Taking The Scenic Route to a BFP - Winter/Spring 2013 Edition - Page 34 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-29-2013, 09:21 PM
 
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Holy sh*t, Sherry!! Over the moon excited for you!!

Tf - hugs baby girl.

Me - 39 - mthfr c677t and multiple unknown caused m/c's
DH - 40 - old and cranky
DS - 6 - ASD and severe adhd
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Old 03-30-2013, 04:05 AM
 
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Hi ladies

Sila and skj congrats!!!"

Indie happy belated birthday

Tf...oh. i am sorry things are feeling so rough...i feel like a jerk. I didn't read first. Xanax has its place...anxiety is awful. I hope you enjoy your mom and can relax and be distracted. My trick....think about how sorry you would feel if coworker lost the pregnancy and then try to be glad she isn't... i am not sure that makes sense but somehow it works for me...when i would like to throttle someone....

Chrissy- thanks!

Hi everyone else.

Well i finally got dh past shock and speaking coherently...we have a trip to Vegas Tuesday-Sunday....um it was part of our first steps to enjoying our adult babyless future....um so anyway...we wont do any quants till after we get back if it's still holding. Its so against the odds. U/S if quants get to 2000...and hope its not ectopic... nothing too reassuring as we look at the hard truth. edc dec 8.i will be 42 him 48 by then. His paßt month of financial and future pplanning is out the window....life sometimes happens when you are making other plans...never truer to us than now.

Thanks to you all for the congrats....i cant imagine being stuck out here with noone to tell.

dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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Old 03-30-2013, 05:19 AM
 
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Congrats sherry! Nice to 'meet' you😄

me 40, DH 40, one (TTC since November 2012) At least one confirmed chem.Ivf #1 march 2014 - 6 day 6 blasts, bfn, 4 frosties. Ivf #2 may, cancelled, Ivf #3 July two transferred, 3 frosties... BFP! Scan at 6+4 wks - twins!! Feeling more blessed than words!
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:40 AM
 
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On my phone...

sila- nice coincidence with the dentist! And, VERY interesting abt the betas and twins!! Can't wait to find out.

chuord-what you made for your dad is amazing!!! Awesome work!

tf-your experience is so similar too w after my first loss. It was like I finally felt things were looking up and Bam! I'd be sobbing again. The emotions of a loss are so tough and having pg women around you is like a cruel joke. You are an amazing person and handling this with such grace. Please, please let us listen to whatever emotions you are feeling when you need to get them out. That's what we are here for if that's what you need.

sherry-congrats again! I'm just so happy for you.

Hi everyone else!

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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Old 03-30-2013, 02:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daurelia View Post

Did anyone read this blog post? http://www.stevewiens.com/2013/03/26/ten-words-that-describe-infertility/

I identified with it SO much. I especially identified with feeling awkward, and ambivalent. 
After so much trying and so many miscarriages, there gets to be a point where you simply run out of Fs to give. The next time I get a positive pregnancy test, I will experience many conflicting emotions, one of them for sure being "so what?". This experience that is supposed to be so beautiful and life-changing has been robbed from us and instead we're left with feeling empty and numb about it. 
Daurelia, ((hugs)) to you. I did read that blog post yesterday. A different blog of his was in my feed and I ended up reading this one on infertility. And then I cried, hard, while reading it. I'm not really part of this thread, mostly because I don't fit the infertility description and I was only lurking to stalk a friend's pregnancy (hi, Sila!). But 5 miscarriages in a row has certainly put me through all of those experiences- ambivalence, awkwardness, everything. Especially the one about being angry at all of the pregnant women. I still feel very raw and hurt by the experiences from these past two years of trying and losing, over and over again. Even though we are cautiously expecting in August, I very much dreading the mid-April due date of the last baby we lost. Thanks for putting into words something I have been thinking about since reading that blog yesterday.

Mama to Iris (01/10) and Gus (08/13)
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Old 03-30-2013, 05:03 PM
 
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Daurelia- This really is such a crapshoot of emotions. The blog did hit home hard though and was comforting in a strange, painful, tear stained way. Sending hugs and luck to you on your cycle. What is your protocol? Is she making any changes for this month?

 

Sherry- Waiting anxiously for updates from you!

