Just turned 40 and trying for #3 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 08-20-2012, 06:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would love to hear about anyone who has gotten pregnant naturally at 40.  I have a 11 year old and 8 year old (both boys).  We are going to try for a couple of months and see what happens.  Tips and tricks welcome!

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#2 of 24 Old 08-20-2012, 10:19 AM
 
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I don't have any tips to offer on getting pregnant but would like to offer encouragement. I've had two of my five kids after turning 40. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I had my oldest at 26, one at 29, one at 37, one at 40 and my most recent joyous surprise at 45. So it's very possible and wonderful to be an "older" mom. I wish you all the luck in the world.
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#3 of 24 Old 08-20-2012, 04:13 PM
 
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I had #2 and #3 at 41 and 43. I don't have any tips or tricks to offer, but good luck and it happens all the time!

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#4 of 24 Old 08-20-2012, 08:24 PM
 
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I am ttc#3 at 38. My only tip is based on waiting time to pregnancy at this age -- it could take a while (or not, of course)!! If you are going for it, give it more than just a couple of months!! If you really want to expand your family, give it your all, or you could regret not having given it your best shot later on!
 


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#5 of 24 Old 08-20-2012, 10:18 PM
 
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What a great thread!  It's so encouraging to read the stories on here.  AFM, I had my son at age 40, and my daughter just 12 weeks ago at age 42.    I don't feel like I'm done, I'm waiting for my 3rd baby and then that's it.  It's nice to see that even age 42 isn't that much to worry about necessarily!


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#6 of 24 Old 08-21-2012, 08:51 AM
 
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I did just think of something that has helped, but it's a big something, and not necessarily for everyone, but.... For me, eating primal, and mostly cutting out wheat and all processed foods,  has gotten rid of fibroids and changed my fertility completely, which seemed like it made it easier to conceive at 43 than it was at 40. It took about 2-ish years to conceive DD, and, while nursing the entire time, only about 14 months to conceive DS after PPAF- conceived DS when DD was 23 months (and nursing a TON). After DD, I was told that it was highly unlikely I would ever be able to conceive again, due to humongous fibroids. Ultrasound while pg with DS showed them gone. The difference in my body is phenomenal, and I feel more fertile now, at almost 45, then I did at 40, despite nursing a 13 month old. I am having regular cycles, and amazing EWCM (almost non-existent before). At the very least, I think omega 3 fish oil and getting/eating enough omega 3 is hugely beneficial. I wish I'd known this before, because I would love one more.....but DH isn't on board because of our ages :( well, yet....hoping menopause doesn't come knocking before I can change his mind.

jgallagher, I LOVE hearing about a surprise at 45 :)   Makes me smile inside....I'll be 45 in 2 weeks.

TenzinsMama Congratulations!!

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#7 of 24 Old 08-21-2012, 09:30 AM
 
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sundaya's comment reminds me that yes, diet can be so important! If you have a tendency to PCOS (which is pretty common I think), you can improve the quality of your eggs by cutting out all processed sugar and eating fewer carbs.

 

Also, as far as cm, I have heard a lot of great stories about the lubricant preseed! And, are your cycles really long/unpredictable? Some women have reported used vitex to get more regular cycles.


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#8 of 24 Old 08-22-2012, 06:16 AM
 
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Just wanted to add some encouragement to keep trying.

 

I just turned 40 last week and am currently trying for #3. I have 2 boys. The oldest is 27 months and the younger one turns 1 on Sept 7th.

 

I hope to keep going and have a few more before we time out, so all these stories of older mamas having babies is really encouraging. I'm also mad enough to want twins too, which I've read is more common among older women.


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#9 of 24 Old 08-22-2012, 01:47 PM
 
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Ha ha, I'm mad enough to want twins, too! 

 

Lynann, do you mind me asking, did you have a post-partum AF return?


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#10 of 24 Old 08-22-2012, 04:10 PM
 
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Line forming for twins, right here. I want some, too!!!

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#11 of 24 Old 08-23-2012, 05:24 AM
 
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Originally Posted by TenzinsMama View Post

Ha ha, I'm mad enough to want twins, too! 

 

Lynann, do you mind me asking, did you have a post-partum AF return?

 

Yes. AF returned at 6 months postpartum, even though DS2 was still exclusively breast fed at that point. He didn't start any other food until after 8 months, but he had self night weaned at 5 months, even though I had hoped to nurse through the night a bit longer. I think it was the lack of night feeds that brought AF back.


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#12 of 24 Old 08-23-2012, 12:47 PM
 
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I'll be 39 next week and getting ready to start TTC #2. I'm secretly hoping for twins too, because it's the only way I'll get 3 (DH is barely on board for this one). My sister had twins, so maybe it's more likely?

 

My tip would be to chart your cycle. I am charting to make sure everything is okay - it took 15 months to get pregnant with DS1. I figure I want to know ASAP if there's something going on and my cycles are shorter than they used to be. Plus, timing BD more accurately will increase our chances.

 

Good luck!

