This moon cycle is named after the sturgeon, a large freshwater fish.
Let's think of water and fluidity, of life as a continuous cycle, and of letting ourselves join the stream of life with the sturgeon.
My best wishes for peaceful, contemplative, and supported 2wws for everyone!
And thank you, yet again, for the place to put my mind in a calm place to be!
Do you remember the feeling you got when you could use as many stickers as you wanted? I have that now. Thanks for the smileys!
Just took the HPT, day 32 of my cycle BfP! (Well it's a positive, one line is really faint but the HPT - Clear Blue - said it's still a positive). Planning to re-test Day 34 and see my doctor and ask for a blood test.
I'm so excited I can barely breathe!
Just to give a little love to those mamas who don't have their positives yet--remember there's NOTHING wrong with you. Sure, there may be some physical issues to work out, but you are all worthy of motherhood.
I know everybody KNOWS that, but it can be hard to FEEL it (it was for me).
Hugs to happy, Sandy, and Meg, and all other ladies reading the thread!
And congrats of course to Beagle!
Thunder moon was good to me to, and at 20 dpo I'm comfortable admitting that I'm pregnant. Now I need to start the "saner 2 month wait" to the stable second trimester.
It's strange how different I feel compared to my first, at least mentally and emotionally. With my first I was pregnant first try, took one test and that was it, I didn't really worry about miscarriage, or anything like that, I mean not really. We didn't tell most people until 12 weeks, but that was mostly because we were following guidelines. This time around, both DP and I are afraid to be hopeful. I asked him the other night when we were allowed to be excited and it sort of hung there in the air. After a miscarriage at 8 weeks last April, followed by a diagnoses of severe cervical dysplasia and surgery, and hen 3 months of really trying and 1 chemical pregnancy, I think we're both still surprised that something has actually stuck. I find myself resisting the urge to put (for now) at then end of every sentence.
Yesterday some friends came over with their one month old and I think DP came around a little, and after everyone had left we were just chatting about something and he paused and said, "peter, I like that name, if it's another boy". I think we're both coming around.
These saner 2ww threads have been a blessing, and think the calm I enjoyed because of everyone here helped a great deal. Thank you, and I hope to see more good news stories.
Hi gals -
Zenquaker - thank you for your thoughtful check in :)
AFM: My mindfulness, meditation and acupuncture has been doing wonders. This 2WW hasn't been nearly as difficult. I am able to see the big picture rather than getting hung up on this cycle. Until today. I think I am somewhere around day 26 and I have been buzzing along without many crazy symptoms (aside from tiny pink spotting at 19DPO - implantation ). I have been a peace with feeling happy if we are pregnant and also happy to see what kind of period I have, if it comes, since I've been doing so much good stuff for it. Then late last night, I had bright red spotting once. And now it's gone - even after some intense BM's this morning (sorry, TMI!). I am trying to stay in the moment and accept that my cycle could be any which way this month and to not attach any sort of story to what any of it means, but these "mixed signals" (or so they seem to me - to the universe they aren't mixed at all!) are what really get to me and throw me for a loop. My mind wants to figure out what each thing means and that is what I am working on letting go of today. I don't really need to know what any of it means because in a short time, my "muddy waters" will settle and it will be clear. Not always so easy though. Hoping I can let go and/or just be with wherever the next few days take me - even if that's not being able to let go.
nearlyelated: Good to hear you and your DP are getting comfortable around the thought of your pregnancy. Wish you a happy and healthy pregnancy and baby.
happy: yay for a peaceful cycle! I hear you on the muddy waters though, because it hasn't come clear yet for me too - still waiting and seeing. 3 days late today. The latest my period has ever appeared is 5 days late. I've been having AF cramps but no AF. I guess my body will let me know soon enough. In the meantime, trying to relax into the not-knowing and embrace the uncertainty.
beaglesmuggle: how exciting! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that your doctor will confirm things are going well.
