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The Saner TTC and Graduates -- Wolf Moon

13K views 428 replies 16 participants last post by  PrimalJoy 
#1 ·
Hello all and welcome!

The original "Sane 2ww" thread was started by zenquaker. This is a continuation of the "Sane 2ww" thread and we felt "A Saner TTC" was a natural evolution. Over time, many of those TTC among us have been successful, but neither us nor them are ready to say good bye to this Saner Sisterhood. For that reason, we've expanded this description to include both those currently TTC as well as the graduates in the group.

Here's the gist of the original thread: this is a space to re-conceive the 2ww as a time of waiting and contemplation. Although we don't judge those who wish to poas frequently, symptom-spot, or do chart analysis, this a space set apart from that activity. We share our thoughts about other ways to approach the 2ww and all parts of our cycles. We encourage each other to feel our feelings fully and to greet all possible outcomes with openness.

We also seek to approach our pregnancies with the same holistic calm, knowing that both growing a baby and being a woman are complex experiences that deserve our humility and reflection. As our babies grow into this world, we seek to hold the space for them within ourselves and the world around us, to make our spirits ready as our bodies are made ready.

We also remember that there is much to life outside our efforts toward procreation, and we enjoy sharing all of our journeys with those who share the space with us here.

We hope you'll join us.
 
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#2 ·
Moon name explanation from the Farmer's Almanac website:

"Amid the cold and deep snows of midwinter, the wolf packs howled hungrily outside Native American villages. Thus, the name for January's full Moon. Sometimes it was also referred to as the Old Moon, or the Moon After Yule. Some called it the Full Snow Moon, but most tribes applied that name to the next Moon."

I hope this moon brings beautiful beginnings for more of the women among us.
 
#3 ·
Chrissy and Wengrin -- My older son has ADHD as well. He struggled when he was younger, and one of his pediatricians put him on medication. It has mostly been a help for him, but he still has a lot of issues with school. I worried about medication and put is off for a long time, but finally decided that it might make him happier and more successful, so we went that way. A little over a year ago, we had the extensive (and expensive!) neuro-psych testing done for him, which confirmed definitively that this was his diagnosis. He still has a lot of trouble with homework, organization, and task completion. He's such a sweet kid, though. I do hope he'll continue to find ways to adapt to this as he gets older.
 
#5 ·
Wow ladies, I can't believe we've spent months chatting and just realized the several of you are in the same boat with your kids - and have all spent so much time and effort finding the best solutions for them... We really do fit as a group! I remember how much work you had to out in Chrissy to get ds diagnosed
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Wengrin I'm impressed at dd going with the sore throat, she's definitely dedicated
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primal how old is your ds now?
Thanks for the hope ladies, I'm trying to hold on to it, but every leak from down there freaks me out lol... (Tmi) nothing but creamy cm so far, boobs are still sore, temp is still up, and I'm having hot sweats which is weird?... Part if me wonders if I should collect new meds (letrozole) today, in case AF starts tonight as I'm supposed to start it on day 3 (could be sunday)
I totally hear you Wengrin re the chromatin and chromasone thing... How you coped with your two week wait I will never know - you are amazing! I Got told about 3pm Wednesday to expect a loss and each hour is a struggle... I also realize that this is so early on it's not a big deal. But obviously it is to me lol.
I debated very much about posting info re this on the old forum so as not to mess this one up... Let me know if you want me to xx
Primal I totally agree here's to a month of great news! I mean you and mamablue are into your second trimester... Faith and lovely must be getting close... And Wengrin, Oxford, Chrissy and I are GOING to get there too
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in out own time and way!
 
