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#421 of 741 Old 02-11-2014, 06:08 PM
 
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Coongratulations emom! That's wonderful news!

I have to add, being a first time mom at 21, I thought I was ready. I was excited to be able to grow up with my child. Omigosh! Seriously. Can you think of anything more naive? Clearly if I wasn't grown up enough already, I had no business having a child. I did everything I thought was right, cloth diapers, extended breast feeding, natural birth, no circ, etc. But then he wasn't a baby anymore. And now he is a 20 year old living at home, not in school, not working, after years of drs and therapy, never the right thing.
I am absolutely 180% a better mother now than I ever have been. I have more patience, more time for my kids, and am far less selfish than I was as a younger mother. I know now that the time I get to spend with my children is precious and fleeting. It is truly less about rain and more about my babies.
Sadly I am soooo freaking tired right now that I am slacking terribly, but even so feel that I am doing better by my children than I did in my 30s.
Ransomed thoughts...

him-- ds 3/91, me -- ds 5/93
us - dd 2/00, ds 8/02, ds 5/07, dd 2/11 & cautiously expecting baby girl 8/14
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#422 of 741 Old 02-11-2014, 06:47 PM
 
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wow caritas glad to hear that you are better mom when older...there is so much I didn't know in my 20's that I know now. If it makes you feel any better...my older brother would not get out of bed, would not go to college, and was suicidal and depressed and actually following her to work at age 18 (My mom had him at 21).....Her rule was that you could only stay at home if you were in college or had a job and were paying. He had been accepted to FSU, but didn't go. So what she did was pack up his things and drive him to FSU about 5 hours away and left him there and said..."I love you, good luck". He met his friend Shawn there and has been independent ever since. He now has his own business in real estate (but he is a drinker, has high blood pressure) and still very very much close to and in need of our mom as far as talking and stopping by to see her. He has no kids, his 3 dogs shared with his girlfriend are his kids :) he's 47. It sounds to me like you did a great job, just that we all have different personalities and you never know....


vegan with a son, 4. also mom to rescue furry babies esp. my little girl Babe Doll.
no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
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#423 of 741 Old 02-11-2014, 07:08 PM
 
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Just an FYI:  there is a new test out that can be done at 10 weeks for peace of mind and much safer than CVS or amnio - 99% accuracy for Trisomy 21, 13 and 18:

 

http://laboratories.sequenom.com/maternit21plus/maternit21-plus-better-results-born-better-science


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no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
"Shall we end this bleeding?” -- Lincoln
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#424 of 741 Old 02-11-2014, 07:27 PM
 
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I wish I had an easy answer for my son. Somewhere to take him. This has been going on for five years now. He has no friends, no family member is willing to help, his father wants nothing more to do with him other than cards at holidays.
At one point I threw him out, dropped him off at a homeless shelter. He ended up living in a tent in the woods until we picked him up when it started freezing and he was starving and getting over pneumonia. He had met some people who had taken him in, but eventually they kicked him out too. His time here was meant to be temporary. Find a job, save money, and move on when the weather becomes warmer.
In addition I am having huge issues with my special needs 6 year old and having to deal with an adult child seems unfair. But then, nobody ever said life was fair.

As for the MaterniT21, there are others too, that is just one brand. They all give results slightly differently, but tests for the same things. I did the Harmony. If I hadn't lost three pregnancies last year I don't think I'd have done it. But then I realized that my eggs really do seem to have aged, even though I hadn't realized how old I'd gotten... Lol! So my pregnancy bubble was burst AND my feeling of youth has vanished... ~sigh~

Not that I'm complaining!!!

him-- ds 3/91, me -- ds 5/93
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#425 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 05:00 AM
 
