TTC 12+ Months August! :) - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 12:04 PM
 
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Thank you for your kind words They mean so much to me. I haven't told anyone in real life and I'm not sure if I'm going to. My friends were all so worried about me because I just disappeared for 3 weeks and my mom lives out of town so she didn't really notice. But part of me wants everyone (esp family) to know and remember this baby because for 4 weeks she/he was very loved and very much wanted.
Sometimes people don't know how to act or what to say and I can understand that.

How wonderful it would be if we all lived closer and could get together for a good cry, scream, laugh... whatever we needed to do. Fertile people really don't get it.

My dh has been so supportive and wonderful. I was really scared that he wouldn't want to ttc again because he worries about me and my health and knows how hard this was on me. He didn't know what to say but he was there when I needed to talk or needed a hug. He didn't push me to go out because honestly I just couldn't. I don't know if this is normal but I couldn't bear to go out and see happy people because I couldn't see how anyone could be happy. It was a very strange and sad place to be but I am pulling myself out of it. I did get pregnant and I can do it again (thinking positively ) I just have to keep myself from going into the March DDC.


Celeste, I am thinking of you and praying for a healthy baby.

mariew, I'm : that this is your cycle. I hate that relax comment! I've been trying for 3 1/2 years and I'm pretty sure I wasn't tense all that time : Can you believe my EX-Dr actually said that to me?:

surf mama, hope you have a wonderful trip!

to Leslie just because

:
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#62 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 02:19 PM
 
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we've lost ember. i'll leave this journal post public for today only.

this is my 3rd loss in 2.5 years after ttc for so many more than that.

celeste terra, single wohm to twin toddler boys max and shoghi. bamboo village press
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#63 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 02:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Celeste- I read- I am crying for you and your lost ember.

I've lit candles for ember and for Astrid's little lost one too.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#64 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 02:47 PM
 
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I am so very sorry celesterra

Urban homesteader married to my high school sweetheart, mama to V(4/07) and H(6/10)

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#65 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 03:28 PM
 
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Celeste I'm so sorry.
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#66 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 04:47 PM
 
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Celeste - I'm so sorry. I am glad you were able to put your babe to rest in such a meaningful way.
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#67 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 05:37 PM
 
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oh celeste, I'm just sitting here bawling. I don't know what to say. I am so sad and so angry. I'm shocked. I wish so bad that I could come sit with you. this is NOT FAIR! words just SUCK in a time like this. I feel stupid writing--I'm just sick over this.

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#68 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 09:56 PM
 
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Words can't even come close to describing my sorrow!! I'm so incredibly sorry.

Sky

Mom to ds (7/02), dd(2/04), ds (9/07), and dd 9/09
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#69 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 11:00 PM
 
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Astrid & Celeste my heart is breaking for the two of you tonight. There are no words in my vocabulary to ease your pain.

It seems everyone is having a hard time in August. Hopefully the next part of the month will turn things around for everyone.

Leslie, mama to Paige 8, Zara 3 and Audrey, Sophia & Nina June 7/11 @32.6
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#70 of 220 Old 08-08-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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Celeste and Astrid -

Celeste, thank you for sharing with us your live journal. What a beautiful way to honor the life that you brought forth.

Peace to you all.
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#71 of 220 Old 08-09-2006, 02:50 AM
 
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Celeste, your strength amazes me. I am so sorry for your loss.
and for Astrid, too. Take care of yourself. It's not fair.

My sweetie and I have a lovely little lady 07/02 and 3 cats
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#72 of 220 Old 08-09-2006, 02:43 PM
 
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Celeste: I am in awe of your strength. What a beautiful way to honor your Ember. My heart is weeping for you today - and ok, so am I.

Astrid: I also didn't want to go out right after my mc, really for the same reasons. I think that it is normal and that it's essential always to take care of yourself first and foremost. What a wonderful hubby you have.


