Do you ever feel inferior? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 02-14-2003, 01:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Lately when I'm out and about with ds and see other women with children, MAINLY those who have like 3 kids all young in age, one after another (this happened yesterday) I just think, "Wow, she must be *really* fertile" and just feel like she's "Better" than me and that somehow I am some kind of genetic failure of a human because I have yet to get pg with my second child.

It's been 17 cycles, and nothing. I'm really starting to get frustrated with it all! I did see my doctor, but she didn't do any tests, just wanted to give me Clomid, but I'm fairly certain I do NOT need it - regular cycles, EWCM, positive OPKs, and LP seems pl
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#2 of 14 Old 02-14-2003, 02:36 PM
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Boy do I know how you feel.
Every year dh and I spend Thanksgiving with my two best friends and their partners.
ONe of them has a baby boy - almost two years old. And her partner is going through some rough stuff and was in the hospital this year and not with us (is in fact not with her anymore). So the day after thanksgiving we went to the zoo. Af had just shown up that morning and I have been ttc since Last march.
BUt anyway - dh spent all day helping my friend out with her baby (who thought dh was the coolest thing ever) and helping her out. To be fair she needed it - she was really stressed and needed a friend and a bit of a break. But boy oh boy did I feel inadequate. Like I was keeping him from having a family. Not a pretty day.
So I hear you.
Hopefully we will both be very pregnant soon!!!
Good luck and

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#3 of 14 Old 02-14-2003, 03:44 PM
 
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I really hate to hear that you feel inadequate. Pregnancy is never a guarentee whether you are trying for your first or your seventh. I have two boys whom I conceived very easily and to tell you the truth, my heart goes out for those who have trouble conceiving. With my first I didn't get pg the first month and I remember how devistated I felt when AF came. I cannot imagine having to go throught that month after month. It breaks my heart. It makes my day when one of you ladies reports that you are pregnant, but on the other hand I want to cry when some of you longtime posters come up with a negative yet again.

I hope all of you know that those of us who are more fertile do not look down on or feel superior to those who have trouble conceiving, we actually mourn for you with your frustration and sadness. We know that it could easily be us the next time around.

Blessing to everyone.
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#4 of 14 Old 02-14-2003, 09:10 PM
 
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For me it started long before TTC. I have never had regular periods consistently--sometimes up to 5 months in a row, other times as far as 4 months apart. I've seen gobs of doctors, never got a correct diagnosis (one told me it was PCO, but it turns out it's not), and wound up deciding doctors just don't know that much!

At slumber parties when everyone was talking periods, I'd let them assume I was regular, but I always felt like a fraud. I've always felt inferior, freakish, like I'm not a REAL girl and when they find out they'll think less of me. In fact, when I do tell normal women about it, they almost always say I'm lucky not to have to deal w/more periods! I AM NOT LUCKY!!! I've spent 17 years worrying what's going on w/my body, worrying that I'll die if I don't bleed often enough (one dr. said that), worrying that I'll never be able to have the baby I want so much.

Last year, one of my oldest friends wrote me that she'd gotten pregnant the month after the doctors told her it was impossible because of her "screwed-up hormones". I had no idea she had any problems w/that! We talked about it recently, and I found out she'd always hidden it from the crowd, just like me...had we only known, we both could've felt less alone back in high school!! But she did give me hope that I can conceive without all the drugs those doctors claim I "have to" take. We'll see....

Hang in there, everyone!

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#5 of 14 Old 02-14-2003, 09:17 PM
 
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I always share with women how hard it was to get pg with dd. Not as hard as some of you here, but it took a year and a m/c. I think women should know that it doesn't come so easily to some. I never say it in a negitave way but more of a matter-of-fact way. My SIL is going on 3 years of ttc and was just told it would take IVF to get her pg. It must be so hard, and my heart goes out to all of you.

