TTC 6+ Months February Support Thread - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 05:13 PM
 
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Hi 6 plussers! I haven't posted here in a while, but I got a lovely little note from Angel1985 reminding us graduates to come check in on you! (Probably no one here remembers me, but I started the thread last year and was the first to get pregnant - moral of the story: go start a new TTC thread! ) After what seemed like an eternity TTC, I'm now almost 36 weeks pregnant, meaning I am almost 'term' and am good to go for my homebirth anytime after Wednesday.

So, reflections from pregnancy after 6+ months TTC. They say everything in life is a journey. How true. I can clearly remember the frustration, anger, depression, and hurt of TTC. I remember the days when AF would arrive, the times when we didn't time our BD perfectly, and the huge emotional ups and downs and breath-holding of every LP. I hated that feeling of another month wasted. Every month I would figure out what my EDD would be if that cycle was finally it and I would of course start thinking of what our lives would be like with a baby born that month. It was almost as if I went through a mourning period with each AF, mourning the plans that weren't to be.

But fast forward a million years and now here I am, on the cusp of birthing a baby. And I have to say that for all the pain and disappointment of all those lost cycles, I honestly couldn't imagine going through this any other way. This little one inside me is exactly the right person at the right time, not only for our family, but for himself and his plans for this world too. And I know that when he arrives, that mythical August baby, the October baby that I really wanted, and so on won't matter at all. What we will have will be exactly what is right for us. The hurt of the whole TTC process is gone. In fact, I think having gone through the long wait to get here helps me appreciate each little thing more.

So that's what things are looking like on the other side of the fence for me. I do wish that this thread was empty and that all of you were enjoying the beautiful pregnancies that you have wanted for so long. I know how much the waiting sucks.

The only sage piece of advice that I have to give you all is to let go. Now I know this is easier said then done (especially maybe coming from a pregnant woman), but I really believe there is something to this. Look deep inside yourselves and try to pinpoint that one (or four) little thing that is holding you back. What is the source of your frustration within the whole TTC framework? Is it your age, the timing, the age difference between your kids, the loss of the way you envisioned this would go? Find that thing, work through your feelings about it, and let it go. But you have to let it go for real - not in a just saying so and trying to fool the universe into pitying you sort of way (doesn't work like that, trust me ). For me, I finally realized that I was really holding onto the idea of a little girl. I wanted a dd so badly that I had closed myself off to the option of accepting the spirit that wanted to come to us, whatever gender s/he wanted to be. And now look who is having a boy.

The cycle that I got pregnant was the first cycle where I was honestly ok with not having another kid. I found other things in my life that needed attention, things that I wanted to do for myself as my own person. I went out drinking all night, inhaled a ton of smoke, and ate a bunch of crappy food right before O - things I would never have done any other cycle and I enjoyed every second of it. We made love because we both wanted to instead of preforming the BD duty because FF said it was time. I let go fully and completely and then it happened.

Ok, I didn't realize this was turning into a novel! I wish all of you the best of luck in your journeys. Remember to take the time to take care of yourselves. Clear a space in your heads where you think about something other than TTC that you enjoy and immerse yourselves in that. And know that your baby spirits are each trying to find you as much as you are trying to find them. It might not happen how or when you expected it to, but it will happen.




Oh, and PS - If the bfp list is going in chronological order, your should switch Arwyn and Didkisa. (I got mine first but waited for bloodwork before calling it and Arwyn called hers in the meantime.) And Willzmama is on your TTC list but she is 24 weeks and due in May! I think she stopped posting for a while and probably forgot to come back and update.
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#122 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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13dpo and cd28 and BFN

I couldn't help myself. I had a $tree test in the closet. I'm surprisingly ok. I totally knew it deep down. I just didn't feel it and my signs all pointed to wicked PMS. I'm excitedly looking forward to seeing the acupuncturist thursday. She said if AF showed up she could start me on some herbs to help out. Maybe I'll get into the Nov DDC with the rest of you. Otherwise I do feel angry and jealous and heartbroken and all of the other feelings I'm sure we all get each month.

Allisonrose - I bet it was nice to hear the acup say that about 2 months. My AP told me originally that it takes on average 3 months total to regulate the hormones through acupuncture. I had my first appointment right before O time this month so this next time will be my first full cycle with treatment. I've got : for both of us.

Tara - Mother to Curtis 12/04 and Clark 11/07
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#123 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 05:50 PM
 
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Paisley, I just want to thank you for such a Wonderful post. Thanks! That was so thoughtful and nice and I really appreciate your thoughts on the subject. Really wonderful. That was a neat side note about the wanting a girl thing. Very neat.

Congratulations and good luck on your delivery, may it be fast and painless, or as close to that as possible.
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#124 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 06:27 PM
 
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Just another grad popping in. I'm so glad to see there are many more recent graduates!

