Fabulous Forty Somethings TTC! - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

Fabulous Forty Somethings TTC!

gumblossom's Avatar gumblossom (TS)
05:16 PM Liked: 24
#121 of 828
08-13-2013 | Posts: 463
Joined: Oct 2009

Caritasrainbow, that is fantastic news. I hope it is smooth sailing from here for you.


Litmama, I am gluten intolerant and have been off it for a few years now. The funny thing is I seem to be able to tolerate it better when pregnant. I have no idea why. If I have it I don't have an immediate reaction, but I will feel uncomfortable, tired and eventually have a very upset stomach (nausea and diarreah).It is unpleasant. For years I battled with bloating and tummy upsets, which all resolved after giving up gluten, and then going paleo and giving up most grains (I occasionally have rice). I feel so much better all round.


After my second miscarriage I had loads of blood tests and learned that I have a raised ANA, which essentially means there is a high possibility that I either have an autoimmune disease,or I will get one. I do wonder if I am celiac (which is autoimmune), because although I had an inconclusive blood test, I didn't have the biopsy, which is the real way to find out. I did have a raised count of antibodies, but not high enough apparently. I read that book by Dr De Beer and he suggested that even small intolerances,particularly to gluten, can cause issues for miscarriage, so I am staying away from it.


However, I think that if it is important to you to enjoy your grandmother's recipes, then you should have the occasional birthday cake.


I would like to hear more about the anti-histamine protocol too. I often have allergic hives (I can't pinpoint why) and wonder if my body is rejecting fertilized eggs too ( believe it produces histamine to do this?I am vague on the details).


I have many symptoms during many of my tww's. I have been pregnant 9 times (5 healthy babies) and I think I have a good idea of when I am pregnant, so my theory is that we are hitting the egg most months, but the quality of the eggs (or embies) is poor and they don't implant. Although many people say you can't have symptoms until implantation I have read that the fertilized egg gives off a hormone that can give you symptoms. I wonder if my body is rejecting fertilized eggs because of allergies or intolerances, but my gut instinct tells me it is just the age of my eggs, and that if I keep trying I might chance upon a healthy one. That is why, although I have periods where I can't be bothered and want to give up all the hard work, I keep on taking supplements, eating well, exercising and doing acupuncture. Until I stop having AF, there is still a chance.


At my last visit to my TCM lady, she commented that my energies were the best I have ever had (perhaps because I'd just returned from a relaxing 2 week vacation). Although she will never say "I think you will get pregnant", she seems to hint that there is still a good chance it can happen.


Stevi, it is nice to see you on the thread. How are you? Where are you on your ttc journey. LAst time I saw you on the thread you were giving up. Are you looking into adoption?


Good luck to everyone goodvibes.gif

halifax40's Avatar halifax40
06:11 PM Liked: 13
#122 of 828
08-13-2013 | Posts: 312
Joined: May 2008

Me again...I knew it was likely too good to be true :-( I am just over 7 weeks now and I have started to spot...it is only a small amount, but 2 of my M/C started exactly the same way. I tried not to get my hopes up too much, but it is amazing how quickly one's head and heart embrace a new pregnancy.


Caritasrainbow - I can only imagine the relief you are feeling...still early days, but that is a great increase.


Litmama- I have had more than my fair share of getting pregnant over 40...but only one success for all of that. So very grateful for our precious boy, it was just so nice to think we might actually have luck in giving him a little brother or sister...it is hard knowing this may very well have been our last chance. Not giving up yet though...will keep hoping and trying as long as it is realistic to do so. So very sorry for your current loss, wishing you best of luck in adding your desired addition to your family.


Sad as I feel right now, I look at my little boy's smile, as we get ready for bed...and I know all is right with my world, even with what is currently happening.

mamasee's Avatar mamasee
08:21 PM Liked: 14
#123 of 828
08-13-2013 | Posts: 254
Joined: Nov 2007

Caritasrainbow,  Thanks for the update!  That is great news!

