Opinions on Natural Gender Selection... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have you ever heard of it. Basically it is having sex at the "right time" in order to have a baby of the sex you want.

I guess I don't see anything wrong with it but I would think after awhile of ttc this way to get the sex you want ....hehehe..... it would be disheartening since your window of fertility is smaller.

I have a friend who is 7 months pg with a boy. She is VERY upset that she isn't having a girl and she is very vocal about the fact that she is NOT happy! It makes me sad for the baby.....anyway, she blames herself cause they were using the gender selection and ater several months she counted 15 days and they had sex based aroun that and she got pg that month.

Is really trying this setting yourself up for major disappointment or do ppl really get that upset when not having gender they would like. Dh and I wanted a boy and we had a boy but we would have been excited to have a girl too. I knw several ppl that have been upset for even months after baby was born because they weren't the right sex.

I guess it just really aggrivates me.....be happy with what you have...a healthy baby! I tried to tell her she wouldn't be as upset as she thinks but she is determined to be mad about it

So, are you trying for a certain sex of baby....or a baby no matter the gender...(thats a good poll topic....)

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#2 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 06:10 PM
 
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Hi, Megan! I have two boys and haven't cared about the gender of either one of them. In fact, I have a hard time picturing myself with anything other than boys at this point. The problem with gender selection is that for every "expert" who tells you how to choose the gender of your child, there is another "expert" who tells you the exact opposite thing.

We are planning to start TTC this summer and I have no plans or desire to try for one or the other. I just plan on bding and seeing what happens. I'll take whatever God blesses me with. What I will do different this time, is I plan on NOT finding out the gender before birth. I have always wanted to know the gender in the past, but this time, I really want to be surprised.
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#3 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 06:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally posted by jbcjmom
What I will do different this time, is I plan on NOT finding out the gender before birth.
this is the most amazing thrill EVER!! I cannot tell you how exciting it was....It was the greatest surprise. Dh was the one who stood firm on not knowing. I'm glad he did.....when baby was born Benjamin looked at me and said, "It's a boy!! And he's peeing!!"

Just thinking about it now makes me cry. Dh always says that there are few true surprises in life and this is the best one! (kinda surprising coming from him )

So, I applaud your patience in not knowing and your desire to NOT know!

btw...I don't care either..I just want another baby!

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#4 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 06:27 PM
 
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Dh and I followed the "directions" for a boy but it did take us almost a year to conceove so by the time I did I was just happy to be pg. We did have a boy but we would have been just as happy with a girl. We're TTC for #2 now and we'll kind of try for a girl but our main goal is just to have a baby no matter the sex. It does not matter if I have another boy or if I have a girl.

I think it's fun to try for a certain sex but it shouldn't be taken too seriously. A baby is a blessing no matter what and gender preference should not be high priority. I couldn't imagine myself upset about the sex of my baby.
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#5 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 08:33 PM
 
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There's a lot written out there about the necessary acceptance of your real baby and grief for the fantasy baby. I know lots of folks who really wanted one gender or another and chose to find out ahead of time so that they could work through any disappointment. My husband would, if we had another baby, need time to cope with the idea of having a son. Reasons behind such disappointment can be very deep and personal, and often not fully understood by the parents themselves.

At the risk of uttering an old cliche, most parents feel differently once it's born, or they've bonded, which can take months. Some parents relate more fully to their kids when they're much older, like 6 years!

Of course it's just one of the first lessons that your children are their own selves and not your property, to be exchanged for a more desirable model. I just wanted to point out that there isn't anything wrong with preferring one gender to another, or feeling disappointment, unless it gets out of control or interferes with accepting the baby. I do think finding out the sex ahead of time seems to make such disappointment worse for some people, because the high of birth can make that preference seem trivial in the face of a real live baby.
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#6 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 09:12 PM
 
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Well I know I'm not quite a member of the TTC group now (but you all were great when I was and heres lots of ~*~*~*~*~*Baby Dust~*~*~*~*~ for you all! ) but I just wanted to comment on the thread...

I want a girl, my Dh wants a boy. We will hopefully be finding out in a couple of weeks (I'm so impatient! :LOL)... but it doesn't really *matter* which sex the baby is. Its a bad idea to be TTC'ing if you're going to be horrible upset about the child being one sex or the other. Its the *baby* thats important... but saying all of that I might have a moment of disappointment if its not a girl... and I really REALLY feel bad to say that, but I know it might happen. I also know that I'm already going over all the reasons boys are wonderful, and warming myself up to a boy too because I just want to be happy about it either way!

Thats one of the major reasons I want to know prior to birth... I do not want any sort of disappointment clouding our child's birth. So we try to find out now, and I take some time to mentally adjust my mental picture of our kiddo if its a boy...

My Dh says that its silly to get disappointed about the baby being one sex over the other, so I'm not worried about him being upset or anything... I did tell him that I would possibly be a bit disappointed momentarily, and while he doesn't get it, he's accepting of that... But I'm hoping and thinking that finding out will be so exciting and will allow me to feel even more bonded to our kiddo that I will only be all smiles and happy!