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#13 of 24 Old 08-23-2012, 01:34 PM
 
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Lynan, how about after having DS1, when did PPAF arrive?  I'm just curious about whether or not our bodies have a built-in tendency for our fertility to return when there isn't anything out of the ordinary occuring either times... PPAF for me came at 5.5 months with DS, and that was EBF'ing and lots of nursing day and night.  I started him on solids at 6 months, which is our countries recommendation (btw, what is it in the US?).

 

Hezzy, I'm totally going to chart-- I did for DS and DD.  Also used OPKs, which always lined up with what I was seeing with my CM and other signs.  I guess just dive in and start charting the obvious, which is changes in CM?  I don't feel much else is going on. 

 

Which brings me to ask anyone on here... There were two days a couple of weeks ago where I had a little tinge of pink in my CM.  I wondered if something fertility-related was going on, or something related to the pregnancy (although for the latter, that would be unusual to have clear CM for weeks on end after the birth, and then to have a little tinge, woldn't it?).  And then maybe it was related to a pap test I had, a few weeks before that?  I'm hoping it was fertility-related and not this other stuff!  One day, I even felt crampy, like when AF comes. 

 

I'm glad that I can share on here... I had someone just yesterday respond in an almost incredulous way, about me wanting to have a third.  It kind of hurts, you know?  But then, I have to consider the source-- two weeks after I had DS and I was having a glorious baby moon, his wife made an assumption that I was done THEN, because of my age.  (I was 40 then.)  Boo on them!


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#14 of 24 Old 08-23-2012, 01:57 PM
 
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Hi Tenzinsmama. I would think charting your BBT would give you a pretty clear idea about when you start ovulating again (if you haven't yet). CM can be confusing, especially if you're not having regular cycles (e.g., while nursing).

 

Lots of things can cause a little spotting, if it's pink, then it's new blood. That wouldn't be cased by a pap weeks ago. Could be O spotting, or from irritation (if you'd had sex, for example).

 

No one here is going to judge you for wanting another babe!!

 

Around here a lot of peds will recommend solids as early as 4 months, but the standard recommendation is 6 months. Lots of folks think waiting longer is fine too - babies don't really need solids until 12 months, and breastmilk is the best nutrition they can get!
 

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#15 of 24 Old 08-24-2012, 05:05 AM
 
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Tenzinsmama with DS1 AF arrived at 4 months postpartum. However that was probably related to stopping breast feeding at 13 weeks. Its a long story, but with an unplanned c/s nursing was shaky from the get go, then after finally getting it to work once we got home from the hospital DS1 didn't do well with my milk. We didn't get it completely figured out until after he had switched to formula and completely refused my breast (at first I was only planning to supplement with formula.) We though his problem was lactose intolerance, but turned out mostly likely it was lactose overload. I was producing way too much milk (more of a problem than people think it is) and so he was only getting the watery stuff and not much fat, so it would go through his stomach too quickly and then ferment in his intestines causing lots of pain, bloating and awful explosive green poops (the fat slows down digestion) and he was hardly gaining weight too even though he was nursing all the time. He never acted full until he was given formula in desperation, and then he refused to go back to nursing. It broke my heart at the time, and I felt like a failure for both the birth and the nursing. But it did give us DS2 and at 2 weeks shy of a year he is still on breastmilk and only 1lb lighter than his brother.

 

As for the delayed solids, we did that because DS2 was happy on just milk, had no teeth, and was growing very well. We also don't give mush and just start them off on real food (Baby Led Weaning) that they can pick up and feed themselves with. Once he started making a fuss at mealtimes to join us at the table we started giving him little pieces of food, so for him that was after he turned 8 months.

 

I always wanted lots of children, but being 35 when we got married (wasn't sexually active until I got married) and then being separated for the first year because of immigration (it took a year to get my spousal visa to come and live with DH) I know that I probably won't get the really large family I always thought I would have. Having just turned 40 this month I know time is not on our side, but I really hope and pray for 2 or 3 more pregnancies, and if at least one was twins then it would greatly help increase our family size quickly.

 

I do find it a little annoying when people assume we're done because we have two already and because of our age. We'll be done when we get too old and loose our fertility naturally. Our boys are such a blessing to us and bring us so much joy why wouldn't we want that to increase by having more?


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#16 of 24 Old 08-24-2012, 09:08 AM
 
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This is a very comforting thread to read this morning!! We are currently trying for number 4 - just started trying with this past cycle, and I got my period this morning.  I am so sad. I realize it is one month of trying, but our first 2 were conceived on the first try and our third was conceived without "trying", so my perspective is way off I think....I am 2 weeks away from 39 and am feeling terrified that baby number 4 wont happen for us.....So thank you to all you amazing mamas giving me hope!! I can't decide if we should just try again on this next cycle or if I should talk to the dr - is it too soon to talk to a dr? 


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#17 of 24 Old 08-24-2012, 10:14 AM
 
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mirpmama I'd give it a few more cycles before getting concerned. It can take a while for absolutely no apparent reason.


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#18 of 24 Old 08-24-2012, 10:27 AM
 
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Thanks Lynann - I think that is what I will do....I just don't want to wait too many cycles and then be at a point where they might not be able to help.....maybe that is dumb....I think I am just worrying about everything too much today.....We are on vacation and I think I am gonna grab a beer and go for a walk by the ocean.....


