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#181 of 215 Old 12-08-2012, 06:39 AM
 
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I am back after being absent for awhile. I need someone to talk to. Been TTC for #2 for 2+ years and I just needed to take a few months off to get a clear head. After two years of intensively trying with charting, temping, OPK's, Acupuncture, etc. I have taken a "vacation" from all of that. I haven't been charting, taking my temperatures, quit the Acupuncture, nothing. And it's been great! I even enrolled in Midwifery school, thinking it was time to put my energies elsewhere and then just let baby-creating happen if/when it did. It all felt very "right" and helped me get my head back in order. (Through all of that I found out my Thyroid was not functioning well and my doctor started me on a natural approach to see if we could stimulate it naturally before going with hormones, so that has helped also to get my sanity back!!!). 

 

And so now... here I am.... on CD32 which is 5 days late (and I am never late. If anything, I often have cycles which are too short) and I was really feeling strongly that I needed to just trust the process, so I wasn't going to test at all (which is not like me, but I am feeling very trusting and Zen about this whole thing right now). Been walking around with a big grin on my face, though! However... I haven't yet shared with my husband how late I am and that I think (know?!!!) I am pregnant and I was trying to come up with a fun way to announce it to him when he comes home from an out-of-town business trip on Sunday. I decided I'd go ahead and get a test (opting for a more expensive digital one rather than the cheapie ones I always used to do because it would look nicer) and then I could wrap it up in a box with a nice ribbon and a Congratulations card. But, to my utter surprise, the test this morning was negative! I totally did NOT expect THAT. 

 

Talked to my best friend on the phone and she said this happened with her first son. In fact, even the blood test at the doctors on 8 days late was negative, but two weeks later she was in the full throes of morning sickness, so definitely pregnant. And I googled it, and it seems this happens to a lot of women. How frustrating! I tested at 6 days late with my son and the line showed up almost before the pee hit the stick. 

 

I am fine with just trusting my body and waiting. But my husband is a very analytical type and he will want "proof." I have been married to him long enough to know that a "feeling" I have won't be enough for him to believe it is definitely true. So I am trying to determine how exactly to proceed. "Honey, I am pregnant. The test is negative, but it is wrong. You'll see."... or just refuse the glasses of wine he offers me in the evening until he asks why??? lol... any ideas?


Shana - Mama to DS, Dylan, born 10/27/2009 at home.homebirth.jpg TTC for #2. 

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#182 of 215 Old 12-08-2012, 10:21 PM
 
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Welcome back PeacefulMama. Do you track ovulation? Or are you just going by cycle days to determine whether or not you're late? I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to be that late and be getting BFNs. Although you seem to be handling it a lot better than I would! Maybe you should consider going to get a blood test? I know there's still a possibility of a false negative with that as well, but it's definitely less so than with a HPT. And that would certainly offer your DH the more conclusive proof he needs! There's definitely something to be said for women's intuition, though. GL, hope you get your positive test!


Me(29) + DH(29) married 8.2010 | MC 4.2013 | Expecting #1 2.2014

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#183 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 09:15 AM
 
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Good luck PeacefulMama, I hope your intuition is right!  I am on the same page as oasis, there is no way I could be as calm as you seem to be.  I would probably go in for a blood test just so I would have that proof for my Dh.
 


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#184 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 01:03 PM
 
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Behold the power of negative thinking! Got my BFP yesterday. smile.gif I really, really thought I was out this month until Friday night. I looked at my body in the mirror and then I *knew*. I tested in the morning and sure enough. I guess that's why I was feeling so un-zen, my lizard brain already knew what my thinking brain couldn't let itself believe.

Still in that phase where you hold your breath every time you go to the bathroom...

I hope I am not the only one this week. Welcome PeacefulMama!

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#185 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 01:29 PM
 
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Yay!!!  Congrats GISDiva!!!!!


Wife to DHguitar.gif, Mama to DS1 luxlove.gifribbonjigsaw.gif (06/2007) and DS2 baby.gif (06/2013), missing babies (mc 08/2006 @ 5 weeks) and (missed mc 06/2012 @ 11 weeks)

 

 

 

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#186 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 01:50 PM
 
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Congratulations, GISDiva!!!!!!!!!

