Taking the Scenic Route...to a BFP - Page 35 - Mothering Forums

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#1021 of 2219 Old 09-18-2012, 11:32 AM
 
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Indie - my BFP with DD was 12 DPO. Got a BFN on 10 DPO. Not sure what tests I was using back then. With the m/c, I got my BFP on 11 DPO, first time I tested. So, I'm in the "sweet spot". I'm pretty sure I'm out. I think I needed to take the test to show my mind that it wasn't right. I'm taking it pretty hard. My due date with the m/c is next month and I was hoping that I'd be pg by then.

Are you worried about O'ing early b/c of BD timing or just cause CD 11 seems too early? I think ToothFairy said that ideal O time is b/t CD11 and CD15 or something. Please correct me if I'm wrong. Good luck on the weight loss. I had success with weight watchers online. And, yay for your brother! That's awesome.

Sherry - Sorry about the airplane guy cancelling. That's super annoying. Hope the trip is "productive" wink1.gif

TF - Lovely timing AF has, doesn't she? I hope you won't have her show up at all. Glad you are keeping busy.

AFM - I just can't stop thinking about why nothing is working. I'm starting to doubt my plans. We were going to take this coming month off (travel) and then start up with injectibles + IUI. But, I'm wondering if I'm just wasting my time and money. My insurance requires 3 rounds of injectibles before IVF. But, I could try to appeal. While my coverage is great for procedures, 3 months of clomid has eaten up just over $1000 of my $7500 meds lifetime maximum. So, that will be gone before IVF for sure. The other part of me is thinking that I should do 3 solid months of acupuncture + herbs to give it a real shot. I got my BFP with the m/c after 4 months of acupuncture + herbs. It's just so hard with my AMH diagnosis. Part of me wants to believe that my body can do it since it has before, but the rest of me thinks it should have happened by now if it's going to work at all. I'd love to hear everyone's opinions on this.

I just got off the phone with DH. He's not very helpful at this time of the month. He doesn't ever say the right thing. I'm worried what this whole IF is doing to our marriage. It just sucks so bad. And, I feel like I'm being a bad mother to DD since I'm so focused on all this nonsense.

Ok. Back to my positive thinking...

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#1022 of 2219 Old 09-18-2012, 02:12 PM
 
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skj - i'm so sorry. i so know that place you are in right now... i think 10 - 12dpo are my hardest days every single cycle. i will hold out hope that tomorrow is a different story. i can't believe 3 months of clomid has eaten up $1,000 of your med allowance. i pay for clomid out of pocket and i think i pay like $14 for (5) 50mg pills (which is two months worth of clomid since i'm on 25mg). they are marking up those pills BIG time (unless that also includes progesterone?). i wish i had advice for you as to how to move forward. as you know, i've been all over the place myself trying to figure out the best use of time and money. if i remember correctly, your amh is low but not insanely so, right? i definitely think you have time if you want to give acupuncture/herbs a solid try again. especially since it worked for you last time. how does your cycle compare to when you got pregnant with your dd? is it roughly the same O timing, same lp length, etc? that's how i made my decision to not spend time and money on acupuncture anymore. acupuncture and herbs were great for me in regulating my cycles (i was O'ing on the early side, had a short lp, endo pain, etc.) but now that i have as text book of a cycle as ever and am not getting pregnant, i just feel like my best use of time and money is the IVF route (acupuncture and herbs can be pricey). as far as my O timing... i wouldn't necessarily be worried (but not thrilled) if I were ovulating today (cd11) except for the fact that i would have zero chance of a bfp this cycle due to bd timing. i'm sorry your dh is not being very comforting. i know for me, what i want most when i feel sad and scared and hopeless is to get a nice, strong hug and an "i love you" but for some reason that's the least likely time i will get that from my dh. instead his response will feel very cold. it drove me nuts in the beginning of dealing with IF stuff. it would really make me question our relationship.  but i've learned now to just not expect that kind of reaction from him and if i don't expect it, it doesn't hurt so much when it doesn't come. i found other sources for comfort. the truth is, there's so many ways he shows up for me and for our marriage and for building our family - i just chose to give him a pass on this. and it has helped my sanity tremendously. don't know if any of that relates at all to what you are experiencing, but just thought i'd share.


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Early loss 10/2010. Dx: DOR and Endometriosis.  After 2.5 failed IUIs, Moving on to IVF - EPP/MDL

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#1023 of 2219 Old 09-18-2012, 03:00 PM
 
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Indie - Thanks so much for your thoughts. It means a lot.

My AMH was 0.46. All other numbers have been normal, except I had a slightly high E2 the first cycle I was tested. FSH has always been normal and my AFC has been right around 10.

Here's way more than anyone wants to know. So, my cycles before DD - I had gone off BCP in October 2009 due to a blood clot post knee surgery. I wasn't tracking anything but my cycle length, which was not that regular - 23 to 29 days. I don't know when I O'ed or how long my LP was, but I do remember that by about June, I started to have spotting before my AF. It was very unusual for me. The first month we tried, we had terrible timing and I thought I didn't O b/c I was using OPKs based on the first day of spotting as CD 1. Once I read that CD 1 is the first day of flow, I got a +OPK and got pg that month with my DD. I O'ed on CD 13 from the left side. I did not realize at that time how ridiculously lucky we were.

Fast forward to PPAF. My cycles have also been all over the place. At first, I was O-ing late CD 15 - CD 19. After 4 months of acupuncture and starting on progesterone, the cycle I got pg I O'ed on CD 13 from the left side. I O way less often from the left (this cycle was the first times since getting pg with the m/c). So, basically, it seems like I have always had an LPD (as short as 7 days) and that I tend to O late. Since going on clomid, my O has been way early - CD 11 or 12. My LP is now mostly fine on progesterone. It has been as short as 10 on vaginal prometirum, but has otherwise been at least 12 days.

I just spoke with a friend in a similar boat and she suggested doing the injectibles + IUI and then take the 3 month acupuncture "break" before IVF. That's what she did b/c her acupuncturist said she has an 80% success rate when doing treatments for 3 months pre-IVF. My friend had a chemical her first IVF try that was turned into IUI, and then BFN.