AFM: The specialist appt is tomorrow and I'll be 6DPO. I wonder if the timing of that is weird, oh well. It's interesting: I have a hard time relating to other women's experiences of "I'm never late" etc. since my cycles are so much all over the place. In a sense it helps me stay zen in the 2ww because I don't really know what to consider "late"... My LP length tends to vary as well so maybe past CD45 would be late for me.
happy: I feel the same way. I find myself tempted to read into symptoms this time around (more so than the past cycle, that was a pretty zen one for me) and I have to keep reminding myself that the only way I'll know is when AF shows up or not.
Wishing everyone a good week.
Congratulations Beaglesmuggler and nearlyelated! So happy for both of you! I hope everything progresses smoothly and peacefully and that you have some beautiful bouncing babies next year!
i second what zenq said. we are all worthy of motherhood on this thread!
happy, i've seen such an amazing tranformation in your over the last month. i'm inspired.
as for the recent BFPs, congrats!, and come join us on the peaceful pregnancy thread during your 40ww.
Dreamer, writer, wife, and mom to little guy & my spirit babe .
Calm Happy thoughts to all .... And baby dust too!
wife of Ben
mommy to DS Dade 10/10/10 & DD Elloree 12/14/11
My temp dropped today, 8dpo. Soooo hard to be peaceful and patient when my head is exploding with what-ifs! Such a mix of excited hyperventilating thoughts of "Oooo! Maybe it's an implantation dip" with disappointed "sigh, not this time" thoughts..... Extra anxious today because I found out DH may end up being out in the field during my next two fertile times, depending when they decide to fall. Ugh!
Calm Happy thoughts to all .... And baby dust too!
I feel ya - those what-ifs are what make it hard - constantly being on that hopeful/hopeless edge. Hugs to you
DS1 (6) , DS2 (3) , DD is here!
I am so grateful for this thread and to have found it. It is just the tone of wisdom and peace that I would like to infuse into my 2ww.
Congratulations to all the BFP's and also Congratulations to all of those who are still waiting for your BFP's but are exploring how to do it in the spirit of mindfulness. I hope you don't mind if I join you. I have been reading the last several moon's worth of posts, but I hadn't posted in this forum in a few long time. So long ago, in fact, that I had to start a new account (it's been a few years! since my DS was just born, I believe).
AFM: I am 40. DH is 49. We have one son who was conceived after two years of TTC (and the month in which he was conceived, I was able to have an attitude that is very reminiscent of the spirit of this thread so it feels very good to have found this now). That son, Dylan, was born in October 2009 and will be three in October of this year. We have been TTC again since PPAF returned 12 months after birth. That makes 22 months of TTC with no BFP yet. Some months we tried more actively than other months. Initially after PPAF returned, my cycles were excellent with sufficient LP and everything and then the LP started to shorten. I have only had three cycles where the LP was over 10 days in that time, and most cycles it is 5-7 days (clearly insufficient) with ovulation delayed to day 18-20. So I started making some changes. One of the most significant has been to go Gluten-Free. I have been Gluten-Free (with one relapse over a weekend) for 6 weeks now, and this cycle I am on now is my first completely gluten-free cycle. I do think it has paid off, as my ovulation was on day 12 this time and I am on 14dpo right this very moment. One of the other changes I was making was to incorporate TCM into my quest, and this led me to seek out a practitioner in my area. After a long wait to get in to see her, I had my first appointment with her last night, but she did not do any work on me, we just discussed my health history, etc. She is also a medical doctor, who specializes in Nutrition and TCM (I live in Germany where this sort of specialization is not that uncommon at all!). My first accupuncture treatment won't be for two more weeks, and I will, no doubt, no whether this cycle was a hit or miss by that point.
So, today, I am in the final few days countdown, and I am trying to remain peaceful and mindful about it all. I did succumb to temptation and tested with a cheapo test two days ago and it was a BFN, but I am waiting until the weekend (at least) to test again if no AF shows up. I think staying in this uncomfortable place of NOT-KNOWING is part of mindful practice, and being OKAY with being uncomfortable in that place, Making peace with that feeling of discomfort and letting it be, because that is what it is.
So that is me and that is where I am right now, and I (again) just want to say how pleased I am to have stumbled onto this thread right now and how grateful to have found others who wish to embrace such an approach towards TTC.
Shana - Mama to DS, Dylan, born 10/27/2009 at home. TTC for #2.
