Fabulous Forty Somethings TTC! - Page 6 - Mothering Forums

Fabulous Forty Somethings TTC!

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
08:10 AM Liked: 59
#151 of 828
09-01-2013 | Posts: 232
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Here's the line that seems the most straightforward:

"Embryonic heart-rates less than 80 BPM before 6.3 weeks gestation, and below 100 BPM between 6.3 to 7 weeks gestation have loss rates approaching 100%. An embryo with a slow heart-rate that survives the first trimester has a relatively good prognosis. However, these pregnancies may be at increased risk for congenital anomalies and aneuploidy."



It's why I am scared either way, and know that things ending now would be best.  

MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
12:58 PM Liked: 60
#152 of 828
09-01-2013 | Posts: 91
Joined: Aug 2012

I have a question.  Have any of you other ladies noticed a change in your thermal shift?  When I was ttc my ds, in my late 30s (I probably got pregnant about 3 days before my 40th birthday), I had a pretty standard thermal shift -- EWCM, Cervix SHOW, sometimes a temp. dip before ovulation and the one time that I used an O kit a positive O test, and then the next day my temp would go up and I knew I had ovulated.  This time around things are different.  I am seeing thermal shifts, and blood tests confirm that I am ovulating, but, the thermal shift is happening a couple of days after all the other signs.  So now it is EWCM, cervix SHOW, a temp dip, a positive O test, and then, the next day, cervical position has changed and O test is starting to fade,  but still a fairly low temp (maybe up from the dip but not up over the last six days of temps.)  If it follows the pattern of the last few months, though, it will be up tomorrow. 


I've read in several places that some women take a few days to respond to the progesterone with a thermal shift, but I haven't read anything  about a woman's thermal shift pattern changing over time.  Has anyone else noticed this?  Is it yet another sign of peri menopause? Would it make it harder to conceive?  Or does it matter? 


Do I even want to know, when I'm right at the hopeful point of the cycle.  Maybe not.  But more info is probably better than less. 


Sorry if this is way TMI.

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
01:40 PM Liked: 59
#153 of 828
09-01-2013 | Posts: 232
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I was terrible at taking temps as I don't get up the same time every morning and I didn't want dh to ask wth I was doing, so I can't answer that question. That said, I did notice some changes which are similar as far as order. Back in the day I had ewcm for a few days, and always got pregnant on day 14. This last time I was paying more attention that ever before. I noticed low soft open cp and gobs of ewcm on a Thursday. Next day cm was high and medium to hard, no ewcm. Next day, cp high and hard, watery cm. I could only have gotten pg that third day. I was sure I'd missed the window.
caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
01:35 PM Liked: 59
#154 of 828
09-04-2013 | Posts: 232
Joined: Dec 2010

Well, I started bleeding Monday night, but so far nothing particularly heavy and no bad cramping, just a bit of soreness now and then.  My follow up dr appt and US are scheduled for tomorrow.  

gumblossom's Avatar gumblossom (TS)
04:12 PM Liked: 24
#155 of 828
09-04-2013 | Posts: 463
Joined: Oct 2009

Caritasrainbow, I hope the ultrasound can give you some answers tomorrow.


I have to post and run, got a millions things going on. AF arrived last night, so that's me out for this cycle.


I am inching closer to my 47th birthday and really starting to think it may never happen. That won't stop me trying though.


Will catch up with more soon.

LitMama's Avatar LitMama
10:44 AM Liked: 22
#156 of 828
09-05-2013 | Posts: 457
Joined: Sep 2009

So sorry you are going through this, Caritasrainbow. I know how hard it is. ((( hugs )))


MamadeRumi, I have noticed a change in my thermal shift. When I was 40-44, it was more abrupt... I would have a dip the day of ovulation, and then the next day my temp would shoot waaay up. Now it is a bit more gradual and I don't always see a dip the day of ovulation. I'm assuming this is hormonal change happening... I know that my estrogen and progesterone levels are a bit low now according to some bloodwork I've had done. So that makes sense. I've started taking Vitex so perhaps that will help.


Gumblossom, I'm sorry AF arrived, but I do admire the way you continue to keep your heart and life open to whatever comes your way. :)

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
01:43 PM Liked: 59
#157 of 828
09-05-2013 | Posts: 232
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Ultrasound confirmed sac detached sac near my cervix, so just waiting to expell.
MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
01:58 PM Liked: 60
#158 of 828
09-05-2013 | Posts: 91
Joined: Aug 2012

Caritasrainbow, I'm so, so sorry.  Hugs to you.

