TTC #1 in our 30s - Anyone? Bueller? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 402 Old 11-01-2006, 03:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay so there are lots of other threads on here that I "fit" with (TTC#1, the wonderful "One thread"), but I thought that it would also be good to have a thread dedicated those of us who for whatever reason have delayed TTC until our 30s.

My name is Emily. DH and I were married 3 years ago, but have been together for 11 years! We have put off TTC for various reasons such as "the time isn't right" (I was in graduate school working on my PhD, DH was traveling a lot for work) and DH not quite being ready (still not sure he is 100% 'ready', but at least he is willing!). We are both 33 and are on a third cycle TTC (CD11 for me today, still waiting to O). My cycles are normally about 30 days (ranging between 28-33 days), but I only recently started charting and checking CF so I am not sure if they are fertile cycles or not. Right now we aren't going anything other than charting and BDing (no meds, no herbs, no OPK) but if this month is a bust we may change our minds about that.

Right now I am feel optimistic that we will conceive some time in the next year, but I do worry that maybe we waited a bit too long. What if we can't get pg? What if we want more than one? I also worry about what happens when i do get pg. Will we have the energy to deal with a child? How will it effect our relationship (it's been only the two of us, plus our fur babies for so long)? Is this going to mess up my career? I know all of these thoughts are normal, but it feel good to share and know that DH and I are not alone in this journey. Wishing lots of to all of us TTC#1 in our 30s
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#2 of 402 Old 11-01-2006, 06:10 PM
 
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Hey...I can so relate. I'm 38, my guy is 44 and we've just decided that there is no 'right time' so we better get this done before we need walkers. LOL

For us the reasons where more emotional. My mother was very ill (both mentally and physically) for the last 4 years of her life and I, being her only unmarried daughter, got the job of being the primary care giver. I swear, I don't think I ovulated, let alone had sex for the entire 4 years. :

Then we finally got our own place and money is kind of tight.

It's been just us and the dogs and cats for 12 years. It's going to be different not being the center of my own universe one a baby gets here.

I also worry about leaving it too late. If I pregnant this cycle, I'll still 56 when he/she graduates from high school. My mother was 58 when I was 33. And if I decided to have 2, I'd have to have them back to back.
As it is now I feel like I don't have the energy to do my job, how can I chase a child all over the place.

But more importantly, how can I not? How can I grow old and die and not have a family of my own?
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#3 of 402 Old 11-01-2006, 08:05 PM
 
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Hi! Good idea for this thread, Emily.

I'm Becky, I'm 31 and will turn 32 in January. My husband is 27. We've been together for 9 years, married for one. For us, it was just about waiting until we were married, and I needed time to really get over my fear of becoming a parent. We were young when we got together, and it took quite a while for my husband to be ready for marriage. He's actually been ready for kids a lot longer than I've been! I went off the pill in May 06 and started charting, but we weren't TTC. We tried for the first cycle in September and I got pregnant! But I miscarried, sadly, and that just finished up last week. So now I'm back to waiting to ovulate.

Even though I'm "only" 31, I worry about my fertility, about being able to maintain a pregnancy, and about having a second child. From charting I know that I have a short LP, and I'm afraid that because we only just started TTC my doctor won't do anything about it until it's been a year. I'm basically a big worrywart!! My mother had 4 kids under the age of 10 when she was my age! Losing my first pregnancy made me realize how bad I really do want kids, and I feel SUCH an urgency to get pregnant again NOW. We're going to wait this cycle out and see if I ovulate and what AF looks like, but I do want to start trying again after that.
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#4 of 402 Old 11-01-2006, 08:52 PM
 
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Hi! Count me in!!!! I'll be brief, b/c um, I have ewcm and DH is around...

But thanks for starting this thread!!!

Me, 33 almost 34, DH 28 almost 29. TTC#1, fourth cycle, freaked out I'm sterile or going through early menopause....you know the deal. I skipped temping this month, since I seem to ovulate regularly and temping was making us both batty. All of my friends have teenagers now and all got pg on accident. UGH!! So they think I'm a little off, but happily and anxiously awaiting a BFP with me.

It's good not to feel alone!!! If 60 is the new fifty, 30 is the new 20, right

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#5 of 402 Old 11-01-2006, 09:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Go Ann go! Catch that eggie! We can wait and learn more about you during the TWW. DH is out of town right now otherwise I'd be BDing right along with you (BTW that didn't sound kinky in my head, but re-reading it...)