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I think alot about the siblings topic, too. I have 4 kids now and they grew up so closely knit with one another...the youngest even said to me when I was pregnant in the fall that it made him sad to think that in a few years he'd be gone and just be "that older brother who lives somewhere else". My 2 older kids both live far away- one on the opposite coast and one in Europe, and I know it pains my youngest not to have them around. I only have one girl, but she is very close with her oldest brother and his wife and even though my dil is one of my closest friends (we've always been close, but really bonded over my pregnancies and miscarriages) I know that she and my dd are in contact just as much if not more than dil and I. So seeing this bond makes me feel like it's unfair to have another who will see them and how close they are and will never really be part of that. My son and dil have pointed out that any children DH and I have will grow up with their children (my grandchildren are now 2yrs and 6 mos) as they plan on moving back to our area before the oldest starts school.
I think what has been helpful for me is letting go of the previous definition of my family. I saw myself with 4 children. I saw them as a family. But now I'm seeing that even that changes and morphs into a different family-- now there's my dil and my grand kids and my kids no longer all live under the same roof. I am saddened at times that my now husband will never know what it was like to live with all of them- we just married this past year and he's only ever met my 2nd child on Skype....things are definitely different than they were, but they will continue to change and the relationship that I have with a future baby and the relationship it has with it's older siblings will unfold as it should. If we are fortunate enough to have two, that would be great, but if one more is all I have in me, I think it will still be ok smile.gif Don't know if any of that helps, but maybe it at least helps to know that you aren't alone in thinking about these things.
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#426 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 06:57 AM
 
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wow caritas that's hard. I hope your son gets better. sorry you are going through that and with your 6 year old. There is always disability if your older son has severe emotional problems. He could then live on his own without needing a job. Personally, I would try to get him a girlfriend like through online dating sites, I think that would turn it around. Do you actually work a full time job and handle all of that? OMG, you're strong.

 

Can you tell me what the other anomaly tests are? I'd like to find the cheapest and most comprehensive one. Thanks

 

Thanks for sharing Arabelle, do you already have a new baby over 40?


vegan with a son, 4. also mom to rescue furry babies esp. my little girl Babe Doll.
no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
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#427 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 07:01 AM
 
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I'm still trying... We conceived on the first try in July and then I miscarried at 11 weeks in September. I got pregnant again in October but miscarried at 7 weeks in November. I turned 43 in December. It's hard to find the balance between optimism and honoring grief... I think that's my biggest challenge at the moment.
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#428 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 07:41 AM
 
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Hi Arabelle,

Are you trying for a sibling for another child? Good luck, I hope it happens soon for you. I'm 43 too and it happened on the third try. Just not sure if its what I want...  :/


vegan with a son, 4. also mom to rescue furry babies esp. my little girl Babe Doll.
no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
"Shall we end this bleeding?” -- Lincoln
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#429 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 07:53 AM
 
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Arabel- I got pregnant first try last year on my third cycle after they returned due to extended breast feeding. I had a mmc discovered at 11 weeks, demise at 7.5, which was about a day after I'd seen the heartbeat. That was last May. I missed oppurtunity the following month, but got pregnant again, first try the next cycle, July. I had an awful, long drawn out mc which ended in September. The fetus hadn't made it past 7 weeks growth, but the slow heartbeat hung on. It was heart wrenching. I had another missed oppurtunity the following month, but found myself pregnant again in November. A few days later I lost that pregnancy too, the dr called it a chemical pregnancy. Later that month I got pregnant again, and on December 1 had another BFP. I am 14 weeks along today. I did the hcg level checks at the beginning, then viability scans, and the Harmony blood test. So far the Doppler has been unable to pick up the heartbeat, but ultrasounds have proven viability. I had a SCH, but it has vanished. The Harmony came back with great results, low risk for the three trisomies tested for, and found out I'm carrying a little girl.
I share this with you not to scare you, but to give you hope. I have had five children, the last two at 35 and 39, and never gave my age another thought. My last four were unassisted pregnancies and births. I never thought mc could happen to me.
I had given up. I decided I had enough children and I was ready to move forward. I had a needed surgery, dyed my hair, lost my weight and bought a new wardrobe, took a mini solo vacation, and made myself over. We had recently moved, so I went out and tried to make new friends. I got back on my medication. I started doing renovations to my house. And I got pregnant again and again. And here I am now. I'm certainly not out of the woods, but I've made it to the second trimester.
Don't give up hope.