I'm thinking that your suggestion about getting my cycle back on track is a good one. I just don't want to waste any time if I don't have that luxury.

ETA: And thanks for sharing about your DH. That helps so much to feel like I'm not alone in not having the best reacting DH. Mine just wants to be positive and move on to the next thing and says stuff like, we just need to keep trying and sometimes life is hard. It's a great attitude, but at this time of the month, I just want him to acknowledge my disappointment and heartbreak.

Also, I really hope your O holds off for your BD timing.

Lastly, my progesterone rx must be counting against my rx allowance. That stuff is pricey! But I know I need it.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#1024 of 2219 Old 09-18-2012, 08:19 PM
 
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SKJ, I'm so sorry that you didn't receive your BFP yet! I know it's nearly impossible not to feel sad and down right now because I do it every time too, but it's still early and I've seen so many charts that are BFN on DPO12+ that turns into BFP. I try to allow myself the possibility of good news at any point from DPO 10-14, because it only comes once a month and hope is a good thing. My fingers (and toes!) are crossed for you!! I am sorry that you are feeling so down right now -- as you know, I completely, totally understand and I feel for you. :( Thank you so much for the links to the meditations! It's a tough debate to decide between injectables/IUI vs. acupuncture given the requirements of your insurance co. In that position, I think I would agree with your friend . . . do your injectable/IUI cycles and if it doesn't work, at least you know how you respond to the meds, and then your ovaries will need a break before IVF anyway, so you can do the acupuncture to prepare (and hopefully get your "free" baby in that time!). I've definitely had some tough times with DH during this time . . . I've just realized that he loves me, he wants a baby, and he is stressed over this too. I wish he could understand better, but I guess how could he? He doesn't temp, chart, do acupuncture, taking a million herbs/supplements, and spend nearly every waking moment in some capacity thinking about it. When I remember that, it helps me to not judge him for not knowing what to say. But it's hard, isn't it?! I guess that what our lovely little group is for, and thank goodness!

 

Indie, thanks for being great and so understanding, as always. Yes, it was glad to get a day away from work. A friend was in my same jury pool, so we got to have a nice long lunch together, which was lovely! Jury duty was actually super fun. Good luck with the job application! I hope it all works out just the way you wish! That's a good point about the Circle + Bloom meditations . . . my body just doesn't work like normal (it's CD28 today and no O!). I think I like the other meditation for that reason, too. May have to download it tonight! I hope your O timing works out great -- in fact, I have a good feeling it will. Maybe you are going to have a super O and your body is just gearing up big time! That's great about your brother :)

 

Sherry, thanks so much for your kindness and understanding. Unfortunately, no O for me, but I'm hanging in there. I hope your time "home" works out just perfectly to BD and get your BFP! :) I love your baby shower idea for Gtree! I think we should adopt this idea for any of us who get pregnant. Perfect! Good luck on the pioneer! :) Sorry about your flight guy!

 

Shell, sorry about the breakout! I hope it all clears up before the 20-year reunion this weekend, poor girl!

 

Gtree, happy new year!!! What a great year it will be! Thanks for your support and positive attitude! I loved your comment "I am the happiest I've ever been" - that made me smile and gives me hope. You deserve every ounce of happiness! I'm curious -- did you have any embryos to freeze? I'd feel so much better about doing IVF if I knew I'd either know I'd get pregnant or if I'd at least have something to freeze. I'm really so impressed with you for taking the leap and having so much faith -- you made it happen, girl!

 

Toothfairy: St. Croix! Perhaps you'll be pregnant this month and then it won't matter and you can enjoy your time away!! Hope you have fun this weekend - it's nice to be busy sometimes! Hope the rest of your day went quick and easy! I understand a grumpy boss quite well!

 

AFM, CD28 today. Not looking very hopeful that I will O, but for some reason scared to start the new crazy herbs she gave me? They apparently are the "big guns" of herbs, and I'm worried about starting it now before a new cycle. Seriously, where is my O? I wonder if acupuncture actually prevented me from Oing? She doesn't really explain much -- do your acupuncturists explain things? Anyway, have an appt with her on Thursday. My new new RE appt got moved up to 10/10, so excited about that! Didn't get picked for a jury, but was a fun process actually!


Bebe (36) & Hubby (36) married since 2010 . . . expecting our first June 15th, 2013! It's a GIRL!

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#1025 of 2219 Old 09-19-2012, 08:16 AM
 
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Bebe - Thanks. It helps so much to hear that other people get it. I try my best to stay upbeat and positive, but some days get the best of me. Sorry about the O delay. That is really frustrating. I don't think that acu would prevent you from O'ing, but I totally understand the fear of the herbs. My first two acu's didn't tell me anything. My newest one is AWESOME. She explains everything, which really helps. I'm glad the RE appt moved up. I just think this will happen for you soon.

AFM - SO, after all my soul searching on what to do, I decided to schedule an "emergency" appointment with my acupuncturist to talk it over. She said to go ahead with the western treatments and that they wouldn't interfere with what she was doing. No break needed. That was a nice thing to hear. She spent a long time telling me that it will happen. She said, maybe not next month, may only next year. That was hard to hear, but I appreciate her honesty. We talked about how I need to let go of any fears I have and I realized that I"m really worried about losing my strong bond with DD. It's sort of ironic b/c I feel like I"ve been so distant from her b/c my mind is always on TTC. So, in a way, I think getting pg and having another child will increase my bond with her. I definitely have guilt about making sure the timing is right for her to get a sibling. My acupuncturist said I need to deal with those thoughts and focus my energy on myself. I"m struggling with how to do that. Any ideas on how to change a thought pattern? I've been trying really hard to be ok with the timing of things and trust that I will get pg at the perfect time, but I want to ready myself for that time. I have a strong tendency to control and blame myself for things not working. Also, I have a lot of resentment of others who have what I want. I think all those thoughts are bringing me down, but I don't know how to move past them. I'd love any advice on this.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#1026 of 2219 Old 09-19-2012, 08:28 AM
 