My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
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#187 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 04:40 PM
 
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Congratulations GISDiva!


-Meagan

 

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#188 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 05:37 PM
 
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Yay!! Woohoo, GISDiva!!

Wife to one amazing man and mama to three!

DD1 (03/09), DD2 (06/11), DS (01/14) love.gif

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#189 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 08:09 PM
 
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GISdiva- Congratulations! Hope you have a healthy sticky bean in there! joy.gifdust.gif


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#190 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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GISDiva: congratulations! I take it the conference is out then?

 

Everyone else: sorry I've been away for a while, I'll look for some time tomorrow to catch up with personals.


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#191 of 215 Old 12-09-2012, 10:17 PM
 
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Wow congratulations GISDiva!!! Sending positive vibes for a happy and healthy nine months :) 


Me(29) + DH(29) married 8.2010 | MC 4.2013 | Expecting #1 2.2014

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#192 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 12:40 AM
 
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Congratulations joy.gifGISDiva!

 

 

Quote:
Still in that phase where you hold your breath every time you go to the bathroom...

 

Yup, I remember that the first time around.. time will fly by before you know it!


Mama to my little Lily luxlove.gif (09/2010), and a sweet baby boy joy.gif (12/2012)

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#193 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 01:00 AM
 
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I've been having a dull ache on my lower right abdomen since yesterday (now am at 5 DPO) and I just spent the morning analyzing my chart and googling non-stop. I also ordered a 10-pack of pregnancy tests off amazon. Now I must stop all the un-zen-like behavior, and let it go a bit om.gif

 

 

PeacefulMama best of luck! I hope you got a pos.gif by now...


Mama to my little Lily luxlove.gif (09/2010), and a sweet baby boy joy.gif (12/2012)

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#194 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 04:21 AM
 
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LilyKay I know the feeling -- obsessive chart-gazing like it's a Magic Eye painting and some secret sign will be revealed to me if I just stare long enough is like my MO :)

 

In other news I'm already feeling like I've blown it for the month. Not due to O until around the 17th but it's only 10 days into December and we've been to so many holiday parties already that my intentions of maintaining a clean and healthy diet and not imbibing have been thrown out the window -- I've been embracing caffeine, alcohol and trans fats with near reckless abandon! Ugh where is my will power?? Then again, it's not like avoiding (or at least cutting down on) that stuff made a difference for the better in the previous four months. I'm having a blast just relaxing and doing what I want with DH and friends but there's always that little guiltiness afterwards that I'm blowing our chances with each cookie or glass of red wine... To make matters worse we're heading back home for the holidays and we'll be visiting with family and friends we haven't seen in seven months (we live abroad) so I know I'll be faced with temptations galore for the entirety of the TWW.


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#195 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 05:42 AM
 
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Congrats GSI!
 


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#196 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 06:35 AM
 
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Thanks ladies!

 

Oasis, don't be so hard on yourself.  Plenty of people get pregnant and not even know it while enjoying the finer things in life.  smile.gif  Moderation, Moderation, Moderation... Think of poor, poor me who will trudge through the holidays as a teetotaler.  lol.gif

 

Dakipode, yes, I think the conference is out.  I'm thinking five hours on a plane each way and walking the length of a football stadium sized conference center a few times a day at 7.75 months pregnant is not a good idea...and it just seems too far away from home at that point.  My boss will probably just take over the hotel room, so I'm not out anything.  The hard part will be keeping this all a secret for a few more weeks...

 

Let's see, good things come in threes, right?  Where's the other two BFPs, eh?  winky.gif

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#197 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 12:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oasis: welcome and yes, I totally get you. TTC is such a roller coaster: one day you're hopeful, the next moment you think you might jinx it if you're too hopeful, so then you swing the other way and just start brooding... (that's me at least)

I'm not sure that I have any good advice for you regarding not obsessively googling because I do it too. You think that maybe you're missing that one piece of crucial information that no one's ever seen because it's hiding on page 347 of the search you just did... I've learned to give in to my urges to search and I find that after 10 minutes or so it wears off and I can go on with whatever else I was working on. Of course, I work for myself so I don't have a boss looking over my shoulder, that makes my computer time a bit more flexible.