LitMama's Avatar LitMama
02:55 PM Liked: 22
#159 of 828
09-05-2013 | Posts: 457
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I'm so sorry, mama. :grouphug

gumblossom's Avatar gumblossom (TS)
04:42 PM Liked: 24
#160 of 828
09-05-2013 | Posts: 463
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I am sorry Caritasrainbow. I hope you can now start to heal and move on. :Hug

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
07:03 AM Liked: 59
#161 of 828
09-08-2013 | Posts: 232
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I was ready for things to speed up, so I took the Cytotec. Four months ago it worked after 20 hours. This time it's been 42 hours and nothing has happened. I would go the herbal route but a) there is nowhere around here to buy freshly dried herbs, and b) even if there were, I'm afraid to go anywhere as I know this has to happen at some point. (I've looked extensively as I wanted to make some pregnancy tea)
Before I moved I had a wonderful herb store that had literally everything and I always went that route, fwiw. I also had a great homeopath for 20 years. But now I live in a place with literally none of those things.
I called the drs office and the dr on call told the nurse to tell me just to call in Monday for another round. Cuz you know, I have no reason to leave my house ever again. ~sigh~
Stuck in limbo.
mamasee's Avatar mamasee
01:18 PM Liked: 14
#162 of 828
09-08-2013 | Posts: 254
Joined: Nov 2007

So sorry you are going through this. Sending hugs and thinking of you. :Hug

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
06:07 AM Liked: 59
#163 of 828
09-12-2013 | Posts: 232
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I did the second round over 24 hours as prescribed, ending yesterday, and still nothing. So I continue to wait. No longer bleeding.
MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
03:03 PM Liked: 60
#164 of 828
09-12-2013 | Posts: 91
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I'm sorry, Caritasrainbow. This all just sound awful. Could you order some herbs from online? Hugs to you. 


I am waiting for AF to arrive.  I was hopeful this month because we'd timed things well, but, now it seems like AF will be here any day now. That pretty much eliminates the possibility of my having a baby before my 45th birthday. 

ilovemykiddos's Avatar ilovemykiddos
01:18 PM Liked: 14
#165 of 828
09-14-2013 | Posts: 142
Joined: Jul 2013
I'm so sorry. Hugs.
caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
04:30 PM Liked: 59
#166 of 828
09-14-2013 | Posts: 232
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Well I had an ultrasound yesterday and my uterus is completely empty, lining very thin.
So the Cytotec didn't do anything because there was nothing for it to do is what they said.
I am relieved it is over. Now I'm unsure if I will ttc again. I won't chart or anything for sure. But I'll stay on the prenatals and maybe just see what happens.
Now- is my endometrium supposed to be super thin right after a miscarriage, or is this indicative of a problem? The tech said it was very thin due to the cytotec and while she did repeat the thinness more than once, she made it sound like a good thing, so I didn't think to ask. And mr google has been no help whatsoever.
Does it start off thin, at the beginning of a cycle or miscarriage, before thickening in preparation for the egg? I've been reading how bad a thin lining is for a succesful pregnancy.
The tech called the ds's office and told the nurse what she found, but then I don't think she repeated the bit about the lining when she spoke with the dr who then said I could try again (if I wanted to) after my period. I'm afraid she won't read the file since its all over now, and therefore won't see if anything is wrong.
Should I try taking B6 to help it thicken? Or is it normal? Or will B6 be harmful if not needed? I'd call the drs office to ask, but I've had such bad luck with their call center. Obviously if this is a potential problem I want to do whatever is necessary to avoid another mc.
caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
04:33 PM Liked: 59
#167 of 828
09-14-2013 | Posts: 232
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Oh - MamadeRumi- not that long ago I heard an old friend accidentally found herself pregnant at 46.
I myself am beginning to wonder if I'm crazy to even consider another at my age. Am I simply obsessed? I think I will stay on prenatals, maca root, and the omegas, maybe add some more natural supplements, but not actively ttc. If it happens I'd like to give it the best chance possible, but maybe I just won't try.
Hugs to you mama!
MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
04:48 PM Liked: 60
#168 of 828
09-14-2013 | Posts: 91
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Caritasrainbow, I am not an medical authority, but I believe it is normal for the lining to be thin after a miscarriage.  In fact, I think it is generally thin at the beginning of a cycle and then builds up so that if there is a fertilized egg after ovulation, it would have a place to implant.  If it doesn't implant, then the body sheds the lining and it starts over again.  I know when I was coming off of birth control (oh, to have back those years when I was trying NOT to get pregnant, but that's another matter), I was told to wait a cycle or two to let the lining build up, and I've heard similar advice given to women who have miscarriages.  But I don't think a thin lining now indicates a problem for you.


