baby spacing advice? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-17-2003, 03:31 AM - Thread Starter
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Since ya'll are TTC I thought you might be the ones to ask: do you know of any good books or info on child spacing? The benefits of 2-3 yr gaps, etc. DD is just turning one and I'd always assumed we'd try to space for about 2 years, but that means we'd be starting to try in three months. And I'm not feeling oh so ready yet. I'm thinking a three year gap might be nice. It's a moot point now as my fertility has not returned yet (teething night nurser). Any info you have would be appreciated.
Thanks, Violet
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#2 of 6 Old 04-17-2003, 06:22 AM
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My first two are quite close (19 months apart). I'm pregnant with #3, and 2 and 3 will be 2 years, 4 months I obviously like them close together!

I once read an article that compared the different age gaps between kids to see which was easiest/best for mom and child. It listed some of the problems siblings have adjusting to a new baby and rated how difficult these problems were when the age gap was different...

Interestingly enough, all the age gaps had their own problems, and it turned out that most gaps were equally easy/hard - it just depended on which type of problem you felt most comfortable dealing with!

All of that to say...I think child spacing is a very personal issue, and if you don't feel ready to ttc just now, I would wait until you do feel ready...that will let you know (imho!) what child spacing is right for you and your family.
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#3 of 6 Old 04-17-2003, 10:41 AM
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Totally an individual decision.

Mine are all two years apart and I wouldn't do it any other way.
(Two years, three months - we've always TTC at about 18m).
It's great b/c they are such good friends, most of the time.
They'll also be close together in school, which I like now b/c the 3yo and 5yo will only be one room apart.

My cousins who are 3 years apart or more seem to have gotten used to being an only child and demand more attention, seem to have more sibling rivalry, and don't get along as well. Of course, that's JUST my family and not always the case!!!
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#4 of 6 Old 04-17-2003, 10:46 AM
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Another message board just discussed this. It seems like some liked that age spacing and some really didn't. Here's the link, . I agree with Carolyn that this is a personal issue and if it's right for you then it's right. FWIW my sons are almost 4 years apart and I LOVE it. Jake had plenty of time to be "the baby" and he is a wonderful big brother, very helpful. He does tend to "spoil" Kai a bit, any time Kai starts to fuss Jake rushes around trying to find a toy to make Kai happy. Anyway, I've heard people say they wouldn't want kids so far apart because they wouldn't be friends but for us that's not true. They are best pals and play together all day.
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#5 of 6 Old 04-19-2003, 09:38 PM
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I agree that it is a totally individual decision. For me, the only deciding factor was that I didn't want two in diapers at the same time.:
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#6 of 6 Old 04-20-2003, 02:04 PM
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anyone i know who has children 7+ years apart says it's the best of all worlds, precisely because they're so far apart and the older has had plenty of one-on-one attention and doesn't resent the new one taking his/her place. the moms also seem to feel less overwhelmed because the children's needs are so different.

as was already said, though, your personal preference is what's best, because you're the one raising them!
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