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#7 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 09:14 PM
 
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We have never tried but basded on when we concieved we guessed what we would be having. Someone mentioned it was fine to try but not to take it to seriously. That is exactly how I feel. i think it would be fin just to play arounbd with it to see if you could influence (although whose to say it wasn't just luck of the draw anyway).

of course I can say that becauuse I really wanted a girl and have three now. i think if I were surronded by all boys I would still be holding out for a girl.

On finding out: This time we tried to find out because even thought we wuould have been tickled to have a boyu we just couldn't fathom havong a boy. We just kept trying to picture our baby as a boy and it hjust wasn't there, The ultrasound was inconclusive. We picked an awsome boys name and were a little dissapointed that we didn't get to use it It just didn't fit our girl very well.

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#8 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 09:41 PM
 
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People definitely need to be allowed to grieve for their dream baby. Allowing isn't even the right word - we feel what we feel after all!

I found out with DS but DH did not. I told no one, it wasn't as hard as it might seem. I had really horrible anxiety throughout pregnancy and I just NEEDED to know. It made everything so much more real and gave me a firmer connection to DS, allowing me to believe that everything would be okay.

You do what you gotta do!
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#9 of 23 Old 04-05-2003, 11:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think there is anything wrong about grienving for your dream baby. I hope that is n't how it sounded. I think there is nothing wrong with "trying" for a certain gender. This gal is visibly pissed that this baby is a boy. I was talking to her about it today. She was so MAD! I was telling her that she'll be excited no matter what once that baby gets here....but she disagreed. She talks so mean towards this unborn baby and I wonder if it is because of his sex.......

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#10 of 23 Old 04-06-2003, 10:58 AM
 
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I'm also not ttc (although I keep coming back to see who else has graduated) ...

We have 2 little girls and we are pregnant with our 3rd child. Don't know what we are having, and I don't want to know - although I think dh would this time (and he has always been definite before about NOT wanting to know). I think he will be more disappointed than I will if we have another girl.

Having had 2 girls, I would love to have a boy this time. And we were going to informally 'try' for a boy, before we got pregnant before we could start trying. But I also think it is something you shouldn't take too seriously, or you can set yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

That said - I'm another one who really wanted girls, and I now have two of them. So I'm not that worried about what I have (although it would be fun to have a boy). As Lilyka said, though...if I'd had two boys, I think I would care a lot more about having a girl this time...
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#11 of 23 Old 04-06-2003, 11:45 AM
 
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Originally posted by its_our_family
She was so MAD! I was telling her that she'll be excited no matter what once that baby gets here....but she disagreed. She talks so mean towards this unborn baby and I wonder if it is because of his sex.......
With a reaction so out of whack with the situation, you have to wonder if this isn't about something else, you know? Maybe she's ambivalent about the baby in general but doesn't want to deal with that so she's focusing on the gender instead?
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#12 of 23 Old 04-06-2003, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They really tried for this baby. They lost one and then got pg again. I'm almost positive that she was about 16 or 17 weeks when she lsot the first one and they found out that one was a girl.....maybe that is the issue to know that she lost her baby girl and is carrying her baby boy.....

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#13 of 23 Old 04-06-2003, 10:16 PM
 
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this is a board I used to go to that's all about gender selection...from wishful thining through high-tech.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv...der?redirCnt=1
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#14 of 23 Old 04-07-2003, 03:24 AM
 
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I have read some stuff on gender selection and I agree that there are different schools of thought on how to do that and they are pretty much opposite... so who to believe?

Of course I think we all agree that having a healthy baby is the goal - but it is normal (I think) to have a preference one way or another.

Dh never seemed to care one way or another - as to what gender baby we had. I hoped for a girl the first time around (we never find out the gender beforehand - more on that later) and we had one. Second time around I REALLY wanted a girl so they would be sisters - I am tight with my sister and wanted to give my dd a chance at that relationship.

It is so funny how people assume you want the opposite of what you have - if you have a girl, then you MUST want a boy the next time and vice versa. NO, I really am hoping for another girl. To completely blow people's minds, you should see when they ask (we are expecting #3) "trying for a boy, huh?" and I answer that a boy would be great but if I had a magical way to pick, I would love another girl. We kind of know how to parent girls, we are used to girls around here, we have the clothes, etc. Would be cheaper.... ha ha!

On finding out gender before the birth - we never do. I have a friend who has known once and been surprised once and she swears that being surprised was way better.

I think the more you care (re: gender) the better the reason to wait to find out. Because if you find out at the ultrasound and it is not the gender you were wishing for, you are just disappointed with no baby in your arms. But if you find out at the birth, sure there may be a millisecond of "oh..." but then you have your BABY - you are holding your child - and how could it matter then?
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#15 of 23 Old 04-07-2003, 09:51 AM
 
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I completely agree about finding out gender before hand - much nicer to have a surprise.