~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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#73 of 220 Old 08-09-2006, 03:49 PM
 
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((((((Celeste))))))
Just thinking of Celeste. And of everyone else who's having a hard time.
The path to motherhood is hard, painful and mysterious and I hope, oh how I hope, not endless and not for much longer for all of us.

love

M
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#74 of 220 Old 08-09-2006, 05:29 PM
 
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hi everybody,

So are we having a collective emotional hangover or what? Astrid and Celeste's m/c, Laura's AF, no new positives. And yet, I love being here with you all. This is the only place in the whole world, including the 'real world', where I feel like I can be wholly honest and in the company of amazing women who totally get it, good or bad, better or worse, etc. How about a big group hangover hug?

Mariew, you put up a post that I wanted to respond to. You mentioned volunteering with pregnant teens. Wow--that's brave. I don't know that I could do that (without inappropriately encouraging adoption and offering myself as a possibility!) but I do know that the only thing that has made me feel REALLY good lately is random acts of kindness. Sunday I took in a wandering teen who had lost her friends and needed to use the phone. Tuesday I stopped for a cyclist who had wiped out an offered a ride -- we still have the bike rack on top of my car (how's that for karma?). He was so grateful but I felt like I was the one who won.

I hope that offering your talents/gifts feels good, whoever it is with. It sure has been a balm for me.
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#75 of 220 Old 08-09-2006, 06:09 PM
 
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Leslie it is so true that random acts of kindess really do make you feel better. We really have so little control over our lives (the path to motherhood anyhow) and it is totally in our power to do something nice for someone else.

Celeste and Astrid I'm still thinking about you

This might not be the right time to mention it, but I'm feeling optimistic for the first time in months. I really feel like the acupuncture has started to balance me since I had some EWCM this month (its been gone for quite a few). Also we nailed the timing of BD'ing so I know that I did everything I could. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high so I don't have to crash in 10 days if AF shows.

Leslie, mama to Paige 8, Zara 3 and Audrey, Sophia & Nina June 7/11 @32.6
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#76 of 220 Old 08-09-2006, 06:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Leslie- I agree on the hung over part- maybe all of us not in the 2ww could go out for margaritas together- a physical hangover might be more fun than the emotional one. Ok, maybe not. And I would be right there with you trying to convince the preg. teen to give me her baby- that made me laugh!

Mariew- You are very strong!

Lesliesara- Glad to hear you are feeling hopeful! It sounds like things are going in the right direction for you! I can say I also feel like the diet changes seem to be making a difference for me- I have enough AF blood to make lots of babies- and just a few months ago that was scarce- maybe I should gather my nerves and call an accupuncturist!

I did make myself an appt to see my OB later this month to talk options. And I'm making dh talk adoption with me- which is helping me. I am going to go further with the ttc path, but I know there is a limit to how far I'll go. I respect all of you who have chosen ART, but I think when we get to that point, we'll stop and turn to adoption.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#77 of 220 Old 08-09-2006, 08:16 PM
 
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Lesliesara: You go right ahead w/ your optomism!! IMHO, anyone should be able to share anything with this board - don't be afraid. I'm glad that acupuncture has been working for you. I've been considering it myself - gives me more reason to seriously look into it.

Leslie: Love the inappropriate encouraging line.

MarieW: A very noble/brave move to go work w/ teens who need you. I just read the 'Why we need a breastfeeding culture' article in the July/Aug issue of Mothering. Wow, I've been living in a bubble I think. Glad to know that there are caring souls out there like you who will be working to change things.

As for me I've spent the day filling out my huge questionaire from the dr. Just wanted to pop in and see how everyone was doing this evening. Sending s to everyone who needs them.

Talked to dh at work today - he seems rather optomistic that I actually did o this cycle. He's even asking me when the earliest is that we can test - I hate to tell him that I don't feel pg and why would we be that lucky? But I'm gonna take my cue from Lesliesara and just be optomistic!! Now, if you'll excuse me I've gotta go give my baby, Bella some attention. She thinks she's a lap-puppy today and it's been a bit awkward trying to type around a 45 lb little girl who's licking my ear.