#6 ·
Chuord -- Please NEVER feel like you can't talk about the down parts of this process. I think one of the awful things about the world is the way struggle and loss are treated like "unclean" sometimes. It isolates people who are hurting, and keeps us from realizing just how much we do share these tough, tough parts of life. I have come to believe that life and death, birth and loss, are all just part of the same procreative sphere, and even though of course the loss parts are much more painful, they are all part of it. We see the shiny pregnant mommas and pretty babies on TV, and it's glossed over just how much yearning and heartbreak can lie before and beyond all that. I've lost two pregnancies, and I never succeeded in being serene about it or keeping it to myself. My heart just broke both times, and everyone around me knew it. I know it made people uncomfortable, and I really wish I hadn't had to deal with my embarrassment about my feelings on top of the feelings themself.

I don't know if I'm getting across what I want to say. I guess just that life and death are all part of the same procreative cycle, and if this is a loss cycle for you, it's not going to somehow contaminate the cycles of the rest of us. It's all part of this, and even though it's so hard and so hurtful, it's beautiful, too. What you are dealing with belongs here as much as anything of the things we hope for and celebrate.

All that said, I am still so much hoping for a good outcome for you, and I'm frustrated with the universe for putting someone through this who has been waiting for so long. Much love to you during this very tough wait.
 
#7 ·
Chuord - we know good comes with bad. We've all been through so much and we rejoice each other and we support and feel with each other. It's what makes us such a strong sisterhood. No matter what you're feeling you can tell us. Who better would understand?
 
#8 ·
Thanks primal I totally get it <3 I know that you're collectively all supportive, I just wanted to check... Btw you have nothing to be embarrassed about - I remember your pain, I also remember just wanting to hug the hurt away... Then I think about the joy you've had through this pregnancy - definitely a cycle!
 
#9 ·
Hi,

Thank for the new thread!
Primal, your words are beautiful, I hope they went to your heart chuord. Everything u accepted here. We all bring our stuff and be where we are and nowhere else. We are a bug enough group that someone always has the emotional capacity to be there and support as we all have own personal ups and downs.

I'm still hoping this continues to be your "up" though chuord.

Respect to all you mums guiding children with ADHD. Your love and patience is amazing. :)

Have a good evening everyone. Wengrin we are all cheering for your cheering team!!!
 
#10 ·
They definitely did - yours too Chrissy and Oxford... I didn't mean to make it more about me lol, but thanks!
Oxford how are you traveling? What's exciting outside ttc?
Anyone else have any news?
 
#11 ·

Wearing my rainbow bead necklace (pressie from mum) for all the lovely ladies to share the joy, the journey and the hope - this includes you two AWOL members Prescottchels and mamacats!
 
#13 ·
Primal-beautiful words! I feel like when we mask over pain, we don't truly have appreciation for the joy.

Chuord, no matter what happens-you got pregnant on your first round of Clomid! I'm not trying to minimize what a loss would be like, because from what I understand of it (which is simply and in a shallow way based on my own fear and seeing the hurt it causes others) it is really, really hard. But it still does amaze me that it happened so quickly. There is hope :) And PLEASE don't be afraid to share your fears or your pain. I know we're supposed to be zen, but we are still human! Sometimes we have to help each other be zen.

Oxford, still praying and fx for you.

BTW-We are officially lead free. I literally am dumbfounded. My blood test and the swabs on all 8 layers of paint in the basement came up totally clean. This house is almost a century old. I don't get it, but I will take it! The bump is really showing today, but I'm having some concerning, pin-point sharp little cramps in one spot. I've had them for a bit and asked the midwife about it last week-it doesn't seem to be where the baby is but it still freaks me out. I wonder if it's a cyst. Thinking I ought to call the mw.
 
#14 ·
Thanks Chrissy
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it makes me feel joyous or reflects my joy, depending on need lol...
 
#16 ·
I'm 9 weeks and wore maternity pants for the first time ever today! I am normally an "apple" shape, carrying my excess weight in my midsection. While I haven't gained any weight and don't see a difference, I can't suck it in anymore! I got them off ebay for super cheap and I'm really happy I have them already. So much more comfortable with my bloat. I haven't told anyone at work and I felt like I had a huge secret all day and was afraid someone would catch a peek at the big waistband which would give me away.
 