LitMama's Avatar LitMama
12:53 PM Liked: 22
#124 of 828
08-15-2013 | Posts: 457
Joined: Sep 2009

Halifax, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm hoping this is just regular early pregnancy spotting, and will resolve. But it sounds like you feel in your heart that it's over? Thank you for the kind words. I'm sending a ((( hug ))) back your way. I love what you say about your little boy helping you know everything is okay. That's how my DD helps me feel, too.


Caritasrainbow, you see, I knew there was a reason I was congratulating you! That is wonderful news.


Gumbossom and Stevi and Mamasee and everyone else who helped me with thoughts on gluten... thank you. My feeling is I'm not convinced gluten is a toxin to everyone, but since I have an autoimmune disease, I know it could be for me. A nutritionist I know recommended the Alcat test for food sensitivities, perhaps I'll try that. I'd just like to know definitively what I'm sensitive to and what I'm okay with, so I can proceed from information rather than fear. I'm really used to eating GF now, and it doesn't feel so onerous... but a slice of my daughter's birthday cake once a year seems reasonable, too! 


On the antihistamine protocol (pepcid and claritin)... this is not for general fertility, but only if you know you have autoimmune fertility issues. It you don't have autoimmune issues, it could be harmful, as implantation requires a certain amount of inflammation. You only want to tamper with inflammation if you know that you have too much of it. But that being said, the protocol works by inhibiting two different types of histamines... claritin takes care of one type, and pepcid (despite being mainly an antacid) takes care of the other type. Yes, an implanting embryo can cause your body to react by creating histamines, which could cause your body to reject the embryo. So, the protocol is to take one 24-hour claritin per day after ovulation, and two maximum-strength pepcids (20 mg) per day after ovulation, one in the AM and one in the PM so you have a steady supply of it in your bloodstream. You can substitute benadryl for the claritin if you prefer. The actual cocktail used by IVF clinics also includes 20mg of prednisone per day (Rx). Of course, I was on this protocol (plus heparin and neupogen and intralipids) for this IVF cycle and it did not protect me from this loss, so it's not a magic bullet.  Bummer.

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
10:11 PM Liked: 59
#125 of 828
08-15-2013 | Posts: 232
Joined: Dec 2010

I am so sorry for you two that are dealing with current losses, or impending losses.  I think I just numbed myself completely for the entire month of mine.  I mainly just centered myself on research to start over as soon as I could.  All I really did was add a few vitamins to my regimen.  I'd noticed that my EWCM was not very thick, not very much, and didn't last very long.  All the vitamins did was make it thicker and more copius.  It still only lasted for a day, and I didn't bd that day anyway so...

I got a call from the nurse.  The dr said the numbers wrong.  My last beta was 1997, not 19097.  Still within range and doubling as it should.  He did not call for more betas, just a message to find an OB.  Yesterday I was sort of crampy all day and very worried, but today I am better.  I do not feel out of the woods just yet, but I do feel in my heart that this will have a good outcome.

I did find a pretty active over 40s board over at Baby Center.  It does seem like most of the moms there did not TTC, but ended up there accidentally, but whatever, they are all over 40 and pregnant.  If you want more info or can't find it, let me know.  

Now that I have my internet access again, perhaps I will create a board here.  As I am still SO early, only 6 weeks lmp tomorrow, I almost feel like it might be jumping the gun a bit to do that just yet.  I guess after a mc, it is just harder to quite grasp the reality of the current situation.  I still feel like I need to be very careful.  I have had a couple of vanilla root beers, caffeinated, and I really feel horrible guilt afterwards and just sort of wait in fear for something awful to happen.  

It would be nice to have a more "mothering" type board though.  I am an extended nurser (daughter is nearly 2.5), cloth diapering. non circing, non vaxing, mom and it'd be nice to have more contact with the same.  Although it truly is nice to just be able to "talk" with other moms my age.  You know even though you hear about us all over the news, the truth is that we are scarce and people really do treat us differently.  

