A Saner 2ww: Thunder Moon - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 126 Old 06-19-2012, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome, everyone! This is a continuation of the "Sane 2ww" thread. We will start a new thread each new moon and name it for the upcoming full moon.

 

If you're new here, you can read a little of our original thread. If you don't have time, here's the gist of it: this is a space to re-conceive the 2ww as a time of waiting and contemplation. Although we don't judge those who wish to poas frequently, symptom-spot, or do chart analysis, this a space set apart from that activity. We share our thoughts about other ways to approach the 2ww and all parts of our cycles. We encourage each other to feel our feelings fully and to greet all possible outcomes with openness.

 

We hope you'll join us!

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#2 of 126 Old 06-19-2012, 08:10 PM
 
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Wow, I've missed a lot.

 

First of all, a big congratulations and well wishes to brambleberry!

 

I've deliberately been keeping my distance from the boards to try to stay sane while waiting to O. I know that's not the subject of this thread but I'm starting to feel like my waiting to O could use just as much sanity, if you catch my drift. I think I'm finally about to, I'm on CD27 today, expect to O in a couple of days or so. Been feeling discouraged about my consistently delayed ovulation and speculating about what it may or may not mean...

On the other hand DH and I have been making an effort to connect emotionally when DTD rather than focusing on getting the sperm in me at the right time... So it feels good to keep that in mind, that we used to have other reasons besides TTC to DTD.

 

And ladies, I totally get that, about the journey and the goal. I get so caught up in the end result that it's easy to dismiss the process.

 

Loving this idea of naming the threads for the moons!

 

Have a happy week everyone!


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#3 of 126 Old 06-19-2012, 08:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Nice to have you back, dakipode! And while I missed you, I'm glad that stepping away helped with your ability to stay sane.

 

I'm trying to stay sane while I wait to hear about the results of the big job interview. Just waiting to get my life in order! We also found a new, wonderful place to rent that is in a more peaceful setting than our current place, and full of life and history. So that's a start!

 

I am, as of today, out of my 2ww, and not with the results I had hoped. I am focusing on other goals in my life, but I am sorely disappointed.

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#4 of 126 Old 06-20-2012, 08:54 AM
 
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good luck to you as you wait to hear back on the new job, ZenQ, and I'm glad you are finding peace in other aspects of life. Having a place that feels like home can make such a difference in one's whole outlook on life so I wish you the best as you move!  Also thanks for the moons idea. I'm looking forward to Harvest Moon since it reminds me of the Neil Young song!
 

Dakipode, welcome back and best of luck to you this month. I too am having trouble finding a balance between obsessing (e.g. frequenting the MDC forums) and peacefully accepting wherever I am at ... the sands of time slip through my fingers. DH and I were stuck in a BD rut a few months ago, and I think practicing releasing my attachments to temperatures, symptoms, etc has let us regain more spontaneity and emotional connection as we are both able to just let our thoughts go for a few minutes and remind ourselves of the joys in life and how thankful we are for one another in the first place.


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#5 of 126 Old 06-20-2012, 09:55 AM
 
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zenquaker - I'm sorry you were disappointed this month.  I hope the new cycle brings great things.  Congrats on the new home and good luck on the new job!  Thanks for starting the new thread.

 

dakipode and kimble - It sounds like you are both in a good place.  Enjoy!

 

I'm in the middle of my tww and feeling fine.  I woke up last night and started worrying about some things I need to take care of, but I was tried to not think about it and I got back to sleep.  I'm looking forward to yoga this weekend and maybe a pedicure.  There is an Adam Lambert concert in Golden Gate Park this weekend, and I am thinking about going.  It's always nice to be in the park and feel like you've been transported to a place that is not in the middle of a big city.




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#6 of 126 Old 06-20-2012, 02:09 PM
 
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hello all,

ovulation is pending in the next few days, and i find myself trying to push time. hurry up, already. what is progress, however, is that i am noticing that i am doing it, pausing, and resetting.

i've been reading a lot of birth stories lately. i feel more in the TTC zone than i have in the 2 months prior. i'm feeling particularly inspired by UC stories -- a choice that i don't plan to make, but inspiring nonetheless. i think what i like about the UC stories is the inherent faith in their bodies the women who choose to do it typically exude (i know it isn't always the case). so now it is my time to have faith my body will ovulate in due time, when the time is right.
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#7 of 126 Old 06-20-2012, 02:09 PM
 
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On the other hand DH and I have been making an effort to connect emotionally when DTD rather than focusing on getting the sperm in me at the right time... So it feels good to keep that in mind, that we used to have other reasons besides TTC to DTD.

