30+TTC for way too long (March 05) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 313 Old 03-05-2005, 09:54 PM
 
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Oh, W4B...I am so sorry. I wish I could reach through computer and give you a hug.

Ana: I am also sorry to hear that you are bleeding. I had 2 chemical pregnancies this fall and they are such a mind f$%k (I know we aren't supposed to use profanity, but there is no other way to describe it!).


Trying to get my bearings...
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#62 of 313 Old 03-05-2005, 10:12 PM
 
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Ellie'smom - Thank you, I needed that! I won't be posting for a while - my wind was knocked out of me and I need some time to reflect. Dh and I are trying to think positively - we will be concentrating the next few weeks on getting the "maybe baby" room done.

Ana - I'm so sorry!!! Ellie'smom is right, chemical pregnancies are such a mind f*** (excuse our language).
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#63 of 313 Old 03-05-2005, 10:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ellie'sMom
Oh, W4B...I am so sorry. I wish I could reach through computer and give you a hug.

Ana: I am also sorry to hear that you are bleeding. I had 2 chemical pregnancies this fall and they are such a mind f$%k (I know we aren't supposed to use profanity, but there is no other way to describe it!).

oh my........................

i'm so sorry for both....
positive healing ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ vibes~~~~~~~~~~
going out

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#64 of 313 Old 03-05-2005, 10:48 PM
 
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I've been on the look out for ST and can't find her--is she still hanging out here???? Yesterday we received in the mail a big padded envelope addressed to "Molly's Mom Shannon" My mail carrier brought it to the door laughing saying that at the sorting office they were rather confused, but Allison (my carrier) knew instantly who "Molly's Mom" was
Shannon, I realized that I didn't know your last name! I'm glad everyone knows who Molly's mom is :-) Soon Molly will have two great soakers from her MDC aunties Korin and ST!

W4B, I am so confused! I want to congratulate you and now you're saying the beta came back negative? You had 2 bfn's so how could it be pos and then neg beta now? That doesn't sound like leftover hormones from the shot. If AF doesn't come on Mon, will you go test again? I hope this turns into a positive for you

Shannon (Iris0110), that is so weird the vitex would work so well for you and then mess up your cycle after 6 months. Why don't you try red clover now- it worked well for me as far as regulating me.

Johanna, I hope your dh and you can be together soon!

mamaharsh, welcome back!

mamana, I'm sorry

Squeaker- hoping this one is a sticky for you.

I've been exhausted. I went to a conference (after work on Fri and all day today) and I'm just pooped. I can't stop eating. Basically I need to eat every 1.5 hours. I'm trying to eat less since I'm eating more often but WOW. I remember this with ds. I think we'll be having our first m/w appt this coming week and I'm looking forward to getting started with her. She's very down to earth.

Wow, this thread has been totally up and down this week!
I'm sending lots of positive vibes around to all.
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#65 of 313 Old 03-05-2005, 11:05 PM
 
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w4b - I'm so sorry. I have to say I'll be KHA for you. I'm recklessly optimistic sometimes. I can't much help it. I'm sorry. Hopefully they're wrong. Hopefully they had a bad test :

back to lurkdom

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#66 of 313 Old 03-06-2005, 12:12 AM
 
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W4B - that just plain sucks and doesn't make sense. i am keeping hope for you.

Ana - to you too

what a pretty crappy day

tara
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#67 of 313 Old 03-06-2005, 03:56 AM
 
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W4B; I am also reaching through the computer screen to hug you~~
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#68 of 313 Old 03-06-2005, 11:21 AM
 
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oh w4b, i'm so sorry. a bfn is hard, but a bfp followed by bfn is almost unbearable. did they do a quant or just a qualitative?

still getting a positive, still worried as all heck. will have a quant tom. taking prometrium so i don't know if i'd bleed if it wasn't sticking. trying to not allow my mind to wander, but it's hard.
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#69 of 313 Old 03-06-2005, 02:15 PM
 
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Ana and W4B, I'm so sorry. I had that happen in July and it still hurts. Especially after months of ttc and/or an m/c, it's hard to keep the faith.

Squeaker, I hope your news will be good.

