OB today. She had my blood drawn for hormone testing, gave me paperwork to schedule DH's semen analysis, and we scheduled the HSG for this Friday. Well, originally I was supposed to call my next CD1 since it has to be between CD7-10 but I got crazy-eyed and said I'moncycleday6nowcanwedoitthiscyclekthanks and got it scheduled! Those who have been through it, how painful was it?

wissa: I mostly lurk here, post occasionally but I do hope you're not a silent threadkeeper. I enjoy your posts and everyone's here.

Milk: Please de-lurk :)
 
#10 ·
Okay ladies... I guess I lived here for long enough that I feel the need to say something about the recent happenings... It was a sad thing to witness.

I think it was just a good example of how easily we get hurt because, truly, we cannot understand another human being until be have been through the same thing. One of the endless topics here has been the dumb things people have said to us. Many of those things, no matter how bad they felt, were meant to be encouraging and nice. The person simply did not understand how the words would be received. I think the same is to be expected here: An older lady cannot know what it is like to be young and to feel defective. A young woman cannot know what it is like to be near the childbearing years, in other words, to truly be close to being without hope. The same way those of us with kids don't know what it feels like to not have any (unless someone had been infertile also before kids), and similarly those without kids cannot know what it is like to hope for a sibling for one's child. Some of these situations probably do hurt more than others, but I suppose the amount mainly depends on the person going though the hard time. Who should be hurting the most does not really matter, does it...

While I can only speak for myself, I do think people who are suffering can have the tendency to be very sensitive to certain things, and to take things the wrong way. In that case even a nice comment can be turned into "You don't seem to think I have the right to my sorrow." I know at least I lived years, always expecting to hear the wrong stuff come out of people's minds. Sometimes it happened, other times not. Sometimes it was probably my hurt that made the nice comment into something quite the opposite.

AFM, the foster baby left and we are now waiting to see if she will come back for some time or not. Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out whether we want to accept another child or if this is it with fostering for us. I was really sick for half of the time the baby was here and it was very hard. Yet, it was blessed and we really miss the baby. I will be 12 weeks pregnant in a couple of days. My body is not handling things very well (infertility, hypothyroidism, weight gain, etc.), so I am assuming this will be our second and last baby. I am quite okay with that, surprisingly, as this is just so hard on my body. I suppose I have already done the work of letting go of my previous hopes and dreams, so it is not too hard to accept now. More than anything, both our children -however things may continue with this pregnancy- truly feel like miracles to me.
 
#11 ·
Beautifully written, LTB, thank you for taking the time to express so simply and well what I was feeling - but unable to organize into words - about the recent BSL difficulties. This has been such a wonderful place, folks, please make sure it continues. As a long-time-lurker before my first posting, I'd like to tell you other lurkers out there to step forward and join in -- bring new life to the BSL thread. I was shy at first, but you just have to make room for yourself.

Gemmie, good luck with the HSG today. I'm sure you've found that women have reported wildly differing experiences of how much it hurts. I found it to be only slightly uncomfortable. I'm sure you've also read that there's a slight increase in fertility in the 3 months after the proceedure. I remember those three months of BFNs being horrible -- I had promised myself not to get hopeful about that slight increase in chances, but somehow did anyway. Turns out I got my BFP on the fourth month after the HSG, but I don't think it had anything to do with it as the tubes looked clear during the proceedure. Let us know how it goes!
 
#12 ·
You might have IF if you are first jealous of all the preggo 17 y.o. girls in your OBGYN's waiting room then you quickly switch to daydreaming about asking them if you could adopt their baby. (Happened to me yesterday)

You might have IF if that baby sweater you started knitting for "a friend" is still not finished 3 years later.
 
#13 ·
Hello ladies. Happy Holidays to all.

LTB- you said what I was thinking so much more eloquently. I was sad about the hurt feelings here, even though I understood completely. I did not know what to say to help and not just make feelings more raw. We are tender here, and I believe most of the time have found it to be a blessing to have the other BSL ladies to talk to. Sometimes the sensitivity can not help spilling over. I also second Emaya's call to lurkers. I am so glad that I joined the BSL thread. It gave me such a feeling of comradery to talk to ladies who had been struggling to conceive. Please keep it going and keep being sisters for each other (remember sisters do hurt each other's feelings from time to time).