 

AFM- Okay, are you ready for this. I ended up walking out on the party after about 5 minutes (it was at a paint bar, we hadn't even started painting yet). My sister brought up that my pregnant cousin was coming and I (mistakenly) tried to be honest about my opinion and my fears/anxiety about the night. Instead of my expectation that she would be supportive and compassionite, she chewed me out about last year I was pissed that this cousin didn't come to something and now I'm pissed that she did (which I immediately said was a completly different situation and asked her to please stop because she was making me upset) and she went on with how nobody (i.e. her) knows what to say or do or how to act around me (to which I again asked her to stop and said she was making me upset and I was going to leave). She continued on so I said forget it I'm leaving, so I got my coat and phone and went for a walk. But then I was crying and feeling abandoned so I called DH who luckily was still at my sisters a mile away and he picked me up, he drove over to get my purse and my other cousin came out to talk to me (who somehow said just the right things). Then we went and had Frosty's and jpack came and met us there so we got to sit and chat for a while. It was unfortunate because I felt terrible skipping my moms birthday but the night turned out for the better. Then today I texted my coworker... she says she didn't tell anybody at work but was glad I brought it up to her. I still know it will be a struggle for me deal with the day by day of the speaking/breathing/living example of the pregnancy I lost, it was refreshing to clear the air before she announced at work & it felt so awkward. Hoping this helps with my anxiety. So now I have no Easter plans too since I planned to go to my sisters. It just doesn't feel right, which again makes me feel bad for my mom, who came all the way here from Maryland and now is caught in the middle. Sigh... it is so easy to say I have to do whatever to take care of myself, harder to actually act on it.


C + B + 10y together, 6y married, 5y TTC= endometriosis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis
recurrent miscarriages IVF 2/13@10w , FET 6/13@7w, IVF 10/13@4w, FET 2/14 @4w
Failed IVF 5/14, IVF OHSS Freeze all with PGD 8/14- 6 PGD normal embryos
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

Cautiously expecting TWINS after FET of 2 PGD normal 5 day blastocysts 9/13/14
***4***8**12***16***20***24***28***32***36* **40
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Old 03-30-2013, 05:39 PM
 
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I forgot to add I think this outpouring of new emotions come with being past ovulation, like PMS on steroid. That's my hope anyway, that in another week AF will come & I'll feel normal again.

C + B + 10y together, 6y married, 5y TTC= endometriosis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis
recurrent miscarriages IVF 2/13@10w , FET 6/13@7w, IVF 10/13@4w, FET 2/14 @4w
Failed IVF 5/14, IVF OHSS Freeze all with PGD 8/14- 6 PGD normal embryos
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

Cautiously expecting TWINS after FET of 2 PGD normal 5 day blastocysts 9/13/14
***4***8**12***16***20***24***28***32***36* **40
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Old 03-30-2013, 07:23 PM
 
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Hey tf
Man your day sucked!!! I am decompensating. Alone. Dh is in BK on call at 3 hospitals...his mom is there...and I knew I wouldn't see him much so I decided to stay here until he is off....but I didn't know this would happen so I sm in major freaking out misery...trying to remember all my reassurances to bebe...I have over trsted and I am freaking because they aren't darker...but its only been 24 hours right....right???
I am so tired. No sleep. I talked to dh for 15 minutes this morning, and 3 minutes at 7:30...I feel so upset I should probably turn my phone off...ugh

But TF- you win sucky day award! Jeeze

Hi everyone

Pic next

dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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Old 03-30-2013, 07:26 PM
 
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Tf - It wasn't right of your sister to chew you out. I'm sorry it happened but at least your night took a turn for the good.

 

Sherry - Still so happy for you and Dh. How's he holding up?

 

Hi everyone else! Thinking of y'all.

 

AFM - CD1 and that' it. lol


Me - 39 - mthfr c677t and multiple unknown caused m/c's
DH - 40 - old and cranky
DS - 6 - ASD and severe adhd
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Old 03-30-2013, 07:31 PM
 
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dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:22 PM
 
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Jeez. You're worse at testing then me. Lol I see + in all of them and they look fine to me.

Me - 39 - mthfr c677t and multiple unknown caused m/c's
DH - 40 - old and cranky
DS - 6 - ASD and severe adhd
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Old 03-30-2013, 11:21 PM
 
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Thanks...oh you are all saving my sanity right now....yes its 1:20 am. Still up no sleep...but hey i vomited!!! Hooray.