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SKJ- The doubt has crept in on my end too, hence the delving into the world of IVF. You are just doing the best you can do everyday. I can understand feeling that you aren't giving enough to your daughter, but your goal is to give her a sibling, which is an amazing gift. I really can only believe you are a great mom/wife/woman to survive and keep going through everthing that has been thrown at you. This process really does suck and hindsight is always 20/20. Of course when it doesn't work we wish we had done things differently but every day is a new opportunity for it to work. I'm not sure how the breaks and things work from doing IUI to taking time off for just acupuncture/herbs. My opinion and only my opinion because it is what I am choosing for myself, is to continue my regular medications (femara, naltrexone, piroxicam, and promethium) and save my money toward IVF. If it works out before then great but if not I don't feel like I've wasted money on something that didn't work, as it is my regular meds only cost me about $80 a month whereas Acupuncture is 75 a week, plus 40 for any herbal consult then another 35-50 for a week of herbs... pricey. It just seems like my money would be better suited being saved toward IVF or if I get pregnant naturally going toward baby stuff. I'm not sure of my AMH so I know for you this plays a factor (are you taking D3 by the way, I just remember indie saying it can disguise itself as low AMH). So I would say if you can try to appeal the IUIs to save money for IVF that is your best bet, then it gives you time to try acupuncture for a few months and see what happens, then you aren't paying for 2 things and using up all your insurance benefits. I'm so sorry your test was negative and still hoping it will come out positive in the next few days. It is funny your good side is my bad side... wanna switch?!

 

On the subject of supportive husbands: What you all have said makes me feel better about how things go around my house. There were so many months my husband just didn't 'get it' and I was left feeling so isolated and sad. Not to say that now he is perfect, I think now just my expectations of success are so low I don't get so upset about it and don't look for that comfort in the same way. They are a different breed though, these men. Mostly now when it is negative he just crawls into bed to snuggle and says he is sorry and doesn't understand why it isn't working, but, it has taken 2 1/2 years to get to this point. I think what indie said is right though, the reminder that he loves me, he wants this to happen, and all of the good qualities can keep you from going after him with a baseball bat. Having everyone here helps immensely...

 

indie- I find it is days 8-12 that are hard because I feel like if it hasn't happened by day 8 I am done for. It is weird how we set these invisable standards and expect that our bodies after all this time will behave how we expect them to! Any sign of impending O? Are you taking OPKs at all? I wouldn't think if you are still getting good EWCM that it would come on CD11, probabably just gearing up! Any side effects from the B6? It always makes me really nauseated if I don't take it at bedtime and sleep through it but I still have no appetite for the days I take it.

 

bebe- Our RE appts are on the same day! Mine is 10/10 at 1pm. I am nervous because  I will be getting AF during vacation that he will make me wait another month to get my CD3 testing done. I really don't want to wait til January. Good luck with the herbs, if you are comfortable taking them at this point because you don't know if you are going to O then go for it. My acupuncturists never tell me anything either (I've been to 3). I hope it didn't interfere with your ovulation... what are they herbs for? To start AF, strengthen your blood/ovaries/uterus? Did they at least tell you that part?

 

AFM- Talked to my insurance this morning and then set up my RE appt for the 10th. I have a $250 copay (up to 1,000 deductible) and the highest my meds will cost is $50 (for each one for 30 day supply) but that is amazing compared to the like 700 I spent on 3 gonal-f pens on my old insurance. So I have a physical set up for next Friday to get my referrals, see NaPro Dr on the 5th, then my RE on the 10th. I am excited and nervous. I am going to take my progesterone an extra day to try and move my cycle back a day or 2 so my AF will be late enough that I can get my bloodwork done on time for the November cycle and get moving for December. So much work for something so far away...

Oh so I've been praying (I pray a lot) and keep feeling like I need some sort of sign from God that he will still love me and my children (I know for some people this seems weird, but seriously, I love God and I love my Church). So last night I'm getting ready for bed and was listening to music and I just scrolled through and picked out Billy Joels Lullaby to try and relax enough to fall asleep. I haven't listened to it in ages and actually it was my sister who downloaded it back 10 years ago when she was in college. The words just went right through me. Anyway, listen to it if you need to but I feel like that was my sign or at least it gave me enough peace to feel like I am doing what I need to for my family.

Time for my Lifeline appt!! Yay!


C + B + 10y together, 5y married, 4y TTC= endometriosis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, recurrent miscarriages
IVF 1/6/13 angel.gif @10w , FET 5/21/13 angel3.gif @7w, IVF 10/11/13 angel.gif @5w, FET 2/2/14 angel.gif @5w
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.
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#1027 of 2219 Old 09-19-2012, 10:45 AM
 
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TF - Thanks for sharing. I feel so close to you ladies. Seriously, without this thread I don't know what I'd do. I hope you can get AF to cooperate with your schedule. And, I'm so excited to hear about how both appointments go. As for the sign, I don't believe in God, but I believe in some sort of power of the mind/body/universe. Does that make me spiritual? I don't know what I am, but I can totally relate to wanting a sign. I think that's amazing to feel what you feel and I"m glad you've been able to keep your faith through this. I just keep thinking of how we all will look back on this time and realize it wasn't so bad. Right? I want us all to get to the other side so bad.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#1028 of 2219 Old 09-19-2012, 01:04 PM
 
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skj - that's great that your acupuncturist is on board with you doing western medicine at the same time! seeing as you do seem to have a lpd, i think acupuncture will be a good investment for you in addition to the other treatment. i try to keep in mind that low amh doesn't mean that we will just randomly run out of eggs one day... just that we may have a longer/harder road getting pregnant. but on my bad days i'm just sure that i'll be ovulating my last egg any day now.  you were so very lucky with your dd and i do think you will end up pregnant before having to move on to IVF. just a hunch i have. and, toothfairy reminds me... have you ever been tested for vitamin d deficiency? as for your dd. she WILL have a sibling. and the good news is that she will be an older sister... so even if it takes longer than you'd like and even if there is more of an age gap than you wanted... she will think her younger sibling is "her" baby and will be out of this world in love. it's going to be ok. we are all going to get to the other side of this! (please remind me that i said this in about a week and a half, k?) i know what you mean about having resentment towards those who have what they want. it's something that i have to work through on a daily basis. i did fine with it at first but as time wore on it became harder and harder. your dh sounds like a great guy. the whole positivity thing is hard to swallow when we are really needing empathy... but i guess it's good to have at least one half of the couple positive at any given moment! :)

