Hubby doesn't know how to handle it...but he did say he wanted to do the bloodwork. It can cost $500 out of pocket but it can be done in the next 2 weeks so it gives you an answer early...
I am totally distraught. I also think the Prometrium (Progesterone) is what is causing the nausea to be so bad. So it is like a false pregnancy symptom....I asked the Dr yesterday if I should discontinue it...because I don't want to delay the inevitable or cause my body to hold on to a pregnancy that is doomed or bound to be born and the baby suffers from health problems. He said no not to stop just yet, wait another couple of weeks until we do further testing. He thinks the Prometrium isn't going to stop a miscarriage if it is inevitable....but I have read that it can. So I don't know....
Thanks so much for the support, friends. It definitely means a lot. I haven't told many people so I am not able to talk to many people about this. I have told some close friends. But no family.....so your support means a great deal! xx
Ok now I'm off to check this high AMH reading out - 68 is way above the normal... I'm hoping its not a bad thing, it said on the sheet it could be an indicator for pcos....
me 40, DH 40, one (TTC since November 2012) At least one confirmed chem.Ivf #1 march 2014 - 6 day 6 blasts, bfn, 4 frosties. Ivf #2 may, cancelled, Ivf #3 July two transferred, 3 frosties... BFP! Scan at 6+4 wks - twins!! Feeling more blessed than words!
Probably nothing though, you may just have a great ovarian reserve :-)
Chuord -- I'm with the others. If you're ovulating, having regular cycles, and don't have other PCOS symptoms, then I think there's every reason to be optimistic that you have oodles of good eggies in there. Your numbers wouldn't be too far off for a woman a few years younger with good fertility prospects. Is your doc going to be doing other testing?
Wengrin -- You're dealing with the kind of worry no mom should ever have to. I think you and DH are smart to have testing done sooner rather than later, so you at least know better what the situation is. Will you be having another ultrasound before the Harmony test? I'll add my voice to the others in saying that we are here for you. It's a horrible thing to go through. I haven't dealt with quite the same situation, but we had a bad early screen with DD and had to wait until after the amnio to know if she was going to be okay. We're here to be an ear for as long as we can help.
AFM, I had my intake phone call with the nurse today. It was fine, just giving her information. It's always weird sharing such personal things ("Have you been physically or sexually abused? Ever attempted suicide?") with a stranger over the phone. I have my first appointment scheduled for two weeks from today. The nurse said they should be able to do a bedside ultrasound that day, since I said that I definitely wanted a 1st trimester ultrasound. I'll be about seven and a half weeks. I've felt pretty yucky today, which could be hormones or could be the kids' cold finally finding me.
Have a good night, folks.
Oxford - I'm not sure they did a full spectrum? They tested: iron 22, AMH 68.6, tibc 52, trans sat 42, ferritin 106, IgA 0.9 (under the range)
I read that the high AMH was an indicator for insulin resistance... Ranee said that feels right for me... So now I'm freaking out just a bit...
Thanks for all the reassurance, but since I'm double the top end range in AMH I'm assuming there's an issue if some sort. Lol why can't we just have a happy news month without the worries
Hugs all round, primal look after yourself - if you are getting that cold I hope it doesn't get you badly.
Wengrin, I'm hoping for the 40%!! Praying for the best and some peace for you!
In fact, praying for all of you with sicknesses and worries.
Afm, we're still ttc, no news here.
Hi, there. I'm brand new to trying for a pregnancy and to the forum. I like the idea of a "saner" TTC board so I hope it's OK if I join in.
I'm 35 and have never been pregnant. This is our first cycle trying. I'm in the TWW and I think I'm 10 DPO but don't want to get too crazy with the testing. I look forward to getting to know you ladies and learning as I go.
Chuord- probably best to get a fertility check. LH/FSH, androgens and an ultrasound. It's good to check those things are in order anyway. You may get the reassurance that everything is fine. If it is pcos, there are lots of things you can do not just drugs, so at least you will then be tackling the issue that will lead to your BFP. It is so worrying not knowing though, big hugs to you.