Quote:
Originally Posted by paisley View Post
This little one inside me is exactly the right person at the right time, not only for our family, but for himself and his plans for this world too. And I know that when he arrives, that mythical August baby, the October baby that I really wanted, and so on won't matter at all. What we will have will be exactly what is right for us.
: The timing, as much as it wasn't what we'd originally planned for (or planned as a 2nd, 3rd, 10th choice...), is working out so unbelievably well, that, well, we couldn't have planned it this great.

I have so much I want to say, but I think Paisley said all I could and wanted to and don't have the words for. TTC (for a long time, anyway) sucks, but it was also an enjoyable part of the journey, in its own way. I almost miss temping (not enough to have kept it up for more than a couple weeks post-BFP, though! ). I don't miss the anxiety, the craziness, the hopelessness, the nutso short LPs, the days of temp crashes and bleeding starting. But I do very much appreciate being able to look back and remember the crazyintense longing and the determination and the, well, fun of trying, especially on those days when (remember, this is my first) I'm stuck in the " We're going to have a WHAT? Why are we doing this? Are we insane???" phases.

I can't give advice on how to make it work - I don't know how it worked, although I know I didn't make it. It just happened, when it happened. All I did was open myself up to the possibility - again, and again, and again, and... And I know it sucks right now. And it may not stop sucking for a very long time. And I can't even say it all works out in the end. But I can say (quoting a dear friend of mine, who went through a hell I can't even imagine for her child) "When the world says give up, hope whispers 'try one more time'." I can't say it'll be worth it for you. But it was worth it for me.

s and for all of you, a million billion times over.
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#125 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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tara: I'm so sorry hon! What kind of herbs did the ap say she'd start you on?

Yes, paisley, thank you. It was a nice thing to remember how it was when i got pg with dd. All the troubles and heartache were worth every second. As it will be this time.

eta: thanks to arwyn too, for the quote. I got all sappy and cried.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#126 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 06:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwyn View Post
"When the world says give up, hope whispers 'try one more time'."
Just made me cry too.
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#127 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 07:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by angel1895 View Post
thank you for all the well wishes... I'm feeling so elated right now.. cause my body is working... yay!
I just recently got to experience this kind of relief when I o'd... CONGRATS!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jillybeans View Post
My line last night(five hours after the maybe +) was very negative. I lined em up and this is what i got(pardon the bad pics)
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v4...e/IMG_0791.jpg

So I'm hoping that it was indeed +, that i caught the end of the surge, and that I'll see a temp rise tomorrow. :
The Sun 1pm test looked definately positive to me!

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So that's what things are looking like on the other side of the fence for me. I do wish that this thread was empty and that all of you were enjoying the beautiful pregnancies that you have wanted for so long. I know how much the waiting sucks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arwyn View Post
"When the world says give up, hope whispers 'try one more time'."
Thanks for sharing with us ladies... it gives me hope to hear your successes

I haven't been posting much lately... I've been slack about temping, and not really wanting to bd as much as usual. I guess the ttc has gotten me down a bit... I figure it is best to just keep working on my body and let what happens happen... I just don't have the energy to obsess right now.

I'm really sick of people telling me all of the reasons I don't need a baby right now, as though it should make me feel better, so there aren't many people irl I can chat with.

My brother's wife called the other day and informed me she is pg... she's malnourished, a big fan of all things I feel are abusive to childrens spirits... and she's blessed with a baby? Seriously?! I know it is arrogant and selfish to feel this way, but I do... another thing to work on, I guess.

Hope everyone is going well,
~Valarie~

~Mom to Sy (3), #2 Due Jan 2014, GF to Pork, Psych grad student, Judoka~

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#128 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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... they werent supposed to tell

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#129 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 07:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ValarieR View Post
My brother's wife called the other day and informed me she is pg... she's malnourished, a big fan of all things I feel are abusive to childrens spirits... and she's blessed with a baby? Seriously?! I know it is arrogant and selfish to feel this way, but I do... another thing to work on, I guess.

Hope everyone is going well,
~Valarie~
Hi. I'm a shameless stalker of your chart. I do not think that's arrogant and selfish at all. I've had that happen to me twice...by the same person. It isn't fair at all. The sad thing is that they never seem to appreciate the gift of motherhood. I guess I can't say much other than i've been there, and when you do get pg(and you will! Say it! No really, say it!) you will love that child more than any child has ever been loved. And you'll give that child gifts of love that many will never experience. And I believe that somehow, some way, that makes up for bad parents. If that made any sense at all.