 

toothfairy - excited to hear about your appt today. and it sounds like you have all your ducks in a row for next steps! december is so close!! i'm feeling very giddy for you! no noticeable side effects from the b6. i take it spread out throughout the day. my ewcm seems to be better for being on clomid... more about that in my afm. thanks for sharing your experience with your dh. i think you are absolutely right. men = different breed. i think having grown up with my father and two brothers was a good training ground for me. i was my mother's only refuge! i do wish my dh had sisters, though. he grew up in a pretty male dominated environment. but once he figures out what i need he is really good at adapting. i think that's why marriage can be so cool (and humbling). both partners are forced to learn from each other. there is no other relationship on earth that demands that kind of growth and adaptability. i'm definitely a better person for having him in my life. now i must go and listen to billy joel's lullaby. don't think i've heard it before... but what a lovely experience!

 

bebe - i'm so sorry for your missing O! i will confess... i am often jealous of you pco/s girls. i am envious of your ovarian reserve and your overall better chances of pregnancy success. but i am now seeing how hard it is to be on your side of things... it would be exhausting keeping up with bd'ing and never knowing when/if O is going to show up. you have a much longer stretch of stress every cycle. that would definitely be demoralizing. my former acupuncturist wasn't great at explaining things, either. it sounds like we all need to go to skj's acupuncturist. glad you enjoyed your jury duty selection experience... and the long lunch with a friend!

 

afm - well, i *think* i O'd sometime this afternoon. I am having that familiar sore bladder feeling i get with O BUT i also have had ewcm up until about an hour ago. which is VERY unusual for me. it's typically non-existent on O day. it seems to be changing to cloudy/sticky as of my last bathroom trip. i've made it a point to drink green tea yesterday and today so perhaps that in conjunction with the b6 protocol has helped. i know when i drank a lot of green tea while in hong kong i would have crazy amounts of ewcm but i stopped drinking it because of the estrogen/endo connection. but this cycle i figured i would drink it right around O and perhaps that was a good choice. regardless, i'm pleased with having a fair amount of ewcm while on clomid and i'm pleased with ewcm on O day (if, in fact, today is O day). now i just hope last night's bd did the trick!


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Early loss 10/2010. Dx: DOR and Endometriosis.  After 2.5 failed IUIs, Moving on to IVF - EPP/MDL

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#1029 of 2219 Old 09-19-2012, 01:05 PM
 
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oh - and sherry - safe train travels!


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Early loss 10/2010. Dx: DOR and Endometriosis.  After 2.5 failed IUIs, Moving on to IVF - EPP/MDL

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#1030 of 2219 Old 09-19-2012, 01:13 PM
 
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SKJ, I think you do a great job of staying positive! We all need to get our fears out sometimes, ahem -- clearly, by my recent posts! I really do believe it's going to happen for all of us. It's the day-to-day that's hard, but in the end it will be worth it (as long as we all keep our sanity, and this group helps!). I'm so glad you've found a good acupuncturist and that you had a candid conversation with her and that she is so supportive of you. I'm not sure what advice to give on changing thought processes, but I think just voicing your fear and desire to change them is powerful. Giving your daughter a sibling--in whatever timeframe it happens--will be wonderful. I like Toothfairy's ideas about your decision between IUI/acu/IVF. I am leaning towards saving everything for IVF. I feel like I can always go back and do IUI cycles, but I can't do too many IVFs so I want to use my insurance money towards it. Maybe petition for IVF and if it doesn't work out, well, you know you tried everything! I think the hardest part of all this decision making is the fear of regret, so you kind of eliminate that by Toothfairy's plan. Something to think about!

 

Toothfairy: Yay for 10/10! We'll have to give each other the report. Are you going to talk to your RE about IVF specifically, or do you also have other things to discuss? My nurse gave me the requisition for CD3 labs already since it will likely happen before I see him, but what I wish was that I could see him before so I could actually start treatment. DH wants me to wait and do acupuncture all through October, so I'm torn. Anyway, do you think they could just send you the requisition for your labs so they are ready to discuss on the 10th? I seriously don't even know what these herbs are for -- she basically gives me a new formulation every week. I'm going to listen to Lullaby, but I love that you got the answer you needed. What a gift!

 

AFM: Still no O -- what?! Crazy town. Guess I need those ovulatory drugs after all! I'm a little annoyed that acu/herbs hasn't helped even a little. . . I know it's just been a month but you'd think it would move in the right direction, at least by a day or two? I've been having wet CM for like 12 days . . . I wonder if my body keeps trying to O over and over without success?


Bebe (36) & Hubby (36) married since 2010 . . . expecting our first June 15th, 2013! It's a GIRL!

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Bebe - Ugh for no O. Waiting to O can be as hard as the tww. Sorry greensad.gif I would be pissed that the herbs and acu. haven't helped. I know these things take time, but it's so frustrating when you don't see any change. I hope you O soon or at least get to start a new cycle. hug2.gif

AFM - Permission to vent? So, I was doing pretty well yesterday, thanks to all your helpful comments. I decided to ask DD's daycare teacher if she thought my DD was ready for a sibling. She is currently pregnant with her third child and knows about my IF struggles. She said that it will be difficult for her, but the closer in age the better. The older she gets, the harder it will be. I said, Well, I can't go back in time. Then she asked how the IF treatment were going and I said obviously not well since I"m not pg. I said we are taking next month off to travel and she said, oh I think that's good that you will be able to relax and not think about this. That will help. You always here stories about people getting pg when they just relax. UGHHHHHHHH THen she says, well at least you have your DD. That is when I cut the conversation off. I was so hurt. She's pregnant with her third child. It felt awful to hear someone in that position tell me to be happy with the one child I have. I am happy with her, of course! But, I want more children and I want to give her a sibling.