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#430 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 08:05 AM
 
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Nexxus- no I don't work outside of my house. I'm a stay at home mom. I can't imagine doing anything else.
My son could get a job, he simply chooses not to. He is lazy and depressed. Drugs have burnt him out. He was an Eagle Scout, honor student, and then he wasn't. I've said he can't live here. I said either go to school or work. Those are easy things to say. But what happens when they don't go to school or get a job? I moved halfway across the country from where he was raised, so no family or friends. He has no one and nowhere to go. I realize that I am so deep in it I can not see how to get out. It is hard. And my six year old has his own issues, some of which stem from things he has witnessed with my older son.
Anyway, the tests... They all test for the same three trisomies. I don't think any one of them is any better than another. Usually it's just which one your dr's office offers. They all cost the same. The representatives just went to different to dr's offices. This blood test takes the place of the NT scan and quad screen. It is more accurate. Some drs aren't very familiar with and still do both sets of tests, but that is really not necessary. Depending on the results, one would then need to decide whether to go forward with CVS or amnio. Anyway, the ones I know of are MatrniT21, Verifi, Panorama, and Harmony.
Hth

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us - dd 2/00, ds 8/02, ds 5/07, dd 2/11 & cautiously expecting baby girl 8/14
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#431 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 09:46 AM
 
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Nexxus, not trying for a sibling-- we for married this past summer and my new husband doesn't have kids of his own. The whole family was on board with having a baby so we tried right away and conceived right away. At the time I was 42 and given how easily I conceived, it seemed reasonable to think that we could have at least 2 children before I got "too old"...whatever that means wink1.gif
I'm not giving up hopes of having 2, but I'll be happy with one even at this point.
I will say that I understand your ambivalence. When DH am I met I had essentially been a serial dater for almost 12 years, raising my kids alone, doing alot of traveling and running my businesses and just sort of enjoying life like it was my job. I really liked the freedom and had no interest in ever settling down. DH met me and had other plans smile.gif he was pretty persistent and I fell pretty quickly and much to everyone's shock got married shortly after meeting him. I guess when you know, you know. I have always loved being a mother and I never really thought I was done having babies, but wasn't actively pursuing anyone to have them with....so when he proposed and and brought up kids- I had no objection. He's almost 10 years younger than me and and we met through an ultrarunning group- so we're both very healthy. Once I got pregnant and the sickness set in and the reality hit me of how drastically my life was going to change- I had alot of fears and concerns about whether or not I had made the right choice. I was on the brink of total freedom- something I've never known- having married at 18 and starting a family by 20. I wonder now if the miscarriage(s) were the universe's way of getting me to go deeper and really figure out what I want. It's now been over 6 months since I found out I was pregnant the first time and I've definitely made changes that make having a baby far less drastic of a lifestyle change. Being married has allowed me to slow down and let go of one of my businesses, greatly contributing to far less hustle and bustle in my life. Backing off of running 50+ miles a week was really difficult, but I've adopted a much more relaxed attitude to my running- it's now "running" rarer than "training"; and I've put on 15 lbs putting me in a healthy weight for sustaining a pregnancy-- and I've gotten used to it so it doesn't feel so devastating any longer that I'm not a size 2 anymore. I was a wine snob and having had a catering business, my life was about good food-- and good wine to go with it-- and now it's been so long since we drank that I rarely think about it. So these last months have given me a chance to really accept the changes that were necessary and settle into a life that's conducive to a baby and I feel like I'm a lot more prepared now than I was.
So I realize none of that is the same as your situation, but I understand the feeling of ambivalence. The best I can offer is to be present with it. Your feelings are real. So rather than stuff them down and try to put on a grateful happy face, maybe try really going into those feelings and figuring out exactly where they come from and that will give you a better idea of how to move forward.
Unfortunately nothing is easy once you throw hormones in the mix greensad.gif
I'm thinking about you sister, I know this must be tough.
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#432 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 09:47 AM
 
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And caritas thank you for sharing all of that with me. It is encouraging to know others who haven't given up.
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#433 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 12:37 PM
 
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Thanks Arabelle, I appreciate your thoughts. Hopefully the universe will provide your answer :) My situation is I'm just not sure if a sibling is so important or not :/ I don't want to ruin his whole life...ugh


vegan with a son, 4. also mom to rescue furry babies esp. my little girl Babe Doll.
no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
"Shall we end this bleeding?” -- Lincoln
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#434 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 12:48 PM
 
