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#181 of 220 Old 09-14-2004, 09:11 PM
 
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I hold no resentment to those who have secondary infertility. It sucks. no matter how you look at it. 2

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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#182 of 220 Old 09-14-2004, 09:44 PM
 
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Since I've been pregnant before, I consider myself to have had secondary infertility, too.. so no resentment here!
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#183 of 220 Old 09-14-2004, 09:58 PM
 
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CD 1 This sucks.

I resent people who don't love and care for their kids. I don't think anybody who wants to have a baby and is having trouble is having a cakewalk. I just don't think it's any kind of competition, it's not like somebody else has my baby. I'd rather be alone in this, and I rather not be in this at all, but since I am, and you are lets try to keep each other company.

I just realized if we don't get pregnant by Christmas it will two years.

I think I'll go draw myself a bath and cry.
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#184 of 220 Old 09-14-2004, 10:05 PM
 
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2 Gonnabe. I'm sorry. 2

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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#185 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 12:03 AM
 
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Gonnabe - yeah, this does suck!! Crying helps some, so go ahead and cry. The bath thing also sounds like a good idea. 2
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#186 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 12:26 AM
 
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Oh Gonnabe!!!!!!

I think I'll (metaphorically) take that bath with you! Mine will be rose bubbles, I think, or maybe vanilla and grapefruit sea salt...

M made me feel better tonight He reminded me of all the right things... namely that we're setting ourselves up for "at least 25 more years of frustration" so we'd better get used to it now... funny thing was, while he was saying that, I was thinking, wow, if we have a child that only frustrates us for 25 years and then becomes perfect -- I'll be the best mom ever!!!! (Cause we all know our parents are still frustrated by us, I'm sure!)

But he rubbed my back and said nice things and it helped, it really did

Sending you all hugs and belly blessings!
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#187 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 11:06 AM
 
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I'm posting to tell you that I've been reading your thread on and off for a few weeks now and I think that you are amazing women. I don't know if you can see the strength and wisdom that you all have gained because of this experience. I'm sure you would've traded it in for an easier path (wouldn't we all?), but it is what it is and I think you've tried to really make the best of a sucky situation.

That's all.

~bowing out again~

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#188 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 12:08 PM
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That is so sweet. 2

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#189 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 12:26 PM
 
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Thank you sweeteach! We are all learning that wisdom is hard-earned. Otherwise, it wouldn't be wisdom.
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#190 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 12:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was wondering about you. I figured that you were busy with the start of school. Hope everything is going well. We do miss you.

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#191 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 02:39 PM
 
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I agree, sweetteach -- and it's nice to have you here, even if you're only lurking Hope all is great with you, and that school is treating you well!

I had another baby dream last night -- this time a little girl (and the little boy was there, but slightly older?) I was calling her "Ina" (not a name we'd use IRL, most likely) and told some puppet show guy that it had taken her three years to be concieved... then I was driving with an MDC mama (which one? I don't know) in her mini-van, and "Ina" kept squirming out of her car seat, which was frustrating me! But then all the sudden I realized her diaper needed changing, so we pulled over and I changed her on my lap... it as green-black (meconium) and had spread all the way to her neck!!!! (YUCK!) But I was so proud of myself, even in the dream, b/c I had realized that she needed changing so quickly, and that I was using cloth diapers

Still, I truly hope it doesn't take her three years to come to me... and I can't understand exactly why I would have two babies? (My friend who read my tarot this summer said she thinks I'll have a boy and a girl, too... weird!)

Baby dreams are nice... I think I'm almost over my grieving this cycle...

Belly Blessings!
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#192 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 03:12 PM
 
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Hi Sweet Teach! Please feel free to join us is you want to.. we'd love to have you.

I'm off to Seattle for a seminar.. will try to check in, in the evenings.
Yeah!! I get to meet L'Naiym

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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#193 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 03:23 PM
 
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have fun K!!!
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#194 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 03:29 PM
 
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Lexi - baby dreams sound nice!! I haven't had one in a long, long while. Perhaps I should concentrate more and start talking to the baby. Then maybe he/she will visit me!!

Korin - I forgot to add, there's a store called "Yarn Gallery" just a block from my house. Everytime I pass it when walking I think of you, Adina, and Alexis. I never learned to knit - maybe I should!!

Sweatteach - come back often!! 2
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#195 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 03:36 PM
 
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w4b -- if anyone can inspire you to knit, it's Korin! She inspired me to get back to it, too It really is a great calming relaxing thing to do! (I'm making the poncho Adina made recently right now, except I'm using a very bright pink yarn... it should be killer!)

baby dreams are nice... I hadn't had many until now. I think the baby(ies) sense my despondency and my starting to give up and want to remind me to keep going!

I told M the other day, "maybe the baby just really wants to be a certain astrological sign" and he said, "that sounds like your baby, alright."

So perhaps I was right all along, and I'll have a little Leo. Who knows?
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#196 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 04:48 PM
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Bye Korin! Have fun!

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#197 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 07:37 PM
 
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Alexis - I've wanted a pink poncho for soooo long (no kidding!!). I think the women who wear them around downtown Seattle look so hip! I think I'd be less brave about the color, however. I'd pick a very soft petal pink (I'm a girly girl).

The pictures of Adina's poncho looked suuuper!! If the method is easy, maybe I will try it. I need all the relaxing I can get!!
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#198 of 220 Old 09-15-2004, 10:03 PM
 
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Thanks for welcoming me mamas!
I think I'll stick to lurking for now because I hate the idea of not being a full participating member of a community, you know? I know lurking is kind of the easy way out, but I know I can't count on myself to check in every day to support you all the way you deserve.