~T | head-strong ap mama to 2 fur-kids | TTC since 2001 | remembering angel2.gif 8/00, angel1.gif 5/04, angel1.gif 1/07 & fur-kids, Apollo (04/03-12/09) & Bella (04/06-06/12)
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#78 of 220 Old 08-10-2006, 01:21 AM
 
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Oh Celeste. I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

Happily parenting our snuggly wild child since 2007 and her little brother since 2011!

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#79 of 220 Old 08-10-2006, 09:41 AM
 
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Hey everyone. Thank you so much for all of your kindness and support. I have found that I have relied so much more on my online friends this time, and I'm glad for it. As an illustration, I called my sister and left a message on Tuesday night, asking for her to tell my parents. I haven't heard from any of them. :

Anywho, I am doing ok - actually I'm doing much better this time than dh. He is hit pretty hard and doesn't really have any friends in the States, so he's feeling really down. As this is our third loss in the nearly 6 years we've been trying, maybe he's startnig to understand the wear I feel about ttc. It's really hard stuff.

I'm sure my time to grieve more deeply will come, but I am ready to move on. I'm ready for the next cycle, ready to let my body use the information of this last pergnancy to carry my through a full one. I'm fairly confident that we will get pregnant again soon - of course remembering that we use lots of interventions. The biggest reminder that I was pregnant as of just a few days ago is that all of my pants are way tight in the waist. Guess I have a few pounds to shed!

I've been reading along, thinking especially of Astrid, Leslie and OTMomma as you each also sit with your ttc demons this week. I hope these feelings are well-healed and processed quickly and that we long-timers, we who have waited and hurt so long for our first children, will all be celebrating together in 2007.

to all

celeste terra, single wohm to twin toddler boys max and shoghi. bamboo village press
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#80 of 220 Old 08-10-2006, 11:37 AM
 
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You are all so very wonderful. One of the reasons I was so down for so long was I felt like me and dh were the only one who would feel sadness and loss for our baby but all your kind words helped me realize that for a moment others have remembered my baby that we never got to know.
Thank you so much. I feel like you have helped me get through a step in the grieving process.

I saw my Dr. yesterday and he recommended for me to wait a cycle before ttc. This morning I was wondering if it was strange that I am ready to ttc again so soon.
When I was pregnant, I had some rather graphic m/c nightmares. It was so horrible but now I wonder if it was my body trying to prepare me for what was to come - although it scared me so much that I decided to have a d&c. I had my ultrasound on a Friday and knew for sure my pregnancy would end. On the Saturday, I had a dream where we were sitting around the kitchen laughing and joking and we had a baby with us. That gave me some hope for the future. Hope that doesn't sound too

Celeste, I have been thinking of you and sending you love and strength. I'm sorry your family hasn't been there for you. I didn't tell my family I was pregnant so I haven't told them about the loss. I'm not sure which situation would result in less insensitive remarks.

lesliesara - is the acupuncture painful? I wanted to try it but I haven't got my nerve up. I've heard many positive results from it but then I saw someone getting it on a tv program and she looked rather uncomfortable. I'm glad it is working for you

Laura, it is good to know all your options and take it from there.

I feel so frustrated that this is so hard for us and seemingly so easy for most others. We change our diet to become as healthy as we can be and maybe make other lifestyle changes, yet all I hear about is women who are a far cry from healthy getting pregnant. I want to scream It's NOT fair!!

Leslie in C - I could use a big group hangover hug I hope you are feeling better
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#81 of 220 Old 08-10-2006, 10:55 PM
 
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Laura I say go for the acupuncture! I don't find it painful, except in my nose! DH and I feel similarly about ART. We'd rather spend our money on adoption. However I need to figure out how long I want to try and I'd have to be ready to give up on dreams of homebirth and breastfeeding. Not quite there yet.

Celeste I can't believe that you haven't heard from your family at all. Online friendships are really great, I wish I had been part of a community like this when I miscarried. Just think at MDC there is a friend ready to listen at almost any hour of the day. I'll be thinking of you.

Astrid when I miscarried almost everyone acted like my baby never existed. Including my dh in some ways. Really the only one who grieved with me was my mother. DH was grieving, just not in a way I understood. Now five years later I think that I'm the only one who remembers my first baby. I truly believe that your baby is special and will always be in your heart.

