A Saner 2ww: Thunder Moon - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 126 Old 06-29-2012, 09:23 AM
 
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Hi ladies,

  I've been stalking you all for a while now :)  I decided to join since I'm currently obsessing about testing and all things pregnant! I'm currently 9 dpo with fingers crossed.  We've been trying to conceive for 8 months and haven't had a bfp yet. Stood there in Walmart last night staring at clear blue easy, lol.  I finally moved past without a purchase.  Today I think I will be swimming. We have the use of a friends pool so I might just take advantage.....

 

Cultivate Peace  grouphug.gif


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#62 of 126 Old 06-30-2012, 01:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow--once again the thread is going so strong I've lost track of where everybody is! :) I have read all the posts, though, and it is beautiful what's going on here. So much encouragement and idea-sharing. I love it.

 

I found out about the job: I got it. I have this deep, deep sense of peace and RELIEF. We have a new place to live and I have a job that will be able to help support us, and well. We've waited for this for a really long time. Now when/if I do get pregnant, there will be a more solid foundation. That's huge.

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#63 of 126 Old 06-30-2012, 02:15 PM
 
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zenquaker: joy.gifcongrats on the job! It must feel like the universe is aligning and creating space for you and a little one!

 

AFM: I can't not read into the symptoms though they are familiar, i.e. AF on the way symptoms... Maybe, I guess it ain't over till it's over, right?


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#64 of 126 Old 06-30-2012, 05:43 PM
 
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Congrats, Zenquaker! So happy for you! Good luck with your new job. I hope you can do something for yourself to celebrate.

 

AFM - Not sane right now at all. Had what I think is a very faint positive this morning. Dh says he can't see it which makes me feel kinda bad. (Come tell me what you think if you feel like obsessing. I posted a scanned pic on The One Thread.) I also started spotting a little yesterday, but no cramping. So.... I'm waiting and seeing. Sitting in bed right now with tea willing little bean to stick (if bean is there at all). This month I gave up on charting and really taking care of myself in favor of a more relaxed attitude to help facilitate bding. Lots of bding took place, but now with the spotting I'm starting to feel as though I failed in a whole new way. Ugh. The good news is that dh is watching Le Tour on TV for the next two hours which means I have the house to myself. May try to watch a movie to get my mind off things.

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#65 of 126 Old 06-30-2012, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hang in there, Clumsy. Be not-sane if you need to be. You will KNOW for sure in a few days, or hopefully sooner. I know that the end of my 2ww seems to go so slowly, esp. as I usually spot. I have no good advice, just solidarity!

 

This week I had my second visit with the RE. If I don't get pregnant this cycle we're going to look at the next round of testing for me. I am not feeling one way or the other about it--just waiting and seeing. Wait and see, wait and see . . .

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#66 of 126 Old 06-30-2012, 09:27 PM
 
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Zenquaker - Congrats on the job! It's so wonderful that it feels like such a relief :)

 

CSP - hope it all works out for you and that faint line turns into a bright line!

 

AFM: AF finally came and I was so happy to see her because it meant all that nausea and heartburn stuff was finally gone. And the last few days of the 2WW were just so insane that I was happy to know that my sanity would be restored.

 

About the acupuncture - I am excited to start getting it regularly and see if I can help my cycle/progesteron. My neighbor owns an acupuncture place that offers "community" acupuncture which is way cheaper - I think about $25 each time. There is one communal room with lazy-boy chairs and people relax in there with their needles in - it's quiet and dimly lit. It can be cheaper because they aren't having to hold up a single room for 30 minutes at a time. I've never done it this way before, but the price is right and hey, we're all alone when we shut our eyes, right?!

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#67 of 126 Old 07-01-2012, 08:04 PM
 
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Thanks, Happy2bamama! I tested again today and it's much clearer! I posted in the One Thread too, but am posting again here. Everybody, please cross your fingers for me. I'm going to try to get a blood test tomorrow to see if my levels are doubling. So scared about a m/c after last year's early loss and my spotting yesterday. PS- since I doubled my progesterone dosage yesterday spotting has stopped. 

 

Okay, time to breathe. How can I make myself relax and get through tonight?.... Take care of someone besides myself for a few minutes. Even though I might be creating life, the world is bigger than my uterus. 

 

Good night, friends.

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#68 of 126 Old 07-01-2012, 09:08 PM
 
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Congrats again, Clumsy! AFM: I'm back to the start, day one today... Doctor's appointment next week to start trying to get some answers. Will probably be hanging out here while waiting to O since it does help keep me sane. The 2WW almost seems like a cakewalk compared to my very loooong wait before O.

