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The Saner TTC and Graduates -- The Beaver Moon

6K views 212 replies 14 participants last post by  PrimalJoy 
#1 ·
Hello all and welcome!

The original "Sane 2ww" thread was started by zenquaker. This is a continuation of the "Sane 2ww" thread and we felt "A Saner TTC" was a natural evolution. Over time, many of those TTC among us have been successful, but neither us nor them are ready to say good bye to this Saner Sisterhood. For that reason, we've expanded this description to include both those currently TTC as well as the graduates in the group.

Here's the gist of the original thread: this is a space to re-conceive the 2ww as a time of waiting and contemplation. Although we don't judge those who wish to poas frequently, symptom-spot, or do chart analysis, this a space set apart from that activity. We share our thoughts about other ways to approach the 2ww and all parts of our cycles. We encourage each other to feel our feelings fully and to greet all possible outcomes with openness.

We also seek to approach our pregnancies with the same holistic calm, knowing that both growing a baby and being a woman are complex experiences that deserve our humility and reflection. As our babies grow into this world, we seek to hold the space for them within ourselves and the world around us, to make our spirits ready as our bodies are made ready.

We also remember that there is much to life outside our efforts toward procreation, and we enjoy sharing all of our journeys with those who share the space with us here.

We hope you'll join us.
 
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#102 ·
It's good to catch up with you all.

Wengrin - I'm glad you were able to get out of the house and visit with friends. It's good for the soul. I read that you were struggling with your decision to continue progesterone. I think you are wise to continue taking it. My understanding is that progesterone supports viable pregnancies in cases where the mom is progesterone deficient. When a pregnancy is not viable, progesterone isn't enough to keep it going. It may delay the onset of bleeding by a short amount of time (hours/days), but it alone cannot sustain or extend life. I always found that reassuring, as I didn't feel like it was a kindness to keep someone terminal on forced life support. Progesterone won't do that, and that's good. I hope that these uncertain times are soon resolved and that you get good news at your next appt.

Chourd - I don't know a lot about AMH. My doctors (first and second RE's) said that estradiol and an antral follicle count (AFC) were the most indicative of ovarian health and reserve. I think that an unusual (high or low) AMH with a high FSH may be a red flag, but that AMH results alone do not give a diagnosis. I'm interested in what you learn from your fertility specialists, and it sounds like you are on the right path! And Yay! for a great O and well-timed BD.

Faithrising - Congrats! That's a dark BFP!

Oxford - I am so excited for you and your awesome EWCM! I ovulated on cd12 the month I conceived, so a little early is no problem. I'm so happy that just around two weeks of metformin has made a noticeable difference for you. Wooohoooo!

Primal - I hear you about getting puffy at the end of the day. I start out every day looking svelte and slowly decline into looking like a heffalump. Today I woke up in heffalump mode and I was none too pleased, as I'm already running out of clothing that is not sweatpants and stretchy maxi-skirts. I'm only 7w4d I must hide this baby for awhile yet!

Thank you all for you support during my freak out. I found your words very calming (especially yours Oxford). It was good that I just let go for a few days. Nothing physically has changed, but my sanity is back and I am ready to enjoy this part of my life without worry. Sure, I can't control what may happen, but I'm going to be happy that there is a tiny baby inside me.
 
#103 ·
I forgot to say! So, 11 year old DS had a cold last week and continued to have a sore throat this week. I took him to the doctor, and the rapid strep was negative. Two days later, though, the strep culture was positive. So I'm really wondering if DH's sore throat wasn't strep all along. DH is better now, so I don't think I'll ever know.

I'm at the hotel tonight, and DH is texting me that DD is sick, throwing up and resisting sleep. Hoping it's short lived, since I'm not there to help. He is so comfortable in the primary caregiver role, though. So different from when my boys were small and it was always up to me; I never could have worked this kind of job with my first husband.

Wengrin -- Thanks, that's very sweet.
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My expertise is limited, since I haven't worked clinically in a couple of years, but I'm glad you found it helpful. I just think that it's cruel to make a woman in your situation wait more than a week for an update. You would be able to see the heart rate, size of the yolk sac, etc. I'm just not very patient!

I'm still thinking of you and hoping for the best.

Hope everyone else is doing well!
 
#104 ·
Hugs ladies... All well here, just biding my time... Keep up the awesome!
 
#105 ·
Thanks ladies!

Primal I hope DD feels better soon. Poor girl. You don't think she caught strep too, do you? I have heard strep can be really dangerous for little ones if not caught early. So great that DH is comfortable in the caregiver mode...that is a huge comfort for you, especially being away. Hope she shakes this and it doesn't last long.

Mamablue- I completely understand taking a hiatus and giving yourself time to unplug and relax. Sometimes the internet can be my worst enemy. I find myself compulsively searching and looking up things...which is never good. My dad has a full blown internet addiction. All he does is email his work contacts and follow up on church stuff that he is involved in, (and google every curious thought that crosses his mind) but he is connected to his laptop 26 hours a day. When they visit, my mom and I always try to remind him to put that stuff away and be present with his grandchildren. Inevitably they leave to go home and he calls saying he misses the kids and he wished he had spent more time with them, etc. The Internet is a wonderful thing but it can consume you. I try to be conscious of that...it is so tempting though.

