I guess you never get good news without bad. DH's grandfather passed away on Friday, and so the weekend was more subdued than I had though it might be. His grandmother is in a nursing home following a bout of pneumonia, and it's not clear whether she'll be able to go back home. I had my first "morning sickness" in the morning today, and it felt like a rite of passage.
LONG POST WARNING
What follows is my very long-winded reply to May-Lily's query about what I think helped make this my month. Please skip to the next post if you aren't interested.
So i've been trying to gather my thoughts about what I feel accounts to my getting pregnant this month. I've had a lot of health issues-repetitive strain, followed by chronic pain, which developed into Fibromyalgia. So I've pursued a lot of changes to help get my body back in balance, and ready for pregnancy.
Things I've been doing Long Term
Bodywork: I've been getting something called Integrative Manual Therapy done for a couple of years, and I started doing to deal with some lingering muscle-skelotal problems. It quickly became a more holistic thing and ended up focused on helping me get pregnant again and be able to keep the pregnancy. More than recommending the specific kind of bodywork, I think bodywork with an energetic component (like reiki, cranial sacral, or therapeutic touch) and a person who you feel good about working with is helpful.
Diet: I have for health reason eliminated dairy, gluten, and caffeine. Recently, for fertility reasons I gave up soy milk and refined sugars. I don't think of these as bad foods in general, just ones that don't work for me right now. However anyone here who is hypothyroid as I am should look at the Mothering Article from a couple of months ago on soy.
Supplements: I've been taking prenatal vitamins since before I started trying which was three years ago. I took SAMe for the fibro, and recently added Vitamin E and three supplements suggested by my bodyworker Paraplex, Symplex F, and Phosphatidyl choline.
Drugs: This was my third cycle on Clomid.
Things that helped this month.
I think the Vitamin E and the Clomid were factors. I finished up a big chunk of the bodywork related to helping my fertility. One of the bodyworkers I saw told me last November that she thought "things would be ready in February" Another discovered that I was holding a lot of tension in my pelvic area, and had me squeeze and release it to relax, and to learn how to tell when I was tense.
In terms of emotional psycho-spiritual stuff, there were a few things that felt important. I've been on a big decluttering jag, and I've made some major steps forward so that my house feels more organized than it every has before. We set bookcases in the living room, that store toys and games and puzzles as well as books. I'm figuring out with help how to work with the kitchen I have, which I have always neglected because I hate it. It may seem strange to relate this to fertiliy, but it felt right and important in a couple of ways. I felt freer, and less generally frustrated with "stuff" out of my life. It felt great to have a sucess where I've felt it was hopeless in the past. We've made the house more suitable for a child. And on a Feng Shui basis-we've created space for something new to come into our lives. Working on the kitchen to make it better instead of just wanting to tear out it out, feels like some sort of metaphor for managing my life while TTC.
My marriage has been really good lately. DH and I had a knock down drag out at the beginning of February, and started having date nights after that. (I was feeling very taken for granted) He was solictous when I was sick, and we've just been talking more and laughing more. He's been really good with my Clomid induced mood swings, and it's made me more patient with his mood swings. We've been laughing more and cuddling more and enjoying each other more.
Talking to someone who's been through Infertility and has two kids was a huge breakthrough. It made a world of difference to hold a kid who'd been conceived via IVF, and have someone seem happy and helpful at the other end of the journey.
I also did a lot of things physically that would have been impossible for me two years ago, and felt risky two years ago. I've hiked further, and carried heavy bookcases, and spent three days moving a friend. My health problems had been very destructive to my sense of trust and faith in my body, and the past few years hadn't helped much either. I started to feel like not only having a baby, but toting all the stuff involved was possible.
I've been kind of holding my head up and doing some more stuff that was fun, which made me realized I'd stopped. I was just kind of begining to find things to do, that I didn't completely plan around being or not being pregnant. I'm NOT saying that I suddenly through off the doldrums, and was wandering around in some Disneyesque vision with little birdies on my shoulders going "I THINK I CAN GET PREGNANT, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN" Far from it- I actually told DH I was going to get a therapist because I had a day so bad this cycle I could barely move. It's just that I started to have a little more confidence in my body, a little more faith in the existence of alternatives, a little more of a sense of possibilty, and I think these helped. If they aren't what made me pregnant this month, I do think they helped make waiting a little less gloomy.
And one last thing. For the past two months I've gotten no ovulation signal from my fertility monitor-so we had absolutely no control over correct timing. It had no idea how many DPO I was when I tested, or which night this baby was conceived. Very much a surprise after all that careful scrutiny.