I would say don't worry about "blowing it" with diet etc. DH and I were just talking about this yesterday and the topic comes up here every so often: you get so stressed out with trying to do everything right, thinking that if you control every variable you can change the odds in your favor and ultimately you have to wonder: how much are you really affecting them? Are you increasing your chances from 20% to 50% or 21%? So many women who don't do anything "right" get pregnant and go on to have healthy babies... It's a maddening thought to me, someone who's trying to follow the rules and do it "right", but I guess that's the zen part of it all: letting go of the attachment of "right" vs. "wrong" and trusting that it will happen.

 

Lidamama: I hope you're having a much better day and your DD is feeling better. Thanks for giving me a realistic idea of what to look forward to. Not having any kids and wanting them so badly certainly has me seeing the future through rose colored glasses... winky.gif

 

Sparklemaman: any news yet? Ugh for the HPT, that's frustrating. When I first started using OPKs I would use three at a time (yeah, what a waste...) because I was worried about them not working properly.

 

chuord: hello and welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your earlier loss. I hope you get some good news soon.

Regarding the orgasm info: hmmm. I think I'll put that bit of knowledge in the "can't hurt to try" category. After losing the tube I read an account by a lady whose doc told her that the good tube goes and looks for the egg every month. Yeah, I LOL'd at that one. It seems pretty ludicrous but who knows, I do welcome any encouraging thoughts...

 

 

coati: I'm sorry AF showed up for you. I'm reminded of something Pokey said a while back: trucking along and keeping the faith. Sometimes it seems like that is all there is.hug2.gif

 

sphinxy: I feel the same way about BFNs being inconclusive, especially after this last episode. I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I find myself in need of a test again. I don't want to be the idiot who demands a blood test and then gets her period the same day. But on the other hand early monitoring is advised after ectopic pregnancy and I don't want to have another tube removed...

All the best with this cycle. I hope your swimmers found their way!

 

GISDiva: funny that you mention looking in the mirror and Knowing. I caught myself doing that a couple of times when I was in that weird time between BFNs and bloodwork results and I could've sworn my nipples were looking larger... Then again, I ascribe it to "everything is a symptom" during the 2ww.

Hope you're doing well and your baby is growing healthy and strong!

 

Xerxella: how are you doing?

 

Everyone else: wave.gif

 

AFM: not sure where I stand, the doc said wait "a couple of months" but he sort of mentioned it off-handedly and didn't say to absolutely not try anything. My mindset is more NTNP right now, I figure without the Clomid our chances are low... Still spotting a bit here and there, eager to get my body back to normal, going in for more bloodwork today to check hcg numbers.

I've told my close clients and while that was hard it was also very healing. I needed to acknowledge what happened and not just shove it into a dark corner of my mind.

DH and I were intimate for the first time in a long time yesterday and that was nice too. I thought I would feel more emotional about it but it was ok.

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#198 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 05:42 PM
 
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So glad to hear you're slowly recovering and healing, Dakipode. I think as soon as you feel physically and emotionally ready, is a good time to start trying. Also, given your history of an ectopic, I don't think anyone is going to think badly of you for wanting early testing.

Kiddos are much better, thanks, DH and I caught the bug too...some sort of stomach flu, I guess, cause we all had the same symptoms. It really sucks to have a sick kid, but it's even worse when you're sick yourself and can't take care of your kids...and when everyone is sick at the same time is the definition of madness! I feel like we got off easy, this time, though, cause our DDs got sick on separate days, so on Friday I stayed home and slept with DD2 all day, while DD1 was at daycare. These are the kinds of things that make me question if we should really have more kids...being able to care for a sick kid...

On Friday, a dear friend who lives far away had a c-section with her first baby (planned, for a breech), so I've been on standby all weekend with breast feeding support, trying to help her with her latch via text. They are home now, and it sounds like things are going a bit better, so I am finally starting to relax too. It's so hard to be so far away and not be able to help my friend when she's struggling. I struggled so much with breast feeding at first, and really had to fight to get it to work, but I live in a big city with lots of resources, while my friend lives in a small town with not much BFing support. Like, the hospital doesn't even have an LC on staff greensad.gif
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#199 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 08:27 PM
 
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oasis & LilyKay - I am so with you on feeling that chart gazing can be like staring at magic eye art! You made me laugh...