#17 ·
Lovely that is hilarious! I love that you felt sneaky all day long
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I can totally understand it... It's the pressure on the tummy that's soo uncomfortable...
 
#18 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrimalJoy View Post

Chuord -- Please NEVER feel like you can't talk about the down parts of this process. I think one of the awful things about the world is the way struggle and loss are treated like "unclean" sometimes. It isolates people who are hurting, and keeps us from realizing just how much we do share these tough, tough parts of life. I have come to believe that life and death, birth and loss, are all just part of the same procreative sphere, and even though of course the loss parts are much more painful, they are all part of it. We see the shiny pregnant mommas and pretty babies on TV, and it's glossed over just how much yearning and heartbreak can lie before and beyond all that. I've lost two pregnancies, and I never succeeded in being serene about it or keeping it to myself. My heart just broke both times, and everyone around me knew it. I know it made people uncomfortable, and I really wish I hadn't had to deal with my embarrassment about my feelings on top of the feelings themself.
:yeah
Primal, those words are so beautiful and you're just 100% right. I agree that in our culture now avoids talking about grief - all kinds of grief, but especially losses of pregnancy or of a baby or child. And it's so important.

Chourd, I have my fingers crossed for you. I am unsure why the woman told you it was going to be a chemical pregnancy? I feel like she should have held off until you knew one way or the other. I was just talking to our Realtor today, and she had complications during her pregnancy and her son was born two months early... anyway, she said she had one nurse that was like "Why are you even here? There's no way your baby is going to make it. He's too small, he won't live." And he did! But why in the world would you say such a thing?! And in such an insensitive way. I thought what you said earlier was so beautiful, though, about how this soul is meant to be with you, even if it takes a few forms.

AFM, I had my 12 week appointment today. My midwife had to leave about thirty seconds into the appointment because a mama was coming in (pushing!!) to have her baby. It was so neat thinking that just upstairs someone was being born. Sigh. So amazing. An assistant midwife finished my appointment, and it was good. I need to start supplementing iron a bit, which I always do. It took quite a while to be able to find the heartbeat, I've got a shy little one cooking. Honestly I always get a sense of my baby's personalities and I think I was right in my sense of Clementine and Malcolm, and so far I have a feeling I've got a quiet, sensitive, bookish baby growing in there. I bet he or she will be a bit more challenging as an infant than my easy going, extroverted babes were, but in the end I think I've got a introverted, deep thinker in the works. Maybe someone a bit like me.

And I would like to make a request for good thoughts, or wishes, or prayers or however you send good thoughts to people who need them. We have found a house that I absolutely love and can imagine living in for all my days, but it has another offer and our preapproval is slightly delayed. We're still putting an offer in and I just hope by some alignment of fate and good energy something will work out for us to get it.
 
#19 ·
Thanks mares! As awful as your friend had it I love those happy ever after stories
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, I felt really blessed that primal felt strongly enough to write all of that - it helps a lot to talk and have you guys.
I love your description of personality of your babies - so cute!
Sending you heaps of good kharma and lucky mojo so you get that house... And prayers as well...
Afm - went out to a yacht club bistro for dinner with dh... Lovely to get out
 