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Do you fear that having a sibling could possibly ruin his life?
Admittedly, I smiled when I read that... Are any of us capable of not doing anything that our kids will think they can do better when they have kids? As the mother of an adult child-- who's happily married, has a great career and seems pretty balanced-- I still pick up on things he does distinctly different with his children and I can't help but think he must believe that my way/choices had some adverse effect on him... I can imagine if you waited until your 40's to have a child that having 2 is daunting. I was too young to know the difference and now I'm just used to having alot of kids so I can't imagine I I had stopped with #1. Do you know what you're really concerned about? (And I'm certainly not asking you to tell me, a stranger, I just wonder if the fears are clear- that can make a big difference in figuring things out)
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#435 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 01:07 PM
 
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I tried to start a thread for women in their 40s and pregnant , but got redirected to another thread that someone seems to have tried to start, but it was full of women in their 30s. Soooo frustrating!!! I'm sorry, but i just feel more comfortable at this point sharing my pregnancy with women my own age. I had three kids in my 30s, the last at 39. There is a world of difference between now and then.

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#436 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 02:14 PM
 
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Do you fear that having a sibling could possibly ruin his life?
Admittedly, I smiled when I read that... Are any of us capable of not doing anything that our kids will think they can do better when they have kids? As the mother of an adult child-- who's happily married, has a great career and seems pretty balanced-- I still pick up on things he does distinctly different with his children and I can't help but think he must believe that my way/choices had some adverse effect on him... I can imagine if you waited until your 40's to have a child that having 2 is daunting. I was too young to know the difference and now I'm just used to having alot of kids so I can't imagine I I had stopped with #1. Do you know what you're really concerned about? (And I'm certainly not asking you to tell me, a stranger, I just wonder if the fears are clear- that can make a big difference in figuring things out)

Oh no sorry I meant i'm worried I'll ruin his life if he doesn't have a sibling... just a guess? because I really don't want to do the whole thing again (does any one?) Yes I agree I should have done this when I was young and stupid LOL. I didn't want to wait but I had nothing to offer when I was younger...no house, no decent paying job, I was in college for a career that never happened and then went the entrperenueri. My cut off age was 38, but my husband had a blockage that had to be fixed so I had to wait till 39 for 1st. God no I did not want to wait till 40. Wish my mom had given me some advice. Maybe the universe is saying I should since it happened?

 

Wow. Did your son grow up an only child and turn out so well? It seems like the pregnancy hormones are really hitting me. This didn't happen with #1, of course I was plunging into the unknown.


vegan with a son, 4. also mom to rescue furry babies esp. my little girl Babe Doll.
no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
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#437 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 03:31 PM
 
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Nexxus: I am one of the younger ones in this group - I'll be 40 when (if?) I have this one. I joined because I was having perimenopause symptoms that were freaking me out (hot flashes, night sweats, mid cycle spotting) and I thought that since my body seems to think I am deep into my 40s, perhaps I will gain more insight here than elsewhere.
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#438 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 06:59 PM
 
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Haha nexxus-- I think we're missing a few of each other's posts in there... I have a total of 4-- ages 23, 21, 16 & 14. They are very important to each other- which is what concerns me about having one now that may not have siblings. I mean face it-- a baby now wouldn't have to learn to share with my 14 year old smile.gif
And maybe I'm crazy, but other than the hormonal moodiness in the beginning, I love being pregnant and giving birth. I really only had really rough hormone stuff with my daughter-- I was mentally pretty miserable throughout that pregnancy, I chalked it up to too many female hormones. So maybe you're having a girl? She's the only one I thought "what the heck am I doing here" with. But she's so lovely and I wouldn't trade her for anything....I've had 5 miscarriages in my life and the only babies I regret are the ones I lost...if I were a betting girl, I'd put my money on you falling in love with this baby the moment it's born and thinking thank goodness I did this wink1.gif just my guess...
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#439 of 741 Old 02-12-2014, 07:22 PM
 
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Hi emom, I found that the liver has a lot to do with your hormones. Got amazing results from taking liver support herbs. I found that if I stopped eating processed foods (especially sugar) the waking night sweats stopped. I only got hot flashes once when I was under extreme stress and I think it's because nursing lowers estrogen (i'm still nursing). I started getting minor hot sweats when waking at 38 and it seems to be gone now at 43, just by eating right. Midcycle spotting can be caused by a sudden drop in estrogen during ovulation where progesterone does not fill the gap fast enough so that one may not be from your age. My cycles are the same at 43 as when I was much younger. Just some ideas. Is this pregnancy your first? good luck!