Leslie, mama to Paige 8, Zara 3 and Audrey, Sophia & Nina June 7/11 @32.6
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#82 of 220 Old 08-11-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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acupuncture rocks. I'd do it again if it wasn't so darned expensive. I did it on-and-off for a full year. I do think it helped, even if only for the relaxation. Astrid, I would always close my eyes and never look at the needles. Sometimes they would pinch a bit going in (especially in the days right before AF) but immediately the pinch would go away. I almost always fell asleep for the 1/2 hour or so that they were left in. I can't say it got me pregnant, but nothing would til I got that golf-ball-sized septum out of my uterus!

I realized I was feeling poopy in part because I'm still on hormones following the surgery. Today is the last day. yay!!! I'm supposed to have the biggest period in my life in a few days.

Celeste & Astrid, I'm so sorry your families are such a disappointment around the m/c (and probably for other things, too). That just sucks. Please know that your babies are honored and remembered by us--and you too, lesliesara. I'm going to light three candles this weekend, at least. I am glad to hear you all are feeling better, but I can imagine these are tough times.

is everyone else having fabulous weather today? I dare say it is the most beautiful day this summer.

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#83 of 220 Old 08-11-2006, 06:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Astrid- your dream sounds beautiful, and I hope it is a vision of the future. While ttc I've dreamed of a baby boy who I just know is waiting to join our family. I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling ready to ttc again- everyone's heart is different, all we can do is follow our own.

Celeste- I'm glad you are doing ok. I am so sorry your family isn't being more supportive- I would guess they have no clue what to say or do. Perhaps they think its better to say nothing than to say the wrong thing? A dumb reason not to call, but.... an amazing number of people are dumb about these things. I used to be. for you, too.

Leslie in C- Thanks for the accupuncture talk- you are making it sound better and better! its raining here today, but we needed rain very badly- so its good. I hope the hormones level out and you feel more normal soon. hormones suck! Plan to stay home if AF is going to be that bad- rent some movies, get some junk food and take a day off life! I would.

lesliesara- Thank you also for recommending the accupuncture- I'll work on getting up my nerve. I am right there with you on not wanting to give up on breastfeeding and homebirth. I've pondered if I could nurse an adopted baby.... maybe. But the truth is with dd getting older, I'm feeling more pressure to produce a sibling, its looking like a 5 year age difference now, and I wanted her to have some one to grow up with. We are going to keep ttc for a number of months, but I feel like I want dd to get a sibling in '07, whatever I have to do.... wow, I'm sounding a little psycho today.... I should work on that.

School here starts Monday. I'll again be doing OT in the schools 2 days a week- so I'm stressing about getting all that going. However, once I start getting pay checks, I'll have a little extra money to do things like accupuncture, so that's a good thing.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#84 of 220 Old 08-11-2006, 08:17 PM
 
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I missed everyone so much. Camping was fun and a chore.

Celeste, dear, I am so incredibly beyond sorry. Ember is much loved and remembered. Take care of yourself, of your DH, do the work that needs to be done. My love to you. s

So much I feel the need to catch up on. I just did a quick skim of the thread. . I know there are many many more hugs needed. A big welcome to Willzmama (sorry we missed the poop party) this is a wonderful group of women. . who really understand and are willing and able to acknowledge the ups and downs of TTC.

s and love and drinks to all who can have them right now.

Be, happy momma to Liberty (12-31-02), Henry (3-17-07) and Prudence (7-02-09)
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#85 of 220 Old 08-12-2006, 03:49 PM
 
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I'm back and had a good trip to see my parents...of course there were times during traveling when things were very challenging, but we are happy to be home and we have lots of nice memories of our visit!