AFM, like LTB, I am about to reach 12 weeks day after tomorrow! We shared the news with our 5 year old last night. She has been longing for this for awhile, so she is excited. I am finally starting to share with other family members as well, and I am getting my energy back just as the semester ends and work is cooling down for a few weeks. I will be 36 on Friday, but hubby works weekends, so we will be laying low. Also, I *think* I have felt a little movement the last few evenings. It is early, but I don't think I am imaging it.

Hugs and so much
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to all you ladies.
 
#14 ·
Congratulations to lavatea and her beautiful baby boy. !!! :)

Congratulations to bootsvalentine and monkeyscience on their December BFPs!!!
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Come on BSL we need more good news!!

LTB & CountryGirl - Hope all continues to go well with your pregnancies.
 
#15 ·
Hi everyone! Hope everyone is doing ok.

Emaya: It wasn't that bad! Yes, the stuff I read about pain was all over the place. It was uncomfortable for sure, and hurt when they put in the catheter/dye, but it was over quickly. Hoping I'm included in that magical fertility increase for 3 cycles after HSG! Ha.
 
#16 ·
It sure is quiet these days on this thread!
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Give me some updates everyone! I am a super bitter BSL so I need you all to keep me hopeful.

rcr - can you give me a brief overview of your journey? I haven't been around for long so I feel like I missed your story.

Gemmine - What were the results of your HSG?

Welcome Skeemama! This thread seems to have had some good luck for people TTC for a long time, so hopeful you catch some of that baby dust.

AFM, just finished with AF = Drinking my grapefruit juice and buying pineapples.
 
#17 ·
PoorUglyHappy: I'm a bit extra-bitter too so I need more happy posts! After the HSG they said my tubes were clear! I had spotting and saw some small clots when I wiped so I'm guessing the HSG actually did clean out some stuff. You just reminded me I need to get a pineapple; I should O tomorrow. Does the grapefruit juice work for you with EWCM?
 
#18 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy View Post

rcr - can you give me a brief overview of your journey? I haven't been around for long so I feel like I missed your story.
Sure. Sorry. I am so rarely around here I guess I forget that there is enough turnover that most people don't remember me when I do pop in. I have been TTC for 4 years - since Dec 2007. I started on the one thread, then the nursing mamas thread, then here, and then I moved on to the IVF and infertility threads. I mostly hang out on the IVF thread. I have done it all - IVF once, 5 cycles of IUIs - all with injectibles, supplements, m/c, etc.. Now I am on to my second IVF cycle. DH has male factor, and my eggs suck. I am feeling confident that it will work out soon though, and I am a LOT less bitter than I used to be. I took a summer break, went to Australia with DS, didn't think about ttc (too much), and now I have renewed confidence. I left this thread when I started doing IVF, and I was less and less bitter, despite being the oldest member of the thread at this point (?). One person that I know of, that I joined this thread with in 2007 is now pregnant with her second. That kinda depressing, I guess. But it is nice to see that people do move on, so in a way Monkey's post about who was left from when she joined made me happy that people do seem to get pregnant and move on here, but also sad that I am not one of those people. I am fortunate to have good fertility insurance coverage, otherwise I would have pursued adoption a long time ago. When I started TTC I was 4 years younger, so I am fighting age also at this point (I am 37). I get four IVF tries under my insurance, and i am saving the last one or two (?) for donor eggs. I have a DS, who was actually a mistake and conceived when DH and I were living in different states, and it was the only time we had sex in 6 months. Go figure. I'm not all that spiritual, but I do believe that there is a baby in me (actually 2, hopefully), just waiting for the right time.
 
#20 ·
Gemmine: I am glad to hear your HSG was clear. Now you get 3 months of increased fertility! I think it's like a roto-rooter for the tubes. As far as the EWCM/grapefruit juice goes, I am not sure that it helps but I love the juice and it gives me an excuse to drink it everyday.

rcr - wow, you have truly been through it! It is great that you have IF infertility coverage. My insurance is supposed to cover a lot of things, but they are very free with their "reject" stamp. :) So with your two future babies, are you hoping to knock it out with twins in the next IVF cycle? Do you have the dr implant more than two embryos?

Skeemama - did the witch show? Boooo! to her!

Wissa- give us some updates!

AFM - just 18 hours til Christmas break, I am more excited about the time off this year than the holidays themselves.
 
