TTC #1 in our 30s - Anyone? Bueller? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-06-2006, 08:23 PM
 
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Mama to Aeden, : my little NICU grad and Conner and Liam () my precious twins. is due mid April!
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Old 11-06-2006, 08:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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WELCOME

Hezzy & cking & ChristyM26!

The more the merrier, I say!

The Red Tent is a great book! I love it. I read it about 3 or 4 years ago and I ended up giving it every woman on my Christmas list that year.

For those of you that are Diva cup wearers...how does it work? Can you feel it at all? What about spillage? I do not really like using tampons, but I HATE pads (so much that I ended up using tampons with my very first cycle when I was 12! I wore the pads for 2 days before I caved).
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Old 11-06-2006, 08:46 PM
 
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Wax on, Wax Off!!

I'm interested in the Diva Cup too. For purely ecological reasons. I use pads because tampons just seem...wrong...to me. I certainly don't preach to others and your body is mostly definately your business and not my place to mummble a word, but I don't like tampons. I can never NOT feel them and I always feel...unflushed...when I use them.
But I hate the smell of pads, and I hate all the waste.
I'm trying so very hard to be ecologically responsible. I'll probably use cloth diapers too.
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Old 11-06-2006, 09:00 PM
 
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cking: glad i'm contagious -- or at least my tv habits are! so glad you're here.

I too have been disappointed by setting up expectations my mother's fertility. She got pregnant on the 1st try all 3x, and as soon as my dad told me that when I was in my teens (I think it was intended as a BC warning) I have been expecting the same luck. Hmph. : DH says, oh, and you are so like your mom in other ways...!
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Old 11-06-2006, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I too have been disappointed by setting up expectations my mother's fertility. She got pregnant on the 1st try all 3x, and as soon as my dad told me that when I was in my teens (I think it was intended as a BC warning) I have been expecting the same luck. Hmph. :
OMG! My mom told me the EXACT same thing ("the very first time I sex without protection...there you were. The very next time I had sex without protection...there was your sister"). I wonder if I would have been that fertile in my 20s (Mom was 25 when she had me) or if she was saying that to scare me. As a scare tactic it TOTALLY worked, I used condoms AND BCP up until I married DH 3 years ago (and made him 100% responsible for BC )
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Old 11-06-2006, 09:56 PM
 
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My mom handed out the scare tactics as well. She couldn't tell her kids not to have sex as a teen because she had her first at 16. I found some old papers when my mom died and noticed that my older brother was born exactly 36 weeks and 2 days after her marriage to my father. She always said he was about 3 weeks early too...and she said my father (her second husband) was a virgin on the wedding night.

My mom gave birth 5 kids before she was 27. My grandmother had teen births and later in life births and my sister told me that she got pregnant with her son on the first try.
Fertility pressure is on for my guy too. His mom had 2 living children and 7 or 8 miscarriages/early births.

Can fertility pressure make you infertile? :
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Old 11-06-2006, 10:14 PM
 
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Hi, I'd like to join the thread if there's room for one more...

I'm 35, DH is 36 and we've been TTC our first since January 06. We conceived in September but I miscarried just this past weekend. I'll be sitting out this cycle (but that doesn't mean I won't be here every day!) while things get back on track but we plan to keep trying as soon as possible.

Thanks for starting this thread, I'm glad to find others trying for their firsts (and hopefully seconds) in their 30s.
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Old 11-06-2006, 10:29 PM
 
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I'm starting to recognize some more names in this thread!

My mom never handed out scare tactics - She just bought me some condoms and told me to be safe.

Kitty kat - I think pressure can certainly add to it. DH and I started hearing about babies about 8 weeks after we got married. Yah, we got married in early Nov, and that Christmas we're hearing "Pregnant yet?" from everybody. It's to the point where I start to dread holidays, because inevitably, someone will ask.
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Old 11-07-2006, 02:22 AM
 
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HOLIDAYS: I disclosed to the friend with whom I have will be having Thanksgiving that we are TTCing and "I think I will break down and cry if anyone says anything about it." It's an exaggeration, but I am hoping that will preempt the whole topic. I consider it a self-protective move.