I guess I see our struggles as a way of teaching us to appreciate our children in a way those that haven't struggled can't. Not saying they don't, but it's different.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#130 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 07:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just made me cry too.
wow.. thank you so much for posting that paisley and arwyn... It is so good to hear something from the other side of where we all want to be

thank you

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#131 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ValarieR View Post
My brother's wife called the other day and informed me she is pg... she's malnourished, a big fan of all things I feel are abusive to childrens spirits... and she's blessed with a baby? Seriously?! I know it is arrogant and selfish to feel this way, but I do... another thing to work on, I guess.
it is arrogant and selfish... but I feel the same way too... and we have a right.. because we are all trying really hard... and others hardly try and BAM... they get a bean...

*sigh*

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#132 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 07:38 PM
 
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hey angel: how's that spotting going? :

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#133 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 07:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hey angel: how's that spotting going? :
its.. going... lol... still not enough to call it cd 1.. maybe tomorrow.

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#134 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone mind me going through and editing the first post...

would that be ok.. I dont want to do something people will be upset about

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#135 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 08:00 PM
 
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:

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#136 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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doesn't bother me, but i'm a newb.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#137 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 08:02 PM
 
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Bah - you disappear for a day and NOW everybody gets all talkative. Jeez...

Holy new people - I missed a whole bunch of names, but welcome to everybody. I apoligize for not being more personal but if I tried to get everybody I'd be here all night and I've got to get some work done too (plus dinner, cause I'm hungry!).

Thanks to all the grads who came over to let us know how things are going. It's positive thoughts to think that all of this can pay off (especially if you're sitting here totally childless, no offense to those of you with little ones).

Tara - so sorry bout the bfn. But you don't have af yet so try to keep positive. You never know, right?

Crystal - almost af huh? As long as it keeps going it should be good (an end is in sight!).

Valerie - I don't call that arrogant or selfish. I call it karma being misplaced. Somebody needs to send a memo.

Jill - yay for o'ing.

Sarah - almost o'ing?

Kat (and Allison? I think) - hopefully your tests show you some useful results (instead of more question marks).

Sorry to those I missed (I know there were some)...

So... 10 dpo. Cramps in the middle of the day? Probably to late for implantation. Do you get cramps if you're pregnant? Or is that just a solid indicator of af coming (especially with the clomid). Ah, bugger... to bad I don't have any temps to obsess over (just kidding, I feel a bit saner, actually). It's very odd (maybe it's the clomid - gee, I love blaming everything on the clomid!) but for once, I really, really, really, REALLY want to test. This is a bad idea (and waste of an hpt) so I will wait PATIENTLY (I mean it!). Teneal, no trying to convince me otherwise - test day is Saturday if af doesn't show!

Mama to Aeden, : my little NICU grad and Conner and Liam () my precious twins. is due mid April!
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#138 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 08:05 PM
 
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"When the world says give up, hope whispers 'try one more time'."
Chalk me up for a cry-a-thon. Thanks to the grads for remind me why I'm going through this and that it's all worth it. I was having a truly rotten day today and these few posts kind of gave me the release I needed.

I'll be back later for some personals, I have to go get my head together.
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#139 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 09:32 PM
 
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Angel, I think it is a neat idea that you are going through the names and trying to update. I wish you were the threadkeeper all the time!
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#140 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 09:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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do you want me to be :

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#141 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 09:46 PM
 
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Ok I'm calmed down

Tara I'm sorry about your bfn but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you until af shows. Stay positive and keep doing what you've been doing.

Fruitful Welcome!

lily the blood test is for progesterone and prolactin. I have that and a day three one scheduled, if I don't O before Friday when I go in I'm going to make an appointment to see him and just tell him I'm not waiting 71 days again until I see day three.

Susykat I hope your hsg goes well!

Ity I hope you're hanging in there. I really hope this month the clomid makes something happen for you so you don't need to go through any more testing.

Jilly for the +opk, you're probably right about the one I took last night being too diluted, maybe that's my problem because I do drink a lot of water. Maybe I'll just stick to waiting for my temps to go up, I feel like every time I get a - I'm psyching my body OUT of Oing if that's possible.

Crystal how's that spotting coming?

Theresa we miss you!

Elk Looking good! Do you ever have spotting mid cycle like that?

Christy the month I conceived I felt cramps the whole two weeks until I tested. I hope so much that this is it for you.

Crystal I want to say a special thank you for the extra you've put in as threadkeeper this month (already! it's only the 5th, what other surprises do you have for us?: ). I think sometimes I get so wrapped up in the whole ttc thing and thinking about my m/c that I forget what I'm doing this all for and hearing the updates kind of puts it in perspective I guess. I have to remind myself that there's life going on around me now and there'll be life going on later and this is one part of it and yes it's HUGE but it's not the only thing. I feel like I'm racing against the clock right now, trying to get there before my would have been due date, my next birthday, and I have to remind myself that I can't force this, it'll happen when it happens and IT WILL happen.

