Suddenly not sure if I want another ... argh - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 02-02-2012, 07:56 AM - Thread Starter
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So I've been TTC #3 since last fall. Every time my period comes I'm really depressed, then I realize it's sort of nice not to be pregnant and figure I should just enjoy it.


Yesterday I came home with the kids after work and had this overwhelming feeling that two was the perfect number. I know we'll adore another but the idea of giving up my body for a couple years, pumping logistics, thousands of dollars in childcare, etc suddenly felt totally unappealing. (Plus, I had the stomach flu this week and realized - oh, right, this is what being pregnant feels like, just fatter. ugh!) Of course, if I had gotten prego on my hoped for timeline I wouldn't have time for such thoughts! :)


Anyone else TTC have the same up and down? I don't feel like I have the luxury of debating this much longer. And I'd hate to suddenly conceive the moment I decide it's not for me. Either way it will work out but it's so weird to have such opposite feelings every other day about such a big decision. Ya know?

Mother of two since 2007 and 2009. Hoping third time's a charm in 2012.

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#2 of 4 Old 02-02-2012, 08:43 AM
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I think that's normal.  But I also think that it's really important to make a good decision about adding to your family with your head, not your hormones.  This is much easier said than done, I know!  My dh just went in for a vasectomy consultation and I started to have some anxiety about the permanence of it all and the "what ifs."  But I know this is just my hormones talking b/c my brain is screaming at me right now, "what were you thinking when you had a third?!"  lol.gif  I can tell you that having three is a very different ball game than having two.  It often requires a different car, you're out numbered when they are all up at night crying, coughing, barfing, etc.  I keep wondering when I'll ever have time to get anything completely done and how I can be the involved parent I want to be when I'm barely balancing basic survival needs right now.  It's tough.  There is definitely a lot to consider when thinking about adding a third.  But I also think you can know in your heart whether your family is complete or not.  If your heart (not your hormones!) is telling you that you want one more then go for it.  Some nerves are normal... having a baby is a big deal!  Good luck with your decision!  You might find some additional support in the Family Planning forum.

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#3 of 4 Old 02-02-2012, 09:06 AM
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Ugh, I know what you mean.  I am going through the ups and downs too. We are currently TTC #3. I've always wanted three BUT I have a 2.5 yr old and a 1 yr old.  I am scared to death that it is going to be too much.  I'm 36 though and I feel that time is ticking so it is best to have another if we are going to do it.  Last month we started ttc and when AF came I, like you, felt it was kind of nice not to be pregnant.  It's going to be tough to pay the childcare and tend to everyone's needs.  I recently read an article about a woman who was in the same boat when deciding on a third.  She too kept going back and forth.  Her husband told her (to sum it up)  "All the reasons that you can think of not to have another make sense right now, but 10 years from now they won't and you may regret it."  I truly feel that someone is missing and a third will complete our family.  I just need to buckle in for the ride!  Good Luck to you in whatever you decide!

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#4 of 4 Old 02-03-2012, 05:01 PM
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In the same boat here.  I've wanted a third for awhile but DH has been opposed to it, until recently when he seems like he's possibly willing to try once our 2 get a little bigger.  Well, we DTD 2 nights ago and he didn't withdraw (which is our tried and true form of BC), and I'm kinda panicking.  I don't chart or anything but I'm aware that I'm probably close to O.  I just keep thinking about it all day and how much harder everything would be with another baby. 

But, like a PP, I think that in 10 years the difficulties of babyhood will be over and not matter.  As an only child myself I mostly want my kids to have a "group" when they get older and DH and I aren't as involved in their lives (or even not here anymore).  I feel like a third would enhance our lives as a family as well as their lives as siblings and it's worth the personal sacrifice in the early years.

But, yikes, it does freak me out a little...

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