Hi all! Sorry I've been MIA for a bit. I've been keeping up with posts though. Congrats to beingmommy! What a wild ride we are all on. Its so awesome to see women expressing themselves and working through these tough issues though. I wish I had more opportunities like this face to face.
What do all of you think about the possibilities of energetic or emotional imbalances preventing conception? I study midwifery and am often astounded how many pregnancy complications can be traced to emotional stuff, including stress. And not sure if this is too out there for some of you or not, but do any of you feel like you have communicated with your babies before conception? I really enjoyed reading Spirit Babies last month, which was about pre-conception communication and how to make sure a baby's needs are met for the conception contract. I have had many vivid dreams, always about the same babies, and it is one of the things that makes me feel better in moments of wondering when I'll ever get to meet the little ones.
I'm due to ovulate today or tomorrow which is always exciting, especially with the full moon and Halloween upon us! I hope everyone has some fun tonight - halfway to the winter solstice already!!!!
YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Beingmommy I am SO excited for you I am doing a happy dance for you!
I hope to join you, and do a happy dance for myself, very soon.
This whole process, much like labor, is very much a metaphor for parenthood in so many ways. You get pushed to your limit in all ways possible, it is exhausting and you have little control over what is happening, so much so that at a certain point you think, I'm done. That's it. I'm outta here! And then you realize, SH*T! I can't leave. I can't go anywhere. I've got to keep going. And you search within yourself and find a strength that perhaps you didn't even know you had and you push through it, literally and figuratively. So much of life is digging deep to find that reserve of strength within yourself to make it through, and amazing yourself in the process. You realize, wow, I really am that strong. I am powerful. The main difference with TTC is that you can leave, you can decide it is enough. The journey is challenging and for some of us very challenging. I am continuously amazed by how strong you all are, how brave. What a powerful group of women!!
Thanks for all the congrats! I am very happy AND very nervous but doing my best to be zen. This may be the more challenging time for me.
SparkleMaman, I LOVE what you wrote. It is so true.
JustJenny, I think testing could be really helpful too. I am sorry it is rough for you right now. I know how that feels. Hang in there.
Margo, I had a Maya Abdominal massage earlier this month and I was telling the practitioner about how I felt like I hadn't ovulated in the two months we'd been trying after my loss and how frustrated I was that it wasn't happening. She asked me if I had any fears. I said, yes, of having another loss, of how can I manage a new baby and my DS (who has autism among other health issues). And she said to look at that. I did a bit, felt I made my peace BUT the biggest thing that came up for me as I did that was a new surge of grief about my loss in June. And I realized, I hadn't let go of that baby. Of who that baby was going to be in our family. So I worked on that. And then I had a clear O and now a BFP. I don't know if this one will work out but I hope so. So I think it IS entirely possible that there can be emotional things can affect conception or pregnancy.
Dakipode, good luck with starting Nanowrimo tomorrow!!!!
Dakipode,Xerxella,Beingmommy- Thank you for the encouragement and moral support. It means a lot to me. I wish we could meet in real life. I'm feeling better after I purged to you guys, lol. I guess I just had to get it out. I don't have anyone besides dh to talk to this about since we haven't told anyone close that we are ttc. I was really shocked when he suggested earlier testing since it has been difficult to get him to agree to the tests in the first place. We had a agreement that we would start tests and stuff after the first of the year.
Dakipode you are so right about the wondering what is wrong. Its the not knowing that is making me nuts. I'm usually a very proactive person and not being able to do anything to help the situation has been making me crazy.
Beingmommy- your response to margo was really interesting. Maybe some fears on both dh and I's parts are holding things up. Great conversation starter
Sparklemaman: thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement! Also, I noticed you're in New York: I hope you're doing ok and staying safe.
Margo: I certainly believe that your emotional state can influence TTC/pregnancy though I'm not sure to what extent. Feelings of happiness or stress flood our systems with different hormones and I do believe some people are more sensitive to certain imbalances than others. At the same time I would not ascribe difficulties solely to emotional states. That being said, there is an interesting story of a man who froze himself to death even though he was locked in a room that didn't go below 60F, just because he believed so fervently that he was going to freeze to death...
Now as far as the spirit babies go: I don't think I communicate with my unborn child(ren?). I have dreams in which I'm a mom but I don't believe that those kids are the ones to come.
Lastly, have fun tonight!
beingmommy: so are you still doing NaNo or have your plans changed since you got your BFP? I'm attending a kick-off party tonight, so excited!
JustJenny: I'm glad you're able to confide in us. We all share these frustrations and it's good to get them out!
AFM: I'm starting to think I am nuts for signing up for NaNo, but I've already told a ton of people so I can't back out (which was the reason I wanted to tell so many people). I'm still very much aware of which CD/DPO I'm on though but the writing will be a welcome distraction.
Hugs, JustJenny! Glad you are feeling a little better.