Can I just vent? A friend of mine really wants to be engaged (to this loser guy); she was very upset that I got married first (you know it's a race, right? ). We had dinner tonight and I disclosed that we will start TTCing soon (a vague cover of the fact that we stated already). She was upset that I wouldn't hold off for her wedding -- she doesn't know if she wants a pregnant bridesmaid! : In a sense it's a compliment that she wants me as a bridesmaid (she wasn't one of mine), and she did say she "thinks" she would have me anyway, but what messed up priorities! Or rather a misjudgment of my priorities. :
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Old 11-07-2006, 03:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi SarahJen

PiePie - Wow, I cannot believe that someone who is NOT EVEN engaged yet is freaking out about the fact that you are might be a pregnant bridesmaid (oh, pregnant bridesmaid...the horror, the horror).


PiePies post actually brings up a question I have been wondering about. Who knows that you are TTC? DH and I have not told anyone. I am not sure why. I guess neither of us really feels up to answering questions about it, you know?
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Old 11-07-2006, 09:24 AM
 
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Who knows that you are TTC? DH and I have not told anyone. I am not sure why. I guess neither of us really feels up to answering questions about it, you know?
We kept it a secret the whole time we were TTC but once I got preg we told both our families. Now since the m/c I feel like they'll all be asking me every month if I'm pregnant again and I don't know how I'll handle it. My MIL lives with us and that's probably the worst part, I feel like she'll be sending us off to bed early every night to make babies. As if the pressure wasn't enough already!
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Old 11-07-2006, 10:00 AM
 
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We've told a couple of friends that we're TTC. Haven't told any family yet. My mother has never been supportive of anything I've chosen to do, so I've excluded her from a good deal of our future plans. It kind of sucks because we walk our dogs together every day (she bought the house next door to me, BAH) and sometimes I want to tell her, but I know it will end with me being disapointed, so I don't bother. There's going to be huge issues with both sides of the family once we're pregnant, so I'm hoping to put off telling them for as long as possible once we get a BFP. DH can't wait to tell his father. Meh.
Ugh PiePie, your friend sounds a bit on the selfish side... Sorry, I know she's our friend and all, but, ugh.
We have a friend who's completely unsupportive of our decision also. I can't figure out why we even told him. Every time it's mentioned, he says things like, "you're going to regret it.", "It'll ruin your life.", and makes generally rotten comments about his GF's children to try and discourage us. People can be so strange.
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Old 11-07-2006, 11:29 AM
 
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The only scare tactic I ever received from my mother regarding sex was, "I don't expect you to wait until you're married but please wait until you're out of high school - I don't want you to get a reputation." To which I replied, in my most sarcastic 15-year-old voice, "Oh. My. Gawd. Mom! This is not 1962!" And my stepdad sat me down one night to say, in his most serious tone, "Kristin, If you have sex, you die." Sorry these have nothing to do with fertility.

I've always been a fairly curvy gal (what's that they say about waist-to-hip ratio?) and I remember having loads of EWCM in my teens and twenties - although I had no idea what it was. So I always figured I was pretty darn fertile. But. EWCM isn't quite as plentiful these days and ... those curves seem to be moving just a bit further south every month.

Diva Cup: Why, I am so glad you asked! I could literally write a dissertation on my absolute love for my Diva Cup! (hazieluna - You converted THIRTY of your co-workers? That's amazing! You must be a natural leader. I can assure you if I brought up the Diva Cup around most anyone I know, they would roll their eyes and call me a weirdo. In fact, associating the Diva Cup with my "weird" self would probably cause all of them to never even look into it. But, I digress.)

I LOVE my Diva Cup. I look forward to AF every month, just to get to use it.
  • No, I cannot feel it - not in the least.
  • No, there is absolutely no leakage.
  • Yes, it is far, far healthier for you than tampons. Diva Cups cannot cause toxic shock.
  • How does it work? Well, this site should answer all your questions. And this page shows physically how it works..
  • My one piece of advice if you do get one would be this: Go Low! I inserted mine too high the first few times, and it was pinching things it should not have been pinching. Once I figured out really where it was supposed to go (and really felt it open up and spin properly) I was absolutely amazed at how low it sat.

The TTC secret: Everyone knows we are going to TTC sometime soon. I used to joke to my mother, "The day I get my visa is the day we throw all forms of contraception out the window." Well, I have my visa now so I think people assume we're trying. Friends know we're waiting until I get a job, but I just avoid the subject with my mother. I don't want to her to be continually asking me.

PiePie - It appears you may have encountered a Bridezilla!