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#69 of 126 Old 07-02-2012, 08:03 AM
 
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zenQ - Super congrats on the job! It totally sounds like all your ducks are getting in a row. So hoping that a BFP will be the icing on the good news cake! joy.gif

Clumsy - Congrats!!! I had 6 days of spotting when I got pg with my DD. It was so scary, but everything ended up ok. I also had basically no spotting with my m/c. So, I've decided that spotting means nothing. Also, acupuncture can really help with spotting and the first trimester. With my m/c, I had one day of spotting and then had moxa done and it was all gone, never to return. Hoping all the best for you and your little bean!

happy - sorry about AF hug.gif. Glad you are out of limbo though. And yay for acupuncture. I go once a week to a community acupuncture place and absolutely love it. Not sure how much it's helping my fertility, but it's def. helping my mental space.

AFM - I'm 3DPO. Had excellent timing and my cycle is behaving well. I've been doing restoring fertility yoga everyday. My intention each time has been to trust. I've done what's in my control and now I'm going to just let be whatever will be.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#70 of 126 Old 07-02-2012, 09:16 AM
 
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SKJ - I've heard about that yoga program.  I thought about trying it.  How do you like it?  I take yoga classes, but it's not focused on fertility.

 

zenquaker - Congratulations on the job!  It certainly does seem like the universe is creating space for you to grow your family.  I hope the RE can provide some clarity if need be.

sugarplum - Congratulations!  joy.gif  Sounds like things are progressing well!  I understand your nervousness.  Sending sticky bean vibes your way.  Just try to breathe and get through one day at a time.

 

happy - Glad you are feeling like you are in a good place again.  Acupuncture sounds great.  Enjoy your alone time!

 

justjenny-  Good luck to you and congrats on being strong at Wal-Mart and not buying more tests!  That is not always easy to do.

 

dakipode - I'm sorry that you have to start a new cycle but I'm glad that you will be going to the Dr this week.  I hope you learn some new information that can give you some clarity and direction.  This part of the cycle is like a TWW too.  Waiting to O is a productive time where our actions make a big difference.  The other TWW is more about patiently waiting because the work has been done.  I hope this is a productive time for you.

 

AFM - My cycle has started again too so my TWW is over.  I am feeling ok about it now, preparing for the future.  I had my freak out and cry a few days ago when I realized what was coming.  My wife was out of town taking care of her mother who just had surgery.  After I talked with her I felt much better.  She's such great support through all this.  I know she was sad too, but she always tries to stay positive for both of us.  This week we are going to see the social worker at the RE's office for a talk.  I think it will help to talk to someone else about all of this.  We never thought it would be this difficult.  I hope everyone has a good, relaxing holiday week.




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#71 of 126 Old 07-03-2012, 10:44 AM
 
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pokey, thanks for your kind words. I hope you're doing well today.

 

AFM: I guess I'll be getting that haircut soon.

I have a hard time making the distinction between being kind to myself/taking it easy, and being apathetic and lazy. I get a little depressed and it's tempting to just let that become all consuming, wallowing in self pity. Then I think if I work, work, work I'll be distracted and I won't have to think about being sad, and then I get so tired afterwards anyway, which brings on the sadness.

I found out a dear friend is due in November, she just told me, and I felt sad at the fact that we hadn't talked about our journeys, shared our fears and joys, disappointments and successes.

I guess I'm not doing a great job at not obsessing today, it's about all I can think about. I know I have to let myself experience all these feelings and not suppress them and I'm just glad I can share them with you all.


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#72 of 126 Old 07-04-2012, 12:48 AM
 
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ClumsySugarPlum: Congratulations! Wishing you a happy, healthy, peaceful, sane pregnancy.

 

I've been meditating on this passage:

 

"The peace in my heart matches the peace at the heart of nature. No longer am I a feverish fragment of life; I am indivisible from the whole. I live completely in the present, released from the prison of the past with its haunting memories and vain regrets, released from the prison of the future with its tantalizing hopes and tormenting fears. All the enormous capacities formerly trapped in past and future flow to me here and now, concentrated in the hollow of my palm."

 

This is how I want to learn to live. I want to be happy and content here and now, and not only when I see two pink lines on some future test. I'm grateful to ttc for affording this training to my mind. Really, nothing else in life has that pull and charge to really put you through the wringer of anticipation. To be able to work through this and achieve balance - to ttc and still live in freedom - it is training worthy of a warrior!