Dakipode, I am planning on doing Nano but we'll see how it goes. Besides it just being hard to find the time to do it (with my full time stay-home-mommying and homeschooling) I could also end up with bad morning sickness again (it was wretched and 24/7 this past spring) so that could also make it hard. BUT I am going to take it a week at a time and really try. I am excited to see how it goes for you too! I have signed up many years but only managed to do it once. It's most fun if you let it be fun. One of my writing group friends is close to submitting a manuscripts to publishers and she started it as Nano project. She said there were several scenes in the Nano original where characters wound up going to get coffee because she got stuck and had to have them do something. It helped her keep the writing flow go and she was able to drop the scenes later. So just remember it's not about product it's about just writing so much, so fast that you have to let go and see where the story and characters take you.
GISDiva, sending vibes for a clear O soon for you. And I hope you feel better sickness-wise too!
Thanks, beingmommy! I felt much better by late afternoon yesterday and then and guess what...O cramping happened too. At least that's what i chalked it up to anyway, positive thinking and all. ;) So for good measure, we sealed the deal hopefully. I woke up in a really good mood today, that hardly ever happens!
Aaaand now the TWW. Hope you all have a glorious weekend! Thank you all for just being here - I may not respond much to what's written here, but I sure do think about it a lot.
How is Nano going for you Dakipode? I completed my word count yesterday and am still on track for today. Whew, I have not written this much since I last managed Nano in 2005!
GISDiva: woohoo! Come on BFP!
beingmommy: I'm doing ok for now, yesterday's total count 2002. I have plenty of time tonight so I intend to stay on track. I also downloaded No Plot, No Problem! That is a funny little book! "A deadline is, simply put, optimism in its most ass-kicking form." I love that we're in this together. I think he calls it the SOS NaNoWriMo.
As for staying zen: too much here, too little there. Let me explain: I'm totally symptom spotting though most of the day I manage to stay sane. Then earlier some guy bumped into me at literally 5mph. So I get out of the car, look at the bumper, it looks fine, I tell him "Pay attention!" and drive off. Well, after looking more closely at the back of my car I realized the spare tire cover is cracked because that's the part he hit, not the bumper... Ugh. I don't really care but I'm dreading DH yelling at me for not getting his insurance info... So too zen there?
I'm totally tempted to test on Sunday but I'll be 8DPO so I doubt I would get any valid information. I guess I'm sort of looking for a good excuse to start taking it easier in my tennis lessons. I love them but sometimes he works me really hard and I wonder if all this exercise is interfering with TTC. I guess I just want to blame it on something and that's the only thing I do a lot of that I can blame it on...
Now back to writing!
Dakipode So glad you're staying calm and peaceful. Not sure I think it is too zen, though I suspect your DH might. I find it impossible not to symptom spot myself. Trying to keep it in perspective has been my challenge for myself. And it is always fun to imagine, maybe I am pregnant this time! I find I am sad when/if AF arrives regardless of what I have/have not done so I do allow myself to indulge in some dreaming and magical thinking. Sort of the opposite of what you discussed earlier in this month's posts re: negative thinking. I also think you are completely justified in taking it a little easy with tennis/exercise generally; you have to listen to your body, right? I am so impressed with all of you taking on the Nano writing challenge!! Awesome!! Oh, and we are doing okay here in Central NY, Sandy only brought us some rain and winds, nothing too bad. I feel so awful for those on the coast.
GISDiva Fingers crossed!!
AFM, I've been using my OPKs this week and am a little confused. Thursday I had a light test line, lighter than the control. Yesterday it was super dark, as dark as the control. And today it is so dark, it's darker than the control (been using them for 4 months and have never had that happen before, though I know the directions say it can happen). I've been having more EWCM than I recall ever having in my entire life and I've been interested in BDing for more than just procreative reasons, which has (quite honestly) been my sole focus the past 6 months or so... I am really hoping this is all good news for this month's chances. Been super busy at work and have lots of plans this weekend to keep my mind from becoming too obsessed. And the TWW begins!
Sparklemaman: sounds like the time is right. Happy BDing!
AFM: I've decided I won't test tomorrow. I'm going to try to hold out like last month and just wait for AF to show up. I did catch a slight cold so I'll use that as my excuse for him to take it easy on me.
And for those of you who care to know: total word count 6283. I totally got in the zone earlier and it was such a great feeling. I didn't even realize time was flying by and then I looked at my word count and was pleasantly surprised. Focus = zen!
Where's everyone else this weekend?
Dakipode I sure hope so!! I am just confused as to when exactly I O'd, or perhaps I still have not!! I am going to try and trust that I have read my body's signs correctly and relax (well try to). Fingers crossed for you and being sent your way!!
dakipode: I definitely think taking it easy on the exercise is a good idea if it feels that way to you, and I'm also waiting until AF does or doesn't show up rather than testing. I freaked out at the end last month and regret spending to the money on the test, especially when I didn't beleive that negative anyways, haha. You are rockin' the writing!
sparkle: I like how you put that - "I am going to try and trust that I have read my body's signs correctly and relax". I'm going to try and join you on that project!