And ok TF...whats a paint bar...sounds like a place you go to huff....i am guessing its like arts and crafts with drinks...?

dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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Old 03-30-2013, 11:37 PM
 
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Sherry - I see them all too... They look marginally darker than yesterday as well 😄 I totally understand the annoyance of not being able to talk to dh... I've not had it with pregnancy tho... Until feb this year he was a registrar, and the oncalls were a nightmare - especially when I had constant migraines... Some days (hospital and hour away) he would be away from hone up to 7 nights on a row...
TF - don't feel bad about the way the night went, everyone is right your sister was out of line - but it got you to act in your best interests and change things to suit you which I think is awesome! You had a great night in the end, and have cleared the air at work - all done your way... I'm so impressed and only hope I'd be gutsy enough to do the same if it happened to me.
SKJ - thank you! I know it's not the place, but I'm quite happy with it lol... So how are you doing? Has dd noticed anything different yet?
Indie and everyone else - huge hugs!

me 40, DH 40, one (TTC since November 2012) At least one confirmed chem.Ivf #1 march 2014 - 6 day 6 blasts, bfn, 4 frosties. Ivf #2 may, cancelled, Ivf #3 July two transferred, 3 frosties... BFP! Scan at 6+4 wks - twins!! Feeling more blessed than words!
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Old 03-31-2013, 07:06 AM
 
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Happy Easter if thats your thing.
Thanks Chourd and everyone. All the oncall stuff can be hard.
I am feeling a bit saner today. My girls are off with their dad this morning so i've had the house to myself to poas and climb back in bed with my thoughts for awhile. I think the tests look darker today fmu was dilute second was better. I am out of sticks and hoping to hold off on any more testing. Haha....those of you that know me...well, stores are closed today anyway.
I am trying to take my own advice and focus on all my warm fuzzy maternal feelings.

The first heartbeats
First movements
The burn of the last few pushes
The relief
The way your life stops- then changes- at the first sight.
Whether the first or fifth...or more
Those needle prick tingles of latching on
And the comfort of that first snuggle after getting cleaned up.

I'm pushing all that energy down deep into me and out to all of you as always.

In a way I feel some survivor guilt...I was making my peace with this and spending my thoughts and prayers on all of you.

I hope you all have some love and sunshine in your day today wherever you are.

dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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Old 03-31-2013, 07:07 AM
 
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dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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Old 03-31-2013, 08:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sherryyyyyy, I'm going to com over to your house and take all your tests away! winky.gif You're preggo! Hpts are qualitative, not quantitative. They will not tell you anything other than if you are pregnant or not. They can't tell you how pregnant you are. 

 

I know you hadn't planned on it, but maybe betas would put your mind at ease? I hope you don't take this the wrong way love.gif But really, don't make me fly to NY...


Married to my love stillheart.gif, Mommy to W ('09) homebirth.jpg and Doula.

 brokenheart.gifbrokenheart.gif God has answered our prayers & we welcomed our baby girl earth side 11/24/13 h20homebirth.gif

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Old 03-31-2013, 09:25 AM
 
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You might wanna, Sila. She might be out bright and early tomorrow for more tests. Lol

We love ya sherry and all of us are so frickin happy for you!!

Me - 39 - mthfr c677t and multiple unknown caused m/c's
DH - 40 - old and cranky
DS - 6 - ASD and severe adhd
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Old 03-31-2013, 11:40 AM
 
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Actually Walmart might be open. I figure i deserve to see at least 5% of all the tests i took as bfns now as bfp's....ive got about 30 to go. It also allows me to break the sensible nurse married to an ob/gyn to do ridiculous assurance.....AND....i still just can't believeit!!!" I hope i never pee on a stick again!!!

dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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Old 03-31-2013, 12:06 PM
 
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Sherry-- you are making me feel better that I am not that most obsessive tester ;) huge congratulations!!

 

Coffee Bean-- 5 miscarriages really puts someone in the infertility boat, I think... at least in terms of the emotions. I have been dealing with this for nearly 2 years and have had two "official" miscarriages but probably a handful more that were VERY early MCs because I was depressed and stopped testing (and my doc thinks I was getting pregnant every cycle). I'm really just SO excited that you are due in August and this one is sticking. That is really promising to me. I remember in my early days on this site we were in the same due date club and it's just so sad we are both still here. Your miscarriage/fertility nightmare is likely over and I'm hopeful that maybe mine will be too soon.

 

TF and Indie and Coffee Bean, I'm really glad that you got a lot out of reading that infertility blog post. I definitely did. It articulated a lot of feelings that I haven't really seen written about anywhere else. I'm glad that guy (a GUY!) wrote about it.

