Dealing with the Negativity - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 12-20-2013, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Backstory: after much deliberation and weighing of options, DH and I have decided that (as long as we can get insurance worked out) we will be TTC this spring. I'm obsessed with babies and children even when I'm not riddled with baby fever, so the idea of TTC is making me ultra baby crazy.

My question is: How do you ladies deal with friends who are extremely anti-motherhood? In my circle of friends, which is composed of women ages 23-34, the overwhelming majority (um, all of them) speak very openly about how they can’t believe so many women decide to have children, are ruining their lives, are sacrificing freedom and career success, academic fame…you name it. I seem to be the only one who a) wants children (now), and b) does not see motherhood and feminism as mutually exclusive.
 

I like these women. They are highly intelligent and interesting, and I value their friendship. It just gets very hard to be the odd one out. I haven’t told them that DH and I are wanting to have a baby in the next year for fear of their reaction. How do you handle the negativity?

(ps: anybody from my ravelry ttc group who may be reading this and recognize my post: hi!)


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#2 of 5 Old 12-20-2013, 02:11 PM
 
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What happens for many people as they enter parenthood is that most of your friends end up being people with kids. It's not that your old friendships necessarily end, just that you'll find the people that relate to where you are now are people who are in a similar stage of life. 

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#3 of 5 Old 12-20-2013, 02:32 PM
 
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:) This response is probably going to make me sound like some sort of weirdo, but I think it's kind of interesting that you posted this today at 1:11. And you currently have 1 response and 11 views. I have never been into numerology or anything metaphysical before, but I have had repeating 1s, 3s, and 5s chasing me since May. I see them multiple times a day. 

 

 

 

Well- 1:11 often means, "Ensure that your beliefs, thoughts and mind-sets are positive and optimistic in order to draw the energies of abundance and balance into your life. When a series of 111's appear, monitor your thoughts carefully and be sure to only think about what it is you really want, not what you don't want.  Choose your thoughts wisely, and do not put your focus towards your fears, as they may manifest."

 

And for giggles, since your first reply was at 2:11: "211 is a message not to be hindered by old patterns and habits that are in need of change.  It asks you to look upon new experiences with optimism as they will bring about positive effects and favourable opportunities.  It also helps with achieving your goals and aspirations, and allows for the ‘old’ to be replaced with the ‘new’."

 

Regarding your question, I have begun asking people in my life to refrain from being so negative about certain things. I'm really honest with them and confide in them that often I take in a lot of this negativity and that it's not good for my health. I don't mind discussing controversial topics or debating, but just being downright negative about topics is not constructive. Good friends would respect these boundaries. And even better friends would realize your desires for children and support you in your journey. 

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#4 of 5 Old 12-22-2013, 01:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knittygritty View Post
 

My question is: How do you ladies deal with friends who are extremely anti-motherhood? In my circle of friends, which is composed of women ages 23-34, the overwhelming majority (um, all of them) speak very openly about how they can’t believe so many women decide to have children, are ruining their lives, are sacrificing freedom and career success, academic fame…you name it. I seem to be the only one who a) wants children (now), and b) does not see motherhood and feminism as mutually exclusive.
 

I like these women. They are highly intelligent and interesting, and I value their friendship. It just gets very hard to be the odd one out. I haven’t told them that DH and I are wanting to have a baby in the next year for fear of their reaction. How do you handle the negativity?
 

knittygritty - sometimes you just outgrow people.  It's not a warm/fuzzy answer, but it's true.  You have different paths and they diverge.  It doesn't mean you won't still know them, but as you have less things in common the separation becomes more obvious.  You will gravitate toward new highly intelligent/interesting friends that share your interests.  It's a natural progression of life and friendships. You might be surprised to find some of your old buddies following in your footsteps though!

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#5 of 5 Old 12-23-2013, 07:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies, everyone. My circle of friends is relatively new...we moved this fall so that I could attend grad school, and these ladies make up the bulk of my grad program cohort. I guess I need to branch out and find friends with more similar lifestyles/interests.


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