Plus my dh hasn't said one word about this pregnancy since he got angry when I told him.  He knows nothing of the anxiety I dealt with the betas, nor the day of painful cramping.  I feel pretty alone.  In fact, last weekend he suggested I get a Rockstar.  Like maybe he forgot I am pregnant?  Weirdness.

I had my last four children at home unassisted with unassited pregnancies as well.  After my mc in May, I am wondering if perhaps this time around it might not be time to hire a professional.  I'm thinking MW, not OB.  At any rate, it'd be nice to find a place to discuss things like birth options.  I don't feel this is the right board.  But I also don't feel "ready" to leave this board yet. 

I don't know much about gluten free other than my niece has celiac and it has been suggested to me that my sn son may have a gluten intolerence.  I had him tested for celiac, but I guess that wouldn't show an allergy...

HUGS to every single one of you for every single thing you are going through.

I don't feel out of the woods yet, but have high hopes.  of course.


halifax40's Avatar halifax40
08:50 AM Liked: 13
#126 of 828
08-16-2013 | Posts: 312
Joined: May 2008

Going to be brief with this post, sorry for the lack of personal replies:


Light bleeding has started, guess I am no longer in limbo...and ironically I just got a call from midwife program for my first appt...I had so wanted a midwife before but the waitlist was always too long here where I live...might know I would get accepted this time and with such perfect timing. Xander is asleep in my arms, I feel sad, no two ways about it, but this loss truly is different than all my others.... as I look at him my heart is so full of love and gratitude for finally having luck in having him.

MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
11:55 AM Liked: 60
#127 of 828
08-16-2013 | Posts: 91
Joined: Aug 2012

Halifax40, I am so, so sorry for what you are going through.  I know how quickly one can become attached to a new pregnancy, or even the idea of one.  I'm very glad, though, that you have the joy of your beautiful boy in your arms.  I find that there are very few things that I cannot endure if I can gaze at my gorgeous son.   Hugs to you. 

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
01:31 PM Liked: 59
#128 of 828
08-16-2013 | Posts: 232
Joined: Dec 2010
Oh Halifax! HUGS
I am glad you are finding comfort n your son. My heart aches for you.
Stevi's Avatar Stevi
02:17 PM Liked: 62
#129 of 828
08-16-2013 | Posts: 3,897
Joined: Jul 2007

LitMama...   Thank you for the info. I've developed allergies, and had always avoided antihistamines while TTC. Now I wish I had taken them! :)


As for me, I am not trying to conceive anymore. (Though I did let a donor convince me to try last cycle. Bad idea.) I do keep up though, as the dream of being a parent is a very tough one to give up on. I am looking into dating, hoping to find someone to fill the void from being childless. And, I do still hope to become a parent of some kind in the future, but I know that I cannot continue to let my happiness hinge on that slim possibility.

gumblossom's Avatar gumblossom (TS)
05:22 PM Liked: 24
#130 of 828
08-16-2013 | Posts: 463
Joined: Oct 2009

Halifax. I am so sorry. ((hugs))

halifax40's Avatar halifax40
05:40 PM Liked: 13
#131 of 828
08-16-2013 | Posts: 312
Joined: May 2008

Well that was fast...called my doctor today just to update her and she got me in and made arrangements at hospital for U/S...it confirmed that things had stopped developing. Got home after the U/S and m/c happened right away, guess my body was waiting for confirmation. Thanks for the support everyone!


Stevi - I am so sorry to hear this, but I understand how difficult it can be when so much of one's life gets focused on something that may or may not happen...hoping you find much happiness in your new path and that your hope is somehow fulfilled down the line.

LitMama's Avatar LitMama
01:09 AM Liked: 22
#132 of 828
08-17-2013 | Posts: 457
Joined: Sep 2009

I'm so sorry, Halifax. hug.gif


It took my body what felt like forever to begin this m/c, days after I saw my already low betas were declining. Yesterday was the worst of it physically and I felt some relief, in both body and mind, after that. My DD was with me and I was so grateful for that (she wasn't aware of what was going on, but just having her close by was so comforting). Going through the IVF process... where I got to actually see my embryos and keep a picture of them by my bed... was definitely an emotional investment, and I'm grieving the loss of these two more than many of the others. 