 

Dakipode - Good to have you back. Continual healing vibes coming your way. 

 

Lida - Glad to hear you are all feeling better. I can imagine it would be as prime a time as any to let some doubt in your mind about TTC another child. And what a great gift to be able to provide some remote support to your friend.

 

Peaceful - Hope you've gotten some good news by now. FX for you!

 

Afm, our final insem of the cycle is complete. Now we wait and see what Christmas has in store for us. I'm heading out of town for a few days on business which should keep me somewhat distracted and reunite me with some good friends. I probably won't make it back online much before the weekend, so good luck to everyone!


My wife (30) and I (32) have been legally married since 2006. We are proud queer mamas to baby W, born 10/10/2013.
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#200 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 08:45 PM
 
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Congratulations GISDiva!!!!!!! Looks like conference booking and negative thinking worked. :-)

 

Oasis, I agree with everyone else that there is no need to beat yourself up. It's very likely that even if those things make a difference, it's a small difference. I work with statistics and plenty of things that are "significant" have such small effects that they're not worth worrying about.

 

LilyKay, I get a dull ache in my right abdomen all the time. I've read so many things into it as well.

 

Thanks Dakipode, for some reason Pokey's quote has made me think of Finding Nemo "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...". I hope you get some peace from NTNP for a bit. That's what I'm supposed to be doing, and it's a nice break for me.

 

AFM - I am having some very unpleasant right abdomen pain that is not typical for AF. It's keeping me up at night. I went to the doctor today, and they couldn't figure out what it is wrong. They did a pregnancy test, just in case, but it was negative. I wish that been the problem. In good news, I have a job interview this Thursday that I am very excited about!


*** *5* * *8* * *12* * *16 * * *20* * * 24 * * * 28 * * * 32 * * * 36 * * stillheart.gif 40
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#201 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 09:13 PM
 
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Congrats GISDiva!!! That's great news!!! Warning: Caution lots of moving parts ahead! (Click to show)
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coati - Good luck on the interview! Sorry about the confusing symptoms. Once I had a luteal cyst that sat in just such a way that I could feel it. (They clear up on their own.)

sphinxy - Good luck!!!! Swim swimmers, swim! I LOVE having lots to do during the 2ww, it really takes the pressure off. I hope you come back to a Christmas miracle.

oasis - I say live and let live! There's always those stories about how someone got completely plowed on the night they conceived their child. Like you said, being super careful about everything you ate didn't seem to make a difference so why not?

revolting - How are you doing these days?

lilykay - Good luck being zen with pregnancy tests sitting in your cupboard. whistling.gif (I never can!)

dakipode - Hugs on working the way on your healing process (Thanks for asking about me, BTW, that's really nice.)

AFM - I really think this pregnancy will be a loss, but so far (after one spot) it's been quiet, so I guess that was implantation bleeding. My next HCG blood test is Wednesday. I'm feeling pretty zen about the whole thing. I think since I've accepted the loss, I'm ok with whatever happens (not that I won't be crying about it when they finally bring us in and there's no heartbeat, I will be). I tend to hold onto losses for a long time past viability, so this will probably be a long road. I have an appointment for December 26th which will be 7 weeks, so an ultrasound then will be the final decision.

On better news, I'm working a random midnight shift so I was able to get almost all my Christmas shopping done today while the kids were in school! Woo-hoo!!!!

wave.gif to everyone!

Married to one of the last good guys left Jim
Mom to AJ 4/07 and Genevieve 5/09

And then: I'm really, really tired of making angels.

But wait, could it really be true?


The whole story at: www.xerxella.blogspot.com
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#202 of 215 Old 12-10-2012, 11:59 PM
 
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obsessive chart-gazing like it's a Magic Eye painting and some secret sign will be revealed to me if I just stare long enough is like my MO :)

 

lol.gif Yup that nails it!

