Yeah, I'm here. I've been thinking about this place a lot, but it has been too hard for me emotionally to come here. My 10th attempt at TTC failed. It has been a full year since I started trying. I have had two very early m/c (my first and fourth IUIs), and still no baby.
My RE has scheduled me for laparoscopy at the end of the month. Assuming my insurance will pay their 80%, I think I am going to go for it. I have been so tempted to give up completely, because it hurts so much every time I realize that I am not pg. I thought then that maybe I'd just take some time off, but I am soon to be 34 and my eggs aren't getting any younger either. Plus, a friend of mine mentioned that I should have the laparoscopy done now regardless, because at least if the Dr finds a problem that is *not* fixable then I can pursue another route, like adoption.
Then, I heard through the grapevine that an old acquaintance of mine (works for my ex) just found out she's pg, and she is so psychologically screwed up that she has no business having children! Just makes me wonder what is so wrong with me that I don't deserve that same joy.
At Christmas I saw a cousin of mine (who I rarely see) whose baby girl was just 3 weeks old. I spent the entire evening holding that baby as she slept in my arms.
Thanks for wondering about me. I'm hanging in there. Take care, and feel free to pm me any time.