Wengrin- I was thinking about you all night. I hope you have found a corner of calm to take some respite. Please be gentle with yourself.
Primal- those questions are weird, is there any specific reason? Are they concerned that there could be physical injury or are they just caring for the whole person and any psychological trauma? It does feel very strange, especially over the phone! Good news that you have some care.
Faith- lovely to hear from you. How are things with you? Are you keeping your zen?!
Lovely- welcome, I hope your journey is short to a BFP.
Mamablue- how are you doing? All calm?
Afm- it's CD10 over here. Tmi warning!!
Yesterday I had unusually large amounts of EWCM! I think that's a good sign :-) hopefully the drugs are balancing my hormones and the estrogen is fighting through. Usually I have a couple of days of scant EWCM, but this moth it is earlier and more. Apart from yesterday, we have been BDind every day, so there is hope! DH has been wonderful lately, I seeing how upset I was over my tests and diagnosis, then how ill I have been getting used to the new drugs, it has really brought it all home to him. The least he can do is BD a lot!! ;-) and to be honest, I think he is kind if enjoying his role in doing his bit!!! Anyway hopefully O will arrive in the next few days and I will have a bang in normal cycle this month. Last month I couldn't try because of all the nasty dye and my body performed a text book 39 day cycle, I'm hoping it happens again this month and O is good an strong. Ladies, I am back in the game!! :-)
Welcome lovely if you are new to the game this is a great place lol lots of experience and knowledge with these lovely ladies!
Oxford - thanks, I have settled myself down a bit... Got a sinus headache lol... And eaten a lot less sugar today - albeit in dried fruit etc - but still sugar right I'm seeing the expert mid December - hopefully my gp can order more tests so he has more to go on..
I'm so excited for you, it feels like your body only needed the tiniest tweak... I know either primal or Wengrin said weeks ago they had a great feeling for you that much ewcm is fantastic lol (men would be horrified if they read these convos...) and I'm impressed with your dh, generally we seem to have a bunch of caring guys - lucky us keep us posted on as many details as you can bare, I'm so excited to hear what's next...
Wengrin - hugs to get you through my night time...
Primal - hope you are still doing well and are avoiding that cold.
Mamablue - how's your world?
Mares - how's the house hunting? And have you been in contact with the inlaws? I hope they are behaving
That is a gorgeous big BFP! You must be over the moon.
Have you told DH yet? How are you planning to tell him? :-)
Chuord- thanks for your encouragement. I'm hoping things are changing for me. Also, this is my first month of trying after my dye test, so hopefully the jet wash for my tubes has helped a bit too. Today I'm starting to feel more back to normal in mind and body. My nausea has subsided, I just need to keep a more careful eye on my blood sugar and eat the right things very frequently. Mentally I am over the shock and starting to have more hope that the drugs wil help. Nice to be moving forwards again.
Chuord, in so pleased you have your specialist appointment coming up. I really would recommend a full blood test to take with you, the specialist read loads into mine. Also has DH had a sperm analysis yet? Mine wasn't too keen but after seeing what I have out myself through he say the least he can do is <<blank>> in a tube!! Lol. It's really important to look at everything and make sure you get a totally clean bill of health or they spot the exact problem and give you effective help. I hope you are not feeling too anxious about it sweetie.
Wengrin- you are still on my mind. All positive vibes are being flung acros the Atlantic towards you. I hope they are arriving safely.
Mamblue- are you ok my friend? I'm a little concerned after your anxious post. I hope you are off enjoying yourself. Let us know you are ok, or shout if you need to talk. ;-)
Congrats Faith!! That is a BFP! Happy for you!
Oxford I got tickled over your abundant EWCM! Men really would die is they read our thoughts...lol. So glad you are feeling back to normal and hubby is being so kind. That is huge!