 

Oasis, with DD, the entire time before ovulation was visiting my DP in south of France. I can't tell you the amount of sweets and pastries I ate, and drank a lot, mostly wine. To make matters worse, when I was 1-2 week pregnant with DD (I did not even think it a possibility to be pregnant) I drank almost a whole bottle of wine at a friend's 30th birthday Sheepish.gif. Moral of the story is, drinking wine is good for getting knocked up?

 

Xerxella, best of luck for Wednesday , you never know!

 

coati, good luck on the interview! How many days DPO are you, the negative might not be conclusive, or?!

 

This morning walking to work, I made a short list of fun things I'd be able to do if I'm out for this cycle...I've got only two things so far, going to the spa with DP, drinking eggnog and making Glühwein (hot spiced wine) for our Christmas dinner.


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#203 of 215 Old 12-11-2012, 06:24 AM
 
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joy.gifjoy.gifjumpers.gifjumpers.gif CONGRATS GISDiva!!! jumpers.gifjumpers.gifjoy.gifjoy.gif

 

Dakipode Glad you are healing and finding peace and calm. Your plan, NTNP, sounds perfect.

 

Sphinxy Fingers and toes crossed!! goodvibes.gif

 

Xerxella hug2.gif I am so sorry you have to go through this again. You are an amazingly strong woman!

 

Coati Sorry AF found you, and early no less! irked.gif

 

Lidamama Oh yuck! Stomach bugs are the worst! The only redeeming quality I've ever found is they do seem to pass quickly, though they typically strike EVERYONE in the house before they do.

 

JustJenny Hope your appointment gives you some answers.

 

Welcome.gifto all the newcomers and wave.gif to everyone I've missed.

 

I have been trying to stay calm as I was waiting out my TWW. Calm, yes. Obsessive, also yes. I stared at 5 days worth of BFNs before AF arrived, right on time, this morning. So Zen, not so much. I was really confident that the O-like pinchy/pokey/crampy feelings I had last Tuesday and Wednesday (opposite side from where I know I O'd this month) were implantation. It seemed so right on timing-wise and not typical for me in the symptom spotting mode of the TWW. This is 7 months of consuming thoughts around TTC (and convincing myself each TWW, this is it!) and 5 months of diligently charting, OPK use and well timed BDing. My DH has again (infuriatingly) changed his mind around this whole process. Knowing this made this month's TWW especially high stakes, so to speak. My DH has always been satisfied with the idea of having an only child, even before we were married. In fact, this was a huge source of contention just before we became engaged and then before we were married. I was clear this was a deal breaker for me, I knew I would NOT be content with only 1; I was thinking more of 4-5! He insisted he'd agree to and try for at least 2. To say I feel hurt, mislead, betrayed would all be understatements. So I find myself, once again, in a rather dark place this month. I keep trying to be okay with it, to accept that I am done and trying so hard to be grateful for all the privilege and blessings in my life. This is proving more difficult that I'd thought as I realize I can be both grateful and sad for the sense of less. A part of me does wonder if the Universe is sending me a message, that if with 5 months of well timed trying, it just isn't meant to be anyway. *Sigh* I am so sorry for the negative energy I am bringing this morning, this just sucks.
 


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#204 of 215 Old 12-11-2012, 06:39 AM
 
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I'm so sorry, SparkleMaman.  I was in a similar spot before DH finally agreed to go ahead and try.  I wondered why he was so adamant about it for so long when he didn't make any moves to get the vasectomy...apparently the combination of his laziness and my bullying worked.  But now, I have worries that when things get hard, as babies sometimes are, he'll be all "you wanted this..."

 

I wish I had magic words for you.  hug2.gif

 

And huge hugs to you too, Xerxella...

 

Thank you all again for the warm wishes, they really do mean a lot to me.  I wish we were all congratulating each other...