On the bright side, I talked to DD about having a baby brother or sister and she said she wants a baby brother. It felt good to talk to her about it even though she doesn't understand AND I don't want to get her hopes up. Anyways, I feel like her saying that was my sign that things are going to be ok and I can let go of my fears.

I'm 13DPO and BFN this morning so I stopped the crinone. I want AF to show up ASAP so I can move on and not have her around while we are traveling.

Thanks for listening to me, lovely ladies.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#1032 of 2219 Old 09-20-2012, 06:26 PM
 
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indie- glad to hear you are getting some improvements this month on the clomid. I hope that O came in a timely manner and you had good timing! 

 

SKJ- Your daughter is going to be an amazing big sister no matter the age difference, I think the problem with talking to people who aren't infertile is just that they truly don't know what to say so they say cliche things thinking it must be the right thing to say because they've heard other people say similar things. At this point I just try and remind myself people aren't trying to be rude or insensitive, they just don't/cant 'get it' enough to be compassionate. Hopefully you have a nice month off to do traveling and get your sanity back.

 

bebe- It is a really good idea to call and ask them to do my CD3 bloodwork early. It is a big facility and very impersonal so my guess is going to be they will say no because everything is so cookie cutter and God Forbid they make an exception for me. It is pretty cool we have the same appointment day! Mine is at 1pm!! I'll be thinking of you!

 

sherry- hope you had a safe train ride and are enjoying some private time with your husband!

 

shelly- how ya doin? 

 

AFM- So yesterday I did "Lifeline Technique" It was almost like a therapy session but designed with positive affirmations and acknowlegements of where my energy is blocked and getting to the root of why to try and balance the chakras and some other fancy things I've never heard of. I feel like a weight has been lifted, really. I think I would need more than one session to really feel significant progress but it was really interesting, Just getting everything out that I never acknowledge because I am too strong on the outside and I've suppressed everything inside which has muddied up my energy. I got a positive affirmation to read 3 times a day for 3 weeks so maybe that will help too! We are going camping tomorrow so I only had a few minutes to pop in, I have so much to pack still. Meditation class starts tomorrow too, busy weekend! Hope you all have a good one, be back Sunday.


C + B + 10y together, 5y married, 4y TTC= endometriosis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, recurrent miscarriages
IVF 1/6/13 angel.gif @10w , FET 5/21/13 angel3.gif @7w, IVF 10/11/13 angel.gif @5w, FET 2/2/14 angel.gif @5w
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.
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#1033 of 2219 Old 09-20-2012, 07:25 PM
 
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Hi hola.gif

 

Bebe: have you done the opk's? maybe that will help put your mind at ease about O'ing ,, Stupid fertility friend has me O'ing the friday before I had my IUI which is WRONG!! I took my hcg that day UGH ... lol I got frusterated with acupncture also... after 4 months of paying 65 a week in sessions I figured I should have gotten pregnant... so I stopped going, i think I was starting to get stressed out thinking I could be using that money twords meds or saving for ivf .

 

Indie: YAAAY For goodtiming on O day!! that is such a good feeling when all the timing is right with lots of ewcm... it just makes the 2ww so much harder lol

 

SKJ: that Lady sounds like all the people in my life... lol .. they all say count your blessings with the daughters you have blah blah blah... but DH has no children so I say what about my DH? he has no blessings to count and I would like to give him the oppertunity to have at least one blessing to count!! your daughter sounds like a sweety :-) it will happen for you!!

 

Sherry: safe travels and have a good time with the hubby !!

 

Toothfairy: that sounds so awesome... see I would totally be interested in doing something like that!! I love yoga and meditaion.. quiet time and the sounds of soothing... I wish i could do it all day hahhaha Have fun camping!! that sounds fun too

 

Gtree: How are you doing? are you feeling pregnant yet?

 

AFM: I think I did something bad... I hope I didn't jinx myself... here is my story : So this Saturday is DH 20 year class reunion and a mutual friend of ours ( more DH friend than mine) Diana text me today asking if we were going? I told her yes, But I am horrible bloated and broken out so I will be all self consious lol... she was like Oh? are you preggers? and I said well maybe... and she was like did you test? so i told her that we really aren't saying anything yet!! and then she kept asking questions saying hypothetically speaking with each question like "Hypothetically speaking" if you are when are you do? ...... UGH ..... So basically I just let her believe I was pregnant haha partially cause i am all bloated and I would rather people think I'm  pregnant that just all bloated!! I know that is wrong  UGH ... this is the hardest 2 ww I have been having cramping all day today .. Like menstrual type cramping on one side and i am only 5 days past IUI ... i wonder how soon I can poas ... I get my blood test on the first of october. Anyway i have been enjoying time with my oldest DD I have misssed her so much!! she is my bestfriend so its great having her home... She is leaving early Saturday morning though so that will be tough on me greensad.gif ... Then next week I am just going to work my hiney off at work since I took this week off to spend with her.. so My symptoms so far are cramping,sore boobies (nipples mainly) headache , moody... and french fries taste horrible!!  but so far that is all.. i mean I don't reall feel pregnant yet.. I reallly Pray I am praying.gif Well Till next time I wish you all lots of ewcm, O's and lot's of babymaking bd'ing blowkiss.gif


Me (40) dishes.gif    DH (39) geek.gif      DD (21) hearts.gif      DD (13) hippie.gif       2 angel3.gifangel3.gif   ......