Take care of yourself.

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
05:06 PM Liked: 59
#169 of 828
09-14-2013 | Posts: 232
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Thanks! Was beginning to freak out...
MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
07:44 AM Liked: 60
#170 of 828
09-15-2013 | Posts: 91
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Arrrrgh!  I am now on day 14 (or possibly 15, since the thermal shift wasn't as clear and sudden as it used to be) po, and my temp is still up.  HPTs are resolutely BFN. any signs of pregnancy have subsided.  But so have the signs of impending AF.  I never have this long a luteal phase. It is usually 12 days, sometimes 13. Once it was the night of the 14th day before AF arrived, but then I did have a temp dip that a.m.  So what is going on?  Is this yet another fun change in my body?  If I'm not pregnant, I want to move on and start the next cycle.  And I wanted to do day 3 fsh testing, but I have a very early meeting scheduled for Wednesday, so I need day 1 to be, um, NOW.  I know this is a minor irritation in the grand scheme of things, but it is irrititating.

orangemomma's Avatar orangemomma
02:02 PM Liked: 21
#171 of 828
09-15-2013 | Posts: 376
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MamadeRumi - my luteal phase has varied since entering my 40's by 1-2 days. It's not supposed to do this, according to everything I have read, but it does.  I don't know what to make of it. So, I definitely sympathize with you there!


This month we actually had good solid go at the baby dance. yea for ED medication! Although AF is due in a few days and I feel the PMS irritability - so not too hopeful really. A tiny bit hopeful, yes, but no more.

LitMama's Avatar LitMama
04:36 PM Liked: 22
#172 of 828
09-15-2013 | Posts: 457
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Caritasrainbow, don't worry! A thin lining is totally normal after a m/c and cytotec. Been there. Your lining will be beautiful and lush in a couple of weeks, I'll bet.


MamadeRumi, yargh, I've been there with realizing my baby won't arrive before my 45th (and now my 46th) birthday. I hope you can not worry about that timetable and those milestones too much, they are truly just numbers that we assign meaning to. I think if we take relatively good care of our bodies and spirits and keep trying, one of these months we'll hit upon the right sperm-egg (and in my case, -immune system) combo and we'll get our babies. I have a friend who conceived at 45 (after having given up and stopped acupuncture, started drinking coffee and wine again, etc.) and delivered at 46. My grandmother had a baby at 47, and my great grandmother had one at 50. It's doable.

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
06:56 PM Liked: 59
#173 of 828
09-15-2013 | Posts: 232
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I was trying to decide if my luteal phase had changed, and was thinking it had, wanting to chime in, but then I realized I've had three periods in my 40s.  I had my last child at 39, and I'm still reluctantly nursing (at night only and only just before bed).  So I am now 42, but I had one period in February, got pregnant right after that, then miscarried in May, had a period in June and one in July, then got pregnant again.  I know that when I got pregnant in March, it was 16 days after AF started, rather than my usual 14.  And when I got pregnant in July it was 15 days after.  So I would say that my cycles have changed, but since I've only had the one and then the two right after mc, I'm not sure if that is an accurate measurement.  Also, after my May mc, my periods returned almost exactly a month to the date that the bleeding started, even though the main stuff wasn't expelled for another four days.  I'm wondering about this one.  I'm guessing it won't be a month after the bleeding started this time since my lining was so thin just Friday, 11 days after the bleeding started.  It should be thickened by the time one is to ovulate, right?

I really am in limbo with my feelings about trying again.  Not sure if I will actively try so much as not avoid.  Plus keep up the vitamins, and possibly add some more supplements, although I'm just not sure.

I know age is just a number but sometimes I wonder if I'm doing my kid an injustice by trying at my age.  Then again, I already have a two year old, so having another in the next year would not be adding on so much.  Plus, having a 20 year old who is just as screwed up as a young adult can be, I can say with all certainty that I'm much better prepared for parenting now than I was then.  I don't blame myself for his poor decisions, well, not entirely, but I do think that had he been brought up differently, things would be different.  Who knows, maybe not?  In retrospect it is easier for me to say, "Okay, I know that this could have been done differently", etc.  With age does come maturity (for some of us) and wisdom (again, I guess that's not always true, but in our cases it certainly is).  

I don't know, these are just the words rambling around in my head...

I never thought I'd have ONE miscarriage.  Having just had two, I think I'm still in shock.  I guess the process took so long it's hard to believe I was actually pregnant.  Altough I was for a good couple of months or so, I even saw the little heart beating.