Cattibrie - "You'll regret it"? "ruin your life"? Holy Negative Energy Man! Sounds like someone to avoid. I feel very sorry for his GF's kids.
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Old 11-07-2006, 12:17 PM
 
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Welcome, SarahJen. I'm sorry about your recent loss. I also just started TTC and miscarried in October. Regarding telling people, we hadn't told anyone (besides my close female friends and, you know, the internet... ) and once I started miscarrying we had to tell my in-laws because we had to cancel big plans with them at the very last minute (once I got my hcg levels and knew I was miscarrying). I also told my mom and stepdad because I felt like they should know (and my mom's great and totally supportive). So now I also worry that we'll get questions. Or at the very least I worry that they'll all be WONDERING every month. And if it takes a while for us to get pregnant again, then they'll know that we're having problems and ... ugh ... I kinda can't stand that. I'm a really private person in real life and am NOT cool with people getting into my intimate life.

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And my stepdad sat me down one night to say, in his most serious tone, "Kristin, If you have sex, you die."
Um. Wow. Seriously?? That's intense. My mom told me nothing about this topic, except to suggest birth control pills to help with my horrendous cramps when I was 19. She never had a miscarriage or birth loss, and had all 4 of her kids by the time she was 28. So I really don't know what to expect now.

PiePie, your friend sounds a little self-absorbed. I know how stressful wedding planning is, but still... it's not a contest, and it's too bad she'd be more worried about your appearance in her wedding instead of being happy for you!
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Old 11-07-2006, 12:47 PM
 
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Thanks for the welcome.

SarahJen, welcome. And I'm sorry for your loss as well.

PiePie, I'd be completely put off with your friend too. How could someone not want a pg bridesmaid? It's as if a bridesmaid was some kind object to show off, instead of a friend who's there to help you.:


Well, for my mom, the scare tactics were a little different. She's very religious (which I guess is obvious: 12 kids ).....so it really was more like - premarital sex= mortal sin and all that. She was definitely a virgin when she got married, and was pg w/in a month...and the first 7 kids are all about 14 months apart, so I don't think she ever had any problems getting pg. After the 7th, I think maybe she figured out that it's better to BF for a little longer, so they were 2 years apart from then on.

Anyway, I really never had any sex talks with my mom, b/c by the time I was getting married (or by the time I started having sex, really), I was long gone from her house. I did hear her say about my brother and his wife (who had their first child 7 years after they were married) that she was almost heartbroken (over the possibility over them not having kids, I guess)....so I'm wondering now if she's almost heartbroken over us. She's not asking though, which is good.


We haven't really told anyone we're ttc. Well, that was the plan at least. I have kind of hinted to two friends that we are. For one, it was b/c we were on a roadtrip for the weekend, and everyone was asking why I wasn't drinking (). She really just came out and asked if we were. Actually, everyone assumes that you're already pg and just 'not telling yet'. That is getting to be annoying.

But we generally aren't planning to tell anyone until the 2nd trimester. We'll see. If it takes a while to conceive, I can see myself telling people, for support.

I was hoping, originally, to be far enough along to be able to tell our families at Thanksgiving or Christmas. Now, that's probably not going to happen. But I think it'll be hard either way. If I do get pg before then, it'll be hard not to tell, and if we don't, I'll be very emotional. :

So right now, I'm going through a slightly delayed ovulation (cd19, no O yet), so I'm already worried since Thanksgiving is in two weeks. Either I'll just be finding out around then (which would be nice of course, but hard not to tell people) or I'll have AF, which will put me in a really bad mood.

eta: ATD_mom, thanks for all the info on the diva cup!

Mama to J (Apr 01 '08) and N (Feb 13 '10)
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Old 11-07-2006, 12:49 PM
 
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Hi--we're sitting out this cycle, but ordering the next Swim Team as soon as I bleed.

Diva Cup: Yes, love it, and evangelize it whenever I can.

TTC secret: It's no secret. Everyone knows we're trying to get me knocked up.
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Old 11-07-2006, 01:40 PM
 
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SECRECY: A lot of people know or suspect. I only tell in answer to a direct question, and then I'm vague -- "soon-ish" or, when pressed, "soon." I'm so child-crazy it's no secret. DH told his dad we would start in 2007, I was so shocked! I am not telling family. My mom never talked about sex with me (too repressed!!) so I don't expect she will ask. She warned me against getting pregnant on our honeymoon -- I told her there was no chance because I was on strong antimalarials.

