I don't know why I'm even afraid to bring it up!
actually, what has worked for me has always been a really emotional discussion with a more logical follow-up. the logical follow-up actually works better with my dh. i wrote him a letter detailing all the reasons i was ready to start trying earlier than we had planned. then i asked him to reply to me, either in a letter or in person, with all the reasons he wasn't ready. then we discussed it again.
yours is kind of a different situation though if he doesn't want any more at all and you do. i think you need to have a talk about it asap, especially if he is considering a vasectomy. at least he could agree to wait. at most you could convince him to start ttc.
good luck and keep us posted.
I told him that if he were to get tired of using bc...condoms spermicide....that I would be fine with that. And he shook his head no and then we talked about it. The only thing I can think of is that his heart will need to be softened. I'm praying HARD ladies!!
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
He won't even talk about it with me. I'm not sure why. I guess he wants me to accept what he said and not to question it.
I don't want another baby if he doesn't...I do but I would hate to "talk him into it" ya know.
But I did tell him that if he wanted to use bc it was all on him. if he forgot then I'm not bringing it up!
Deciding to have a baby is such a big deal, after all, and I know that I wouldn't want to feel I was being pressured into it - that would make me dig my heels in and refuse to even discuss it. Do you know what I mean - maybe he's saying "never" when he really means "definitely not right now". :
Perhaps you could say to him, well even though I really want this I understand that you don't want us to try for another baby now, but I'd like to talk about it again in six months time (or even a year's time). By then he might feel differently.
We are still young...24 and 23..but we said that if we had 2 children we wanted them close in age. Like within 2 yrs of each other...that time is dwindling since ds is almost 1.....
what is it that yr dh found/finds so traumatic about pregnancy and small-baby-business?? (apart from the trauma of yr recent m/c that is)
when we didn't conceive for years after ds1 was born I was totally torn up with baby hunger, I know just what that feels like, but my dh wouldn't even begin to touch the subject. It took till ds1 was 4 (and prompted by a major marriage trauma) for dh to come clean with his feelings about my pregnancy with ds1 and the subsequent changes in our lives, how hard he found it to love ds when I was so altered by the events of his conception and birth starting from the 2 m/c we had before ds1, and more (deep anguish around ds having the same sort of health problems dh suffered as a kid)
if our lives had been run by his fear and pain we would never have ds2, who dh loved readily from birth, he would never have found that pure place to love his children from (if that makes sense) and we certainly wouldn't be having dc3 in a few months
parenting and all the stuff that comes with it can be so confronting. Most men I know hate having their own issues in their face in the way parenting etc tends to do - most women I know prefer to pick up the challenge and learn something important
so I agree with lilyka and nomadic - give him some time and space. Even if you think a 2 yr gap is the best for your kids, "fate" or whatever you like to call it may well have other plans. And give yourself some time too - you are still in recovery from yr m/c and you have a young baby, that's a lot to deal with
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