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#73 of 126 Old 07-04-2012, 08:35 AM
 
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keeptryst, your passage reminds me of something I recently said to a friend: "I'm afraid of having too much hope and not enough faith." Too much anticipation of the future and not enough living in the present.

 

I have so much to be grateful for. There are many things in my life that are going well, going my way, and I haven't taken enough time to acknowledge them. I'm thinking of starting a daily gratefulness practice. Would anyone be interested in joining me and if so do you think I should start a thread?


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#74 of 126 Old 07-04-2012, 01:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Keeptryst, what a beautiful meditation. I really needed that!

 

I am fertile during the full Thunder Moon :)

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#75 of 126 Old 07-04-2012, 09:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dakipode View Post

keeptryst, your passage reminds me of something I recently said to a friend: "I'm afraid of having too much hope and not enough faith." Too much anticipation of the future and not enough living in the present.

 

I have so much to be grateful for. There are many things in my life that are going well, going my way, and I haven't taken enough time to acknowledge them. I'm thinking of starting a daily gratefulness practice. Would anyone be interested in joining me and if so do you think I should start a thread?

 

Good idea, dakipode. Try it and see. Sure to be helpful anytime we get an opportunity to switch channels from obssessing about the nitty gritties to gratitude.

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#76 of 126 Old 07-05-2012, 07:27 AM
 
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Pokey - The yoga is VERY different than typical yoga. Basically, the clinic that developed the DVD had been giving patients different exercises to do during different times of their cycles. They wanted to make something available to the public, so they incorporated the exercises into a yoga practice. A lot of it is familiar - like down dog and plank, but there is a lot of "different" poses and sequences. For example, putting your fingertips on your shoulders and twisting back and forth from the waist. I really like it because it makes me feel like I'm doing something, but getting to relax about the process at the same time. You are supposed to do the DVD everyday. There is a practice for the menstrual phase, follicular phase, ovulatory "phase" and luteal phase. Each one is 30-40 mins. This is the first month i've been doing it religiously. I started a few days after AF, so we'll see.

Good luck with the social worker. That's great that you have that option.

dakipode - I've been trying to focus on gratitude too. I'd participate in your thread smile.gif I had a similar situation to you recently. I found out my DD's teacher is preggers with #3. It felt like I got kicked in the gut. It's strange b/c I had been looking at her stomach in recent weeks to be in the know. But, then I had stopped doing that as a way to be less obsessed. So, when she told me, I was totally blindsided. Somehow, I didn't cry. It was the first pregnancy announcement that I got over without crying. I did have a moment of thinking that I'd have a 3 month old when she is due if I hadn't had a m/c. I'm trying to focus on being happy for her, b/c this is about her, not me.

keeptryst - Thanks for sharing that passage. I wish too that I could be more present in the moment and less living in the future. In a way, we are the "lucky" ones in the TTC process b/c unlike those who are successful right away, we get to grow and learn to be patient and kind to ourselves.

zen - May the thunder moon bring you what you wish for.

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#77 of 126 Old 07-05-2012, 08:30 AM
 
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dakipode - I like what you said about having too much hope and not enough faith.  I'm going to think about that one.  There is a difference.  I haven't been focusing on having faith very much. 

 

skj2011-- Thanks for the info on the yoga.  That does sound kind of fun.

 

Sending fertile thoughts to everyone!




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#78 of 126 Old 07-05-2012, 08:32 AM
 
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Alright, I started a thread titled "practicing gratitude", I don't know how to link it here but should be fairly recent in the TTC forum.

 

AFM: was able to scoot up the appt with my GP for later today. Initial visit to address cycle issues, I'm hoping to get a handle on this sooner rather than later, she'll probably refer me to an OBGYN, I'm slightly ashamed to admit I haven't seen one in... I don't even know how long...

 

Have a great week everyone!


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#79 of 126 Old 07-05-2012, 09:58 AM
 
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#80 of 126 Old 07-05-2012, 07:07 PM
 
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Hi, all. I heard back about my blood work today. My quants more than doubled and my progesterone looks good, so I think I will head over to to the March DDC. Good luck to everyone. I may peek in here from time to time because I really enjoyed this group, and have found your wisdom to be a breath of fresh air. 

 

Take care everyone! 

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#81 of 126 Old 07-05-2012, 08:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So happy for you, ClumsySugarPlum! I wish for you a nice, boring pregnancy!

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#82 of 126 Old 07-05-2012, 08:42 PM
 
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Great news!!! Congrats and thanks for your help, CSP love.gif

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#83 of 126 Old 07-06-2012, 06:07 AM
 
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happy2bamama, thanks for putting up the link!