Becky, you already know that I think you are awesome and that my fingers are crossed for you.

Kittty Kat
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#6 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 04:48 PM
 
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Is there no one else in their 30s TTC number one? Really?
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#7 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 04:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know Becky, apparently we are freaks!
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#8 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 05:33 PM
 
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I just turned 30 in Sept, and we'd been trying for a year already then, but I guess I'm TTC #1 in my 30's now. Jeez - where did time go? Honestly, if I'd had any clue it would take over a year I'd have started trying on our wedding night. Hell, at least it would have avoided all the condoms we "wasted" for our first 3 years married.
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#9 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 05:38 PM
 
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Am I the oldest woman on this board trying to make a #1?
That's scary. LOL
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#10 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Happy belated birthday Ity!
Looks like we are cycle buddies this time around.
I totally hear you on that condom thing. I blame it all on high school sex ed. They really made me believe that all it took was one time of unprotected sex and BAM! pregnancy. Ha! Liars.
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#11 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 06:28 PM
 
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Then again...high school was 20 years ago for me. :
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#12 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 07:16 PM
 
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You guys are cracking me up!

Welcome, Ity!
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#13 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 08:53 PM
 
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Emily, thank you sooo much for starting this thread. I had considered doing so myself but then I feared that there would not be others and it would reinforce my fears of "Advanced Maternal Age." :

I am 35; DH is 39. We got married a little under a year ago and are now TTCing on our first cycle. I went off the pill recently and frankly I wish I had been better educated on the time lag it could possibly take for fertility to return. Nonetheless, I got a high reading on my fertility monitor, so I am optimistic!

I have had baby fever baaad forrreeever but it took me a long time to find a right guy. To be honest, I think my baby fever undermined my love life, because I put too much hope, and hence pressure, into relationships too early, because I soooo wanted it to work out so I could be a mommy. I wasn't until I gave myself permission to have (adopt) a baby whether I found a partner or not that I was able to focus on the full range of aspects of a relationship. And then I found my love.:

We want 2 children, approximately 2 years apart (might have wanted to spread them out little more but for age).

What gives me perspective is that I live in a place where a LOT of women have babies in their late 30s.

Check out the TTC#1 list and you will see that there are other 30-somethings.
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#14 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 09:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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PiePie - Welcome to the thread!
With "advanced maternal age" comes great wisdom....or something like that
Anyway, please know you are not alone. I am glad you live in a community with other "older" mamas. I am an academic myself so I also see quite a few women having baby # 1 in their 30s and 40s. Kind of gives me hope. Of course I didn't really know until I started getting on the board and such just how much effort goes in to making those later-in-life babies.

I had baby fever really, really, really badly in my early-mid 20s (like the actual physical craving for a baby) and I think it scared the crap out of my boyfriend (now DH) at the time. I had to get the baby fever under control before we were able to move on in our relationship too. I think I actually had to be okay with the idea that we might NOT have kids before DH could even consider the possibility (of course it doesn't hurt that most of his friends now have kids too). My current baby fever is much more of a mental and rational thank goodness.
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#15 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 10:52 PM
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I'm 1 month away from 34 & DH is 46 .. we have been together for 7 years & never thought it was the right time... we aren't ttc yet, but might start in Feb or March... I always thought i'd only want one, but now I think I want 2 or 3. I will want to have them one after another.

I'm taking these last few months before ttc to really get my body in optimal health so everything goes smoothly. I'm going to start tracking my charts now.

Oh.. this is our first, for both of us.
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#16 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 11:31 PM
 
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Hi, me too. I'm 35... It is taking a while to get preg. We've been trying for a little over a year. And I know that I am starting to feel the effects of aging in some ways--my body is a slightly different (less ewcm, for example--wrinkles, for another), my mind is different. But I am so much happier, healthier, well-balanced, and calm than I was when I was younger... And I enjoyed having a long time to be young. I have strong friendships and a real community. There is no comparing to be done, because things will be as there are, but I will enjoy being an "older" mom. And both DP and I are totally into it and in a good place in our lives. Not totally set, but secure enough in our paths and better able to handle curve balls.