Sending us both love, courage and strength to get through this. And love, courage and strength to everyone else, too love.gif

MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
08:39 AM Liked: 60
#133 of 828
08-17-2013 | Posts: 91
Joined: Aug 2012

Litmama, I am so sorry you are going through this.  Hugs and sympathy to you. 

LitMama's Avatar LitMama
03:23 PM Liked: 22
#134 of 828
08-18-2013 | Posts: 457
Joined: Sep 2009

Thank you, MamadeRumi, and everyone else too for your support.


MamadeR... I know you will understand this part... ugh! I can't believe fall semester is beginning. My heart is SO not in teaching right now, not to mention all the faculty schmooze-fests and meetings. None of it feels like it matters. Yet, I have to remind myself that I do love teaching and connecting with my students and hopefully that act of helping and being of service to others will bring me out of this funk. BTW, are you a Rumi scholar? We had Rumi readings at our wedding...

MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
09:16 PM Liked: 60
#135 of 828
08-18-2013 | Posts: 91
Joined: Aug 2012

Oh I am soooo there with you Litmama.  I am just coming back from a semester of sabbatical, and it would be one thing if I could go straight into teaching, but of course there are the endless meetings to tell us the same things they've told us in previous years . . . and of course it is all made more difficult by the fact that I'd really hoped to be on maternity leave this semester, or that I'd be telling my dept. chair that I'd be on it in the Spring, but no. 


No, I'm not a Rumi scholar, but we also had Rumi readings at our wedding, and Rumi is a large part of the reason why my DH and I ever had a first date (long story). 


I can't believe I have to have myself and a small person ready to go to school tomorrow.  (He'll go to preschool at my University).  Neither of us is ready right now.  I'd better go try to get us ready. Hope you are hanging in there. 

ETA:  I don't mean to complain, though.  I am lucky to have a job I love, and after years of trying, hoping, waiting, I realize that I am incredibly lucky to have that little person to get ready for school tomorrow. 

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
07:23 PM Liked: 59
#136 of 828
08-24-2013 | Posts: 232
Joined: Dec 2010
Went to the ER this afternoon with abdominal pain on left side. Sharp shooting pains. Dr said that since its not all over it doesn't seem like a mc. Hcg levels had risen on target to something over 16,000. Gestational sac measured 6w 2d and fetus measured 6w 1d. Heart rate was very low at 78 bpm. There is a cyst on my right ovary and they were unable to find my left ovary. There is a "fairly large" sub chorionic hemmorhage outside the gestational sac.
So it's wait and see. I am exactly 7 weeks.
The thing bothering me the most is the heart rate.
With my second child I bled from 10 to 20 weeks heavily. She's 13. Somehow that does not make this any easier.
I need to find an OB for follow up quickly.
Prayers appreciated
caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
07:25 PM Liked: 59
#137 of 828
08-24-2013 | Posts: 232
Joined: Dec 2010
Oh- I have no bleeding whatsoever.
caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
06:20 PM Liked: 59
#138 of 828
08-26-2013 | Posts: 232
Joined: Dec 2010
Saw a new OB today. On the upside, I really liked her. Heartbeat was e same, SCH seems larger and surrounds sac, bean was the same size. Also troubling was visible amnion. Dr said those non doubling numbers earlier with everything else looks bad. Something seems to be wrong with the bean. I was supposed to go in for follow up in a week, but that's the holiday so back in ten days.
So now I am just waiting for heart to stop so mc can happen. Dr won't do anything until we are 100% sure, but then suggested d&c so bean could be tested for chromosomal abnormality. I guess that's just age? No way to prevent it? Any suggestions as I prepare myself for next time?
I do not think dh will agree to another time. I believe he is upset over having to miss work for appts. He hasn't said that, maybe it's just my guilt. I am feeling selfish for wanting another baby.
Next ten days are going to suck.
I would seriously like any advice for helping to prevent miscarriage next time.
taichimom's Avatar taichimom
08:20 PM Liked: 105
#139 of 828
08-26-2013 | Posts: 197
Joined: Jul 2013
That's the thing that totally sucks- there's not much you or the dr can do to prevent m/c a lot of the time. Usually the baby isn't developing properly due to chromosomal or other problems.