Once we hit the bullseye, we don't intend to tell anyone (except you guys ) for the 1st 12 weeks. I can't wait to send out the mass email! I have already thought about the recipient list and the wording (and the birth announcement)...
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Old 11-07-2006, 03:04 PM
 
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We only told a couple of close friends that we were TTC, and while I havent come out and told my mom that we'd been trying, I said she'd be the third to know if we got pg (after myself, and DH, of course ) so I think she knows we are trying. And at this point (it's been 14 months) I'm just not sure how to explain without breaking down or something, so I just haven't. Mostly when people ask, I make a crack about how "practice makes perfect" or something, which seems to halt that topic of conversation.

PiePIe - I'll concure with the Bridezilla comment. And what is with the "competition" thing? I had a friend do the same thing - she got married in January, and when we got engaged in march, she was like, "You're just copying me!" : (when in fact, I'd been ready to be engaged long before that, but DH is a conservative guy, who wanted to be dating for a year before the ring, and that March (late feb, but who's counting?) marked the 1 year point. )

I never liked tampons, so I never really looked into a Diva Cup, I had planned to make some cloth pads because I like the crunchy-friendly aspect of that.

cattiebrie - that is some *serious* negative energy. Any way you can avoid the guy, or maybe warn his GF? : I had a friend like that (see above - yup, same person! ) who claims to hate kids, and actually asked about getting her tubes tied when she was 25. (Dr told her go come back when she was 30, in case she changed her mind, and gave her an alt. method until then) Needless to say, I cut all ties with this person, because she was just *so* negative! I think I'd only kept her around cause we'd been "friends" since the 1st grade, so perhaps it was just a bad habit?
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Old 11-07-2006, 03:11 PM
 
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I just remembered a good tip a friend of mine with two little boys gave me recently. I was telling her that I was going to have a hard time if anyone started asking me if we were trying for kids. She told me to report to them that "Oh yes! In fact, we tried this morning, twice, and we're trying again as soon as I get home!" or something that's WAAAAY TMI. They'll probably be so embarrassed they won't ask again!!
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Old 11-07-2006, 03:32 PM
 
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beckyphry: rolling on the floor laughing
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Old 11-07-2006, 04:06 PM
 
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"so perhaps it was just a bad habit?"
That's exactly what this negative person is, a bad habit. He's almost completely out of my life now though. DH is the type to think that everyone has some redeeming quality, so he's still talking to the guy lol. It's sweet and annoying at the same time ha.

"They'll probably be so embarrassed they won't ask again!!"
lmao! Just hope it doesn't backfire and they want to give advice on that haha
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Old 11-07-2006, 04:10 PM
 
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We had been mentioning it to people who ask, although i kind of regret it now (it was almost a year ago that we started ttc). People have been really great about not asking, thank goodness.

Quote:
She told me to report to them that "Oh yes! In fact, we tried this morning, twice, and we're trying again as soon as I get home!" or something that's WAAAAY too TMI. They'll probably be so embarrassed they won't ask again!!
my dh was hassled by a friend and neighbor every time she saw him, until he finally said, "Maybe we're doing something wrong. Perhaps you should come by and give us some pointers." Not a word since then.

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Old 11-07-2006, 04:32 PM
 
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I've actually joked about giving people TMI if they ask. I even warned DH that at Christmas, if I'm in a bad place (ie, AF just arrived that day or something) and was cranky about it, that he needed to stick by me, otherwise my answer (to the "pregnant yet?" questions) was likely to be something really rude like, "As a matter of fact, we've been trying for about 16 months now. I've been charting my tempurature, my cervical fluid, and my cervical position. I've been drinking green tea, grapefruit juice and taking evening primrose. I've seen a dr and a midwife. I've been MRI'd. Xray'd, and ultrasounded, and DH even spanked it into a cup at work to get his sperm checked out, and everything checks out, so we don't know whats wrong yet, thanks for asking!" He thinks that might be a bit extreme, but hey, catch me on a bad day, and thats what you're likely to hear. :
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Old 11-07-2006, 05:31 PM
 
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This thread has taken off! I haven't checked for a few days and it looks like I need to be more consistent! Excellent! I love having women around that are my age-ish and going through what we're all going through.

Still waiting... I think I'm 13 or 14 dpo, cd 28. I'm officially late, but that doesn't mean much as we took clomid this month and I O'd late. No symptoms either way. My gut - nope. Who knows maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised.