 

5 failed IUI's all with clomid and injectables, first IVF failed.. 3 ER none made it to ET, fet scheduled for June 21  

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#1034 of 2219 Old 09-20-2012, 08:21 PM
 
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SKJ, I know, it's hard not to be frustrated that acupuncture can't do its work a bit quicker! If I knew it was going to work, I would relax and be patient, but since I don't know . . . anyway, I'm really sorry for that conversation with the daycare teacher! Ugh, more and more I realize that people who do not suffer with IF just do not get it. I mean, how could they, but it all feels so terribly insensitive.  What I find especially difficult, as in this case, is when people know you are struggling because you've confided in them, and yet they still manage to say the wrong thing again and again. I hope your next cycle just goes perfectly, and you are cute and pregnant in no time!  I'm so glad you got a sign from your daughter! Maybe that's the only thing that was holding you up until now, and next cycle is really the one!! stork-boy.gif

 

Toothfairy, I'll be thinking of you, too! Can't wait to hear how it goes for you and I hope they let you do your CD3 bloodwork early! Lifeline technique sounds amazing! Wow . . . I'm so glad you felt the weight lift! That's so wonderful to hear, and inspiring, too! Enjoy camping this weekend -- hopefully fresh air and some nice long walks will also be a cleansing experience! treehugger.gif

 

Shell,  I have done OPKs, but only the digital ones work for me (and a couple cycles ago I learned that they don't work that well either -- I suppose because of PCOS). Yes, acu and herbs is expensive, and I don't want to do this too long because it could all go towards IVF. Of course, acupuncturists just make you feel crazy for taking fertility meds and stuff, because they think you are screwing up all their good work. It all gets me a bit confused. 5 days past IUI -- what an exciting time! Distract yourself for 6 more days and then test! Hopefully you are prego and then that conversation you had won't matter one bit!

 

AFM: CD30 today -- can you believe it? Can't believe I didn't O already. Oh well, I sort of have developed a new fresh look on things and will try to maintain it. My acupuncturist really wants me to love and have patience for my body and try to focus energy on other things, so I will try. At least for now ;) I had such a crazy day -- I had to "fire" a patient today which was hard, and I was slammed from start to finish. I'm really going to try to do all good things for my body like yoga, meditation, long walks, etc. At least if I end up doing IVF I'll be more zen!


Bebe (36) & Hubby (36) married since 2010 . . . expecting our first June 15th, 2013! It's a GIRL!

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#1035 of 2219 Old 09-21-2012, 12:13 PM
 
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happy friday!

 

skj - thank you, thank you, thank you for the heads up about the visualizing pregnancy meditation. i LOVE it. it is exactly what i've searched for for so long but nothing ever seemed to hit the mark exactly.  i'm sorry about the frustrating interaction with you dd's daycare worker. i do agree with bebe and toothfairy - most people who haven't experienced infertility just don't know how to relate. for so many women, they wanted a child, they had one. they wanted another child, they had one. our experience just doesn't compute. on most days i can see the blessing behind infertility. i don't think there is a greater spiritual exercise (however you choose to define spirituality) than experiencing the unfulfilled longing for a child. i can only imagine how much more in awe we will be when we finally do add to/complete our family because of it.

 

bebe - so so sorry for your delinquent O! love your "zen" plan. 

 

toothfairy - i immediately googled lifeline technique after reading your post. is it expensive? sounds like you would definitely recommend it? it sounds like it is right up my alley :) have so much fun camping!!

 

 goodvibes.gifshell

 

afm - seriously, i can't recommend enough that visualizing pregnancy meditation that skj told us about. go download it! if you get it off of itunes it's only $9. i do feel like i'm having a bit of a breakthrough about some emotional blocks/fears that have been in my way regarding pregnancy/having a baby. it feels good to recognize and acknowledge them. other than that, not much going on. day 5 of my diet. getting to that point where it's starting to feel like my new normal. the first couple of days are always the hardest. but it will continue getting easier from here. it actually feels good to put my mind towards something that i can control and know that i will soon see results from my efforts. if you know what i mean... (and i know you guys do!). i've also suspended my facebook account. i've never done that before and though there have been many times that i wanted to. i figured it would be a good for me to go on a "fast" from it... at least until the political season is over. i wonder how long it will take for me to get out of the habit of obsessively checking it on my phone a million times an hour? :)

 

hope everyone has a lovely weekend!


read.gif(me - 37) trekkie.gif(him - 36)  parenting dog2.gifdog2.gif and cat.gifcat.gifand trying to add a human child to our family.

 

Early loss 10/2010. Dx: DOR and Endometriosis.  After 2.5 failed IUIs, Moving on to IVF - EPP/MDL

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#1036 of 2219 Old 09-21-2012, 12:16 PM
 
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oh and chrissy?? what's going on in your world?

 

gtree? how you doin?

 

sherry... today should be the day, right? bd time!

 

hope everyone is doing well!!


read.gif(me - 37) trekkie.gif(him - 36)  parenting dog2.gifdog2.gif and cat.gifcat.gifand trying to add a human child to our family.

 

Early loss 10/2010. Dx: DOR and Endometriosis.  After 2.5 failed IUIs, Moving on to IVF - EPP/MDL

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#1037 of 2219 Old 09-21-2012, 08:34 PM
 
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I hope everyone is feeling good and getting their groove on. I promise to at least try to get to personals but I'm so exhausted! My one older brother has an issue with kidney stones and I had to take him to the hospital on Wednesday for it. Spent a good portion of the day there. Then on Thursday, while taking him to meet a doctor, my younger brother fell and did something to his wrist so parents took him to the er. We went to visit him and his poor wrist looked awful. He broke something called the "growth plate" in his wrist so he got surgery and he goes Monday for a more permanent cast. He's only 13. Poor kid.

 

Anyhow, today I had to take older brother to hospital for surgery. Thankfully DH was able to take off work to keep ds home with him. I honestly did not see the sense in dragging a 4 year old to the hospital at 5 in the morning. So they removed kidney stone and inserted a stint in there. He goes in Monday to have that removed. The kidney stone was 8mm big and shaped like a football. Doc said "that's pretty darn big". LOL

 

So, been running all over the place the last 3 days and tomorrow I need to meet DH at Wal-mart, after he gets off work, to do grocery shopping. We also was able to squeeze in some nookie. Whew! And I thought Sherry was a busy girl. LOL

 

Oh.On cd16.


