devastating news...m/c mentioned - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 07:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
Abylite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 1,252
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I'm back on the TTC boards...although it'll be a few months before I can see us being emotionally and physically ready to TTC again.

I'm afraid I need to vent. We lost our baby yesterday.

We went in for our 12 week OB appt and we were hoping to "hear" the baby's heartbeat. When she couldn't find it, she u/s (both abd and vag) me and there was no heartbeat. We couldn't believe it. We had a nice strong heartbeat at 7 weeks. I look and feel pregnant. This was totally shocking to us. The baby measured at about 10 1/2 weeks, so it must have happened fairly recently. I did have some dark brown spotting over the weekend, (read post) and didn't think too much of it.

We will be having a "full" workup on ourselves and the fetus since this is our second m/c. I don't know what to think.

I had a D and C yesterday and it went as good as a D and C can go. I'm not able to sleep tonight (it's 3:00 in the morning!!) maybe due to the drugs. I did loose alot of blood.

This is "worse" than the first time since we thought we were getting out of the "danger period". How can I trust my body again??

It's not fair. I know that on a spiritual level there are no mistakes and that things happen for a reason. It's sure hard to "digest" that right now. I am completely devastated. How could this happen again?????

Have any of you been through this and have had children? Any good grief books- that are more on a "spiritual level?"

Thanks for listening to me and letting me vent.
Abylite is offline  
#2 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 08:55 AM
 
coleslaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: finding my way
Posts: 1,987
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Abylite,



I am so sorry for your loss. How devestating for you and your dh. I hope the two of you take time to heal from this together. Hopefully family and friends will be supportive, too.

Unfortunately, I have no knowledge of helpful books, but I would check the book list here or the list through LLL. They tend to have some good choices on all sorts of topics.

Please take care.
coleslaw is offline  
#3 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 09:19 AM
 
LisaG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,345
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh Abylite,

My heart goes out to you and dh. Please be gentle with yourselves. I wonder if it isn't asking a lot of yourself to make sense of things on a spiritual level just yet, with all the emotions of grieving and shock. Although I can certainly understand wanting to make sense of it all.

Hopefully your testing can give you some answers.

Please know that you're both in my thoughts and prayers.

Take good care of yourself.

Lisa

Lisa , married to Dan, mama to IVF miracle Natalie 5/20/09 :
LisaG is offline  
#4 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 09:48 AM
 
Lucky Charm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: brett favre's house
Posts: 7,753
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Abylite,
I am so very sorry. I know the heartbreak you are experiencing. I had two miscarriages, although they were not "in a row". I know some folks wont recommend the "workup", but i recommend it. I think you will feel better knowing....even if nothing comes of it, kwim?

This kind of sadness does not necessarily go away, i "moved on", meaning, I am thinking about it right now and am very sad. Yes, i have three healthy children, but i still wonder about "what could have been". I too felt "worse" after my second miscarriage....like you i was "past" my danger period and gotten one heck of a flu, meaning the baby was a keeper. imagine my suprise and horror when i started spotting at 15 weeks. It was awful, and i shudder almost 6 years later thinking about it.

Eat small meals, sip some hot tea, put your feet up, rest. Let yourself feel and grieve, cry and sob. do not hold it in. come here as often as you need, to "talk" about it and share. we are here for you, for as long as it takes.

hugs to you, Lisa
Lucky Charm is offline  
#5 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 10:07 AM
 
dancinggirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: RI
Posts: 445
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ohh Abylite s I am so so sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself
dancinggirl is offline  
#6 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 10:54 AM
 
girrllie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 615
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm soooo sorry - HUGS to you. I think I miscarried over the past weekend, but the pain is worse if you've already heard a heartbeat (I hadn't). I totally feel for you.

I have a friend who conceived after four miscarriages! She had to see a specialist and do some progesterone to maintain the pregnancy. But she's now due any day with her first. There is hope!

Maybe you could do a closure type of ritual with some of your friends? You could light some candles and read some passages that are significant for you. Or bury something or plant a tree with some friends. One of my friends suggested this to me and it may help on a spiritual level. Just an idea.

I'll think about your all day and send healing vibes your way.
girrllie is offline  
#7 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 12:05 PM
 
Oceanone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 4,381
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Abylite,

I am profoundly sorry for your loss.

Give yourself all the time and space you need to come to what terms you can with the loss of your baby.

Please feel all of our care and support. I wish there was some way to make this easier for you.

Gentle, gentle hugs and prayers to you and your dh.

Mama to 12, and 9 and 3. 
Oceanone is offline  
#8 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 12:34 PM
 
its_our_family's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: does it really matter?
Posts: 9,297
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I posted in the Loss forum and I sent you a pm....

Single Mom to 2 amazing little men. T(7) and B(5)
its_our_family is offline  
#9 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 12:55 PM
Administrator
 
adinal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 24,811
Mentioned: 16 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 68 Post(s)
OH honey. I am so sorry. I don't have words. .
Just know that we are here if you need us and thinking of you. Be very good to yourself.

Much love.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

adinal is offline  
#10 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 01:05 PM
 
chrissy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: north carolina
Posts: 5,770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh Abylite, I am so so sorry. I will be thinking of you and sending you healing thoughts and prayers.


Chrissy, lucky mama to Noah (9), Lilah (6), Rowan (3) and Laney (1).
chrissy is offline  
#11 of 14 Old 05-21-2003, 01:47 PM
 
SpringRain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: in a temperate rainforest
Posts: 1,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Abylite, sweetie, I'm so sorry! This is my worst nightmare right now and I can't even begin to know what you are going through. Please be gentle with yourself. I'm sending you healing thoughts.

Mom to dd1 7/00 reading.gif, dd2 12/03 upsidedown.gif, and ds 2/07 afro.jpg - home forever 9/07
In raising my children, I have lost my mind but found my soul. -Lisa T. Shepherd
SpringRain is offline  
#12 of 14 Old 05-22-2003, 08:29 PM
 
gina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: nyc
Posts: 213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
abylite, so sad- sorry to hear of your loss- i too had 2 m/c in a row- turns out i have a mild blood clotting disorder- microscopic blood clots interfere with proper implantation/fetal growth- have a magnificentally healthy 2 year old and then these m/c- now i am taking baby aspirin and will be using heparin( blood thinner) when preg.- called anti-phospholipid syndrome-
i wish you comfort in this difficult time- so hard-
regards.
gina
gina is offline  
#13 of 14 Old 05-23-2003, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
Abylite's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 1,252
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you all for your warm replies. The tears come and go...sometimes they come very unexpectantly!

Gina...thanks for sharing your story. I'm hoping that when we have the testing that it may show something that will help us keep the next baby...or that everything is fine and it's another fluke.

I'm taking care of myself as much as I can. Thanks again. I'm so glad you all are "here".
Abylite is offline  
#14 of 14 Old 05-23-2003, 04:42 PM
 
Jish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: in a constant state of chaos
Posts: 5,264
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you find the answers you are searching for.
Jish is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off