#20 ·
Primal' swords are perfect and exactly what all of us are feeling, Chuord. Life is beautiful and since death is part of the process (at some point) it is meant to be embraced. There is beauty in everything. The fact that you conceived and the baby implanted enough to give you a nice BFP AND get those HCG numbers up to 24(?) or 27 can't remember but that is to be celebrated. Of course you will mourn, feel angry, feel like your family and friends don't understand because they really don't unless they've been through it.....it is a long grueling wait. But you will be strong and come through this. I also had a chemical and was told on a Friday that I would likely start bleeding over the weekend. It was depressingly, sad, I even felt like hubby was insensitive because he couldn't see the baby bump, he almost didn't completely get it. So he wanted to carry on over the weeks and go places. I wanted to curl up with a blanket and wait for whatever was to come. I expected lots of gushing blood (sorry TMi) but that wasn't the case at all. Just a heavy period. I am still holding on to hope for you and sending positive thoughts your way....
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Thank you Primal and Chrissy, your stories help me not feel so ashamed to talk about it. I know some people have very strong feelings about medicating children. So I never talk about it. I too still struggle with helping DD follow orders (do this, then that). Like go upstairs and put your socks and shoes on. She comes downstairs with socks. She honestly forgets. She can't remember one, two, three. I wonder how she remembers her routine for cheer but I guess it is constant practice and repetition. Which is what I need to work with her on at home. It obviously works. I took her to a psychologist but didn't get the expensive 15 page diagnosis. I will probably go through that process in a couple of years if I see she is still needing help. The teachers (3 years of different teachers all saw the same thing) the physician and the Psychologist all felt she has it. The degree of which would have to be determined with the analysis. Her dad was so against any of this so I have to slowly push him....he agreed to let her talk to the Psych but didn't want a long evaluation done. He says he doesn't want to put a label on her. I could just knock him out when he says things like that (not really) but how silly is ghat. At least he has let us come this far. I could have done it on my own with a court order but that would be verrryyy expensive.

Ok, so on a lighter note to make us laugh...this is so true:

 
#21 ·
Wengrin -- I hear you on alllll that ADHD stuff. I'm absent-minded (probably would have had an ADHD diagnosis if I'd been evaluated when I was younger), so I get it and do okay rolling with DS's forgetfulness at home most of the time, but he's in middle school now and it's really hard to see his grades low because of these issues. He's so bright, great test scores, but has a terrible time completing assignments. I hate that this could mess up his future choices, but I've accepted that we're limited in how much we can fix this for him. As far as the neuro-psych testing goes, I will say that the main reason we had it done was because we had some concerns about austistic spectrum disorder and wanted to know about that finally (we'd wondered about it for years). It didn't give us a lot of new insight into his ADHD, just told us that our kid was smart and disoragnized (which we knew). Anyway, AFTER insurance, we had to pay almost $1000 for this. It took us a year to pay off. While I'm glad I know more about my kid, in retrospect I don't think I would have bothered. It didn't really improve our situation. But, fortunately for me, he's my easy behavior kid at home, so at least I am not dealing with opposition and such while I'm trying to help him remember where his clarinet is. My hope for him is that, once he's out of school, he'll find a job and lifestyle that's ADHD-friendly (school definitely is not) and he will be able to feel successful and not necessarily need medication.

Cute picture, btw. The very safe thing for my DH to do when I'm hormonal and stressed out is clean the house. I can't handle messy when I'm anxious.

AFM, work is crazy this week, but we have a three-day weekend (which I may not take all of, but at least the office will be empty while I catch up). I'm working on Beowulf in my British Lit class, and I'm going to try to take the family and the dog to the park this weekend for some play. What is everyone else up to?
 
#22 ·
Morning ladies... From someone without children, (but whose mum was a teacher) I just want to say its not embarrassing or un PC to talk about you children's issues like you have... It comes across in every sentence how much you care about them and would seriously walk through fire if it made their lives better - it's a wonderful thing to see. All too often people don't care that much. There was a kid in mums class (age 7) who had been through testing as they thought he had leukemia... He was cleared, but a few weeks later mum was on playground duty, for lunch he was eating a hot cross bun - it was 2-3 weeks after Easter and the bun was as stale as you like... So mum just gave him her sandwich and walked away (she was so upset she couldn't talk). I know we're not those people but seriously your kids are soo blessed that you care enough to work at understanding them - to the level that you do. Just saying lol
Wengrin I love that pic, funny! Except for me instead if wine it would be dh saying - I like paying more for organic - lets do that lol

Oxford - I chart stalked, how are you? I am pretty sure I'll be joining you today, as I definitely have AF cramps now and done spotting... Up side is we will be synched this cycle. I'm at peace with it.
 