Primal, that does sound like a crazy phone call with the nurse. I hate the way they talk about our personal lives like it is text in a file. I don't think I have never been asked anything that extreme but I have had really odd questions and impersonal conversations and hung up feeling blah. Hoping that you get your ultrasound and have some solid peace of mind
Anyway I just wanted to pop in and let everyone know I really appreciate all of your kind words. It means a lot. I am doing okay. I have had a terrible feeling today that I am getting ready to miscarry. I keep getting sharp pains and twinges. I haven't started bleeding....just my instinct. I don't know....I would be relieved if there was a chromosomal defect. I wouldn't want a baby to suffer. A friend of ours from a small group we belong to has a baby that just turned 2 mos and has trisomy 13. The doctors warned the couple that the baby wouldn't likely see his first birthday but he has made it this far. She gives us updates and talks about his breathing difficulty and how it is painful to watch him struggle....that would kill me. So if this is not a healthy pregnancy I am praying that nature will take its course.
Chuord, I'm hoping that you just need an extra boost from the specialist. I imagine that your ovarian reserve is pretty good at your age. I always wondered if I had PCOS but have never had it diagnosed. I know I am ovulating though...but I've always had blood sugar issues and craved starches and carbs over protein. I have to force myself to eat protein usually. So something is off. I also had gestational diabetes with DS, although I ended up being just barely within the normal limits so I didn't have to test my entire pregnancy or do shots or anything. But I am glad you're seeing the specialist. That is great!
I am sort of coming to peace that if I lose this pregnancy, I might hang up my uterus. Ha....seriously I just might be grateful for the 2 blessings that I have and also my 2 bonus kids (step-children). We certainly have a house full at times.....I don't think I want to roll the dice again and risk an unhealthy pregnancy. Either way I will still stay active on the board because I think no matter where we are in our life we all can benefit from sharing our experiences.
Take care all. :-)
Wengrin - I wish there was something I could do for you in person... My only suggestion is that right now may not be the right time to think so hard about the future? Although I could be wrong and you may be having great clarity right now
I so hope you are wrong and that all is well, but your body probably knows best... Ok enough typing I'm going to do some energy work on you xxx
I noticed that someone finally started a new thread and wanted to stop by and say hi. It's great to see that this community is still alive, I got so much support from hanging out here when I was TTC.
Chuord, I'm happy and sad to see you're still here. I sincerely wish you a BFP and a healthy, happy baby soon!
I don't know some of you other ladies but it looks like you've got a great thing going. Baby dust to all of you.
I hope you will join us on the other side in the Zen Parenting thread when you're ready!
We welcomed our baby boy on September 20th, he'll be 11 weeks on Friday! I will say the first 6 weeks are a steep learning curve but he's gradually becoming easier to read and my confidence as a new mom is increasing little by little as well. It takes a lot of faith and believing in yourself when you become a parent. Good luck to you, chuord! And feel free to PM me anytime.
Chuord, that sounds like quite a interesting doctor's visit you have lined up for your husband! It's truly amazing what the capabilities are for testing nowadays—I feel like our parents missed out. Awesome unintentional planning on the appointment date! Also, I’m super unfamiliar with AMH but I’m going to try my best to follow along in your journey!
Also, Chuord, Wengrin—my mom went through breast cancer in 2011... not fun. Still battling the treatment side-effects. But she is kickin! The emotional effects of it are the most notable from the outside.
Primal, it sounds like you’ve had a wide variety of experiences. People can be so thoughtless sometimes and say quite the opposite of a comforting word when that’s what they’re going for. And then other times they’re just royal boobs who have terrible bedside manner. Hoping this one is a good experience. I hope the new OB works out!
Wengrin—I admire you for your strength! I can only imagine the journey you’ve gone through in the past few days to arrive on your positive mindset. Whatever happens and whatever you decide to do from there I hope you are happy, healthy and at peace!
mamaBlue, I hope everything is going well over there! how many weeks are you now?