Also Mamablue thank you for the info re: progesterone. I did continue it, since I was progesterone deficient with last pregnancy. Like you said, if it will sustain a viable pregnancy then I need to give this pregnancy a chance until (if) I find out that it is not healthy.

So I do plan to call the Dr's office on Tuesday. That will be 8 days since my last scan, and will give me a mid-2 weeks update. If only to see the yolk sac measurement and if the heart is still beating. (Or not). It will be good to peek inside and see what the little nugget is up to. I can justify the cramping because I did have some very odd pain on Thursday of this week. I really thought I was going to see a gush of blood but never did. It was a very low, uterine cramping and a strange snapping feeling down there.... almost like the contents of my uterus was starting to release and come apart. So I can just describe those symptoms when I call...

Hope everyone has a good weekend!
 
#106 ·
Morning ladies! Wengrin hugs hope you are doing something fun and distracting this weekend.
Primal - how is dd? You sure have had a rough go this last week with the family - fx you don't get sick
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I think being away for work was probably a good thing to keep you safe...
Mares - how's the house hunt?
Oxford - what are you up to this weekend?
Mamablue - apart from a slight manic google search this morning, I'm really zen too, I'm going with that principle of believe and it will happen... Only this time I'm imagining a healthy baby rather than just getting pg...
Lovely - how are you traveling?
Chrissy - hugs, how's life treating you?
Anyone lurking and want to join in?

I spent some time yesterday icing Christmas cakes (almond and then white) it was fun, dh helped (but needed heaps of direction as it was new to him) Ive only done it once or twice myself but have helped and watched mum heaps of times... She did cake decorating as a hobby to entertain her while a stay at home mum.. Such a day if happy memories! What tradition is your favourite for Christmas?
 
#107 ·
Wengrin, good to hear you were able to feel some relief after seeing friends! Hoping for the best. I think it's wise to make the appointment, to give you peace one way or the other.

Chuord, I don't know charts super well but that looks good from what I do know! Fx for you!

Oxford, fx for you too!

Primal, the distance is a good thing--don't get sick! I'm trying not to get excited here, too. I have plenty of things to distract myself with but I keep getting worried. Did you tell/do you plan on telling family yet? (I may have missed this back in the thread). I'll only be 7 or 8 weeks at Xmas and are trying to decide if we should tell family yet.

Mamablue--totally understand that. Glad to see you back and well
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I have to charge my phone midday b/c I keep binging on searches for everything pregnancy related... Freaking me out, man.

AFM:
Thanks for the advice on work. I told the owners. For clarification, we are a teeny tiny design firm and I was the first employee hired on. We worked out of their house for almost a year. I used to pick up their kid from school. The wife that started the company went through fertility issues for 5 years and has been sort of talking me through everything and totally knows the risks involved. If I were in corporate America no way would I have said anything, but they are like family and they run the business much like a family. I should have clarified that more
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we haven't told anyone else yet and that somehow doesn't feel as weird as I thought it would.

On Wednesday 12.05 my hcg was 371.4 and progesterone was 23.2. That would put me at around 4.5 weeks. I didn't hear anything about a follow up test. Now to hunt for a midwife that delivers at a center. And a center for that matter.

Cramps, tender breasts, a bit of tiredness and not really hungry for anything except anything pickled or vinegary.

Chuord--for Xmas I make baklava and my mom makes some Lebanese food (kibbe, fatayad, tabbouleh....nomnomnom).
 
#108 ·
Faithrising - I am friends with a family from Lebanon and I love to eat the food the mama makes. There is a salad she makes with herbs sprinkled on it that is so good. Fattoush, I think? I hope that's right. Anyway, it's a good thing I don't live with them, or I'd grow quite plump stuffing my face with amazing foods I can't pronounce. That and I'd be an insomniac from all the Turkish coffee.
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#109 ·
Yes! Fattoush is FANTASTIC! I blame my mom's family for my love of all things garlicky/zesty/bitter. If you avoid the meat you shouldn't gain too fast
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mujadara is quite amazing too if you serve it with a lemony salad (fattoush, tabbouleh, salada, or even just parsley with lemon juice, olive oil and salt). My parents drink about 2 pots of coffee a day each (only a slight exaggeration) but I don't think they've done Turkish coffee. Is that the one where you add cardamom?

This year I have some time off before Christmas so I'm going to make stuffed grape leaves.

Where abouts do you live again mamaBlue? Do you have any traditions for holidays?
 