I'm on cd12 and a little nervous. My relationship with dh has been better these last few months than it had been for years. A big part of it is me letting go of a lot of my stuff thanks to therapy. I'm not really a different person, I'm just in a good place so much more regularly. I've even been working on faith, with some success. We talked about this on this thread months ago and at the time I was pretty shattered. You'd think that several more months of ttc hell would not make things better but in fact I've managed to work my way up closer to the surface. So I think I'm getting nervous because something in me believes that I'm getting close to this much wanted and awaited pregnancy/baby. It's almost like letting go of the struggle is scary in and of itself. But something in me senses that I've given it too much room and it's time to reclaim my life. Just like when I broke up with my ex I thought I would never find love again. And I tried so hard, and I gave up hearbroken and focused on other things in my life, feeling totally rejected by Men, and of course that's when dh showed up. Maybe that's what people mean with the uber annoying "Just relax". It's not relax, it's "live your life to the fullest, with what you have now". All of this I've known intellectually for months, but now I actually feel it in my heart and it gives me peace, and hope, instead of making me feel like a failure, like a baby would never come to me because I reeked of desperation. I dont if it makes sense to anyone else, and I know it wont feel this simple again if af keeps showing up, but for today (just for today...) it feels true.

May we all be peaceful, one day at a time.

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#70 of 313 Old 03-06-2005, 02:19 PM
 
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May-Lily, what a great post, how true.

I JUST HIT ONE THOUSAND POSTS!
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#71 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 10:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Velveteen
May-Lily, what a great post, how true.

I JUST HIT ONE THOUSAND POSTS!
woohoo

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#72 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 03:07 PM
 
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W4B. I'm so very very sorry. Mind is right. this whole infertility thing is one great big mind . I hope you and hubby can find some love and peace this week.

I had a mid cycle scan this morning, and glory be, I have a beautiful 26mm follicle. If I'm surging, then I should O tomorrow. Bad news... my husband is on a business trip till tomorrow night. So we did an LH blood test, and if I'm surging then we'll do the sex tomorrow night, and insem on friday (not the best situation) and if I'm not then i give myself an HCG shot tonight, and we insem on friday. : for no surge ladies!

I'm alternately hopeful and hopeless. It's crazy. At least the lower dose of Clomid was easier on me. (who knows how the PMS will be)

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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#73 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 03:46 PM
 
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So.. I'm just starting to surge. LH was 33 (apparently just beginning to surge). they want me to trigger tonight, in order to control O time ( as much as it can be controlled). We're supposed to 'have intercourse' (love that term!) tomorrow night. and we'll insem on friday as planned. I'm relatively hopeful right now.. but ask me again in a few hours!

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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#74 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 06:07 PM
 
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CD32, burning breasts, mild cramping...AF is on her way. I expect the blood bath anyday. Hoping it comes on its own, without using progesterone.
BFN x2 Monday and Today.

Shannon (Molly's Mom) and Korin, The box with the soaker was shipped almost 2 weeks ago. It should be there any day.
I am so happy to hear that you will have 2 soakers...that is great!!!

w4b, I am sorry!
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#75 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 08:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Gang,

Glad to be back after a few days of being without the boards while they upgraded.

W4B, I am so so very sorry. It is enough to drive you absolutely mad. . . to feel so close to something you want so badly only to have the rug pulled out from under your feet. Please know I am thinking about you. Your ttc journey reminds me a bit of my own when we were ttc our first. It took three and a half years to get one +. Somedays I look at DS long and hard, afraid he might fade away if I don't work as hard at keeping him here as I did getting him here. Just remember, you WILL be a mother somehow, some way, some day.

Ana, I am so very sorry for your chemical pg. I was so sad to read your update.

Korin, so far so good! You will be doing everything just as they say you should for your IUI Friday. Yes, "intercourse" sounds awfully geographic as in "Just follow the intercourse of the lines of longitude to reach Greenwich. . ." Good luck and try to think of it as just doin' it, lol.

*Sigh* I don't think there will be any + to report from my end this month. I have already shed my tears about it, even though AF isn't scheduled to arrive until Friday. I just don't think it worked, ya know?

More later guys,
Hil
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#76 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 09:47 PM
 
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hey all! still plugging along. this is my longest stretch of positive tests i've had and i'm just praying this little bean sticks. i had a quant done monday and it was 149. had another test done today to see if it's doubling like it should, but won't know the results until tom. i am still so worried - i long for the calm naiveness i had with my first. i have no symptoms which of course makes me worry even more. i'm even praying for m/s or fatigue or something to reassure me i'm still pregnant. crazy, huh? any sticky thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
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#77 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 09:54 PM
 
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Jodi....