I don't know too many younger moms in my life (though young moms are great--and there are some neat things about that relationship that I'll miss), so I don't feel out of the norm. I do know many people my age starting families. One thing that I am faced with more because I am a little older and ttc #1 is the odd knowledge that I might not be a mom. It's there. I think I'll be able to get pregnant, and so do my health-care providers, but it is an unknown.

It is funny to be on these boards though. I really respect and admire the women here, and I am always shocked to find out that they are not ten to fifteen years older than me, they are 10-15 years younger!
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#17 of 402 Old 11-02-2006, 11:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funnygrace View Post
It is funny to be on these boards though. I really respect and admire the women here, and I am always shocked to find out that they are not ten to fifteen years older than me, they are 10-15 years younger!
Yep. I don't really think of myself as old until I go places and see things like "To purchase alcohol you must have been born on or before this day in 1985". Then I think "1985! Holy crap! I remember 1985 vividly. How can those babies be drinking already! Good god I'm old". LOL

Anyway, welcome to the thread. I agree with you that being older has it's advantages in terms of having supportive stable friends and a real community.

Quote:
One thing that I am faced with more because I am a little older and ttc #1 is the odd knowledge that I might not be a mom. It's there. I think I'll be able to get pregnant, and so do my health-care providers, but it is an unknown.
I hear you on this too and I have to say it kind of scares the crap out of me.
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#18 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 12:11 AM
 
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um, no time_ to post_ still bding_+opk today at 4pm_hard_to_catch_breath_
DH and I are having lots of fun!!! I'll post soon! Glad to see all of you !!!

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#19 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 08:36 AM
 
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Count me in. My DH and I are both 32. We've been married for 11 years. We've known eachother since high school. Neither of us had nor wanted children... for various reasons. Over the course of this past year we decided that we're ready and want them now, so in mid-december we're going to begin TTC.
Good luck to everyone.
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I have a much younger girl friend who has a childhood, and an insane parent, similar to mine. We got to know each other before we really knew anything about each other. We just bonded over being jilted by a parent.
She asked why I didn't have kids and I was joking and said 'Too Old.'
Then I find out I'm 15 years older then this girl.
She's just turned 23 and now she thinks it's hilarious to call me Mom.
It's scary to think I really could be her mother and now I'm trying to give birth for the first time.
SCARY!
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#21 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 12:05 PM
 
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Another here!

I'm 32, DH is 30. We've been married just over a year. I'm amazed at so many of you who have been together/married for so long! We were married 8 months to the day after we met in person. (We knew each other via e-mail and phone for 8 months prior to meeting.) The only reason we are waiting - if 16 months after the wedding is considered waiting - is for visa reasons. I had to emigrate to his country first!

We, too, would like to have two children, about two years apart. Our plan is to wait until I have secured a job before TTC, but if that hasn't happened by January of 2007, we'll TTC anyway.
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#22 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 01:40 PM
 
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Hi! I'm 35 and a half (remember when you were a kid and that was how you introduced yourself?) My partner is 32. We've been together about 2 years now. I have to say I've never been in a relationship where I've wanted to have kids before. I know that he is the love of my life and that has changed everything for me. I am excited to start a family with him.

I accept that we may not be able to get pregnant (although to be honest I don't really know why not?) and if that is our lot well I'm happy with him and we can adopt. I watched a British film right at the time we decided to start tryingt his past Sept called Maybe Baby which is about a couple's struggle with infertility. After watching it we decided that if we can't get pregnant the old fashion way we'd think about adopting instead of going through all the hormonal treatments and stuff. I just don't have the emotional strength necessary to handle that. I mean just charting is making me crazy - tww sucks!

I also have thoughts about what it will mean to have a child join us. What it will me for me professionally? I fret about everything! I have been unemployed for just shy of 2 months and I am lost at home.... I've been working since before college and that seems to have shaped me! I'm wondering how I will cope with staying at home with my child? Of course I realize that it won't be the same as now but still...... anyway on Monday I start a new job and who knows maybe I'm already pregnant in which case it's going to be hard to face my new employer with the news.... ugh
sorry I'm just

Thanks for the forum! I think we face different fears when TTC #1 in our thirties.
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#23 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 02:06 PM
 
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I went to FF and looked up 38 years old with no meds and pregnant to compare charts. I feel alot better seeing that they have 200 charts just from this year. Most were successful in the first 4 months, some took around a year. The only info not given was how many other children all the woman had.