 

TF, I am so sorry your family (especially your sister) was so massively thoughtless to you. I get the impression they've never gone through anything like this and can't relate, which is making them insensitive.  I'm just so sorry. I'm not really speaking to my parents right now and a big part of it is because they have completely written off this part of my life and are so insensitive to how I am suffering right now.

 

Also TF you asked about my protocol-- I'm just doing natural cycles because they think they "fixed" me. When I first started seeing the most amazing doc ever (same doc as SKJ), it was late in a cycle, and they tested me and I was pregnant, and then I miscarried. After that we did lots of diagnostics and discovered I had some lumpy stuff stuck to my uterine wall-- likely my first miscarriage didn't evacuate completely. So we did a pharmacological thing to get rid of it (basically overdosing on birth control pills repeatedly). And it worked. So my doc thinks I should be able to get pregnant naturally no problem now. After two years of infertility, though, I am really really doubtful and hesitant. So far it's just been one cycle of trying since they "fixed" me, and I am already feeling that icky sense of dread that I felt the first time around... Luckily I have an amazing doctor so whatever is wrong, they'll fix it.

 

 

 

AFM. I'm 7 or 8 DPO (I'm terrible at calculating the EXACT o day-- is it the day of your OPK? or the day of your temp shift??). This cycle was really perfect. I had the darkest OPK I've ever seen, I had a dramatic temp shift (instead of my usual, which is a slow climb over the course of 3 days), we got between the sheets 3 times exactly when we needed to. I am also going to acupuncture once a week (which may have contributed to my perfect temp shift). If it didn't work this time, I'm going to start feeling like "natural" isn't gonna work for us. I will find out in a week....

 

I was feeling really zen about it, like, "I will have a baby someday I just can't control it..." until this very morning, when I had a video chat date with one of my best friends. She told me she is pregnant. She JUST got a positive test 3 days ago so who knows what will happen, but she wanted to tell me immediately because she loves me and knows what I've been through and didn't want it to be an awkward secret. I'm glad she told me and I'm happy for her but of course you guys understand the sick sad feeling. And it would be so fun if we were pregnant at the same time, of course, which I will find out in a week.... Also, something that has been a great comfort for me is that NONE of my closest friends have children. She will be the first. Now I am feeling like all my friends are going to start having babies and I'm gonna get left behind :(


Happily married for 5 years. Tried for our first baby 6/2011, got preg right away, and miscarried. Took a 4 month break, and then had nothing but infertility & a few early miscarriages until 12/2012 when we learned I had a lumpy edge in my uterus. Doc removed it and now we are trying again....

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Old 03-31-2013, 10:06 PM
 
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Daurelia- I sure hope the end of your journey is near!! I hope that it's sooner than you could have imagined. I had a similar experience with one of my closest friends last fall, just after my 5th miscarriage had completed. She was the only close friend of mine who still only had one kid- so it felt like she was the most "like me", if that makes sense. She texted me that she was pregnant and I just cried, for a very long time. I really felt happy for her underneath all of the pain, but it was a tangible sense that I was all alone in the one-child thing, and that she was moving along without me. Then she miscarried and I found out I was pregnant within the same week. :-( I hate knowing how it must have felt to her. I think with those closest to you, we can give them some extra grace and they are able to do the same with us. It really helps when they let us know early, knowing it will hurt regardless of when we find out. Hopefully you and your friend can continue to be honest and considerate of each other, and you can take time and space if you need to process.

Mama to Iris (01/10) and Gus (08/13)
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:09 AM
 
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Hello
Well i think it's a bad April fools day here...i did pick up tests yesterday but didn't use them.
Woke up missing that hum inside feeling.
answer brand completely negative x2
Crampy
Just feeling different
Wish i could have had one night with dh with this.
Or
Even an hour
Just to see his eyes in person
Af feels heavy and on its way

dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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Old 04-01-2013, 08:02 AM
 
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Oh Sherry. I don't know what to say. I wish so bad that DH was with you. And, I'm holding out hope that you are wrong. But I know that you know yourself the best. Huge, huge hugs.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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Old 04-01-2013, 08:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sherry I'm sorry you are alone without your DH. I'm also holding out hope that you are wrong. 


Married to my love stillheart.gif, Mommy to W ('09) homebirth.jpg and Doula.

 brokenheart.gifbrokenheart.gif God has answered our prayers & we welcomed our baby girl earth side 11/24/13 h20homebirth.gif

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Old 04-01-2013, 09:28 AM
 
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Oh Sherry, I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry you weren't able to share it with dh. It's so, so hard. I can't remember, have you had early losses like that before? Again, I'm so, so sorry my dear. greensad.gif a big hug your way!