You can do the obvious - avoid toxins, drugs, eat healthy and take prenatal vitamins.

If you have recurrent m/c they test for different things.

I keep trying to think if I did anything to cause mine- did I exercise too much? Try to do too much? There isn't anything I could have done to cause or prevent it.

Hang in there!
gumblossom's Avatar gumblossom (TS)
02:16 AM Liked: 24
#140 of 828
08-27-2013 | Posts: 463
Joined: Oct 2009

I am sorry to hear that things are going this way for you caritasrainbow. I know how awful the loss of a baby is, no matter how early in the pregnancy. After my second miscarriage I had every test under the sun done and apart from finding a marginal vitamin D level, DHEA a little low and a positive ANCA (which indicates an autoimmune condition, unknown to me at this stage) we really couldn't find a definitive reason. Both my embryos were tested and my first had trisomy13, so he had no chance at life and the other one, though we ruled out trisomy 13,18 1nd 21, we couldn't find out whether it was another trisomy as the test hadn't been done properly.


Back then I was desperate to find a cause that wasn't age related. I read many books on the subject and at one point even blamed the fact that I am a little overweight. Now I feel very differently. I am pretty sure it is age related and there's very little we can do.


As Taichimom has said, avoiding toxins,drugs,eat healthily, take supplements. Short of IVF and selection of healthy embryos, there's not much we can do. It is to me both a source of frustration and a source of peace: there really isn't anything I could have changed (short of ttc ten years ago) to make sure I had a healthy THB.


It is a risk we (as over 40's ttc women) have to take for that chance in a million(actually the odds are much better than that) that we will carry a healthy baby to term.


Despite my low chances of conceiving at my ripe old age, I am having a few symptoms which has me feeling a teensy bit hopeful. But it does happen in many cycles that aren't successful, so I will try not to get too hopeful. I am about 6dpo, so it is early days yet.

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
04:18 AM Liked: 59
#141 of 828
08-27-2013 | Posts: 232
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Well I will hold out oodles and gobs of hope for you. The dr suggested testing for chromosomal issues , but I don't see much point in it. IF I get another chance whatever will be will be. My new irrational fear is that the heart won't stop an I will have a baby with a major heart defect that dies early on. Sick, I know. I guess I'm just scared and ready for this nightmare to be over. And wish I could see I to the future if Dh will ever let me try again as I so fear he will not.
caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
04:20 AM Liked: 59
#142 of 828
08-27-2013 | Posts: 232
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Sorry for the typos, I'm on my phone.
MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
10:07 AM Liked: 60
#143 of 828
08-30-2013 | Posts: 91
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CaritasRainbow, I am so sorry you are going through this.

MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
10:08 AM Liked: 60
#144 of 828
08-30-2013 | Posts: 91
Joined: Aug 2012

Chichimama, how are you?  We haven't heard from you for a while, and I'm wondering if things are going well.  I hope so.  Still sending sticky dust your way. 