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#205 of 215 Old 12-11-2012, 07:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sparklemaman: I'm sorry you're having such a tough time this morning. DH and I waited a long time to get married (9 years) because we couldn't agree on kids. I wanted them, he didn't. Our relationship worked in every other way and at some point we both realized that we really did want to be together and we'd both just have to have a little (or a lot of) faith and take a chance on each other. I think trust is one of the hardest things about being in a relationship: not just trusting that the other person won't cheat on you etc., but more importantly you trusting that you will be ok in this relationship, taking a chance on this person and trusting that you can be fulfilled in a life with this person regardless of what it brings (barring abuse); to me that's what the "for better or for worse" refers to. I know this may seem inconceivable right now but could you find some peace with your current scenario? Find somewhere deep down the knowledge that you are strong and that you trust you will make it through and be ok no matter what? hug2.gif

 

JustJenny: best of luck at your appointment today!

 

Xerxella: stay strong! I hope Wednesday brings you peace of mind either way. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.


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#206 of 215 Old 12-11-2012, 09:11 AM
 
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Xerxella-  I am still praying that this bean sticks for you!

 

Sparkle- My Dh would be completely content to be one and done as well, it has taken me 2 years to have him finally agree to TTC #2, I fear that if I don't get pregnant quickly he will change his mind as well though. hug2.gif


-Meagan

 

A Christian, crunchy, homeschooling southern wife to D and mama to A (5) who loves ( treehugger.gif, knit.gif,teapot2.GIF, and reading.gif)

 

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#207 of 215 Old 12-11-2012, 04:08 PM
 
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LilyKay, I'm pretty sure the negative is real. AF already started last Thursday. There's so many things that can cause pain in the right abdomen: kidneys, ovaries, appendicitis, severe indigestion... My doctor tested for all sorts of things. She told me that she was going to do a pregnancy test because there are unusual cases where women keep having periods even though they are pregnant. It's pretty unlikely though. I was actually able to sleep through the night last night, so I hope that means I am getting better.

 

Sparklemaman, I'm sorry you're so sad. There's no need to apologize for being negative. We're here to support each other, and that includes when we're down. Sending hugs your way.

 

Xerxella, I'm amazed by how calm you are. I'm sending you hugs too.

 

And thanks everyone for the luck!


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#208 of 215 Old 12-11-2012, 04:24 PM
 
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I have a question for you ladies...how many people know you are ttc? I've been struggling with feeling pretty down lately. We havent been trying very long yet but my cycles are so crazy and long. I'm at nearly cd50 with bfns and don't feel like af is coming soon because I haven't had my normal af symptoms. I have a few close friends who know we are ttc but other than that we haven't told people so we can avoid the constant questioning about how its going. But at the moment I'm feeling in a slump and when people are asking why I just don't know what to say. I'm glad I have you all here to talk to about this stuff.
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#209 of 215 Old 12-11-2012, 04:49 PM
 
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Beckeroo, my mom knows and my husband's and my closest friends know. My brother knows, but I don't think my dad knows. My coworkers and my boss definitely do not know. This is something I struggle with too. Thank goodness we have a safe place to talk about TTC here. Sometimes I just want to tell everybody, especially when it seems like everybody at work is having babies. Basically, if somebody asks directly, I tell them the truth. Otherwise, I keep it to myself. My mother-in-law does not know, so I wonder how my husband is going to respond to her usual baby-nagging this Christmas. (She doesn't speak English, so I don't have to have the conversation with her directly.) Sorry, I'm getting rambly. I don't what to tell you. I think you should talk about it as much as you feel comfortable.


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#210 of 215 Old 12-11-2012, 07:28 PM
 
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Wow, this thread is so busy lately!

Sparklemaman: sorry you're in such a sad place. Hopefully you and your DH can talk this through and find some sort of solution...I often worry about my DH pulling that line on me too, but he never does, even when things get hairy...he does jokingly say sometimes "and you want MORE?" I think having children is a joint venture, and you are not somehow 100% responsible for them, just cause you wanted another, KWIM?

Sphinxy: sounds like you have a nice TWW planned. Keeping my fingers crossed that your insem was successful!

Xerxella: sending sticky thoughts your way too!

Coati: yikes! Sounds painful! Hopefully whatever it is goes away or the docs figure it out!

Anyone I've missed: Hi!

Wife to one amazing man and mama to three!

DD1 (03/09), DD2 (06/11), DS (01/14) love.gif

2014: 30/70lbs, 4/52 crafts
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