 

And ladies, I totally get that, about the journey and the goal. I get so caught up in the end result that it's easy to dismiss the process.

 

dakipode - I totally hear you on this one. DH & I (mostly me seeing DH isn't too concerned about timing) and also trying to reconnect with each other instead of thinking of it as a process. I have to say that this month has been much better in that department as far as the emotional connection while dtd (instead of doing it with a purpose). It actually makes me very happy and peaceful to think that if we did conceive this month, that is was from love and not just due to timing. Gosh, that sounds so horrible, but that's how I feel sometimes when bd'ing is purely happening due to what my chart says. The idea of a baby being conceived out of love is really how if should be (and yes, I know that we all love our DPs, even when TTC, but I know that personally I get caught up in the end result rather than the specialness of the present).

 

AFM - still hanging in there as a patient woman in the TWW. Such a strange place for me. I went to a Q&A session today for women who are considering going into midwifery. The one focused on the direct-entry route, but nurse-midwifery was also discussed. It was exciting! Even more so know that it's a long process that I can bend to make work with my situation at the moment. And, the idea of having a homebirth for this one is resonating even more than before (DS was born in a stand-alone birth center with a wonderful CNM, but I think I want to be home for #2). It's a lot to think about, and there's no rush. If nothing else, something more to keep my mind off this TWW. 

 

Happy hump day to everyone else. And happy Summer Solstice!


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#8 of 126 Old 06-21-2012, 06:43 AM
 
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It actually makes me very happy and peaceful to think that if we did conceive this month, that is was from love and not just due to timing. Gosh, that sounds so horrible, but that's how I feel sometimes when bd'ing is purely happening due to what my chart says. The idea of a baby being conceived out of love is really how if should be (and yes, I know that we all love our DPs, even when TTC, but I know that personally I get caught up in the end result rather than the specialness of the present).

AHAHAHA, yes, that! I told DH a few months ago it wasn't "just" going to happen if I didn't track anything and we just relied on my sex drive (which is close to non existent). So while there is some timing involved I do agree that it's nice to think that this cycle's baby, if one was conceived, might also be a love child, so to speak.

 

AFM: YAY, I finally ovulated! This is the most excited I've ever been to start my 2WW! I'm considering making an appt with my GP for 3 weeks from now at which point I will either be confirming a pregnancy or addressing my concerns about ovulating so late. What do you gals think? Would that be not zen?


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#9 of 126 Old 06-21-2012, 07:16 AM
 
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AFM: YAY, I finally ovulated! This is the most excited I've ever been to start my 2WW! I'm considering making an appt with my GP for 3 weeks from now at which point I will either be confirming a pregnancy or addressing my concerns about ovulating so late. What do you gals think? Would that be not zen?

 

I  think you need to do whatever keeps you feeling "zen", and if that's an appointment to ease your mind, then do it. That being said, you might wait another cycle (if you have to - hopefully not orngbiggrin.gif ) to see if it takes as long to ovulate. Maybe this month was a fluke. I know that last month I had a very short LP for me. It's still a little early to say for sure, but it looks like I'm back on track with my "normal" cycle. Sometimes we have things that influence our cycles that we don't have a lot of control over. I remember a few time when I was hoping not to get a bfp, and the stress of waiting for AF to come actually delayed the process. Anyway, you have to do what settles your mind. The TTC process is stressful enough, especially when you're really wanting to get that bfp. So, having a doctor make sure everything is OK in that department might be just what you need. Hang in there!

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#10 of 126 Old 06-21-2012, 07:51 AM
 
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maydaymom, thanks for the encouragement. I set up the appt for 20DPO. I think it will help address some of my concerns if AF has come and gone by then. Unfortunately the late O is pretty standard for me. My cycles are all over the place but it seems to be the LP that varies while O is consistently delayed (CD21-28), overall cycle length between 28 and 41 days in the past 12 months.

 

Strangely, at this point, I'm not "worried" about the 2WW. Having made the appt now makes me feel like either I'm taking charge and facing the potential problem or it'll get me started on my journey but either way I'm a bit more at easy with just waiting and seeing...


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#11 of 126 Old 06-21-2012, 09:27 AM
 
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 I'm taking charge and facing the potential problem or it'll get me started on my journey but either way I'm a bit more at easy with just waiting and seeing...

 

Sounds like a good plan! Either way you will have something to discuss and learn with your PCP. And if it gives you something else to focus on for the next 2-3 weeks, all the better.