It was hard to be without a computer with so much going on around here. I'm really sorry so much hard stuff has fallen on this group lately. I really hope things can turn around for everyone real soon!

celeste-I just can't come up with the right words to express what I'm thinking and feeling! I'm just so sorry!
I read your journal and ember's birth sounded amazing...and I don't mean to take away from the incredible sadness but that was just so special how you birthed and honored ember's little life. The moment that little one comes out is such a strange and sacred moment...I know for me it felt like the world stopped for a moment.
I am wishing you and dh much healing. I wish you weren't going thru this. It really is hard to understand the why. I'm here if you need anything! take care celeste!

Astrid-I am so sorry for your loss too! Please feel free to pm me if you need a listening ear. I can still remember how it felt and it helped me so much to have people to process it with. It took me awhile to get out of the house. I did go places where I wouldn't have to talk to people, like the beach. But I took my time before going to other places. I'm really sorry and I'm here if you need anything!
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#86 of 220 Old 08-13-2006, 08:00 AM
 
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I've been reading along at a total loss for words. Huge hugs all around.

I've been enjoying a hermitage. I've had a really hard time w/TTC and now think that focusing on our airstream plans is saving my life. It's something that has been filling(at least temporarily) the big void. And it's something big that I actually have some control of. The right factors were easy to put into play.

We're leaving in an hour to drive to Michigan to meet it! Well, inspect & pay for it. We're going to stay in nearby Ann Arbor, which I've been hoping to check out for some time.
We're also leaving our dd w/the IL's for her first overnight visit. I'm excited & nervous. It'll be good for us all, I'm sure.

I'm sorry I haven't been around to support all of you mamas. You've all been in my thoughts & prayers. I've been in a really confusing place and when I try to use words, I keep saying the "wrong" thing and it only confuses me further. Know that I care deeply for all of you.

Blessings, Kelly
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#87 of 220 Old 08-13-2006, 12:33 PM
 
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howdy y'all.... it's such a freaking beautiful weekend, i can hardly stand it! i hope that's why everyone's been so quiet.

surf mama, welcome back!!!

beemama, it's hard to imagine anyone saying something wrong in here, but i understnad the feeling of not being able to express what you're feeling. i hope you have a FANTIASTIC time in MI and can't wait to hear all about it!

ok, so I have opened a board for us and our old friends and "grads" of all kinds. just PM me for the linky.

i am so behind the 8-ball for today, i have to run. i'll check in tongiht! to you all!

celeste terra, single wohm to twin toddler boys max and shoghi. bamboo village press
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#88 of 220 Old 08-13-2006, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Celeste- Thanks so much for setting that up! But your pm box is full.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#89 of 220 Old 08-13-2006, 03:50 PM
 
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Hello everyone.
I hope life is being kind(er) to you all this week-end.

I just moved. The move itself went well but there's a lot of cleaning to do eventhough the school's maintenance team did a lot. The guy who lived here before is a pig! I keep finding little things...

Celeste and Astrid, you're still very much in my thoughts. Lots of love to you both.

Hugs to all,

M
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#90 of 220 Old 08-13-2006, 07:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Be- Glad you enjoyed Camping!

Surfmama- Glad you had a good trip- seeing family and all!

Kelly- We all do understand not feeling up to posting. Your airstream sounds just dreamy, such a wonderful adventure for all of you! I am so glad you have something in your control you feel good about!

May-Lily- Do be gentle on yourself and make your dh do most of the cleaning and unpacking! I hope your new place is wonderfully welcoming!

Dh and I had a heart to heart this weekend, and apparently I'm jumping the gun on the adoption thing... Dh feels strongly we should continue ttc until we turn 30 (2 more years!) before we proceed to adoption. He really wants another bio child, and isn't ready to move on from that. I told him I'm really concerned about dd having a sibling, and he says I need to let that go, and accpet that if the universe wanted her to have one, it would have happened. Its not like the opportunity hasn't been there. I'm working on accpeting this and reducing my stress. I think if I can just accpet its not really in my power to control this, I might feel better. So I gave myself a little alone time with my plethura of bath products and called it my spa at home hour- and now I'm feeling a bit more calm.
I highly recommend to spa at home hour- if you don't have a ton of stuff, mix some olive oil and sugar and you have a great exfoliating scrub.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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