I promise I'll do personals tomorrow - but for tonight I'm just sending out hugs, and hoping that'll cover it.
Now I'm gonna rant:
I called our insurance company today to make sure the HSG is covered, and it should be - as long as it's diagnostic - which it is. Because they'll cover infertility diagnostics, just not treatments. Yes, they're happy to pay to have your issue diagnosed, but god forbid you wanna do something about it. They'll also cover a vasectomy, a tubal, birth control, abortions, pregnancy care, hospitol births, Hell - if I'm depressed because of the infertilty, and need a shrink, they'll cover that! but no, not infertility treatments.
: This pisses me off, partly because it's just a screwed up policy, and partly because *if* we find out we need infertility treatment, we can't afford it! So lets say I find out I have some issues, and would require IVF or some such, I can't get it! So I spent today wandering my house in a pissed off mood, alternating between crying and throwing stuff (dang that fiery Irish temper!
: ) because while I really want to know whats wrong, I just have this awful sinking feeling that I'm just not gonna have kids. I know it's silly and crazy, and I *know* I shoudl be thinking positive, and I *know* I said I was forcing positivity on myself this month - but I honestly hung up with the insurance guy, and just cried. This whole journey is *SO* frustrating! I'm at a point where I'm dreading the upcoming holidays, because it's my yearly family thing, and I know someone will nudge me and wink and ask when we're gonna start a family, and Ya know what? If they catch me on an off day, I can't say if I'll just cry, or if I'll say something rude or cutting, and the last thing I wanna do is pick a fight at Christmas.
DH says "we'll cross that ridge when we get to it" and other stuff, like, "Maybe we can't afford IVF now, but maybe in a year or so" But I'm already 30, and even after all the diagnostic stuff is done, it'll be months, and if we ahve to wait a few years to save up for it... Gah! He is already 43! How much longer does he want to wait for kids??!?!