My mother was 57 when she died and she was just starting to have menapause issues. My sister is 4 years older then me and still going strong. And my grandmother had 2 babies in her teens, 1 baby at 39, and 1 baby at 42. (yes, I went to the same school at as my two aunts, at the same time. Calling AUNT SHERRY across the playground at lunch is a great way to get beat up. )
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#24 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 02:09 PM
 
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kittykat: thanks for the research on FF. encouraging!
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#25 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 03:06 PM
 
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I just had to share. I'm here at work and just had an employee (I'm one of 5 managers in my dept) in my office really ticked off about something, half-venting to me and half demanding solutions, and another employee was looking in. As I was talking to the ticked off employee, the one looking in piped up and said "you're gonna be a great mom" and said how calm and patient I was. : And no one at work even knows that we're ready to start a family, so that was sweet!

Welcome to all the new folks joining this thread! Yaaaay!
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#26 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 04:09 PM
 
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Hello All -

Great idea for this thread. I think the 30's is one of those strange ages to get pg. If you're in your early 30's everyone thinks relax you still have time, if you are 35+ your advanced maternal age - whatever that means.

Okay I'm going to be 37 in 17 days, my dh is 36. We've been ttc for close to 18 months. The first few months were kind of a bust b/c I didn't know what the heck I was doing - and dh wasn't sure he really wanted kids. For anyone reading please don't panic if you are just starting out and see that we've been ttc for so long. It is what it is. I think age has something to do with it - but not much. I've gotten all the tests done, including a clomid challenge test, and I'm healthy and "normal". Normal enough that my fertility RN told me I have the ovarian reserve of a 25 year old. So we're just a bit slower than others.

I never thought I would be ttc for so long. I'm in my 18+ tww and frankly it's just become a part of the monthly process. I wonder, look at symptoms, chart, hope, buy more glad rags and move on. Oh and I do something a great friend suggested when she was ttc. Every month that I'm not pg I add something new to the fertility quest, and do something nice for myself. She joined a wine of the month club, which cracked me up.

I really think the best thing for me during the journey has been how well I know my own body. It's pretty cool.

I've started clomid this month - which I swore I wouldn't do.... it's been interesting. Since I did the challenge test I took 100mg for 5 days. I've been a bit off, but nothing catastrophic. I think the hardest thing about the clomid has been the stimulating of my ovaries - I felt like they were the size of tennis balls.

i do think ttc in our 30's creates a unique set of things to look at and I'm glad this link was set up!

Here's to lots of baby dust this month!

shannon
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#27 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 04:11 PM
 
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Oh one last thing. If anyone is starting to find obstacles in the process and have questions about any of the medical tests please feel free to ask me. I've had a lot of them and dh had the semen analysis as well. So feel free to ask away!
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#28 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 05:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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foxey 13
hazieluna
ATD_mom
Cattbrie
B2* (I think I missed you the first time around...sorry!)

SO good to see this thread growing and gaining strength. I completely agree with foxey13

Quote:
I think the 30's is one of those strange ages to get pg. If you're in your early 30's everyone thinks relax you still have time, if you are 35+ your advanced maternal age - whatever that means.
Which is why I believe this thread is so important.

Where is everyone is their cycle? I am at CD13, still waiting to O. DH was out of town Mon until late last night so no BDing this past week. I pretty much attacked him when he came to bed at 3AM this morning. He was like "get off me, I'm so tired" (having just flown in from LA) but I persisted until sleep was no longer an option...hee hee.
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#29 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 06:11 PM
 
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Thanks
I'm on CD3. One more cycle to go before we can start working on it!
We haven't told any family and very few friends know we're going to be TTC. My mother (who lives next door to me, ugh) thought I lost my mind when I slipped and expressed excitement over AF showing up, as she's usually greeted with annoyance heh. It's funny how my priorities are already starting to change.
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#30 of 402 Old 11-03-2006, 06:18 PM
 
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I agree about the 30's being an odd time. Last year (at 29) I felt like I had all the time in the world, now I'm like - OMG! I have 10 years left! But I want like 10 kids! Oh no! (Ok, maybe not 10, but at least 4, maybe 5)

We havent really told anyone except 2 close friends. I just find it easier to not tell, and especially now as we are past the 12 month mark of trying, I'm just glad we never told many people, because I would hate to deal with a constant flow of "Arem't you pregnant yet?" and such. The people who need to know do, and I have you ladies here on MDC to talk to if need be, and I kinda like it that way.
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