I am a big subscriber to the idea that everything happens for a reason, but the real challenge is finding the reason.
I have had most of the tests. The only one I haven't done is the HSG. And they all came back normal. DH's tests came back normal. Which left us with the idea that there was something not right emotionally. He was going through some tough stuff with his dad, and I was going through some problems adjusting to my life. And we needed to work through these.
I needed to look at some of the issues in my life, and why for some reason I had this feeling that I didn't deserve a baby. Or that when someone else got pregnant, I thought I had to wait cause we couldn't be pregnant at the same time. Or even further, that on some level, I was trying not to be like my mom, who conceived both me and my sis on the first month off the pill. I liked being different growing up. And this is one area where I was very different, my cycles were wacky, often skipping months. Unlike my mom's whose were 28 days without fail. I think I embraced the idea of being different and weird without knowing it. On top of that there was the fact that I thought my mom would be upset if I got pregnant...that she wouldn't be supportive. And even though I have come to terms with my mom and our relationship, and what it lacks, I wanted her to be ready to be grandma. Now she is, and it is an amazing feeling of peace. She and I are still going to argue about everything that I do with the baby, but at least I know she is going to be happy about it. I also realized that I had always thought about getting pregnant in terms of having problems getting pregnant. I never looked at it as though this is what my body should be doing. When I thought about having the baby, I never though about complications, when I thought about breastfeeding, I never thought about problems. But when I thought about getting pregnant, I thought about how hard it was going to be and all the road blocks that there were. And this cycle has been different, I thought about the fact that I CAN get pregnant, and I CAN have a baby, and both will happen. I remind myself that I deserve a baby as much as anyone else.
Hence the Obnoxiously Positive under my member name!!! :LOL
In my case, I think that my not getting pregnant yet had more to do with my mental state than anything else. And if
shows this cycle, we will see if I can keep that up!
to all of you!!!