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#6 of 14 Old 02-14-2003, 09:23 PM
 
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Like jbcjmom said, we are sorry that you feel that way. I wish I could share in the gift of fertility, like passing a torch. If you cannot conceive, would you consider adoption? I know you want to be pregnant, and it makes me feel guilty when people are trying so hard to conceive, and I have 2 beautiful babies, but I complained the whole time I was pregnant. It really puts things into perspective when a pregant woman is complaining about morning sickness, and a woman trying so desperately to conceive is envious. I pray that you are able to conceive and have your own little ones
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#7 of 14 Old 02-14-2003, 09:35 PM
 
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I know what you mean! I haven't been trying for that long yet but I have wanted to for about 9 years(waiting on DH). I have felt inadequate as I saw single friends meet their spouses, plan weddings, get married, wait a year and then get pregnant their first month of trying while I was waiting for DH to be ready and dealing with some health problems. I accept that I am on a different path in life but it still hurts.
Bladestar, I know that you mean well as does everyone who suggest adoption for people who are struggling to get pregnant but that is so hard to hear. Adoption is a wonderful thing but it doesn't take the place of being pregnant, of wanting to feel a child growing inside of you, of wanting to give birth and of wanting to nurse a newborn.
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#8 of 14 Old 02-14-2003, 11:45 PM
 
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I hear you. I feel so sad when I hear of all the wonderful women out there that cannot conceive, and yet people like Andrea Yates are able to just pop 'em out. I wish I could help somehow. It makes me very guilty on the days when I am so stressed out, and when I want my little ones to just disappear, I have to just remind myself how very blessed I am.
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#9 of 14 Old 02-15-2003, 11:50 AM
 
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It makes me so sad to hear that sometimes women feel inferior when they are trying to conceive and are finding it difficult.

I have two daughters and am pregnant with #3, and I sometimes feel very guilty that I get pregnant so easily. And grateful as well. I know that it could so easily have been me having trouble conceiving. And, like Beth, I have gotten AF a couple of times when trying to conceive, and I know the intense disappointment. I also cannot imagine going through that many times.

I am amazed at your strength and resilience and courage. Sending very sticky baby dust to all of you incredible women.
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#10 of 14 Old 02-15-2003, 11:52 AM
 
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((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))))
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#11 of 14 Old 02-15-2003, 01:13 PM
 
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I think feeling inferior is a totally normal part of not being able to conceive. I've been infertile for 7 1/2 years and have a son through adoption, and I still deal with these feelings. I handle them better now than I have in the past, because of a round of therapy and lots of practice, but they are still there.

Adoption is wonderful, but it doesn't take away the fact that you are infertile. I still struggle with body image, with feeling like a "real woman". When people talk about giving birth as a rite of passage, or the universal female experience, yeah--that stings. I still sometimes feel abnormal. When people talk all that talk about women needing to trust their bodies to birth and to nurse, I think--some of us really can't trust our bodies.

I just try to remember that most people have areas in which they feel inferior to others. We all have areas of vulnerability. Maybe my body doesn't cooperate, but I have talents and gifts that other women don't have. As I have just come to the end of months of effort trying to induce lactation and nurse my son, I'm really trying to focus on what I CAN give him, and the strengths that I do have.
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#12 of 14 Old 02-17-2003, 02:17 AM
 
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I'm afraid to even admit that we're TTC because I dread this feeling so much! I'm both sorry and comforted to hear that you women are feeling the same way. It's hard when you hear your friends talk about getting PG without even trying. I thought that after DD was here I wouldn't feel that way again, but darnit, I do!

Please know that you aren't alone!

And, you might also know that secondary infertility isn't uncommon. Even if you aren't wanting to do something like take Clomid, you can still ask for some bloodwork to see what's going on with your hormones.

((HUGS)) and good luck to all of you!

I'm just kinda testing the waters here, not quite sure how ready I am to be fully involved in TTC....
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#13 of 14 Old 02-17-2003, 03:39 AM
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Wow! I'm on cycle 16 and feeling exactly as you are. I am constantly feeling envious of mothers with 6+ kids (even though I wonder how they do it...since it's so tough with just one!). Pregnancy announcements are the worst!
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#14 of 14 Old 02-17-2003, 10:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone! You know, I didn't even realize this post went through. I was in a really negative/whiny mood when I posted it - obviously I never finished it, and then signed off my computer - somehow it got posted....???? Anyway, Thanks for the encouragement! I just got done with the whole BD/ovulation game, so now I get to wait another 2 weeks to see what happens. I hope to 'get lucky' one of these months. If I'm not preggo this month, DH will get tested and I'm going to have my prolactin tested - actually, I may go in this week and just have the blood drawn to see. I am nursing, but VERY little (just to put ds to sleep and sometimes in the a.m.) and I've had my period back for almost 3 years now, so I really don't think Prolactin is an issue, but who knows.
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