#23 ·
Hi ladies, thank you all for sharing your feelings and concerns about your journeys to become mamas and of the challenges of raising children. So much has been said that I could not have possibly said better, but I did want to add my voice to the chorus of support.

Oxford and Chourd - I want you to know how much I am looking forward to seeing you become mothers. I know the path is rocky and lonely at times, but I am so proud of your perseverance. You are both making real progress, and you are in good hands with your respective doctors.

Wengrin and primal - I am proud of you for working with your children to find good outlets for their energy and getting them the medicine they need to function and live happier. You are good mamas. All too often parents minimize the medical needs of their children - especially if it is a medical need that is not something physically seen from the outside.

Afm - We finally told our kids, family, and close friends about my pregnancy. I asked DH if he would let his parents and siblings know and he said sure. Now mind you, my husband is not one for conversation. He unofficially lives by the Abe Lincoln quote "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." So yeah, he's a quiet one. Anyway, it turned out that he decided to send them all a text. (This is baby #5, so a big announcement felt somewhat silly.) His text read, "[mamaBlue] is pregnant." That's it. No due date. No expressions of joy or excitement. lolololololololololol. His family is totally used to him being like this, so I'm not upset or anything like that. But I am glad that it was my job to tell my family and our friends. It was worded a little more eloquently.
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and speaking of my family, they are not easy people to be around. My maternal grandmother and grandfather were not pleased. They were so incredibly disappointed, which has been their response every single time I have become a mother. It's not personal, and they really do love my (well-behaved, polite) kids, they just don't understand why anyone wants to have children - let alone 5. Needless to say, they treated my mother the same way when she had my brother and I. Everyone else has been happy and surprised, but of course when one has a big family, no one is really excited like they were with the first baby. Fifth babies make for great gossip more than anything - people that do not know us well just assume that we are planning to be like the Duggars or that we are a randy pair that is lazy about birth control. Um no. This is our last baby. And it was a planned pregnancy.
 
#24 ·
Not only planned mamablue - but you had to work so hard and put your body through a lot to get there! I wonder if understanding that would make them think differently... Lol re dh, that's hilarious! Also congrats on being comfortable with being 'out' thats another milestone passed.
Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate and take it to heart...
 
#25 ·
I think its a shame that people only really get excited about the first especially as my partners brother has already had a boy and a girl so I worry that our future baby wont be as celebrated as theirs were. Its funny the assumptions people make about those who have large families although where I live more than 2 is considered a lot!

Im on cd 9 according to my tracker so should O early next week but my cycle varies slightly so Im not sure.
 
#26 ·
Hi, I'm on holiday this week so just. Quickie...

Mamablue- I'm delighted for your announcement. Your DH is hilariously understated! Has he got British heritage? ;-) it must be excited for it to be out. Ignore your grandparents, that's definitely their issue!! Thanks for what you said about my journey, you hit my heart. You are very eloquent.

Chuord- enormous hugs my dear. There are no words for your is disappointment or loss. We will move on together. Maybe we both just needed a few drugs to give that extra push. AF hasn't started for me yet but is due today.

Wengrin- you're adorable! I love the hormone thing!! That is totally me last month. I spoke to DH about it and he told be to just let it out and stop holding back. Bless his heart, he has no idea what encouraging authentic hormonal wife could be like for him!!! I'm looking forward to hearing about dd's competition. Hope they win!

Wengrin, primal, Chrissie, your kids are blessed to have you. Amazing strong mothers!

Mare- you have my prayers for the house. It sounds like your nest.

Right better go, it's the second day of our hols and DH has a fever :-(
 
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