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DH - 40
DS - 5 ASD and severe adhd
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#1038 of 2219 Old 09-21-2012, 11:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SKJ2011 View Post

AFM - Permission to vent? So, I was doing pretty well yesterday, thanks to all your helpful comments. I decided to ask DD's daycare teacher if she thought my DD was ready for a sibling. She is currently pregnant with her third child and knows about my IF struggles. She said that it will be difficult for her, but the closer in age the better. The older she gets, the harder it will be. I said, Well, I can't go back in time. Then she asked how the IF treatment were going and I said obviously not well since I"m not pg. I said we are taking next month off to travel and she said, oh I think that's good that you will be able to relax and not think about this. That will help. You always here stories about people getting pg when they just relax. UGHHHHHHHH THen she says, well at least you have your DD. That is when I cut the conversation off. I was so hurt. She's pregnant with her third child. It felt awful to hear someone in that position tell me to be happy with the one child I have. I am happy with her, of course! But, I want more children and I want to give her a sibling...
Thanks for listening to me, lovely ladies.

I totally understand what you are saying! I am in a similar situation, we want one more and I really want a sibling for my DS. Of course I am 1000x grateful for him, but I do hope and pray for one more healthy baby to bless our family.

 

I dropped in to see how everyone is doing, I still lurk and catch up on how all you ladies are doing. I wanted to vent too. We decided to go to a fertility clinic, there is a 2 week wait for an appointment, which I made at the beginning of the month. I had to send in my paperwork a week before my appt. I get a call from the clinic asking why I sent in papers when I wasn't scheduled for an appt. The gal was nice. but they didn't have my in the schedule on the date my appt was set for. They re-scheduled me, but not for another 2 weeks. So basically I have to wait 4 weeks for my appt. Auggggh! I was frustrated they didn't seem to try to fit my in sooner, since it was their mistake. But it wasn't going to help to get rude or pushy, when I need them, more than they need me.


DS ( 9/2010) and TTC #2 fingersx.gif

 

 

 

 

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#1039 of 2219 Old 09-22-2012, 11:31 AM
 
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MsD - Thanks for relating to my situation. I wish neither of us had these feelings, but it helps to know I'm not alone. And GRRRRRR about the RE's office. That is so, so frustrating!

Chrissy - Wow lady, you have been through a lot! I hope everyone in your family is on the mend. What a crazy whirlwind that must have been. Glad you got some alone time with DH though!

Indie - Yay! I'm so happy that you found the meditation helpful. It was hard for me to gauge b/c it's my first guided meditation that's not just about relaxation. I think it seriously has changed my life. It helps tremendously to be able to state your fears in a safe way. I hope this is the ticket for both of us! I like the idea of a facebook fast. I think that will help too. It's so great to hear your positiveity in your post!

Bebe - It sounds like our acupuncturists are on the same page. I do feel that having your mental energy/emotions blocked can play a huge role. I think if you don't have subfertility (as my acupuncturist calls it), then your thoughts and stuff probably don't play much of a role, but if you are like us, they can probably really get in the way. That's just my opinion. Man, I wish I could yell at your ovaries to shape up already. But, I think loving them would be more helpful smile.gif

Gotta go eat lunch Back for more soon...

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#1040 of 2219 Old 09-22-2012, 01:15 PM
 
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UGH, just lost my entire post. So, the short version is Hi to you all!  Bebe, I froze 11 at day 5.  Indie - glad you are taking a FB break.  I have no idea why I read about people I haven't seen in 20 years and know every single thing they are doing. AFM I am sick as a pregnant lady!  morning noon and night sickness.  


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#1041 of 2219 Old 09-23-2012, 01:05 PM
 
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Gtree - Was wondering how you and the twins are. Sucks about being sick but at least you have that symptom. I didn't get any sickness or nausea when I was pg. I was one of the lucky ladies where I had hardly any symptoms. But unlucky as I stressed and worried cause I had no symptoms. Just couldn't win. lol

 

Ms. D - Great to see you! That's crap about the appointment. I'd call just to be safe that you still are on for this appointment.

 

Sherry, SKJ, Bebe, Indie, Shelly, GreenMum, anyone I missed. - What's up with you ladies?!

 

Afm - I am starting the 2ww. I can test as early as October 2nd. UGH!


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#1042 of 2219 Old 09-23-2012, 02:20 PM
 
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Hi everyone!! I have a question... So I am 8 days past iui ... and I have continued to do my opk test until the went negative ... but yesterday i did one (I think i just wanted to pee on something LOL) and i got a smiley face ??? I am so confused... why would i get a positive?? I did another one today and it was negative... I was feeling super pregnant yesterday but today not so much :-(  My boobs are still sore but not like yesterday.. no cramping anymore ... just a twinge of pain here and there... Super vivid dreams. I am still bloated and I feel pressure downstairs but hmmmm that makes me wonder why I got a positive?? has that ever happened to ya'll? I am going to google it!!


Me (40) dishes.gif    DH (39) geek.gif      DD (21) hearts.gif      DD (13) hippie.gif       2 angel3.gifangel3.gif   ......

 

5 failed IUI's all with clomid and injectables, first IVF failed.. 3 ER none made it to ET, fet scheduled for June 21  

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#1043 of 2219 Old 09-23-2012, 04:47 PM
 
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Shell - you are doing OPKs?  When will you do a pregnancy test?  No idea why you would get a pos opk, maybe the trigger showed up? I have no idea.


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#1044 of 2219 Old 09-23-2012, 05:04 PM
 
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Indie, I downloaded the meditation but haven't started yet. Your post about it makes me excited!

 

Chrissy, sorry to hear about all the family health issues! Hope everyone is on the upswing and you have been able to have a nice weekend, and glad you were able to "sneak in some nookie!" hee hee. Good luck with the 2WW! Fingers (and toes!) crossed for you!

 

Dolphin, sorry to hear about your RE appt! That would be so frustrating! You'd think they would have been able to get you in quicker like you said . . . hopefully they give you a nice long appt to make up for it! ;) I hope it goes well and can't wait to hear about it.

 

Gtree, sick is a good thing! I've always heard the sicker you are, the stronger your pregnancy. That is awesome about the frozen embies, too! You go girl - you are an inspiration!