 

*anybody else freaking out about having a baby over 40? I was not worried about being old at 38, but now at 43, seems crazy....again maybe the hormones....


vegan with a son, 4. also mom to rescue furry babies esp. my little girl Babe Doll.
no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
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#440 of 741 Old 02-14-2014, 11:13 AM
 
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Haha nexxus-- I think we're missing a few of each other's posts in there... I have a total of 4-- ages 23, 21, 16 & 14. They are very important to each other- which is what concerns me about having one now that may not have siblings. I mean face it-- a baby now wouldn't have to learn to share with my 14 year old smile.gif
And maybe I'm crazy, but other than the hormonal moodiness in the beginning, I love being pregnant and giving birth. I really only had really rough hormone stuff with my daughter-- I was mentally pretty miserable throughout that pregnancy, I chalked it up to too many female hormones. So maybe you're having a girl? She's the only one I thought "what the heck am I doing here" with. But she's so lovely and I wouldn't trade her for anything....I've had 5 miscarriages in my life and the only babies I regret are the ones I lost...if I were a betting girl, I'd put my money on you falling in love with this baby the moment it's born and thinking thank goodness I did this wink1.gif just my guess...

Thanks Arabelle. Yes I think you're right about this being a girl. I'm actually having trouble sleeping and eating it has me so freaked out. I'm willing to go through with this if it is very important relationship for my son in his entire life. I rely heavily on my siblings, especially my sisters. I figured siblings are important. If I was 25 I would not hesitate to have #2 because I feel/felt? a sibling is very important. My sister had her only #1 at 36 and she can't have any more because she has poor health. I asked her if she really thinks it's okay to have just one and she says "yes".  My son is very independent so I don't know but if he is the slightest bit like me, he will love siblings especially later in life. I'm freaked out about my age right now. My mom who is 71 says not to think about my age. She says right now she would have a 30 year old so no big deal. She thinks siblings is exponentially important.

 

Also do any of you guys worry about autism? or being called your childs grandma? it hasn't happened yet but you wonder. My sister did get called her kids grandma!


vegan with a son, 4. also mom to rescue furry babies esp. my little girl Babe Doll.
no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
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#441 of 741 Old 02-14-2014, 12:37 PM
 
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You asked of we worry about autism. I have five kids- 20, 14, 11, 6 & 3. My 6yo was born when I was 35, the 3 yo I was 39.
My 6yo has ADHD, SPD, and very possibly dyslexia and Aspergers. He is a difficult child. However, he is brilliant and adorable and with proper therapy and possibly medication, I totally believe he will be a great benefit to society.
Autism can happen at any age. None of my other five children have any learning or developmental issues. I think sometimes these things just happen.
I think being an only child can be just as fabulous as having siblings. I'd say have another child if YOU want to, but not just for a sibling for your son. He will never know the difference.
Fwiw- my 2 cents

Also- I created a thread under I'm Pregnant called Fabulous Forty Somethings Pregnant. Just an FYI.