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
10:26 AM Liked: 59
#145 of 828
08-30-2013 | Posts: 232
Joined: Dec 2010
I still have no bleeding and my crampiness seems to have subsided for the time being. Yesterday morning early I had some tan mucous and felt relieved as I thought it was the beginning of the end. But no. I am ready for this to be over. I feel like I am living in a nightmare. Plus I am on bed rest in the meantime and my recently moved into house sits full of unopened boxes and unpainted walls. And I am not the best mom I can be, working from my bed. Low on groceries and the kids don't have all they need for school. This was the first week. I'm a wreck. While I still desperately want my one last baby, I fear this is it for me. I have now been pregnant for four months this year and it does not appear that I will have anything to show for it.
While I have kept up my vitamins, stayed away from non pregnancy friendly foods, and kept on bed rest just in case, I am also scared to death the heart won't stop, and I will have a very sick baby that dies either immediately, or worse, shortly after birth. I'm not that strong. This is miserable. I felt that the dr was pretty clear that all of the signs wrong point to something being very wrong, so even if the little bean pulled through, there would be major complications.
I am so confused.
I think this is it the end of the road for my pregnancy journey. I think someone is trying to tell me something and I should wake up and listen. I'm numb. Sorry for being all over the place. I'm not able to remain as put together as some of you very strong women.
mamasee's Avatar mamasee
01:00 PM Liked: 14
#146 of 828
08-30-2013 | Posts: 254
Joined: Nov 2007


So very sorry you are going through this.  My heart goes out to you.

If you are very clear that you want to encourage the bleeding to begin, the things I have learned to do are high doses of vitamin C, and Black Cohosh and Blue Cohosh.  I don't have the specifics right now - we are in the process of moving too.

Does anyone have more info. to help with doses?  I know you don't want to take these herbs if the pregnancy will continue (if you don't have d & c as a back up plan).

I know that when I learned that my pregnancy was a blighted ovum and had started spotting, I started with the vit. c and cohoshes and it worked pretty fast and the bleeding was heavy, heavy and all day and it was exhausting, but it worked. 

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
01:47 PM Liked: 59
#147 of 828
08-30-2013 | Posts: 232
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One of the things that's bothering me is that when I had pneumonia I was taking vitamin c in an effort to protect my pregnancy by getting healthy sooner than the antibiotics were doing. Not massive doses, but more than just my prenatal. I feel like an idiot.
I'm not ready to encourage the bleeding until either the heart stops, or it continues to stay uber low. Like most crazy hormonal ladies, I still harbor this teensy bit of hope that a miracle will happen. I realize this is not logical nor very realistic, but I also know that it would not be the very first time, albeit rare.
Two years ago I had a corneal transplant. The chances of bad things happening were 3% or something ridiculous like that. Well, everything but loss of eye has gone wrong since then. I've had another transplant, same eye, tarsorrhaphy twice (once temporary and once permanent, finally reversed), severe nerve damage, glaucoma, and recently a full cataract closed. The vision was worse after surgery, and now with the cataract it is basically only light I see. Anyway, my point is that I was in that 3%. In a bad way. Maybe this time I can be in the 3% in a good way.
Realistically I made up that percentage and am fully aware I am closer to 100% likely to miscarry. At any rate I will wait, horrifically, for confirmation that the heart has stopped. Then maybe i'll be asking for suggestions to help things along. Last time I did the misoprostol, this new OB was encouraging am d&c due to it being quicker.
Just now I am planning my life after mc. I need to have the cataract removed, maybe dye my hair, drink a Dr. Pepper, have some beers, unpack my house lifting heavy boxes and paint rooms standing precariously on a stepstool...
In the meantime I just sit on my bed waiting for something to happen.
When I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, 14 years ago, I bled heavily from week 10 to week 20. What I don't remember is if her heart rate was ever low. I do remember being told, more than once, that she would not make it. But she was further along, so probably stronger. She is one of the only two people I told about being pregnant this time and she knows her story. She isn't obnoxious about this, but she seems to be holding out more hope than I am. She also doesn't have all the details... Okay, I'm rambling... Sorry.
mamasee's Avatar mamasee
01:19 PM Liked: 14
#148 of 828
08-31-2013 | Posts: 254
Joined: Nov 2007

Sounds like you are choosing a good approach to wait and see before doing anything to encourage the mc.  So hard to wait and not know.  Have you the option to see another doctor or midwife for a second opinion on the medical condition of you and the pregnancy?

gumblossom's Avatar gumblossom (TS)
04:03 PM Liked: 24
#149 of 828
08-31-2013 | Posts: 463
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Caritasrainbow, what a difficult time for you. It must be very hard to be on bed rest when the situation is so tentative, being unsure and waiting is just so difficult. And I know how frustrating it is to try to look after a family when you are on bed rest. Do you have anyone who could support you - perhaps unpack a few boxes for you?