Now on the other hand, these negative OPKs are doing my head in
Love to you all
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#142 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 09:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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spotting.. not much different than yesterday.. just more red... not enough yet for cd 1... but it cant be far off

I'm loving threadkeeper... I got to move a whole bunch of people today ... they were old news that just never got updated.. but still.. I did it

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#143 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 10:01 PM
 
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omfg - I am so angry right now there are just not words to fully express it. That whole deal with the lovely state law that mandates that insurance covers infertility treatments? We're an exemption to that. Something about self-insuring places not having to follow that law. I'm so pissed off right now I can't even speak outloud.

I'm not having kids. We can't afford to do it on our own, we can't afford adoption, and th e"old-fashioned way" ain't working.

I guess I've got to come to terms with that somehow, cause I now am officially out of options. : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :
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#144 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 10:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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giant hugs barbara

I'm sure something will happen for you...

Crys - mom to DS, C (6/04) expecting twins 2/23/13 joy.gif

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#145 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 10:21 PM
 
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Oh Barbara, I wish there was something I could say.
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#146 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 10:38 PM
 
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Oh Barbara... I hope something miraculous comes your way.

Mama to Aeden, : my little NICU grad and Conner and Liam () my precious twins. is due mid April!
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#147 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 10:41 PM
 
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Barbara I'm so so sorry, that just plain sucks. Is there some other department you can call with in the insurance company? Insurances don't cover it at all here I mean as a state law. Mine is military insurance and it only covers meds......no type of insemination weather it be intrauterine or artificial. Bleh, I'm sorry, if I could come over and give you a big hug right now I would.

Tara don't stop imagining your October baby girl.......that witch isn't here just yet..........she might not show up.

Christy You are correct, I would totally try to pressure you into testing.......I've got to live vicariously thru you guys since I'm not getting a bfp......ya know? I guess I can wait til Sat tho...hehe

Christy I had cramps every month during pregnancy at the same time that would have been AF if I was not pregnant. So the answer is YES cramps are totally normal.

Sarah I hope you O soon girl friend!

Jilly Hope you caught it!!!

Lily I totally understand, I'm on CD7 and just kinda here. It's way too early for O and I'm not anxiously awaiting the 2ww....ya know?

Valerie So not selfish on your part........I have a relative that I don't think needs more children and she just keeps spittin' em out. Hugs!!!

Graduates Hi to you all and thanks for stopping by and showing us all how determination pays off!!! YAY! for you!

Well, DS has to have his tonsillis and adnoids removed on the 20th and DD has to have her tubes removed and replaced since she has lost 35% of her hearing from the clogged up sh!t. On the 20th everyone will be soooo grumpy here, but we won't have Scarlet fever and strep anymore!!! WAHOOOOO!! I'm just hanging out here waiting to O in like 11 or 12 days. DH will be home for the 5 days leading up to O and the day of......We will catch that egg........I'm banking on it this time. Remember my # 11 around what I was told would be a boy? 11th month TTC or born in month 11 which happen to conincide with NOW and 9 months from now.................I will get pregnant, I will get pregnant and i will hold our baby I will hold our baby!!!!

Tenk ~ happily married with lots of kids

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#148 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 11:19 PM
 
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barbara: something HAS to come up. I'm keepin the faith for you.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#149 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 11:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tenk View Post
Barbara I'm so so sorry, that just plain sucks. Is there some other department you can call with in the insurance company? Insurances don't cover it at all here I mean as a state law. Mine is military insurance and it only covers meds......no type of insemination weather it be intrauterine or artificial. Bleh, I'm sorry, if I could come over and give you a big hug right now I would.
Nope - we're not covered. So basically, I'm completely and officially out of options. This sucks more than anything has ever sucked for me. There just aren't words. Basically my entire hope for having a kid hinges on this damn month and this last dose of Clomid. I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't work.
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#150 of 728 Old 02-05-2007, 11:45 PM
 
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Fruitful - Sorry I forgot you earlier. Welcome!

Christy - Here's hoping those cramps mean something GOOD. I'll have my fingers crossed and watch eagerly on Saturday!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SarahJen View Post
Elk Looking good! Do you ever have spotting mid cycle like that?
I've been wracking my brain to remember... It isn't much at all, so I didn't mark it as officially spotting and that means I probably wouldn't have in other months. So maybe this is different???

Ditto SJ on Thanks to Crystal for the thread-keeping work!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ItyBty View Post
omfg - I am so angry right now there are just not words to fully express it. That whole deal with the lovely state law that mandates that insurance covers infertility treatments? We're an exemption to that. Something about self-insuring places not having to follow that law. I'm so pissed off right now I can't even speak outloud.
I am so, so, sorry Barbara. This news just sucks and you are right to be pissed... I will be thinking of you this week, hoping for good news this cycle and hoping some new options appear.
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