J(30) + J(34) = E(6/2009)  ...  + ?(?)  

We homebirth.jpgtreehugger.gifcd.gif and so on...joy.gif

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Old 04-01-2013, 09:33 AM
 
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Sherry I refuse to think it's over. No way no how. Answer brand has been known to be wrong. Try something else tomorrow morning if you need to. Huge, massive hugs.

Me - 39 - mthfr c677t and multiple unknown caused m/c's
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Old 04-01-2013, 09:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151499740219318&set=a.47512629317.55570.597129317&type=1&theater

 

I shared this on both my private and doula FB page this morning. Just in case you wanted to too...


Married to my love stillheart.gif, Mommy to W ('09) homebirth.jpg and Doula.

 brokenheart.gifbrokenheart.gif God has answered our prayers & we welcomed our baby girl earth side 11/24/13 h20homebirth.gif

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Old 04-01-2013, 10:13 AM
 
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Sherry I am just so sorry- I do hope you are wrong. But even if you aren't, I think this is a good sign. A friend of mine is 41 and had 3 miscarriages in the last year. She got pregnant a month ago and it seems like this one is sticking. I believe those earlier MCs was her body signaling to her, we can do this! but if this is a no-go this time, I am truly so sorry and I hope you can find some comfort.

 

 

CoffeeBean, what a sad story about you and your friend... it is true that this stuff really messes with relationships in a way that nothing else does, in my experience!!! I'm only 31 (started trying at 29), and I'm from NYC, where people tend to have children later. So while I know many many people my age with children in the midwest, my core group of friends back home are still childless and that's a comfort for me. I'm hoping this cycle will be "the one" and my friend and I can have a baby the same age... a few more days and I'll know...


Happily married for 5 years. Tried for our first baby 6/2011, got preg right away, and miscarried. Took a 4 month break, and then had nothing but infertility & a few early miscarriages until 12/2012 when we learned I had a lumpy edge in my uterus. Doc removed it and now we are trying again....

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Old 04-01-2013, 03:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like it's been a bit of a rough weekend around here.

 

I will refrain from posting too many pregnancy details unless requested, just because even though I know you say it's fine, it still hurts sometimes. I know, I've been there. 

 

From my calculations (beta doubling rate and what SKJ said about a HB after over 10,000) baby should have a HB by now. I'm praying it does. I'm planning on calling the midwife tomorrow or wed  to see if we can meet with her in the next week or so. I haven't been feeling good at all and I told DH that maybe God knows I need to feel terrible so that I don't have to worry about things so much and can just continue trusting that everything is going well in there.

 

I was at a birth this morning. I want it so badly for all of us. Love you ladies.


Married to my love stillheart.gif, Mommy to W ('09) homebirth.jpg and Doula.

 brokenheart.gifbrokenheart.gif God has answered our prayers & we welcomed our baby girl earth side 11/24/13 h20homebirth.gif

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Old 04-01-2013, 04:17 PM
 
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Hugs sherry! Hanging out to find out how tomorrow finds you... When is dh back?
Hi all - hugs all round!
Sila - I personally love to hear how things are going with you and SKJ, we've all lived a part of your journey and are so happy for you. For me others joy is still a blanket of reassurance that miracles do happen, and a little bit of vicarious living😄... Please keep us posted. Can't wait till you do the heartbeat!

me 40, DH 40, one (TTC since November 2012) At least one confirmed chem.Ivf #1 march 2014 - 6 day 6 blasts, bfn, 4 frosties. Ivf #2 may, cancelled, Ivf #3 July two transferred, 3 frosties... BFP! Scan at 6+4 wks - twins!! Feeling more blessed than words!
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Old 04-01-2013, 06:40 PM
 
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Thanks again all.

I think every success on here is shared. Glad your feeling crummy Sila. Absence of crummy is no good.

No bleeding. Just cramping. i will test in the am

Then
I meet up with DH in Brooklyn and we are off to Vegas.....hmmm

Thanks everyone for your support and patience with my overposting self absorbed freaking out....both good and bad.

dust.gif

DDX5 '88 '90 '92 '97 '99. TR 5/2011. HSG 9/2011 R TUBE OPEN. HSG 5/12 both tubes closed. SECOND tubal reversal surgery 7/12 , CP 3/2013 ttc "our" first @40 DH 46.
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