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#19 of 24 Old 08-24-2012, 11:01 AM
 
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A walk by the ocean sounds great.

 

Most doctors won't even look into it until you've been ttc for 6 months, even at our age.

 

I do understand the impatience. DS1 was conceived just 6 weeks after our miscarriage and DS2 was conceived without actively trying (just 6 months post c/s) so this time is different for us too. I'm on my 4th charted cycle and 5th ttc cycle, but I'm also still nursing DS2 who will be 1 in exactly 2 weeks. Most people think we're crazy for wanting lots of children close together, but we would love to have 6-8 children and only have 2 so far. I've just turned 40 (on 13th) and DH is 46, so time is not on our side for a large family. We have a dinning table that seats 10 and our dream is to fill it with our children. I'm open to finishing our family through adoption, but DH isn't there yet (probably because we are still trying for biological children at this point.)

 

Every cycle that passes seems like such a waste, but we know we will have exactly the children we are meant to and at exactly the right time.

 

We were both virgins when we got married just 5 years ago (next Monday) and then had a year of separation due to immigration to cope with. It then took us a full year before we were pregnant with DS1, but had a couple of chemical pregnancies and a miscarriage at 12 weeks before that. It doesn't usually take us long to conceive, but this is the first time we've been trying while nursing, so we think that is probably contributing to how long it is taking us.


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#20 of 24 Old 08-24-2012, 06:17 PM
 
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Just wanted to wish tons and tons of babydust to those that are actively ttc-ing.

mirpmama, I agree with everyone else. While I know how devastating and sad it is to know you're out for this cycle, it's early days yet. And 39, psshh, you're so young still. Give yourself a hug and some chocolate (or your treat of choice) and know that your next babe will come when he or she is meant to, and worrying won't change the timing of that.  

Lynann, I love your family table story. I got married to my DH at 39. If we had met younger, we'd have as many kids as we could. As it is, he's 52 now, and feels like we should feel grateful with the 2 we have, and not try our luck, that the risks are too great when we have so much to be thankful for already. I just really don't feel done. The minute DS was born, I was ready to ttc again, and I keep thinking the feeling will let up, but not so far....he's 13 months. It's so hard, knowing when I'm o-ing, and letting it pass by. I turn 45 next month, and I have the feeling with every cycle, that could have been my last chance.

Anyways, tons and tons and tons of luck to all y'all spring chickens who are going to be having twins in 10 months or so :)

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#21 of 24 Old 08-30-2012, 09:40 AM
 
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Thanks everyone - I am feeling much better a week later....We will continue ttc and will send lots of baby dust to all of us...dust.gif


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#22 of 24 Old 08-30-2012, 11:55 AM
 
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mirpmama, glad to hear you are feeling more encouraged!  ttc'ing is definitely a roller coaster of emotions.  Especially when we feel like we are against the clock. 

 

Like so many on here, I was older (37) when I married-- DH and I had just met the year before.  I feel so blessed to have my children.  I, too, find it annoying (sometimes more than slightly!) when people assume that we are done now, because of my age. It has gotten worse, with the comments coming my way, since we have a boy and girl.  People always say we have a millionaire family-- where did that phrase start, anyway?!  Also, on top of it all, some have even said to me that I may be pushing it by wanting to have another one-- these two children were born healthy, "what if the next one isn't", "you may be pushing your luck", etc.

 

I have more to write, but I have to go-- baby is crying!

 

Looking forward to more conversation on here!


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#23 of 24 Old 08-30-2012, 12:18 PM
 
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Quote:

Originally Posted by TenzinsMama View Post

 

  Also, on top of it all, some have even said to me that I may be pushing it by wanting to have another one-- these two children were born healthy, "what if the next one isn't", "you may be pushing your luck", etc.

 

 

That has to be one of the worst comments.

 

When we had our miscarriage my MIL actually blamed it on DH being over 40. Said it was probably for the best as he was too old to have healthy swimmers and the baby would have been a disaster. And she said this to the day after we found out the baby had died and I was still waiting for the miscarriage to happen.

 

Now that we have our 2 boys the assumption is that we're just trying for a girl, and if we get one we'll be done. NO, we're trying for a BABY, and we won't be done until I reach the menopause and can't have any more.

 

Even though we are very open about NOT planning our family, and just seeing what happens, we still get surprised reactions when people find out we aren't done with 2. Our children are the only grandchildren on DH's side, as he only has a brother and so far his wife has not been able to get pregnant and after several years of trying they have given up. You'd think that since we will be providing the only grandchildren that MIL would be happy for us to have as many as possible, but instead she is always so negative about us having more.


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#24 of 24 Old 08-31-2012, 11:42 AM
 
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Yeah....we are getting a lot of "you want MORE?"....um, we only have THREE....my response is always, if i was younger i would have like 6 more, but with my age just one, maybe 2....people have NO idea what to do...like having more than 3 kids is the weirdest thing in the world....sigh....


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