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#12 of 126 Old 06-21-2012, 01:14 PM
 
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I will join in... I'm not sure when I O'd so there's a sense of I don't know what's going on anyway that is good for me right now, I think. I've been online a lot today (going on very little sleep, trying to get caught up on some computer tasks) but I ideally I am minimizing my time as much as possible on the computer, because too much access to computer & search engine leads to crazy obsessive stuff for me (like WHY are my boobs sore, are they REALLY sore or am I just imagining it, what DPO could I be, etc.) I'm trying to spend more time in prayer, reading, engaging with my kids, doing what needs to be done in my life, etc and avoid the obsessing phase...

 

So, I'm checking into this thread, but if I'm having a sane 2ww I might not spend much time here, I hope! But I wanted to post because that this thread exists at all is encouraging to me, though I have really appreciated the TTC after loss thread as well, but sometimes that thread is hard for me...


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Welcome and good luck, BetsyPage!  I hope we don't see you around too much because that will mean you are taking it easy and not obsessing.  I am trying to do that too for the next week, but I will keep visiting the forums because I like keeping up with people.  Talking with other people in the same boat is reassuring.




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#14 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 05:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome to all the newbies! So happy to hear new voices and get new perspectives.

 

I was talking to hubs last night and I wish I could share his approach. He can see positive things about both outcomes and takes a "let's see" approach. I, on the other hand, am baby hungry and not wanting any more space between siblings. He had a big family and remembers feeling crowded; I had a small family and remember feeling lonely. We have to realize, of course, that our family will be its own thing, and that not every big family is crowded and not every small family lonely. There are plenty of reasons for those feelings that go beyond family size.

 

But it's hard in the 2ww when you've been trying for awhile. I want to move towards adopting my husband's perspective, at least in part, so that I can get more peace about this. I need to learn to take the picture I have in my mind of my future and gently blow it away. My reality will be different from the picture and I need to come to terms with that. There will be good and bad things, and lots of inbetween things, about whatever happens.

 

Meanwhile, going CRAZY about waiting to hear about the job! Wish I could adapt some of our lessons here to that wait!

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zenquaker - I hope you hear something about your job soon so that there is one fewer item adding to the anxiety and anticipation that you're feeling. Sometimes getting others' perspective on an issue can be very insightful and calming. I'm glad that you have someone that you can bounce ideas off of. 

 

AFM - I need some major zen vibes sent my way over the next few days. I've been doing well this month about taking my temp, entering it & some other basic symptoms, looking at my chart in the morning, and then letting it go. But, itsa changing :(  I'm beginning to obsess and I'm trying to hold back. It's basically due to my high temps -- they're making me think things. Actually, I really don't have any other symptoms to obsess over, and so it's the temps. So, please send me the strength to ride out the next few days to see if AF arrives or if I've been given a gift. Today I'm off to a spa day (that one I mentioned weeks ago) and am hoping that will get my mind off of things. Plus, I'm planning on a new haircut. All of this coincides with DH & my 4th anniversary (yesterday).  I will admit that I broke down and had a couple glasses of wine. I know that it's not good during the 2ww, but if I do implant, it seems to be late in my cycle. Even so, I'm clean until otherwise given the green light (or red, as the case may be). Hope everyone has a fantastic Friday.


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#16 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 07:46 AM
 
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Need some support for sanity... I'm still not caught up on my computer tasks for the week, have some homeschool stuff I need to do, but then after today I need to take a break from online until the end of this 2ww (should be maybe Tuesday-Wednesday next week, not really sure b/c I'm in my 2nd cycle after a loss and things are still wonky...)


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#17 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 01:25 PM
 
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Hi ladies -

 

I am new to this thread and have wanted to post here, but have been hesitant about going to the obsessive place. But like one of you said, to talk to people who are in the same boat is so helpful.