We didn't want to know with either of ours, and our first dd was a completely surprise. But with second dd, the technician slipped during the 20 week scan and talked about 'her' arm, etc., after being very careful all the way through, so we were pretty sure it was a girl...

I also wanted a second girl close to my first, so that was great with me...but after she was born and they said we'd had another girl, we both felt like, 'Well, of course', rather than, 'How exciting - another girl!'

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#16 of 23 Old 04-07-2003, 01:14 PM
 
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I kind of wish I had the luxury of trying for a girl--both of us would prefer a daughter--but in my case it's difficult to conceive AT ALL so I can't be picky! In focusing on my goal, I do imagine a daughter, but I think I'll adapt just fine if I have a son.

We've agreed that we don't want any prenatal testing that isn't medically necessary, i.e. no ultrasound JUST to find out the sex and "see if everything's okay". If I do need a test that will show the sex, we'll have to decide whether we want to know.... I think I probably would but would keep it a secret so as not to wind up w/gobs of gender-stereotyped baby gifts! If MrBecca had strong feelings about not finding out, tho, I'd also not find out so that I wouldn't slip up and tell him by accident.

Megan, it sounds to me like your friend has some kind of problem w/males (maybe she likes men okay but dislikes little boys because of childhood experiences?) that she needs to get over before her son is born. A few sessions of counseling might do a lot of good.

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#17 of 23 Old 04-08-2003, 08:11 PM
 
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I kinda lurk here. I teach Fertility Awareness and have been using it myself for ten years. TCOYF is like a bible in this house. Anyway, I read a lot of posts from all of you with great interest. I dont have any students (all of them just had babies and one is pregnant) but the topic of sex selection has come up.
I will be using techniques suggested by Shettles to conceive the next baby. My neighbor has used natural sex selection for all three of her children. She had a girl, a boy and this last one was a girl and exactly as planned. She also planned her babies in accordance to the Chinese Conception chart. I dont see anything wrong with natural sex selection and dont see anything wrong with a couple wanting one sex over another.
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#18 of 23 Old 04-08-2003, 09:33 PM
 
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In my participation on the GD board...I believe the chinese chart is worthless (although I put plenty of belief into things like acupuncture, so it's not the woo-woo factor - it just seems not to work for so many women) Shettles has many adherents, so does another system called O+12. However, vaginal environment is considered as or more important than straight timing by the vast majority of women there. Many women there have a done a lot of research, both record-keeping at the site and existing scientific reasearch. Hi-tech, ericsson is another worthless method, I have seen many many ericsson failures (a spinning method using IUI) Microsort's sperm sorting is on the up and up, it is hard to get pregnant with it, but they have very few failures (wrong gender pregnancies) and a peer reviewed study, so is PGD...but that involves IVF. Just a little rundown of many availalable methods...
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Quote:
Originally posted by Clarity
In my participation on the GD board...I believe the chinese chart is worthless (although I put plenty of belief into things like acupuncture, so it's not the woo-woo factor - it just seems not to work for so many women) Shettles has many adherents, so does another system called O+12. However, vaginal environment is considered as or more important than straight timing by the vast majority of women there. Many women there have a done a lot of research, both record-keeping at the site and existing scientific reasearch. Hi-tech, ericsson is another worthless method, I have seen many many ericsson failures (a spinning method using IUI) Microsort's sperm sorting is on the up and up, it is hard to get pregnant with it, but they have very few failures (wrong gender pregnancies) and a peer reviewed study, so is PGD...but that involves IVF. Just a little rundown of many availalable methods...
I keep a record of my students pregnancies, gender and compare the to the Chinese Conception Chart. 89% of the time it is right. In the past 28 months and 14 children born on our street the only time the Chinese Conception Chart was wrong, was on ME! lol
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#20 of 23 Old 04-09-2003, 04:33 PM
 
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Hi Guys,

What''s the Chinese Conception chart. does anyone have a link?

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#21 of 23 Old 04-09-2003, 05:47 PM
 
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That is much better than what I was seeing! (way more! When we were counting, it was a small sample, but it was like 40% - worse than chance!) I wonder why the big difference? That is very interesting.

I don't have a link right off...someone must...
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#22 of 23 Old 04-09-2003, 06:19 PM
 
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Originally posted by Clarity
That is much better than what I was seeing! (way more! When we were counting, it was a small sample, but it was like 40% - worse than chance!) I wonder why the big difference? That is very interesting.

I don't have a link right off...someone must...
Several OB offices do it here. The one I went to was over 80%, one docs was over 90%.
Most people figure it wrong, especially if they conceive the month of their birthday.
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#23 of 23 Old 04-09-2003, 06:34 PM
 
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http://www.epregnancy/features/preco...inesechart.com or something like that - I just typed Chinese conception chart into my browser and it was the first one on the list. Says I am having a girl this time - we'll see in another 7 weeks.....
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