 

ClumsySugarPlum, I wish you all the best for this pregnancy.

 

AFM: seeing my PCP yesterday felt great, like I took charge and was being proactive. I also got some stuff done at work, things I'd been needing to address, just had a productive day yesterday, one where I was much more in touch with "the flow". I'm back to feeling positive about TTC this month, taking my supplements, treating myself well, staying hopeful and at the same time feeling good that I got the ball rolling in trying to address my cycle issues.


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#84 of 126 Old 07-06-2012, 06:20 AM
 
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On a totally unrelated note: I dreamed last night that I was entering an area, that was also a certain time of the year, that was called "Traveler Moon" but traveler wasn't exactly the right translation. The original word, which I understood in my dream, also meant wise old man, hermit, wanderer.

Just a thought.


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#85 of 126 Old 07-06-2012, 01:15 PM
 
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Hi Ladies. I've had a rough 2 days. I saw the RE for my follow-up and things aren't looking good. My Antral Follicle Count was low (7) and my estrogen was high (75). He diagnosed declining ovarian reserves and recommended we go straight to IVF. I wasn't ready for that at all.

I've done a ton of reading and speaking with friends who have gone down similar paths and of course there is no "right" answer on what to do. I feel like this TWW might be my last natural try and that adds a lot of pressure.

I did find this blog post from an RE in Canada, which made me more hopeful:

"Actually, if you are trying to get pregnant naturally, ovarian reserve doesn’t matter too much. After all, up until menopause, your body will generally find 1 egg a month from the pool to mature and ovulate. I’m not saying ovarian reserve doesn’t matter with natural cycles at all, but, we have all seen natural conceptions in women who have very low reserves."

I'm trying my best to stay positive and trust that my body can (and will) do this.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#86 of 126 Old 07-07-2012, 12:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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SKJ, I'm so sorry about the news you received. I hope you have a successful cycle, and if not, that you get some clarity on how to proceed.

 

dakipode, I'm glad you're feeling more positive! What a cool dream. If you end up successfully conceiving, you should find a name with a meaning close to that.

 


AFM, I'm having fun buying professional clothes and waiting for my new job to start. That's an excellent distraction, and also keeps ttc in perspective: I have other exciting things going on in my life!

 

I just O'ed yesterday so now I'm officially in my 2ww and plan to be on this board often! My project this cycle is to find a way to more calmly live through the second week of the wait. So far this is my hardest time and it sounds like it is for others, too. Any words of wisdom or ideas are welcome!

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#87 of 126 Old 07-08-2012, 08:53 PM
 
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Hi All,

I'm back from my vacation. A busy and enjoyable vacation is the perfect solution to making the 2WW pass with alarming speed!! lol.gif

If I don't get AF tomorrow, I think I will have missed her. However, due to my latest chemical pregnancy, I've decided I am not going to test until I am at least 4 days past missing AF. I just don't want the stress of seeing a positive turn to bleeding, if it were to happen again.

I'm so appreciative of this thread. It is really helping me to let go of the outcome of the 2WW and to stay more in the moment. I feel so much better this cycle than the previous two. namaste.gif

It looks like I have a lot to catch up on. Congrats to clumsy sugar plum. I hope you have a happy and healthy 40 weeks! joy.gif

zenq, welcome back to the 2WW and super major congrats on your job. joy.gif
is it in academia?

skj, i am so sorry about the news you received. hug.gif to you while you process the news and decide on the next direction. thanks for the yoga scoop.

daki, great dream! and i'm so glad to hear the meeting with you PCP went well.

pokey, i'm a serious fan of getting counseling! i consider it a tune-up for the mind and soul. i hope the social worker you talk with helps you to feel centered. so glad your wife is your rock.

keeptryst,

you wrote:

"The peace in my heart matches the peace at the heart of nature. No longer am I a feverish fragment of life; I am indivisible from the whole. I live completely in the present, released from the prison of the past with its haunting memories and vain regrets, released from the prison of the future with its tantalizing hopes and tormenting fears. All the enormous capacities formerly trapped in past and future flow to me here and now, concentrated in the hollow of my palm."