 

Shell, I haven't ever tested out my Ovidrel until negative, but maybe your urine was more concentrated when you got the positive? Or maybe for a much more exciting reason! :)

 

AFM, according to FF I'm DPO4, but I don't know. I've had some wonky temps, so I think I may have just goofed. We'll see what my temp looks like tomorrow and if it looks like I O'd. I started some new herbs, and they make me sicker than a dog. Made me think of you and your experience Toothfairy! Ugh, they were the expensive ones too, and I just don't think I'm going to be able to keep doing them (lots of diarrhea and nausea - sorry, TMI!). Excited for our RE appt on 10/10. :)


Bebe (36) & Hubby (36) married since 2010 . . . expecting our first June 15th, 2013! It's a GIRL!

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#1045 of 2219 Old 09-23-2012, 05:31 PM
 
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I'm going for my blood test on Oct 1st... But i plan on testing wednesday or Thursday :-)


Me (40) dishes.gif    DH (39) geek.gif      DD (21) hearts.gif      DD (13) hippie.gif       2 angel3.gifangel3.gif   ......

 

5 failed IUI's all with clomid and injectables, first IVF failed.. 3 ER none made it to ET, fet scheduled for June 21  

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#1046 of 2219 Old 09-23-2012, 05:57 PM
 
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Gtree - I just noticed your signature. Congratz! joy.gif


DS ( 9/2010) and TTC #2 fingersx.gif

 

 

 

 

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#1047 of 2219 Old 09-24-2012, 07:58 AM
 
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Gtree - Yay for m/s! I mean, yuck, but yay for having some pregger symptoms!

Shell - Hmm. I know an OPK can be positive when you are pregnant. Did you test b/t your trigger shot and this OPK? If not, I would guess that the OPK was + b/c the trigger was still around and then it went out of your system. Otherwise, I've got no idea. I hope you get a BFP in the next week!

Bebe - I hope FF is right and you did O. Sorry the herbs are not being nice to you! Who knew they could be so powerful? I hope your acupuncturist can get you on a better formula.

Chrissy - Good luck for this tww!

AFM - Nothing much going on. I'm on CD 3. I really feel like I made a breakthrough last week though. I feel this weight lifted off my shoulders and a new found confidence that I will get pregnant, just not on my schedule. My new mantra is "My time will come and it will be perfect." i've been saying that whenever I feel any doubt or I see a pregnant woman smile.gif

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#1048 of 2219 Old 09-24-2012, 09:16 AM
 
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gtree - so happy the twins are making you sick! (you know what i mean!) i know it can't be fun but i'm sure you appreciate the reminder that you are carrying two bambinos!

 

chrissy - wow, you have had a LOT going on! i'm so hopeful that you will get your sticky bfp this cycle!

 

shell - i am so hoping the positive opk means that you are preggo and the negative one just means your urine wasn't concentrated enough! please update us!

 

bebe - ick about the herbs. i don't know if i'd be able to keep that up. i had to give up the wheatgrass because it started making me sick. hope you enjoy the meditation as much as i am!

 

sherry - mission accomplished?

 

skj - i love your mantra! going to steal it for myself! so happy to hear that you are on the upswing!

 

afm - 5dpo. i'm feeling pretty good these days. my goal this cycle is to keep up with my diet (day 8 today!) and to try to keep this happy vibe going even through the end of my cycle. my ivf consult will be on 14dpo so i think that will help minimize disappointment by knowing that i am "doing something". i'm enjoying my facebook fast far more than i thought i would. at first i found myself habitually hitting the app on my phone where the fb app used to be... funny how compulsive i can be. i'm sure i'll start to feel out of the loop eventually but for now i'm enjoying the extra space in my head that is usually filled with knowing too much about other people's lives :)

 

happy monday!


read.gif(me - 37) trekkie.gif(him - 36)  parenting dog2.gifdog2.gif and cat.gifcat.gifand trying to add a human child to our family.

 

Early loss 10/2010. Dx: DOR and Endometriosis.  After 2.5 failed IUIs, Moving on to IVF - EPP/MDL

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#1049 of 2219 Old 09-24-2012, 10:13 AM
 
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Indie - I have a really good feeling about things for you right now. Not sure exactly what that means, but I just have this feeling everything is going to work out great for you.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#1050 of 2219 Old 09-24-2012, 11:30 AM
 
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its my Birthday :-( UGH I am officially 40 today !! .... update so far my temps are really high STILL!!! that is odd for me cause my cycle has only been running 24 days... well today is day 24 and my temp is 98.30 and no pink when I wipe... Boobies sore and nipples tender... I am bloated!! I look pregnant( mild OHSS) and i have a heavy feeling in my abdomen ... hard to explain, Super vivid dreams also... I keep telling myself that its the prometrium ... I am getting excited though ... I really hope I met my goal of being pregnant before 40 !! lol

 

Indie: I love your attitude!! stay positive!! I am so excited for your ivf consult I want to hear all about it ( as we both are in the same boat , as far as egg reserve goes)

 

SKJ; I know your time will come!! Great attitude I love alll the positivity going on!!

 

Bebe: sorry about the Herbs :-(  I am excited about your RE appointment too!!! My temps have been wonky also :-/

 

Gtree: I hope I am sick when I am pregnant LOL silly Huh?

 

Chrissy : you and sherry are such busy ladies... I just couldnt do it!! lol I need my downtime everyday and it sounds like you dont have any... well at least that will make the 2 ww go fast :-)

 

Dolphin: that would be so frusterating.. Sorry they did that too you !!

 

Sorry For the short personals ... I am at work today lol


Me (40) dishes.gif    DH (39) geek.gif      DD (21) hearts.gif      DD (13) hippie.gif       2 angel3.gifangel3.gif   ......

 

5 failed IUI's all with clomid and injectables, first IVF failed.. 3 ER none made it to ET, fet scheduled for June 21  

* * * 4 * * * 8 * * * 12 * * * 16 stork-boy.gif* * 20 * * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * * * 36 * * * 40

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