I totally melted down last night, cried until I couldn't cry anymore, had a big fat glass of red wine, and went to bed. Woke up numb this morning, but then the dog wouldn't get up to go out (He's 13 and semi-senile and has bad hips) and I melted down again. Mad that he wouldn't get up to go out (cause he'll pee on the floor) and upset that he was old and couldn't get up, and worried that he might *not* get up (he is 13 after all...) so I put a cookie down just out of his reach, and left the room, and when I heard him get up I went back in,k scolded him for making me cry (not mean scolding though!) and then walked him.
Then I couldn't find my dayplanner/wallet. It wasn't in the house, or in either car, and I melted down again. I finally found it, after a frantic phone call to DH to tell him we'd been robbed and my wallet was missing, and that the toilet was leaking, and the floor was wet and I couldn't even go to the library until I found my wallet, and I couldn't find it, and I was in total nut-case mode, then I found my wallet, (the cat had knocked it off the side table along with a stack of magazines... so it was hidden quite well) and I felt like a huge ass.
So I finally got myself cleaned up (again) put on mascara (3rd time) and got in the car to go to the store, and a sad song came on the radio and I misted up again! Augh! So I popped in a good n loud CD and turned up the volume to damn near ear-splitting and forced myself to sing along. Went to the store, wandered around in a fog, completely zoned while checking out, and the clerk wound up just asking for my debit card so *she* could swipe it (after my 3rd attempt to swipe it the wrong way!
So now I'm in that emotionless zombie mode. I just watched a movie and ate an *entire* bag of those Olestra chips after I got home. I'll pay for that tomorrow.
: (What was I thinking? Light chips? Emotional binge eating? Thats a dumb move!
) I also bought ice cream. I figure that it'll be gone by Sunday.
Here is where I get confused though. Might be TMI for some. I'm spotting, but not in the - I saw spots in my undies - way. In fact, I wore a pad all day today, nothing on it. It's perfectly clean. If I wipe, and hold the tissue at the "entrance" for a minute, it's lightly pink tinged when I examine it. (And I've been doing this at EVERY bathroom break today) But no actual red blood. It's like, pinkish CM. What in the world does That mean? SHould I take another test? Could it be implantation? It started last night at midnight-ish, and it's still doing exactly the same "non-spotting" pinkish tinged CM. (Without a hint of cramps or normal PMS or any actual blood.) I am tired as hell though, and I'm averaginf 8-10 hours of sleep per night. I want to think that maybe it's BFP time, but I'm really, truely scared to let myself think that. It would only make me that much sadder if/when AF shows up for real, ya know? What woudl you guys do? Does my chart look alright? Could I be pregnant? And I just extremely moody and PMS-y? (I'm not normally a big mood-swing/PMS/B*tch right before my period time kinda girl, so todays swings from rage to depression to blank is really odd for me)
I'm with you on the ice cream thing, there is mint-oreo-cookie calling my name as I type...