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#442 of 741 Old 02-14-2014, 12:46 PM
 
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Also do any of you guys worry about autism? or being called your childs grandma? it hasn't happened yet but you wonder. My sister did get called her kids grandma!
hahaha I AM a grandma wink1.gif
I think caritas is right- you have to go with your heart. I still believe you will love that baby the moment you see it, but only you can know if you can make it that far. I wanted to back out a couple times when I was expecting my daughter and it turns my stomach now to think of that--- she's lovely and perfect and I can't imagine my life without her. So there's my 2 cents wink1.gif
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#443 of 741 Old 02-14-2014, 01:21 PM
 
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Thanks guys for the info, I'm going to jump into the other thread. I need to look into my heart for sure and with so much fear it's difficult.


vegan with a son, 4. also mom to rescue furry babies esp. my little girl Babe Doll.
no vaccines, no circumcision, baby born in birth center, still nursing.
"Shall we end this bleeding?” -- Lincoln
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#444 of 741 Old 02-16-2014, 03:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emom47 View Post

Nexxus: I am one of the younger ones in this group - I'll be 40 when (if?) I have this one. I joined because I was having perimenopause symptoms that were freaking me out (hot flashes, night sweats, mid cycle spotting) and I thought that since my body seems to think I am deep into my 40s, perhaps I will gain more insight here than elsewhere.
Pease never feel that you should leave. If anyone makes you feel that way, maybe it is them that needs to leave. This is a place of knowledge and support.
I also joined this group at 39 and was welcomed with open arms. With the help of the wonderful women on this board back then I was able to conceive my did and then my youngest at 42 and now I am back here at 44 smile.gif
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#445 of 741 Old 02-16-2014, 03:33 PM
 
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Afm, my first cycle after the chemical. 1 day later and very light....only lasting 1.5 days. I am going to continue with my smoothies and add rrl tea...as well as a few more quality orgasms wink1.gif
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#446 of 741 Old 02-16-2014, 03:38 PM
 
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I hope everyone had a good weekend. I've been thinking about all of you alot lately, even though I haven't been posting much.
I've had the flu these last few days for the first time in many years...feeling pretty miserable.
My oldest turns 23 tomorrow. Stirs up so much in my heart. My "baby" will be 14 in a week...hard to believe.
And chilee- that sounds like a great plan smile.gif
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#447 of 741 Old 02-17-2014, 12:42 AM
 
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Thanks, chilee! While TTC, I can't help but add 9 months to my current age, so by that measure I've been 40 for a while! But I was concerned I would get the boot, which would make me sad. I've checked out other TTC boards and I just feel like I have more in common with people here. Not everything, but more.

And thanks for the congrats, too, although I won't really feel like this pregnancy is real until I hear a heartbeat. After what the doctor was observing regarding ovulation, it seems likely that I have low progesterone problems, which i know can cause miscarriage, so I'm on supplements. I keep thinking that my "period" is going to start any day now, just really really late. It is hard to stay positive.

And, nexxus, if you at still here, thanks for all the info on hormones! I consider myself an intelligent person, but I have deliberately held off doing too much research because I thought I would just freak myself out. It is nice to have some info!
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#448 of 741 Old 02-17-2014, 02:55 PM
 
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Hi Ladies,
I haven't been on here much - just entered my 2nd trimester and things are progressing as planned.

 

I ran across a study that's interesting for us AMA gals and it's more on the good news side, which is hard to come by!

 

Older Maternal Age Tied to Lower Risk of Fetal Anomalies

http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/SMFM/44219

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#449 of 741 Old 02-17-2014, 04:00 PM
 
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Inna- did you see that I created a new thread for us called Fabulous Forty Somethings Pregnant?
Thanks for sharing the link. I hope to see you on the other thread, it's petty slow going.
~rain
14w 5d

him-- ds 3/91, me -- ds 5/93
us - dd 2/00, ds 8/02, ds 5/07, dd 2/11 & cautiously expecting baby girl 8/14
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#450 of 741 Old 02-18-2014, 03:21 AM
 
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Morning! Charting question for those of you who chart. I started taking my temperature this cycle after not doing so for 8 months.  I think that I ovulated on Sunday - it was the end of the egg white CM and my temp raised up from 97.2 (saturday) to 97.5 (sunday)

The trouble is my temp has been at 97.5 for the past 3 mornings - Sun, Mon and now today. Does this mean something? I am used to a big clear thermal shift after my CM dries up.

Is this mentioned in any of the charting books/guides out there?  I am wondering what the heck my body is up to.

 

Thanks in advance!


 Breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling momma to two. 231/2014 items in decluttering challenge (643 items gone last year 2013, 625 gone in 2012) Ramsey's BS1 $468.31
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