 

AFM: we have been TTC for about 18 months (on and off) and we have a 5-year-old DS. It took us 18 months to conceive him as well, so I learned was forced to learn lots of zen tricks along the way ;) So this time, I have been pretty mellow about it and "it will happen when it's the right time" and not forcing BD - only doing it when we really wanted to, etc. But funny enough, I feel like all this zen-ness has not been serving us! If there's such a thing as being too obsessed, there's a thing about being too zen too. I realize that I have been avoiding really facing what might be going on and masking it by having this zen attitude. For the first months, sure that was fine, but then as the months go on and it becomes clear to me that it may not just be a coincidence that it's taking us this long AGAIN, something in me has shifted and is now looking to be a bit more active and interestingly enough, that is actually making me feel more zen in a really strange way. Kind of like what a PP said - something like, "If going to the doctor's appointment will help you to be zen, then do it!" Basically, sometimes being zen doesn't look like being zen :)

 

All together, DH and I have been TTC for 3 years (that's including TTC with DS) and I read tons of books including TCOYF (of course) and The Infertility Cure. I have charted quite a bit (although I am not right now) and felt like I knew everything there was to know about my cycle, which is pretty regular and doesn't have any real big red flags except for a LP that's on the short side of normal. I have always avoided OPKs because I thought that I knew my body better than some stupid stick. Ha! So, this month, in our effort to be more active, I tried an OPK for the first time ever and found out that I ovulate a day or two later than I always thought I did - HOLY SHOCKER!!! I always thought that ovulation occurred on the last day of FF, but now that I look at it again and with my OPK experience, it can and is normal to happen a few days after that. So here I am, 18 months in going, "How on earth did I not know this sooner??" So, we could've been literally missing the window every month by stopping too soon.banghead.gif

 

We also just got DH's sperm tested and it came back with great count and volume, but on the lower end of morphology and motility. Knowing this information has been HUGE!! (I can't believe I avoided it for so long) Now we know that timing as close to ovulation is important for us - a shred of certainty in a very uncertain landscape. And that maybe some Pre-Seed would be helpful if they aren't able to swim as well. And that the missionary position would probably be best for us. And, that there's something we can do to improve his sperm quality - DH is now taking mega-loads of specific supplements. Now, had I kept being "zen," I wouldn't have known any of this. Sure, we may have still gotten pregnant, but knowledge is power, as far as I'm concerned! This knowing of data has been such a help that I am in the process of getting blood draws for my progesterone levels. Perhaps they're fine, but wouldn't it be nice to know if they're not? The me of this month says, "Hell yes!" I don't know that we'll take testing much further - just get the basics and then try to improve things as naturally as we can.

 

I am in my 2WW and I am finding myself thinking about it quite often (and I'm only in the first week). My gut reaction to myself is "Don't obsess!" but I wonder if I can just accept that it's okay to "obsess"/care" and actually be zen doing it - does that make sense?! For example, yesterday I had an urge to read some early pregnancy symptoms on www.twoweekwait.com. I let myself have it - I set a timer for 15 minutes and enjoyed every last second of it!

 

I do feel like us stepping up our game (and actually knowing when I ovulate - jeez!) is going to give us a better shot - how can it not? And honestly, that feeling makes me nervous. It remind me of how I was 7 years ago when we started TTC with DS - really excited and knew it was going to happen fast. I already feel really good about this month and think we must've done it. And then sometimes I get fearful that I'm fooling myself and it's not going to be as simple as this (although 18 months isn't really simple). I am scared that even knowing this data is not going to make a difference. I want to feel optimistic and like we have an answer or things we can do to boost our fertility. But you guys know, after getting BFNs for a long time, it wears on you and you're not even sure that it really is possible. I know that the feeling of wanting to control the whole thing was a big issue for me last time and I worked through it and learned how to surrender. So, I just want to make sure that I am not doing that again with the "data" and am instead just taking it for what it's worth, making some improvements and doing our best without knowing how it will turn out.

 

Thank you SO much for reading this novel - I didn't mean for it to be so long, but I haven't really talked to many people about this. stillheart.gif

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#18 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 01:55 PM
 
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it possible i am O'ing as i type. just about to move to the 2ww.

a dear friend of my invited me to a spa weekend, and i nearly flipped out trying to come up with safe options for the 2ww. can i have a massage? can i sit in a tub? i went to my friend, the internet, and she was, as always, a hypochondriac who told me that everything was a NO. finally, i called a nurse who told me it sounded like i could really use a massage. smile.gif i'm avoiding the tubs, though.

i settled on a facial and a hand and arm massage . . . but the situation is really bringing up hurt from past failed attempts at bringing a baby to life. and self blame.

so now i'm going to sit with the hurt. and give it a big hug.

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#19 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 02:07 PM
 
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betsy, let us know what kind of support you need. are you obsessing, scared, impatient? do you need kind words?

happy, fun to see you here! you bring up a really good point: being "zen" doesn't preclude taking action.

mayday, positive even vibes to you!

zenq, best wishes for you as you wait for job news

daki, i like your style.

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#20 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 03:34 PM
 
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i backed out of the spa appointment. it was just too much.