AF is due for me on the 12th, and I'm feeling much less crazy than last month. I'm overall relaxed. We may be relocating for my midwifery apprenticeship, and everything is up in the air as to where, when, if, which has made me surrender to the flow a little more. I have been curiously investigating my chart as it unfolds this month though, as fertilityfriend.com has posed a different opinion about my ovulation timing than I had originally thought. Either way, I've covered my bases with BDing, so only time will tell. Thinking of you all!
Ugh, I hate the feeling of seeing the proof that I am not pregnant :(
xerxella - We're going to be cycle buddies again. Af came this morning for me too. I was expecting it too so there isn't much disappointment. Just the normal period blahs....
dakipode- How did your weekend go? Did you do a lot of writing?
I also started my AF this morning! There's a bunch of cycle buddies.
xerxella: November could be our month. I knew I wouldn't be this month because we missed our window (we were visiting my dad and the walls are thin). I'm also excited because for the first time since before I got pregnant with my now two year old dd, I've had two cycles in a row that are <40 days long. Prior to this, it was this weird thing where I'd have a 35 - 39 cycle and then a 60 day cycle. And now I can start the clomid a full month sooner then I thought I would. I am sorry that you and Justjenny are not. But baby dust to us all! DD gives me hope that it will happen again.
xerxella- wtf waning gibbous moon
Xerxella: Na(tional) No(vel) Wri(ting) Mo(nth), the goal is to write a 50K word novel by the end of the month. Beingmommy mentioned it and I thought it would be fun so I signed up. Sorry AF found you. On to the next cycle.
I wish for all of us to be DDC buddies instead of cycle buddies. I feel like I've gotten to know you all so well and how great would it be if we could continue our journeys together.
devilish: sounds like your cycles are straightening out. Good luck with the Clomid. I'd love to hear your experience.
JustJenny: I wish you good luck in this next cycle too!
AFM: I did get some writing done this weekend but probably won't get much done tonight. DH won tickets to a basketball game so we're doing that instead.
Yesterday I was completely convinced I was pregnant (after a week of diligent symptom spotting...) but now today a symptom of oncoming AF showed up... Part of it was wanting to feel sure of something, whether it was pregnant or not, in a way it was easier to believe in something than to wonder. Now I'm pretty sure AF is coming and I'm off my cloud. I guess we'll see what happens in the next few days. I haven't tested.
Sorry I haven't checked in for a while. I just got a new computer, so I had to find all my passwords.
Congratulations beingmommy! That's wonderful!
I am very impressed with those of you doing nano. I've always been much better with numbers than words myself.
Margo, we are cycle buddies. My AF is due on the 12th as well.
AFM: I've been feeling pretty calm this cycle. I just had a doctor's appointment last Friday, so I felt like maybe I had some control because I am doing something. So I had a blood test today to check my thyroid, and I have a sono HSG scheduled for next week. My husband went for his semen analysis yesterday. This was all making me feel better, but we just got the semen analysis results, and his morphology is only 1% normal. Googling tells me that means IVF is recommended. But he'll have to go back for more testing later to check if it gets better on its own.
Sorry to hear it. Often we women do anything and everything we can think of to improve our chances and our partners are just along for the ride. I hope you find that your DH is willing to try some natural remedies, maybe alter some eating/exercise/underwear habits and things will improve on their own.
My husband will do anything he needs to do, but I think we are going to wait for the next doctor's appointment and see what she recommends.
Dakipode You are SO right! I have countless friends who's partners are less than supportive or just not pulling their weight in their relationships, especially around TTC. While no one wants to hear they may be part of the reason TTC has been challenging, I suspect for many men it is a gendered ego blow, not worse or better, just different, they aren't even willing to explore. Coati, I am glad your DH doesn't fall into that lot
Margo How are you doing with the relaxing and letting go? I am 5 DPO and feeling rather acutely aware of symptoms and not quite sure what to make of them. That is to say, less than relaxed, but still trying! I have a card on the visor of my car that says, "I am flexible and flowing." I keep reminding myself this is what I aspire to be.
My DD appears to have the flu, fever 103+ last night. A temp that high starts to make me nervous but it did come down with Tylenol. I will take her in this morning. She was so pitifully sad last night, grumpy and clearly uncomfortable. It was nice to just snuggle her up while she fell asleep.
Dakipode How was the basketball game?
Just lurking and rooting for everyone!
Sparkle: I'm sorry your dd is sick. I hope she feels better soon.
Xerxella: I am doing clomid days 3 - 7. I will be monitored. And my AF was super light this time, too. I wonder if it's something else that goes around?
Thanks, beingmommy! Right back at you!