Mothering Forum banner

May not have prenatal care

1K views 9 replies 4 participants last post by  lilyofjudah 
#1 ·
So, I missed some prenatal visits with my OBGYN due to extreme financial duress and am trying to get a visit in. They won't see me until we pay down what we owe, the majority of which is from the 1st visit and some from items not covered by our insurance for the following visits. I had also planned to switch to a midwife, but the one I was considering just informed me that they will not accept clients who have missed some prenatal care- which I find outrageous. I asked my OBGYN if I could get in for a visit once the balance is paid off (which we just paid more than half of) and they couldn't give me a clear answer. They also won't sign a form for me that I need to submit for my student loan officer verifying my pregnancy as I haven't been there for awhile. I told them I can run up there so that they can witness my 8 month belly bump themselves as it is quite obvious that I am pregnant.
All this to say that I am feeling pretty bummed out right now. I don't want to have this child in the hospital, but I also want to have someone in case something goes wrong and I need a good OBGYN. I guess if I end up at the hospital, I will have whoever is there anyway (although I'd like it to be someone I trust and believe in).

Pretty disappointed with the whole system right now.

:(:gloomy
 
See less See more
#5 ·
So glad to hear that! I experienced losing my care providers at the very end of my first pregnancy (39 weeks!!!) and the absolute panic of knowing I wouldn't be able to find another midwife....

Good luck, I hope everything works out great with your new team. You still have a month or so to get to know each other, right?
 
#6 ·
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm curious about what happened if you want to share.
Yes, we are going to meet weekly until the birth to build the relationship. I wish I had met her sooner! Still, I quite elated!
 
#7 ·
It's kind of a long story involving some miscommunication and a lot of unprofessionalism and I think I'll never know the whole truth - some of us think the midwives got 'cold feet' about attending me due to my adrenal failure (which is very serious in that it is potentially life threatening BUT the treatment for which is very straightforward and which we had discussed when I first met them in the first trimester). They told me they thought the baby had IUGR and oligohydramnios around 37-38 weeks which frankly I didn't believe - I felt like they were exaggerating things and trying to scare me. (They told me the baby felt like it only weighed about 4.5 pounds - I've only limited experience palpating babies but was certain my baby was much closer to a healthy 7 pounds...) They wanted an ultrasound, I really didn't... In the end they had scared me with awful 'dead baby' stories (which no pregnant woman deserves to hear, let alone without any objective evidence!) until I agreed to get one. But at the last minute I decided to cancel the appointment I had made with their ultrasound provider and get one done at the clinic of an OB I knew, just to get a totally outside opinion based on my gut feeling.

Well, the ultrasound showed a perfectly formed, perfectly sized (about 7 pounds, what do you know?!) baby and perfect fluid levels... AKA either they were totally inept or totally lying to me and either way I was mad as hell. But it turned out not to matter that I had lost trust in them, because they had found out that I cancelled the first appointment and terminated my care. I literally got a voice-mail from their receptionist late on a Friday afternoon saying 'we've canceled your remaining appointments and will be sending you a partial refund' and that was it.... At 39 weeks. I got a certified letter in the mail later explaining that I could go to the local hospital if I went into labor... Gee thanks.

After some tears and much angst I had a very helpful conversation with a friend who helped me really work through all the 'how would you feel if...' situations I could envision as I tried to figure out in a hurry how and where I wanted to have this baby. We didn't have money for another midwife (most charge a similar fee no matter what stage in the pregnancy you enter their care) never mind how do you find a home birth midwife who isn't booked for a due date a week away let alone get to know her?! The hospital was the last place I wanted to be unless I truly felt there was a problem....

Unassisted birth intrigued me but scared me a little. But that's where I ended up, deciding that I would trust the birth process and that I would know if something were not right, and we could always decide to go to the hospital for help. In part, for me, I took reassurance in my limited midwifery training that I could handle minor complications, recognize a hemorrhage and treat it in the short term, and gave my husband plenty of 'in case of...' instructions. And.... I made a bit of a pact with the baby that I was going to do my part, and I expected he or she to do their part, and that included getting into position for birth and breathing when they came out!

When the time came it was very peaceful.... At one point I remember feeling so glad the midwives were not there, feeling sure they would have been an unwelcome presence. Later realizing how much strength and wisdom I drew from within because I *didn't* have anyone to turn to, to ask for help or to tell me what to do.... So I just did. It was hard, it hurt, and I felt like the most powerful mother lion in the world after I had done it. Hear me roar. :)

And there you have much of my first birth story, for anyone who made it to the end of my novel... My second birth was likewise unassisted but that was a decision I came to much earlier in the pregnancy! This time around I can envision nothing else... Although I know most women have no desire to birth alone and I can't say I would recommend it for most - my mantra remains that every woman should have access to a trusted, trained birth attendant of her choosing - I just... haven't found anyone I trust, I guess. Maybe that's a fault of mine. Some think I'm a reckless fool for sure. But I can't imagine having my babies any other way.
 
#8 ·
That was very brave of you. I had been joking to my husband about doing a UC and that he better prepare to deliver the baby by reading up on what to do (but part of me was also thinking why not?). However, I know he couldn't personally handle it. He has come around to fully support a home birth after reading Ina May Gaskin's books.
 
#10 ·
I'm glad your husband has come around to supporting home birth ismewilde! I know it's really scary to a lot of people who have never been around it and just feel like it can't possibly be safe based on what they know about hospital birth...

The first time my husband wanted a book to tell him what to do, and I gave him Spiritual Midwifery, while wishing I had a copy of Heart and Hands or Emergency Childbirth on-hand. But really I wasn't expecting him to do much, I figured if everything well along relatively quickly and smoothly that would mean everything was fine, and if things were taking too long or didn't seem right, we'd go to the hospital. Fortunately at the time I knew an OB who would attend me and respect my wishes, I just couldn't stand the thought of being in the hospital and knew I would be stuck with some hospital policies still. I don't know anyone with OB privileges anymore so it would be whoever is on call if it comes to it this time... But with a prayer we'd have to take and be grateful for their help if needed.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top