Oxford, awesome that you’re back in the game! DH was watching me chart my cm (not sampling.... just charting) about a month ago (much to my warning) and was thoroughly grossed out. Bahahahahah
AFM : I woke DH up and told him about 5 minutes after that post. I told him I have a late...err early anniversary gift (it would be completely in my nature to be late anyway). If it was the first day I had a positive OPK, we're due on our anniversary, but it may have been 9 days later... I had a bunch of positive OPKS for a good bit there, but then I ran out. I'm anywhere from 12 to 21 DPO. I'm guessing the latter since it's so dark, but something strange I noticed: I started OPKs on the 12 and ran out on the 22, and had positives on the 12, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22. I had a bfn at home on the 11th and on at the doc's on the 15th (i was getting some really weird dizziness that they said was an inner ear thing).
He laughed and said, "Wow, really..? That's just a little late..." Then I held out the test and said, "do you know what this means?" Then he got excited :D Still sleepy, but excited.
It definitely hasn't set in for me yet. I'm not sure I believe it. My bosses and I ("the management team") have a big yearly planning meeting tomorrow that I'm sure will involve enough staff and future planning for me to feel kind of jerkish if I don't tell them I'm going to need to be out partway through the year and then part time after that (if at all). We're a really small team, too. I can't decide if I should tell them yet or not. One of my bosses saw I was stressed on Saturday and wrote me this really sweet note that had a strangely prophetic front, "There is a miracle living inside of you", then a totally normal and mild interior message. I’m really afraid of the pregnancy not lasting though, and while I’m close to them and wouldn’t mind them knowing, I just don’t know how I would bring it up if I end up miscarrying.
Also, I apologize for my really weird timing, being “that person” that pops back on and immediately finds out she’s pregnant. I was wondering last night, as I was sipping the pickle juice out of the jar (I kid you not. but hereagain not so strange from my normal) but seriously thought it was my head and realized I missed you guys as a support. That said, I’m so glad I could share it with you all.
Re work - nice choice to have to make so early... If it were me and I trusted them to support not hinder - I would let them know, or maybe pick one to tell as a tester?
Chuord I bet that must be so hilarious....taking a "sample" in with you. I bet for men that must be really tough, too. My DH would do it but I can imagine he would be nervous. He doesn't like it when the spotlight is on him. I guess if I made him laugh it would take some of the edge off. But I can imagine it must be hard. Even though as women we go through so much poking and prodding and have everything out there, they just don't do as well with that type of openness. (Mine at least.) I think the more sensitive and in touch your DH is the better. My Dad is very emotionally in touch and would be much more open about doing something like that, I think. Every guy is different. Hope your DH feels as good as he can about the idea! So great that you're going in 3 days after AF! That is perfect timing. So you can take comfort knowing you have a back-up plan. :-). Also thank you for sending positive energy my way!! I need it...
Also Dakipode congrats on welcoming your baby! Yes the first time you bring a baby home is quite the challenge but also soooo sweet. You will be amazed how you learn to read their cues and build a closer and stronger emotional bond each time you meet their need or soothe them. It is the most amazing thing. The first 3 months are a steep learning curve but it gets much easier and they start sleeping better (usually) so I bet you will notice a difference by the end of the year and feel even more confident. Congrats!
I had cramping on and off yesterday but no bleeding yet. I have been so incredibly nauseous and I hate knowing that the Progesterone that I am taking is causing it...I talked to hubby about whether I should just stop taking it and see what happens and he thinks I should. But the Dr said not to give up just yet. He doesn't think the Progesterone will prevent the inevitable but I have read that it can prolong it and keep your symptoms going even though there is a problem. So I am torn.
Hubby stayed home from work today to help me. The laundry was piling up and things at home needed to be done. So he did a lot last night and then offered to stay home today and I about jumped on him. It has been so hard feeling so yucky and being completely depressed and taking care of a 2 year old. We normally have a playgroup that we meet up with, but I just don't feel comfortable going and having to explain all of this to a large group. Even though they're all friends, it is just a sad situation and I don't want to be in a big group environment just yet, until I have some closure. Plus I am just sort of waiting for the blood to flow honestly. I wondered yesterday when we went grocery shopping when it would happen....I realized I needed to stock up on some heavy flow supplies just in case. (Sigh) So anyway it is great to have him home today. We are taking the kids to see The Nutcracker ballet on Saturday. Hopefully I will feel better. Yesterday I was just dry heaving (sorry TMI) with nothing in my stomach. I think I have lost a few pounds too. My tummy has gone down. So then of course I wonder if that means I am not pregnant anymore....if my body is shutting it down. I don't know. I know I am not eating very much and most often can't hold down what I do eat, so maybe that is it. I just have to feel better soon. This constant malaise and nausea is the absolute worst. It feels like the worst college hangover ever.....every single day.