This is how I want to learn to live. I want to be happy and content here and now, and not only when I see two pink lines on some future test. I'm grateful to ttc for affording this training to my mind. Really, nothing else in life has that pull and charge to really put you through the wringer of anticipation. To be able to work through this and achieve balance - to ttc and still live in freedom - it is training worthy of a warrior!"

love this so much! ttc is training worthy of a warrior, indeed. (too bad their isn't a samurai emoticon). my dh has noticed how much calmer i am this cycle than previous cycles, and i think the key has been staying in the moment (to the best of my ability).

much love to all i may have missed hola.gif

Dreamer, writer, wife, and mom to little guy baby.gif & my spirit babe candle.gif 

namaste.gif treehugger.gif goorganic.jpg whale.gifdog2.gifcat.gif

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#88 of 126 Old 07-08-2012, 09:31 PM
 
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Hi Writinglove,

 

It's so inspirational to hear stories of the 2WW being mellow - way to go! :) Now I just have to book a vacation every month! I am with you about testing 4 days after AF is missing. I had a chemical pregnancy once and luckily, I was bleeding before I got the faint BFP, so I didn't get too attached to it, but that can be hard for sure.

 

What you said about staying in the moment really resonated with me, as I have been practicing this of late. In another post, someone said something about how they were going to stop analyzing everything. I have really started to see how much the analyzing is taking me out of the moment. If I'm thinking about the why and what if and all of that, I am not here right now enjoying what's in front of me. One of my fertility mentors said to me the other day, "You need to think less." I have really been taking it to heart and allowing myself to just be. I started acupuncture the other day and my acupuncturist (who is also a friend) was like, "I know you and it might be hard for you to just sit and be for 30-45 minutes, but do the best you can." I was actually okay at it! I allowed myself not to think and analyze why the needles were in certain parts and what might be happening, etc., but just sort of zone out and enjoy this time where I have no responsibilities and can just literally be. Honestly, I'm feeling profound shifts from it and I'm starting to do it throughout the day. The more that I practice this whole living in the moment thing, the more content I am right where I am because all I have is this moment right NOW. A baby would be a cherry on top, but in this moment, I have a lot and I can have no more and no little.

 

 

Now, let's see if I can keep this frame of mind during the 2WW - ha! I'm about ready to ovulate and this is a time where I am usually hopeful and mellow, so we shall see if it can carry onto the 2WW.

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#89 of 126 Old 07-08-2012, 10:25 PM
 
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Hello ladies,

Thank you all for providing this positive space. I've been struggling the past couple of days, incessant mental chatter (mostly negative), feeling isolated, not communicating well with DH. This place helps me reconnect and regain some perspective.

 

writinglove, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

 

zenquaker: yes, professional clothes! It makes it a little more "real", doesn't it? I loved shopping but I hated actually wearing them. Nowadays I have no use for them anymore and I actually enjoy "dressing up" on the weekends, which for me means wearing jeans instead of gym clothes!

 

SKJ: keep your chin up! Sending you my moral support.

 

happy2b: I'm so with you. I am familiar with the "analysis paralysis". Trying to dissect every possible scenario of every possibility... If only there was a switch in my head that would turn my brain off, would stop the chatter as well. Ok, that makes it sound like I'm crazy. But then, if I said all those things out loud to myself that are going on in my head people would truly think I'm crazy. No sane person is that hard on themselves, that negative. Sounds like you're finding way to create more presence though.

 

AFM: I think I need to practice catching myself and deliberately saying "STOP!", take a deep breath, observe where I am, connect with the present and then go on with my day. I've let the little monster in my head affect me way too much the past couple of days and it's time for me to take control again.


Now that I am a mom I no longer have time for knit.gif,teapot2.GIF,read.gif
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#90 of 126 Old 07-09-2012, 01:17 AM
 
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Well into the tww, and the pace is mellow and laidback. Somehow I don't have much hope this cycle, so it feels good to just cruise along and not be intent on arriving :) I've been ttc so long that I don't know if it'll ever happen, and if it doesn't, I've grown to be quite ok with that. Perfectly willing to give the universe the prerogative on this one. Like that quote goes, "For all that has been — thanks. For all that shall be — yes."

 

Here's a beautiful meditation exercise I came across that you ladies might enjoy: http://www.onbeing.org/blog/lovingkindness-metta-meditation-sylvia-boorstein/2599

 

happy - Sounds like you are in a good place...glad the acu is helping on so many levels.

 

writinglove - Welcome back, love the insights you share too. It looks likely we are going on vacation the week before my period's due, so I'm glad to be taking a page out of your book there.

 

skj - You're still ovulating one egg per month, right? That's all it takes. Wishing you all the luck to catch it and grow a baby.

 

dakipode - Just being aware of the chatter in your head is already a step into freedom. Interesting dream, btw! 

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