Hi ThePeacefulMama! It sounds like you are doing wonderful things for your cycle. You and I are quite aligned in that I am also gluten-free (most of the time), tend to have short luteal phases, TTC my second child (my DS took us 18 months) AND we are both at the same place in our cycle AND we both got BFNs a few days ago AND we are both interested in TCM and acupuncture!!!
This is my first cycle since doing acupuncture and TCM (and a bunch of vitamins and other herbs too, as well as Maya abdominal massage) and I have already seen my luteal phase lengthen (like you). It's amazing how fast our bodies can respond. Something surprising that happened to me this cycle is that when I tested a few days ago and got a BFN, I actually believed it for the first time ever. I didn't go to the "but what if..." place - I took what I got for face value and it didn't really crush me or send me into a downward spiral like it normally does. In this moment, I feel very patient and calm about waiting for AF. Although I have no period symptoms (or any other for that matter), but I am expecting that she will arrive and I don't know why, but it's okay! I think I am just happy to be seeing my body change and so it makes me hopeful in the big picture rather than being tied to this cycle right here. How are you doing with the BFN? And how has it been going gluten-free? It can be a big change in itself :)
Happy - Can you tell us more about the Maya Abdominal Massage? I have heard about it, but have not been able to talk to anyone who tried it. How was it? Did they teach you how to do it at home? I'm sorry about your BFN, but I'm glad you are feeling at peace about it.
happy2b: sounds like you are in a good place. Funny how you mention that you feel a difference so quickly after changing routines. I do feel like increasing my vitex made a difference for me this month but the specialist sort of brushed it off as superstition...
So I saw the specialist and basically I'm waiting for AF to start actively trying to figure out my fertility issues. On the one hand of course I'd love for this to be the cycle that I get a BFP and then I won't have to mess with the doctors at all, but on the other hand I hope that having started the process of figuring things out will help me feel less down when AF comes because that will mark the beginning of a new process and renewed hope.
I'm taking it one day at a time for now, partially dreading the day my temp drops and BBs deflate (it's almost as if they get disappointed too ) and then also a bit excited about starting the medical work up so we can whip my system into shape (or is it submission?).
I'm quite okay with the BFN. Of course, I would have preferred a BFP, but It was very early to test so a bit of a longshot.
The Gluten-Free change had been VERY hard for me. I am already (overall) a pretty healthy eater, so on one level, it just further improved the quality of my diet. But on another level, I've gone through anger, grief, sadness, jealousy (that DH can still eat fresh bread and I can't), etc. I have good days and bad days. If the reaction when I ate Gluten wasn't so extreme, there is probably little likelihood that I would've stuck to it. I do feel much better off the Gluten, but I still have huge cravings for it. I have a good support network of other Gluten-free/Celiac friends online, so that helps.
I can't wait to start acupuncture treatments. First treatment is in two weeks, and even if I get a BFP between now and then, I intend to continue with the acupuncture since it is reputed to also help prevent miscarriage by creating a nourishing environment to sustain pregnancy.
Shana - Mama to DS, Dylan, born 10/27/2009 at home. TTC for #2.
dakipode - What you describe is where I'm at too, in a sense. Not that I want AF to come, but it is gratifying to be making changes and seeing shifts (even if it isn't a BFP... yet). Vitex seems to be quick acting! I'm glad you're seeing some changes from it as well :)
thepeacefulmama - I'm sorry going GF has been tough. I find that the more I eliminate in my diet, the more I'm like, "Now what do I eat?!" It can be hard to get excited about eating if you feel like your'e having to steer away from lots (especially if you love those things). Have you tried any of the GF breads? I wasn't a huge bread eater before, so I don't miss it too much, but I am picky about GF bread and I've found that Udi's bagels (slightly toasted) are the closest to regular bread. And for pasta, there's a brand called Schar that is SO good - I can't even tell it's GF. I make it for my whole family and they all love it. I can only find it at Sunflower Market.
pokeyAC - the woman who does the Maya abdominal massage in my neck of the woods is amazing. Here is her website:
And, here's a link to an article she wrote for Mothering about Maya massage...