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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#78 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 09:58 PM
 
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Ana, W4B, my heart goes out to you guys. I wish I had magic words.

Jodi, Congratulations I'll keep :

I've had quite the roller coaster ride the past few days. I spotted Friday morning and went through the whole new cycle grief, and poured it all into a fruitless attempt to try and get a hold of my Doctor-who was out delivering babies all day.

Then nothing happened Saturday, or Sunday. Fortunately I was too busy with Theater tickets and lots of gardening to think about things much, except the occasional doubts that it would ever happen for us.

So I woke up Monday morning-the anniversary of our first date-and decided to test just in case. I got a faint line. I stared at it, and stared at it and stared at it. Believe me in all my fantasies of how I'd tell DH we were pregnant again "Am I hallucinating or is this a faint line?" was not on the list. Both of us more or less refused to believe it meant anything, and of course after he left for work, I logged in here to try and get the collective wisdom, but the boards were down for the maintenance. Then I used my last FRER just checking for test defect. Got a slight darker line, a I lined both tests up in front of my computer, and stared at both of them, until I realized this was not good for my mental health. So I tried to get a hold of my Doc again, this time to get progesterone, and still no luck. (delivering even more babies) Thank god I went to the movies with friends otherwise I would have lost my mind.

I took another test Tuesday. I actually bought something besides an FRER because they only had three packs of FRERs, and I thought I wouldn't need all 3. That was my first sign I was taking this seriously. So a decent line, but it seemed slightly faint to me-I wished at first I'd bought another FRER anyway so I could tell if it was getting darker. I finally talked to my Doctor at 11:00, and he matter of factly order progesterone, and told me to set up my appointment in 4 weeks. Rather than finding this annoying, I was reassured. He's always acted like it would be totally normal for me to get pregnant, even with what I've been through.

So it took me until just now to be able to log on here, because I had technical problems. My anxiety is slowing fading away, but it won't go away totally for quite a while. It feels like in took the whole three days to really feel like I'm pregnant. I barely even know what to say, that hasn't been said here lately-that I worry about another loss, that I'm a little afraid to breathe, that I've TRYING so long I'm almost confused to be pregnant. Of course I do have the delightful progesterone suppositories to take the place of peeing on a stick every morning and taking Clomid, but I really just feel like I walked into a wall-dazed and confused, and happy. I cried for three minutes this afternoon when I felt nauseous.

So if it's okay with everyone I like to hang here for a little while. You women are the best, and I have this dread of posting on the preggo boards, as with my last two losses, I posted and a week later m/c.

Foregive me for making this so long, it's what happens when they take the boards down. Sticky vibes would be greatly appreciated.
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#79 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 10:05 PM
 
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Gonnabe!!! i'm crying I'm so happy for you! Please hang out as long as you want. : sticky

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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#80 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 10:19 PM
 
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Gonnabe, I am so happy for you!!!! Sending you lots of sticky vibes

And I would like to send some to the other BFPs

And some : : : for everyone else!

I am so behind on this thread that it would be impossible to catch up! I am mostly lurking since I'm taking a little break until my HSG test which I wont be able to do this month... and I am freaking out a bit about doing it so waiting until April doesn't feel so terrible
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#81 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 10:49 PM
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oh oh oh oh oh!!!

Gonnabe -that just made my day! You stay right here as long as you need to!

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#82 of 313 Old 03-09-2005, 11:46 PM
 
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Woohoo Gonnabe!!! !!!!!

Stay here! I have. I also can't stand the thought of unsubbing from a due date thread again. But even after I get the cajones (sp?) to actually post with the Sept. mamas, I won't be able to stop lurking here.

Adina: I just finished reading that blasted thread in Q&S.

Trying to get my bearings...
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#83 of 313 Old 03-10-2005, 12:50 AM
 
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oh, gonnabe, that is SO awesome!! Congrats, sweetie!