I hope everyone is doing well today. Take care!
I am going part time in 1 January to reduce my stress and hopefully help TTC- yes I am taking this very seriously!!! I hope it will help. Anyway, my point is, that even dropping to 3 days a week I've already been written off in small ways that I really didn't expect. Things I used to have an input to, now I don't get asked. It's like they have written me off already. I imagine there is a risk of that in your situation. However you must do what you feel is right and that is most authentic and aligned to your beliefs. I'm sure you will make the right decision for you. Great to hear you have supportive colleagues though!
Wengrin- be gentle on your self. I hear you tussling with what to do and what is right and reason everything through in your intelligent mind that is used to knowing the answer. Scarily this time, only your body knows, but it does know so trust. There's no time limit here and no responsibility to get it right. Give yourself some space and lots of love. I feel your pressure. Great that DH is helping out, make sure you tell him what you need and be kind to yourself. It must be so tough being in the centre of all this uncertainty and having a toddler to care for. You can go back to being brilliant at everything when you are through this uncertain time and you know what's happening, in the meantime please give yourself a break. You are fabulous and I wish you lived nearer to take you out for tea and cake ;-)
Chuord- men do take this stuff sentinels don't they? Over here men have to give their sample at the hospital. The waiting room is the same as the fertility clinic so you see all the men looking so so nervous and out of place. My DH told me about the room they take them to with a small couch, a dimmed table lamp and a pile of dirty mags!!!! Lol. Luckily we could laugh about it all. On a serious note though, when his results came back ok, he said he was relieved not to have the "you're only half a man" conversation. It reminded me how this is so core to their masculinity and self esteem so we should be gentle.
Still, all the tests I have had have been much more painful and intrusive!!!!!!
Good for you for taking him along and finding out what's what. What date is your appointment and we can all send you some good vibes?
Over here, my CM has dried up today and a temp rise so I think o was yesterday, will wait and see. We bd last night and then two days before, so should be covered. I will keep DH on the job though as cd 12 would be early for me. A regular cycle is 30 days so this would be 27. Entirely possible. Maybe my body is making up for the 39 and 43 day cycles it have me in autumn!! I don't care as long as an egg actually appears. Hopefully it will tango with the sperm supply and we're in business!!!
Bad day at work today so in hanging out and trying to distract myself! I better go so something. Best wishes to you all :-)
Also tea and cake sounds divine! If only this world weren't so large. :-)
Yes I am struggling with not knowing....it is so hard to wait and be unsure if the heart has stopped beating or if by a fluke chance everything is fine. I am preparing myself for the most likely outcome and then if by chance it meant nothing then I will be surprised. But I am already planning on feeling better soon, not being pregnant....trying to find some positives in the midst of my despair. I certainly am sick of being sick though, and not being able to keep up with our normal routine. Even DD (she is at her dads until the weekend) but I feel bad for her. She can tell something is bothering me but I am not going to weigh her down with this uncertainty...I will tell her of course once we know something but for now I am just not myself and it is not fair to her and DS. I think I am also beating myself up because my identity is largely tied up in being a mama and taking care of my family...I have barely been able to take care of myself and pick up dinners or order out. And the laundry piling up was a painful reminder of the job that I am not doing. My senses tell me to cut myself a break and not beat myself up, and I am really trying to allow myself time to feel better and recover, but the monkey-mind voice in my head has other opinions.