#21 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by PoorUglyHappy View Post

rcr - wow, you have truly been through it! It is great that you have IF infertility coverage. My insurance is supposed to cover a lot of things, but they are very free with their "reject" stamp. :) So with your two future babies, are you hoping to knock it out with twins in the next IVF cycle? Do you have the dr implant more than two embryos?
Thanks for the welcome. We did only one last IVF cycle, because only one made it. We had poor fertilization. How many we transfer this time really depends on the quality. I am hoping for two high quality blasts (which is the best embryo there is for IVF), but if we have poor quality again, and are lucky enough to get a few, I would be open to doing three. I am hoping for twins, I can not imagine going through this again after I finally do get pregnant again, and I will be even closer to 40, so it will be even less likely to happen.
 
#22 ·
Gemmine - It's always good to get good results. fingers crossed you get something out of it!

rcr - I admire your faith to keep going for 4 years. I'm at 2.5 and sometimes I just want to move on...baby or not. I think like you at first I was bitter, but the more time passes the more I'm ok with whatever happens. I guess I'm just more able to keep things in perspective. I have friends that always wanted a family, but haven't even found their Mr. Right yet. So, I really don't have much to complain about.

PUH - Christmas Break...I've always loved it! I taught school so I know what you mean about not even caring about the Holiday part. It's just nice to be FREE. Update (just because you asked). Cyst is gone, no sign of it or any others. Nurse said my ovaries actually look very healthy! So, I'm on CD9 and just took my last dose of letrozole. Will go in one day next week for a scan and hopefully a trigger shot. I'm trying not to get excited, because 1. It might not work & 2. Just because you O doesn't automatically mean a BFP. This will be my fourth cycle after surgery. First cycle was 34 days no O. Last 2 cycles where each 29 days with signs of O on CD15, but clearly no BFP.

Skee - Hope things get better for you! December is generally never a good month for me. Even the year my DS was born in Dec...my grandfather died right after he was born and never got to see him. So, I'm thinking I'm crazy to even attempt a medicated cycle this month.
 
#23 ·
Wissa - yea, it is strange how some people become less bitter as time goes on. I would have thought that by this point I would be even more bitter than before, but it is just the opposite. I guess I have gotten so used to IF, I just decided that I can't mope over it anymore. It may not happen, so at some point I just have to move on, y/k.
 
#24 ·
Wissa and rcr - I hope to someday move past this bitterness like the two of you. I always planned on having kids. I was caught completely off guard. No one ever told me I'd have to worry about this. I am bitter that I feel guilty when I have a cup of coffee or a beer. I am bitter when other people get pregnant on the first try or by accident. I am tired of being asked about having children and having to fight back the tears.
 
#25 ·
I think the bitterness comes and goes over here. For the most part I am able to stay hopeful instead of bitter, it has been a lot of months to work out the emotions. There are certainly plenty of things to be bitter about, like you said PUH, wham bam thank you mam first try pregnancies, unexpected BFPs (and the complaints about how inconveninent they can be), baby bellies every where (church, restaurants, patients), and then other not pregnancy related bitterness. I think praying keeps me going at this point... I know there are many who aren't believers, but honestly, I think God keeps me going, I just know I have a baby waiting for me... at least 3 if I go with my gut instinct, and that first baby or 2 is coming.

Wissa- I am SO glad to hear the cyst is gone and you are are all done your meds for this month! What a relief. I hope this December brings you a turn-around on your end of year luck. When is your first U/S potential trigger etc? I'll be thinking of you!

rcr- thank you for sharing your story. When is your next IVF cycle scheduled? Twins would be a nice completion to your family. I think these days 37 isn't all that old to be having babies, but I know the egg quality/male factor makes it more difficult than that, I have hope for you to graduate!

skeemama & gemmine- I know I caught up with you both on the IF thread, but I'm thinking of you!

AFM- 2 DPIUI- I'm still having cramping which is really annoying, it honestly feels like 3 days of gas pain, but no gas & I'm really not constipated either so I don't know what is causing it. Just taking it easy over here.
 
#26 ·
Are we in December already? I have been gone too long.

You might have IF if you are out thousands of dollars and have given up on being a mother to anything other than animals; also, if you find out that all your friends are pregnant and you ask the ones that don't want the babies if you can have them.

I don't think I did that right! Were the "you might have" posts supposed to be funny or clever? :\
 
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