I think you are taking the right approach- to wait and see. When will you have another scan? It is difficult to know what to do without another scan isn't it? ((hugs))


Well, I am at that part of the cycle where hope escapes and disappointment takes it place. I am 11 dpo and my temperature is falling and test is clearly negative.


I am tired,tired,tired of ttc after all these years, but for the life of me can't stop yet :eyesroll


I had acupuncture the other day and my practitioner says in TCM a woman is considered fertile (if she has a cycle) until she is 49. So I guess there's still a minute chance that I could eventually have a take home baby. At least I will know I gave it a damned good chance.

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
07:57 AM Liked: 59
#150 of 828
09-01-2013 | Posts: 232
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@mamasee- I'm not sure why I would want to see another midwife or dr?  I saw the one dr in the ER, got his opinion as well as the report from the US tech.  He did not appear to want to be the bearer of bad news, so he just said only time will tell.  The tech report was pretty straight forward, had no opinions.  I didn't realize the reality of the situation until I got home and started googling things.  Then when I saw my new OB two days later, she was a bit more realistic, as was the US tech at her office.  They were not unkind, but niether did they sugar coat anything.  So, I don't really feel another opinion is necessary.  I think it's just a matter of time.

@gumblossom- no, I have no family nor friends nearby.  We moved from home three years ago and have moved three times in all in the past three years.  So, I am far from all friends and family and haven't been anywhere long enough to establish new friendships.  It is really really lonely and I hate it.  I miss my friends very much.  None of them know what I'm going through.  With my last mc, my best friend's first words were, well, it's probably for the best, so I didn't tell her I was even pregnant this time.  
Last night again there was the brownish mucousy stuff, along with the teensiest bit of pink.  When I woke up, my panties were brown, but not completely soaked. tmi, sorry.  Strangely, so far this morning my abdomen is the least sore it's been all week.  Yesterday I ran some errands with the family, as we had NO groceries and I don't trust dh with that task.  (think potato chips, soda and swiss rolls)  I did make use of one of those little carts you drive, to minimize walking, but by the time I we were done I was in quite a bit of pain.  Walking around causes pain.  Not horrible pain, and not crampy, just really sore.  Like when you have your period.  Well, when I have mine.  I figure the brownish is clearly just old blood, which makes total sense with the SCH, what I am wondering is if the wetness it came along with could have been the sac?  And the pink the cervix dilating?  Has anyone ever checked their cervix during or before a miscarriage?  I haven't yet, because when I googled it, I couldn't find any answers as to what it would be like.  I mean, obviously it would be dilated, but some people apparantly have a slightly dilated cervix all throughout pregnancy, so not sure if it would tell me much.  I'm not concerned about infection, as I figure my hands are clean and have my own germs on them.
My next scan was supposed to be tomorrow, but with the holiday it will not be until Thursday.  So quite a few more days of waiting, unless something happens first.
I keep telling myself this is my way of knowing it's not meant to be and I am done now, but like you gumblossom, I know that I will certainly not abstain from dtd on those ripe days, I will likely find and take the royal jelly and Ubiqutol, and I will most likely continue to obsess about cervical mucous and fertile days.  Dh and I have not discussed this at all.  I don't want to bring it up with him because this way he hasn't said no.  We haven't dtd in so long, and obviously can't now, I do look forward to being able to get back on track with that!  lol!
Sadly, even though I am working on looking forward to things like that Dr Pepper and the eye surgery, I do seem to keep tricking myself into having hope left yet.  I am working on that though.  If things could just hurry up and be over, I know I'd be better off.  By the way, the Dr Pepper doesn't even sound that good anymore.  I was so excited when I discovered noncaffienated chai, I've become quite addicted.  
So anyway, here I sit for another day.  Maybe today will be the day?  I think I'd like some pain meds if that's to be the case...

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