I messaged someone from the mothering site (not this group but on another thread) who I found had been through the diagnosis of enlarged yolk sac....she was so kind and wrote me back, shared her experience with me, and was honest and didn't try to sugar coat the situation. She ended up miscarrying...her baby's heart stopped beating around the same gestation that I will be over the next 2 weeks. I know there are people who end up with nothing to worry about, but it is not the usual outcome. So I think it helps if I prepare myself for the most likely outcome and hope for the best.
I am sorry for the pity party...I am trying to think positive but it is too painful to set myself up for that kind of blow. Sigh...anyway:
Chuord I had no idea they have the man come in and prepare the sample on site!! That must be hilarious. They provide dirty magazines!?! How funny is that. I just assumed that you could bring one in with you. I guess they need a fresh batch to analyze....I guess that makes sense because the sperm probably die off as time passes. Yes, men....their masculinity is so important to them. It is something we have to be very careful with. I know Oxford you have certainly subjected yourself to wayyyy more invasive tests. That is why women give birth and men don't. They just couldn't handle all of that. But there are many things that men and their tough masculinity can swallow that would make me cry. So we do have very different roles.
I am still chuckling over the thought of the men going to the fertility clinic and looking so nervous and out of place. The dim light and couch!! Oh gosh thanks for the laugh, Oxford. I needed that! :-)
Faith - there is heaps of sense in Wengrin and oxfords comments - I haven't had to tell any of my bosses that so Ive never seen the change of attitude.
Wengrin and Oxford - lol so much re the seedy couch! Lucky for dh he can bring his with him, it just has to be 2 hours or less old it frequently cracks me up about men and the fact their entire manliness resides in that organ... Lol can you even imagine them giving birth hehehe... I know Wengrin they have other strengths - but lol!
appointment should be fun (17-12) he advertises himself as someone who can bring humour into the toughest conversation, specializes in older women and has many same sex couples - obviously we are not that but I love the friendly vibe he gives off - plus someone G knows used him after a bad first experience elsewhere... I didn't mention that when I rang for an appointment the next opening was in June next year... So I jokingly said 'if I wait till then I'll be 40' at which point she found me a cancellation lol - obviously I fit the emergency category
Oxford - I'm both happy for you cutting back on work - and sad that they are treating you that way... I like honesty and trust and you're right the corporate world is full of 'climbers' that don't really care. Woohoo for early o! Have you been temping? I must confess I have... I came to the conclusion that for me it helps with my zen lol.
Wengrin - I did a session yesterday and all I can tell you is that your energy is beautiful - I mean national geographic beautiful... I saw an image not dissimilar to a whales geometric shape, a unified collection of energy that had beautiful flow and movement. I got the impression that it was your body - and although it enjoyed the energy, it is already on the right course of action... Everything felt gentle, caring and yet strong and resolved. I got a huge impression of it being trustworthy and totally on your side... I know it sounds weird (no surprise from me lol) and I try not to share the bits I get while doing energy... But for you regardless of the outcome - trust your body to be doing exactly what is right for you, it is an amazing entity.
Primal, mamablue, mares - ladies please let us know all is well? I miss hearing from you
Afm - I'm still feeling at peace with this cycle and positive... I had a sharp but mild twinge yesterday 6dpo a tiny pink bit in my creamy last night (tmi sorry) and a temp drop today... Also some dull achey pains... Just keeping you up to date
That is great that your DH escaped the seedy couch....lol. Your fertility specialist sounds very warm and relaxed, which is great.
Thanks, Oxford. :-)
I am doing okay. I am considering calling the doctors office tomorrow or Monday and explain that I am having pretty bad cramps. I know that would earn me an office visit and a scan! I thought about that....it is just torture waiting a full 2 weeks to know if something is failing. I know I need to just relax and wait, but it really is torturous. This is only thinking about myself but it is still my thought...what if the pregnancy has ended but my body isn't recognizing it because I am pumping it full of progesterone. Meanwhile that progesterone is making me SO sick and if I knew that I was miscarrying or already miscarried then at least I could stop the progesterone and get on the road to feeling better eventually. I have eaten chicken noodle soup and saltine crackers every day. I am so ready to feel somewhat normal again.
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