-=Johanna=-
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#84 of 313 Old 03-10-2005, 12:59 AM
 
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CONGRATS Gonnabe!! i can relate to what you said about posting on the pregnancy board. i won't even visit over there yet. i'm not all that superstitous but i'm so worried it will jinx things. ya know? so, if it's ok, i'd like to hang here a while too.
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#85 of 313 Old 03-10-2005, 01:22 AM
 
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Jackie123 and Korin, Molly and I received your package yesterday afternoon.
Thank you both so very much, you are all so sweet! Molly looks adorable in her new soaker--and dh is so happy about it having buttons--he says he always feels like he's trying to get a tent back into a bag when tries to put her in a pull up one : Men, what a goof!
I wanted to also let you all know that Heveasoul had her baby by emerg c-section on Tuesday morning. He is in the NICU but doing well. His respirations are still high and erratic but he is on room air and improving. I went to visit today, Heve looks great considering but was sad to have to let go of her home water birth, however it's unlikely this little boy would have lived without medical intervention. He remains nameless for now.
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#86 of 313 Old 03-10-2005, 01:58 AM
 
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Jackie123 and Korin, Molly and I received your package yesterday afternoon.
Thank you both so very much, you are all so sweet! Molly looks adorable in her new soaker--
You are very welcome Shannon and Molly!!!

I am so happy that you love the soaker Korin made for you. It is lovely, isn't it!!!!
I didn't know if you have used Bi-O-Kleen or not...but I have to say that if you cloth diaper....you will love Bi-O-Kleen. Nothing gets those dipes as clean as Bac-Out. If you need any pointers with using the products, let me know...I would be glad to help.

A BIG HAND CLAP TO KORIN FOR HER BEAUTIFUL TALENT OF KNITTING....
Korin you are awesome and such a loving, giving lady!!!!
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#87 of 313 Old 03-10-2005, 02:02 AM
 
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I wanted to also let you all know that Heveasoul had her baby by emerg c-section on Tuesday morning. He is in the NICU but doing well. His respirations are still high and erratic but he is on room air and improving. I went to visit today, Heve looks great considering but was sad to have to let go of her home water birth, however it's unlikely this little boy would have lived without medical intervention. He remains nameless for now.
I am saddened to hear about Heve. I am so thankful that her little boy is doing well and healthy. Having a baby in the NICU is so difficult, regardless of the state the baby is in. Most nurses in NICU's are awesome. Thank goodness. So hopefully, Heve, will get all the support she needs with getting him to nurse and so forth. *sigh*
Please give her my love...and kiss that little boy for me.
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#88 of 313 Old 03-10-2005, 04:07 AM
 
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I made it through the shower without even tearing up which was good since the clomid has made me soooo weepy this time. I even had a hot flash! Scary! I felt oddly detached almost like I was watching a movie instead of being there. I'm also pretty depressed because it is CD9 and I don't feel anything. I just dread waiting for Monday's appointment and finding out there is nothing. DH says not to worry because I don't know that there isn't anything and until I get the u/s and find out what is going on I can't do anything else. Nice and logical and I know that there isn't anything I can do but I'm still pissed. I had a nice long crying bout with the "why me" and "haven't I suffered enough?" rants. I don't think it helped any but what the heck.

Big congrats and to Jodi and Gonnabe!!!

Miriam , mom to jumpers.gif
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#89 of 313 Old 03-10-2005, 11:08 AM
 
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Gonnabe - woohoo :

big congrats......... this is all so exciting.


I started Vitex this mon & still have not O'd yet :
maybe I'm not meant to take Vitex. I hope it did not screw my cycle up.
Anyone else take Vitex with any success?

I tried gettting Clear Blue O predictor on Ebay but lost out on a few auctions.
Does anyone here still use this one?

Me & DH hug2.gif , adult DD lips.gif & 7 yo DS guitar.gif . 2 GSDs, 6 rescue kitties, 4 birds & a gerbil.
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#90 of 313 Old 03-10-2005, 02:28 PM
 
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YEA!!!!!!! Gonnabe and Squeaker, lots of sticky ++++ vibes to you.
May I request that when you feel comfortable doing so you 2 share with us what you think "did it"? Did you do anything different? did you feel a certain vibe? did you have special dreams?

I'm leaving in two days to visit my family in France. I'm excited but dh cant come with me so also sad. Luckily the calculating I did in Jan when I booked my trip worked out and I think I o'd yesterday...ah, a Chrismas baby. How lovely that would be.

hugs to all
M
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