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#21 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 04:11 PM
 
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#22 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Happy, I think being zen is about balance and openness. It's being in a calm but alert state that allows you to make decisions with clarity, and when there are no decisions, just waiting, to be fully in the moment. For each of us, this will mean something different; definitely following a line of inquiry into why it has taken you so long to get pregnant is fully within the peaceful, zen, saner 2ww spirit. Some of us have decided we want less information, but some of us may need more--it's the spirit and orientation we're after, I think.

 

Writinglove, so sorry the spa thing didn't work out. It sounds like you're twisted up about it. Can you plan something different that would be just as nurturing but would be pregnancy-safe just in case? Hike in the woods or time in a canoe or kayak would work for me. Do others have ideas for Writinglove?

 

Betsy, you got it. What can we do to help you? Hang in there! It can be so hard. Find something beautiful and revel in it :)

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#23 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 05:21 PM
 
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hi all, i settled on a haircut, which i feel really good about.

Dreamer, writer, wife, and mom to little guy baby.gif & my spirit babe candle.gif 

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#24 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 05:40 PM
 
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I'm glad you got to do something nice for yourself, WritingLove. :)


 Do you rememberteapot2.GIF the feelingdizzy.gif you got dog2.gifwhen you could use as moon.gif manyread.gif stickers love.gif as cat.gifyou wool.gif wanted? 2whistle.gif thumb.gif  I have that now. namaste.gif Thanks for the smileys! lactivist.gif intactivist.gif

 

 

 

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#25 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 07:32 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by happy2bamama View Post

 

Now, had I kept being "zen," I wouldn't have known any of this. Sure, we may have still gotten pregnant, but knowledge is power, as far as I'm concerned! This knowing of data has been such a help that I am in the process of getting blood draws for my progesterone levels. Perhaps they're fine, but wouldn't it be nice to know if they're not? The me of this month says, "Hell yes!" I don't know that we'll take testing much further - just get the basics and then try to improve things as naturally as we can.

I am so totally with you! I was starting to think that my "zen" attitude was really more of an apathy masking a fear of finding out something's wrong. And that whole bit about wanting to control the experience really resonates with me. I don't like feeling not in control, like I am the subject of the whims of the universe. But yes, zenquaker, I understand that it is about being in the moment and acting from a place of empowerment rather than fear. Thank you for restating that, I need to be reminded of that often.

 

writinglove: great idea getting a haircut! I need to follow your example. Maybe I'll save that idea in case AF shows up and then I can just treat myself a little!

 

Have a happy weekend, everyone!


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#26 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 07:35 PM
 
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Oh, and by the way, how's this for accepting the circumstances as they are:

I had mentioned in another thread that earlier this year one of the gals of the yarn shop I frequent had announced that she was pregnant and I was crushed.

So today I finally had the courage to face her and tell her she looked beautiful...

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#27 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 09:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dakipode View Post

Oh, and by the way, how's this for accepting the circumstances as they are:

I had mentioned in another thread that earlier this year one of the gals of the yarn shop I frequent had announced that she was pregnant and I was crushed.

So today I finally had the courage to face her and tell her she looked beautiful...

joy.gif


Beth - blissfully married to Doug. DS - Liam (5/10) nocirc.gif &  Darcy (2/13). homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpgNew SAHM & Labor Doula.

 

babygirl.gif Welcome baby girl! Born at home, in the water, in the caul, and caught by daddy. February 24, 2013!  babygirl.gif

 

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#28 of 126 Old 06-22-2012, 10:38 PM
 
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     Zenquaker, I am totally with you on the small lonely family thing. I am an only child and was very lonely growing up. I firmly believe that this loneliness really left me thin-skinned and unprepared to easily develop friendships. I think there are other reasons for this loneliness, and I would add that I think both my mom and dad felt lonely in our little family at times too. However, I would like for my son to have a friend, peer in our house. I could go on and on about this…

      Welcome, Happy2bamama!  I really like your idea about setting a timer for your guilty pleasure online stuff. I need to do this with YahooNews. Why is it that there is at least one story on there every night about a child dying or near death experience? Then, after I read it, I feel like a horrible mother for scolding my son earlier in the day. No, the two are not related. YahooNews just makes me feel like a bad mom, and I am compelled to read it anyway. Why? It brings me back to the emotional rawness after having just become a mother, but this particular time is not one I cherish for obvious reasons.

      Nice job, Dakipode, with Yarn Shop Girl. Sometimes I find sharing in other’s happiness really does feel like they are sharing it with me. A little glow of love and excitement coming my (your) way.