I'll let ya'll know. And by the way, I LOVE that there are all us 80's geeks on here! My kids (I'm a middle school counselor) think it's so "retro" and I just chuckle and think - wasn't that just yesterday that I was rockin' out to Wham UK?

Okay got a kid in my office, I'll let ya'll know if this was the month.

shannon
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Old 11-07-2006, 05:46 PM
 
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okay, WHAM confession...

i got "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael in my head the other day, and it wouldn't go away... (this smilie is doubling as incognito).

Busy mama of
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Old 11-07-2006, 05:55 PM
 
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"DH even spanked it into a cup at work to get his sperm checked out, and everything checks out, so we don't know whats wrong yet, thanks for asking!"
Sorry, but that's really funny. I totally understand the curiosity, but it's just SUCH an invasive thing to ask about. It blew my mind when co-workers of mine (men, no less) started asking me if we were going to have kids even before we got married. I was like "oh wow, is this how it is now? Everyone thinks they should be privy to my intimate life??"
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Old 11-07-2006, 06:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Horribly busy day at work today, but I HAD to pop in and let you know that you ladies are cracking me up today! Thanks for making me laugh
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Old 11-07-2006, 06:08 PM
 
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okay, WHAM confession...

i got "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael in my head the other day, and it wouldn't go away... (this smilie is doubling as incognito).
My MIL brought over all of DH's old stuff from his room a few months back. I came upon FAITH, on cassette tape, in his stuff. I couldn't get over the fact that he once owned this. And he was an 11-year-old boy when it came out.

As soon as I found it, I put in in the stereo on full blast and lip-synched to it while dancing in front of him.

I also was really surprised to learn of the extended version of "I want your sex"...and the alternate lyrics. Huh...I never knew.


And this past weekend, while playing cranium, George Michael was one of the cards that came up for the impression category. I couldn't wait to stand up and start singing Faith. But, my opponent beat me to it by simply saying "father figure". (dh was the one to figure it out...big GM fan that he is.)

Mama to J (Apr 01 '08) and N (Feb 13 '10)
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Old 11-07-2006, 08:34 PM
 
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my answer (to the "pregnant yet?" questions) was likely to be something really rude like, "As a matter of fact, we've been trying for about 16 months now. I've been charting my tempurature, my cervical fluid, and my cervical position. I've been drinking green tea, grapefruit juice and taking evening primrose. I've seen a dr and a midwife. I've been MRI'd. Xray'd, and ultrasounded, and DH even spanked it into a cup at work to get his sperm checked out, and everything checks out, so we don't know whats wrong yet, thanks for asking!" :
OH MY GOD! I'm sitting in my office cracking up! I'm with you on that one. Someone asked me the other day (friday when I was having a clomid melt down!) how the fertility quest was going. I just glared and walked away - I figure the didn't need the whole gory story, but I am close.

thanks for lightening the day! - especially b/c I think I'm getting my #$%^ period!
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Old 11-07-2006, 08:47 PM
 
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Location: Southern California
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I have just had the worst day!!
Off Topic...
I'm a house keeper at a nursing home and we just got a new director last April. Everyone HATES him. He's such an anal retentive buttwad!! He's one of the those micro-managers that feels most comfortable jammed up your backside while telling you how to do your job.
Since he's been around my work load has doubled, but not my pay or the time I have to do it.
I was told today that I spend too much time goofing around and not enough time working.
Excuse me?
If I don't work then why does the new activies director think I'm the only housekeeper?
If I don't work then why don't I have time for breaks and sometimes even lunch?
If I don't work then why did everyone burst out laughing when I repeated this?
Then I found out what started it. 2 weeks ago I was mopping up BM off the bathroom floor and Buttwad came and told me to clean the ashtray out front. I said "Sorry, I forgot this morning, I'll do it later."
He said today "When I tell you to do something, you do it. This LATER business stops now!"
FU!!
Buttwad Buttwad Buttwad!! Yes I'm jumping up and down while I'm screaming this!! Thank you, you effing moron for making me see the value of quitting my job and raising my child on a remote desert island.
He also said he didn't like the way I was eating so much while I was working last month. I said "Oh...when I was pregnant?"
A-Hole!!

Then, to make matters worse...Fertility Friend won't acknowledge my ovulation!!!

I just know that my new director has somehow hacked into FF and stolen my crosshairs just to mess with my head!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I'm better now. How is your day?
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