Yes, I am back to work (teaching college) and school (preparing for my second doctoral exam/dissertation proposal). I am pooped. Last night I slept for 11 hours and I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized what time it was. I was soooo tired! In between that I'm knitting (yes, do it waiting4!) and "running" my board for mothers of angels (babies born still), I seem to be stretching in all directions. Oh yeah and a little GIO is stuck in between all of that. LOL. I told dh today that we have to get more serious about this business.

to all of you!
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#199 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 01:16 AM
 
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we're really laid back on this thread, Sweetteach, so no worries if you only come here occasionally! We're really just here b/c we wanted to gather those of us who understood firsthand this path isn't always easy!

w4b, the poncho is very eay, just knit one row, purl the next til you get the required length...then there's a way to unravel certain sections when you cast off! It's ember's pattern, over in the craft section -- there's a whole thread of women knitting it!

L'Shanah Tovah to everyone -- a sweet year, a year of peace...
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#200 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 01:59 AM
 
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CD 2, and some how I'm feeling much better.

I started re-reading Inconceivable again, which is motivating for me. I also spent a good afternoon with some friends whom I've been feeling disconnected from lately.

I want to start knitting again too. I have an almost finished baby sweater (ran out of yarn), and a pair of booties, with only one sewn together. Maybe someday I'll finish something.

Alexis, I wonder too if my baby's got a particular birthday in mind.

to all of us. We all deserve it.
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#201 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 03:32 AM
 
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gonnabe, that book has done more for me than many others. When I read it, I think I WILL get pg again!

Well, I am fairly running over to this board to talk to you all.
I have a very good friend that has been my 'fertility buddy'. She is very knowledgeable, and is there for me when I'm feeling down.

She is pregnant accidentally and just devastated. She already has 3 girls.

Now I find myself on the giving end for support, which is great, but my oh my................

Who said 'but they aren't having MY baby'? That will be my mantra, she's not having MY baby.

I think I'm going to have a really good cry.
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#202 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 09:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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at my chart. I've had 3 high temps in a row and I'm all confused.

This has been a bad cycle for temping. The dogs have disturbing my sleep, or I'm waking up too early. I've managed to miss temping a few times. Mind you, I had a perfect cycle last time, for 111 days I didn't miss one.

How is alcohol supposed to affect temps?

Big news on the "one" thread. Shannon posted that she is expecting a

Velveteen 2

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#203 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 10:42 AM
 
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Velvet, I've been there with a friend too. When I was in grad school and we've been ttc a few years, a good friend and fellow student got pg on her honeymoon unexpectedly. She was totally floored and not too happy about it, and I was the ONLY person outside of family she told for months, so I was her primary source of support. I actually felt better toward her than many people, because she was someone whose life didn't work out the way she planned either and I could identify with that. But it was REALLY hard because I wanted a baby so badly.
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#204 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 01:09 PM
 
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VERY light spotting. I'm hoping its my period. : THINK RED, you guys!! I need all the positive period thoughts you can muster!

Its hard when people around you get pregnant. Especially those who don't want to be. But just remember we all have to have challenges to get the most of our lives and that is what will be a challenge to them. So, we have other issues. Makes me want to say, "no, I don't want a baby." Just to see if I'll get one or not

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#205 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 03:32 PM
 
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Johanna,

I'm sending lots of reboot vibes your way-think red think red think red

Velveteen,

I've also been there in a way. A good friend who knew I was trying when very few people did, got pregnant by her utter jackass of a boyfriend-the self-styled "player" type. She had really strong feelings about abortion, and I actually went to a clinic visit with her. I was relieved when she chose not to have the baby, because the circumstances were so horrid, and she would have had this guy in her life forever. The only thing that made it easier was the reminder that it's just as horrific sometime to be pregnant when you don't want and it is to not be when you do want. Do go have that cry. You'll probably feel better afterward.

I'm CD 3 which I had forgotten is always a sucky day. CD 1 is feeling utterly miserable and wondering if you can go on, CD 2 is feeling better because it doesn't hurt to breath and wondering what I can do to make things better, CD 3 is feeling in the dumps again, and wondering if I'm doing the right thing.

Sweetteach,

Come by when you feel up to it. You are doing a wonderful thing helping others find support.
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#206 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 04:13 PM
 
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Just waiting to reboot.

I'm in a total funk today. I'm sure some of it is hormones and some of it is just plain being tired. Another cycle down the drain. It's only been three cycles this time, but we've now been actively trying to have a second child for over a year. And all my friends who got pregnant when I did are approaching their due dates. And DH's clock is ticking... I'm just so tired of this whole process.

Sorry I'm not much support lately. I'm just too much of a mess myself to be much help to anyone else.
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#207 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 05:24 PM
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L'Shanah Tovah Lex! We had our apples and honey last night - that is about all I can muster in the way of celebrating, but we did do it.

Nonthing happening here...still waiting to O apparently - not sure what was up with the + OPK - since they have no bearing on reality at all this cycle...

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#208 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 06:52 PM
 
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yay, I'm bleeding. Never thought I'd be SO happy to bleed! *does happy dance* Yay!!

Of course, 2 days from now I'll want to die from cramps

-=Johanna=-
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#209 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 07:34 PM
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Hi, I am not yet 30 but we have been trying for just about a year now. I haven't been around much lately and I am not going to be around for awhile more. My Dr. and I decided that I should take 6 months off and lose 50 lbs. I don't know how I am feeling. I feel ashamed that I have allowed myself to become this big and I am unsure of how to change things. I wish I had the willpower/determination to do this without slipping. Oh well, I guess I will just try my best.
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#210 of 220 Old 09-16-2004, 07:49 PM
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2 Joi

That is all any of us can do. Try our best and hope that it is enough.

You are welcome here anytime, all the time!

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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