I do wonder if my obsessiveness with getting pregnant is a) merely a midlife, oh my god if I don't do this now I will never be able to again, or b) merely because I've now lost two and so my body longs for a pregnancy with proper closure, as in a real live baby.  When  I got pregnant in July, it was as if I'd merely taken a little minibreak and always been pregnant all along.  I don't even know if any of this makes any sense.

Orange mama- I'm so glad to hear your dh got his meds!  Fingers crossed!  

Lit mama- You know you ARE right, age is just a number.  I do think being older brings us a bit of wisdom though, and patience.

mamaderumi- no AF yet means there's still a chance.  I hear you on being ready to move forward with the next cycle though.  Once I know I've missed a cycle, I"m just anxious for it to be that time again.  Well, even before this mc was over I was anxious to be able to begin trying.  (even though I haven't made up my mind that's what I really want)

I guess I'll just have to see what I feel after this next period.  Wonder when that'll be...

LitMama's Avatar LitMama
08:02 PM Liked: 22
#174 of 828
09-15-2013 | Posts: 457
Joined: Sep 2009

Caritasrainbow, so sorry that you're dealing with an older child who is having a rough time. ((( hugs ))) I worried a lot too about the impact my having a baby would have on my DD... it took a lot of ruminating and meditating (and even hypnotherapy) to clear those feelings and realize that in our case at least, a younger sibling would be a lifelong gift I could give to her. I agree with you that age brings patience and wisdom, and I also think there is a lot to what you say about our bodies needing closure after a loss. 


MamadeRumi, in my last post I meant to add that my luteal phases have changed as well. I know they are supposed to remain constant, and it's our follicular phases that change. But I went through a long phase of having my luteal phase be anywhere between 12 and 15 days. That was before acupuncture and herbs... now it's pretty much always 15 days (yet I still have low progesterone... sigh...). I agree that you are not out quite yet this cycle!


Gumblossom, how are you?

saoirse2007's Avatar saoirse2007
12:25 PM Liked: 35
#175 of 828
09-16-2013 | Posts: 1,294
Joined: Sep 2007

if we don't get pg in the next couple of cycles i think we will move on. i like that my baby is almost 2 and looking after himself...lol. no more diapers as of now

MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
04:30 PM Liked: 60
#176 of 828
09-16-2013 | Posts: 91
Joined: Aug 2012

Thanks, everyone, for your responses, but my temp dropped big time this a.m., so I think I really am out this month.  But maybe AF won't start until tomorrow and then I can do the day 3 testing on thursday, which would be so much more doable than Wednesday.


Saoirse, I'd be sorry to see you go, but your post sounds as though you are at peace with whatever happens.  That is very good to hear.

orangemomma's Avatar orangemomma
04:29 AM Liked: 21
#177 of 828
09-19-2013 | Posts: 376
Joined: Jan 2012

Well, I am out for this month. She's right on time this morning. As I had suspected. Disappointed.

caritasrainbow's Avatar caritasrainbow
10:18 AM Liked: 59
#178 of 828
09-19-2013 | Posts: 232
Joined: Dec 2010
Saoirs- I forgot to say congrats on the potty training!
Orange momma- so sorry it didn't happen this month. I'm really glad your Dh has the meds now though so that you can try again in a couple of weeks.
MamadeRumi's Avatar MamadeRumi
10:36 AM Liked: 60
#179 of 828
09-19-2013 | Posts: 91
Joined: Aug 2012

Orangemomma, I'm sorry this wasn't your month.  I am right there with you.  AF arrived big time on Monday. I just returned from getting my day 3 fsh test -- crossing my fingers for good numbers. 


Here's hoping for lots of bfps for this group next month.

chichimamma's Avatar chichimamma
12:22 AM Liked: 14
#180 of 828
09-20-2013 | Posts: 97
Joined: Apr 2005
So, I'm reluctantly updating. I went for my first prenatal on Friday the 6th. An ultrasound was done, which showed an 8 week fetus who was still, with no heartbeat. I should have been 9+2, and was 100% sure of my dates. I waited for 3 hours and got into radiology for a more detailed/accurate ultrasound, with the same awful results.
I opted to use misoprostil that night, after going through waiting out a blighted ovum for 3 weeks last year. It was agonising, not so much physically but emotionally. My 44th birthday was the following day, the 7th.

I've been crying every day since and I don't think I can risk trying again. (Emotionally) my partner has a consult appointment for a vasectomy on Monday. I am crushed, but I think it's for the best. I have 5 kids, 23 to 3, and I can't go through this awful loss again. But mamas, I'm SO terribly sad.
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