#110 ·
Yum! To all of the above... I think Turkish coffee is the really thick extra sweet one in tiny serves? It's delicious but I get d.t. Shakes from normal coffee so haven't had any for ages
 
#111 ·
Ok lost post... Ladies I would love your advice, tomorrow I have my gp appointment to discuss my last AMH results and find out if I should do any other tests before my specialist on 17th... So any recommendations for specific tests would be appreciated (I may have to wait till a new month to have them but alls good)
Also I'm taking the plunge and taking a frer tomorrow morning only 10dpo (4 before AF) which seems way early but I felt a twinge from 6dpo so anything is possible... Please keep fx for me as I haven't had a positive test yet lol
 
#116 ·
Okay this is weird lol. Last few days I have become to notice my nipples and aerolas however u spell it are very dry and itchy. Has never happened before. So I looked it up and everything I found related to pregnancy. Anyone experience this before or had it and not pregnant?? I am 5 days late and test neg 4 days ago just curious lol
 
#117 ·
Mamablue - huge hugs, I'm with faith and Chrissy, hoping that it's just one of those pregnancies with strong spotting... Will do some energy work now xx
 
#118 ·
Done - energy definitely went to you both... If you feel so unsure why don't you request an ultrasound tomorrow like Wengrin, also will it help if instead of focussing on potential miscarriage you think about holding baby in your arms after a safe birth? It has given me strength to stay calm and positive, I hope it helps you xxx
 
#119 ·
Thanks for letting me express my fears everyone. Hopefully it's just a hematoma. I spoke with my obgyn. He reassured me that the odds are in my favor since I've already seen a heartbeat. He's going to have me come in tomorrow morning for an ultrasound to check on the baby. I wish shared his optimism, but the lack of my typical nausea and heartburn has me on edge. I keep telling myself that every pregnancy is different and that my lack of usual symptoms might mean that I'm in for an easier first trimester. I hope that's what's going on now. The spotting and cramping haven't worsened since this morning, so that is good. I appreciate all the kind words. Your positive words are helping me to stay sane. xoxo
 
#120 ·
And of course lol a bfn for me... :/ no stress will try again at an appropriate time!
 
#123 ·
Oh Mamablue I hope it is just a hematoma like your Doc possibly thinks. Did you say you spotted with pregnancy before? I know how you feel....it is grueling waiting and not knowing if your pregnancy is healthy or not. It kills me because I am a need-to-know-now type person. I don't do well patiently waiting especially when it comes to a little unborn life at stake (and my body)....ugh. I am so glad you're able to go in for an u/s tomorrow. I am still tempted to do that but not sure if I will.

I noticed my cervix is pointed down and more open now. I had the same feeling, that I was getting ready to miscarry. I have been so sick today so missed my dose of progesterone this afternoon and by the time we got home and showered I realized it had been all day. I hope I didn't cause it to happen. My boobs have felt so flappy and empty...that's another red flag. They're normally full and heavy with pregnancy. I don't know....

Sorry you got a BFN Chuord...maybe just too early? I never get positives until at least 11 dpo. I know some do earlier. Good for you- keeping your positive zen attitude. You really are the zen poster child of the month. ;-)

SCJP yes that is a symptom I believe. Mine always used to get itchy and strange feeling.

I may call the doctor's office tomorrow. I am a little worried what my charge will be. I know with a pregnancy they charge you 20% of the estimated bill. I pay it up front and then everything is covered except any additional charge like a c-section. So anyway I wonder if I miscarry how they'll bill me. I have no idea how much an u/s would be, but I imagine not cheap. (Sigh)

We have eaten out every day this weekend. I must gather the strength and stomach to go grocery shopping and actually buy some food. I have just been picking up milk, cereal, snacks for the kids, etc. Every time I look at food my stomach turns. I wish those symptoms were a positive pregnancy sign but unfortunately I think it is just a side effect of the progesterone supplements.

I hope everyone has had a good weekend. :)
 
#124 ·
I have also been nauseas all day had a headache and my boobs are very sensitive. I really really hope this means something. My sister in law txt me yesterday and asked if I was preg I said not that I know of cuz she has been getting morning sickness for a week and she can't have babies now cuz she got her tubes tied lol. And I remember her telling me when I was preg with my son she had morning sickness and knew someone was preg in the family and I ended up being. Lol so hopefully all this means something. I'm gonna test when I get paid on Friday I know long way a way but I have no money til then so gona just wait
 
#125 ·
I'm sorry for those I miss, heading to bed but wanted to respond to a couple things --

Mamablue - I am so sorry for this stress! I'm really hoping that all is well tomorrow. I had some bright red bleeding with DS #1 (and virtually no nausea/heartburn), but he was fine. It was so scary though, particularly coming right after my first loss. Please feel free to vent/process/discuss however is helpful for you here. Thinking of you!

Wengrin -- If you're having your u/s at a hospital, check out their charity care program. The income limits are more flexible than you'd think; it has saved us in the past. They won't advertise this to you, but there should be info on it if you search their website.
 
#126 ·
Thanks faith, mama blue and Wengrin... I had low expectations as it is 5 days before AF is due... But I felt I had to take one before the docs appointment... Still have time before RE...
Looking forward to your results mama blue - my gut is that all is well... Hugs on the stress
Wengrin - hugs, you are in an awful place right now, I'm hoping so much you get both resolution and a desire to eat - I can't think of a worse combo! You are a Trojan!
Primal - you being so amazingly useful and supportive to us all - hoping you are traveling well? How long till you're ultra sound?
Faith what about you?
Oxford did you get cross hairs? If so what dpo?
 
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