 T   his weekend is shaping up to be uneventful. I feel like I need to do something really fun with ds tomorrow. He wouldn’t take a nap this afternoon and I gave him (us, really) and ultimatum of no nap = no ushering with my dh and I for an outdoor play we had scheduled. MiL covered for babysitting at the last minute (dh hated that) and I ended up  having a rotten afternoon/ rest of day with ds. Now I miss him even though he’s on the other side of the wall. L

   Hope everyone else is having a better Friday night.

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#29 of 126 Old 06-23-2012, 06:54 AM
 
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Hi everyone, have been stalking this thread since its inception (great first post zenquaker!) and think it's a good time to jump in after my debacle (read AF) today morning, ha! We've been trying for a second child on and off for 2 years now and over time I had gotten totally zen about it - until this past cycle.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by happy2bamama View Post

So this time, I have been pretty mellow about it and "it will happen when it's the right time" and not forcing BD - only doing it when we really wanted to, etc. But funny enough, I feel like all this zen-ness has not been serving us! If there's such a thing as being too obsessed, there's a thing about being too zen too. I realize that I have been avoiding really facing what might be going on and masking it by having this zen attitude. For the first months, sure that was fine, but then as the months go on and it becomes clear to me that it may not just be a coincidence that it's taking us this long AGAIN, something in me has shifted and is now looking to be a bit more active and interestingly enough, that is actually making me feel more zen in a really strange way. Kind of like what a PP said - something like, "If going to the doctor's appointment will help you to be zen, then do it!" Basically, sometimes being zen doesn't look like being zen :)

 

 

That is so insightful. I got to a similar place, happy, (great to see you here!) and started an alternative health therapy this cycle for pms and infertility. My almost 5 yr old DS was conceived relatively quickly (3-4 months) so we only feel comfortable trying a natural non-invasive therapy this time around.  Well, it apparently worked so well that I hardly noticed mittelschmerz (which is usually in-my-face) this cycle and had no breast tenderness at all post-O. The only time I've ever had no breast tenderness post-O in my entire life was when I was pregnant with DS. Gosh did my mind take off - symptom spotting, googling early pregnancy symptoms, haunting MDC - the works. And my period, which is a clockwork 28 days usually, was 2 days late. I was convinced this was it, my mind had already started to fantasize about the future. Then - AF this morning. I could almost hear the universe chuckling "Gotcha!" I'm all humble and sober and zen again as I usually am after the hormonal craziness of the tww.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by zenquaker View Post

Happy, I think being zen is about balance and openness. It's being in a calm but alert state that allows you to make decisions with clarity, and when there are no decisions, just waiting, to be fully in the moment. For each of us, this will mean something different; definitely following a line of inquiry into why it has taken you so long to get pregnant is fully within the peaceful, zen, saner 2ww spirit. Some of us have decided we want less information, but some of us may need more--it's the spirit and orientation we're after, I think.

 

So perfectly put, zenquaker. I have a whole list of activities lined up to throw myself into for my next tww which is the best antidote for the self pre-occupation and brooding typical of that phase, see you all then. Have a peaceful sane tww.

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#30 of 126 Old 06-24-2012, 07:11 AM
 
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So, I've been holding onto this for 24 hours, but I needed to get it out in order to restore my "zen". I lost all my control yesterday and decided to take a test. It was early (DPO 12), but I figured I just needed to get the urge out. So... a got a faint positive! love.gif  Dark enough to actually see something there & get it on film, but not jumping out. I tested again in the afternoon and got a bfn, which I wasn't too surprised since I had drank a lot of water throughout the day. Yep, I've lost all control & zen. I tested again this morning (2 different test), and got bfp on both! joy.gifI'm really excited about this, but at the same time am hesitant to really celebrate it as I know it's really early. Things look good -- temps are up, I feel good, no AF symptoms like in the past. But, I don't think I'll be convinced for a few weeks. I haven't told dh yet. I was thinking of making it a slightly delayed anniversary gift. Our 4th was on Thursday & we didn't really do anything. Anyway, that's for letting me get that out. I guess my more laid-back approach to this cycle paid of. Now I just need to get back in that mindset to help it stick!


Beth - blissfully married to Doug. DS - Liam (5/10) nocirc.gif &  Darcy (2/13). homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpgNew SAHM & Labor Doula.

 

babygirl.gif Welcome baby girl! Born at home, in the water, in the caul, and caught by daddy. February 24, 2013!  babygirl.gif

 

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