I loved the massage and talking to someone knowledgable about fertility, cycles, etc. From what I understand, massaging this area helps bring fresh blood there and helps stagnation dissipate. It supposedly great for all things cycle-related and I'm using it to help a few things: fertility, short luteal phase and also change my sometimes brown bleeding to fresh, new blood. I also tend to have digestive stuff going on AND had a mild uterine prolapse after I had my DS, so it helps all of that too. She taught me the self-care and I do it every night for 5 minutes before I go to bed (you can do it anytime). You're supposed to stop doing it 5 days before you expect to bleed and hold off while on your period. That is partially why I am excited to see AF - I wanna see if my blood quality has improved. I would highly recommend it as doing the massage makes me feel more connected and in tune with that whole area. It all feels so much softer and happier now.
As an aside, my DH went to see her for the same massage for his sperm quality. When I told her the results of his SA, she asked if he'd had hernia surgery. I said yes and she said that sometimes getting a hernia repair (in which they install mesh lining) can sort of lock everything up and the massage helps things get more blood and work better. My husband loved it too and he does the self care every night as well!
Thank you for the info. That sounds lovely! That it helps digestion is also great. I'm excited to hear how it works out for you and your DH.
I so need this thread right now. I'm six weeks away from graduation nursing school and I am a big mess right now! Need to remind myself to take it one day at a time, breathe, and just focus on school and stay optimistic. Good luck everyone!
Hi all, and welcome to all the new ladies, this thread is really thriving!!
happy - so glad you've opened yourself up to all those good things. Regardless of the outcome it does feel good to be doing the best we can with what is in our hands.
AFM - I'm six days late today, and the last time I was this late was when I was pregnant with DS. A few days ago, I remembered I had a hpt somewhere in my closet that I'd bought in the thick of my ttc journey and never got the chance to use - so I dug it out and found that it had expired. As I turned it over in my hands, I remembered how unsettling and rushed it felt finding out with a hpt when I was pregnant with DS - of course I was shaking with happiness and over the moon - but it was rather tumultuous to be thrust suddenly into that new world "I'm pregnant!" and have all those emotions and fears and hopes swamp me all at once. I also felt a sudden distaste at the thought of buying another plastic stick to add to the expired one that will ultimately get dumped into the earth just because I wanted to find out ahead of time. There was a definite inner prompting to give hpts a miss altogether. This is rather inexplicable because I wasn't feeling like this before when I had bought the odd hpt or two over the last two years.
This time I feel called to a more mindful, unhurried, simple pace - just content take it one day at a time and let my body clue me in at its own pace, instead of being given a verdict by an external device and my mind. To be peaceful and happy knowing all is well, no matter what the outcome. If this is a random crazy cycle and AF comes tomorrow, I would welcome her. If I'm pregnant, I'd like to let the process unfold with as much lack of fuss and fever and fret as the blooming of a flower. Just being one with life.
I felt like a bit of a freak to be feeling like this, so I googled to see if there were other people who felt the same way, and found this great blog post that expresses it more eloquently than I could have ever done: http://www.firsttheegg.com/on-not-using-pregnancy-tests/ (the last comment on the blog is mine).
Of course there's a part of me that just wants to know and get it over with, but I want to honour that guidance welling up from within. So here I am in what has become a 3ww and counting
keeptryst - What a beautiful attitude you have! Thank you for sharing the link to that blog. It looks really interesting. I will be reading over it today.
bdavis- Welcome and good luck with finishing up school. That's quite an accomplishment! Breathing is always good. I will be remembering to do that myself.
My 2-3 week wait has ended happily! I tested yesterday at 14dpo (cycle day 35) with a Clearblue Digital using fmu and it said 'Pregnant 2-3 weeks'! Wow, I couldn't believe my good luck. Then I went to the doctor and had a negative urine test just before noon. They sent me for a blood test, and got a call today that it's positive!
I've had early losses in the past, so I know I'm not out of the woods yet. I thought about waiting longer to test (since I was expecting a negative anyway), but realized that because of my history I wanted to know if I did conceive and had a chemical pregnancy. But I feel really, really lucky that so far this cycle has worked out for us!
Good luck to everyone else in their two week wait!
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