also, my hubby and i made the unfortunate mistake of telling our families that we were ttc. now i am having to face 1) everyone asking me, every time i speak to them, whether i'm pregnant (it's hard enough not to become obsessed, without being reminded constantly), 2) people saying things like "hmmm...i can't believe it's taking so long, do you think anything is wrong?" 3) these same people saying dumb things like "just relax", "stop worrying so much", etc etc blah blah. i guess it's our own fault for telling them, but i never dreamed that they would drive me nuts over it.
the whole situation is very depressing to me. every month, despite my attempts to stay calm, i start thinking that maybe this is the month...and then the big letdown.if i knew that i would definately get pregnant one day, i don't think that i would be so hung up on it. i think the big thing for me is wondering if something is wrong. fear of the unknown, i guess.
Not saying it was easy, and not saying it was cheap, but for us, not having kids was not an option, so we worked and worked to find a way to afford it. And going with CC, it was way cheaper than any other agency out there.
While I do sometimes mourn the ability to have a pg and birth (and breastfeeding), being a mom to my kids has healed a large part of the pain. If you feel at all called in that direction, please do try to find a way to make it happen. You'd be amazed at all the people I know who said they could never afford it who found a way to make it happen. Everything from borrowing money from family, to saving, to taking out home loans, etc... It is possible in most cases, it just takes a little creative financing. It just breaks my heart to see people who are where I used to be without hope.
If anyone wants more info, please feel free to ask. This is a passion of mine and I'm always willing to talk if someone wants more info.
Lots of to you ladies still trying. Man have I been there and I know how heartbreaking it is.
However, I keep telling myself that we will find a way!! And there is still time!! And no matter how obnoxiously idiotic other people are with their stupid comments, questions, and judgments, I am glad that I am TTC! I know in my heart of hearts I am ready to be a parent and their comments cannot diminish my resolve! And, I think that this process may actually increase the amount of joy when it eventually happens - my child is not someone that I will ever take for granted.
Theres absolutley nothing wrong with venting, and you didn't sound at all pissy, selfish, or childish.
I know one day we will tell our children about this and it will be one more way they will know we have loved them so much and for so long.
To look at the signatures, see who has succeeded...who has had devastating losses.
There are still days I want to rant. But mostly, I feel tired, defeated. I don't get hopeful anymore. I just sort of keep going.
I have the meeting about my IVF meds next week, as well as a saline ultrasound (HSG lite:LOL)and a "trial embryo transfer." Bizarre shit. I keep taking my meds and things keep going....I guess I am just looking at it all with vague interest now, but that's it. I will probably only get excited when I am actually pregnant.....and probably not until well into the pregnancy. (Okay, I might get a little excited if the eggs fertilize..:LOL)
Adina mama to B 4/06 and E 8/13/12 (on her due date!)
Obviosuly, I'm not feeling very articulate. I think my words shocked me into numbness.
To those who are still around for whatever reason -
I haven't read or posted in a while, like I'm trying to convince myself that this really isn't so hard, I don't need support. But the truth is that I'm really struggling. My new sister-in-law, who just gave birth to a baby girl (their sixth child, if you count previous marriages & kids) actually questioned why my faith wasn't stronger when I told her what a hard time I was having. I shared my vulnerability and got a lecture on how I should just trust God more. So the reason we haven't gotten pregnant is because of a deficiency of faith on my part?!!
And then there is the money thing. Adina, I'd give you my insurance in a heartbeat if I could. It would actually pay for IVF. And here's the irony: we don't want to do IVF. I'm doing Chinese medicine now, because I have unexplained infertility and can't justify screwing with all my hormonal systems when there isn't a problem in that department.
If only we could all get together and those that have something to spare could put it in the middle, and those that needed something could take what they need.
My rant: I hate that my life is on hold. I hate that I can't exercise because of the drugs. I hate that my RE, when asked about running says "your not fat, don't worry about it." What??? It's not about how I look, its about how I feel. Is he even aware that this is an emotional and frustrating time? I hate that the money we saved for years so I could be a SAHM is going so quickly. I hate the guilt that I am spending money on TTC that could be used to send my kids to camp, or a family vacation, or even a trip to dairy queen for crying out loud. I hate that I am just a number at the pupy mill I call my Doctor's office. I hate that I weaned my 2 year old to take even more drugs. I hate that my family is not complete, and that I have no control over it. I hate that I can't afford to adopt a child who may be the one to help complete it.
Suprisingly, I don't hate pregnant women or babies. I still like going to baby showers and new baby parties.
And I appreciate the honesty of Adina in starting this thread, and for all the responses who I keep reading.
Me. With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.
I think the reason it hurts so much is because of the people we see that have children that aren't giving the children the caring and loving that they need. I love my brother, but he can't do everything himself, but his girlfriend just aggravates me to no end. Ever since my beautiful niece was born, I have wondered what goes through the girls mind, but I can't stand to think of it anymore.
The most bothersome thing about her way of parenting, is the apparent lack of brains, because she has felt since day one that the most she needs to give my niece a bath is every 4-5 days, if not every week or less. I have seen Haley needing a bath EVERY time I have gone back home to visit my family, and it hurts me that they are too "lazy or busy" to give her a bath nightly, especially since she is walking now and has a whole lot more dirt and grime to get into.
Anyway, it's just made me realize that my time will come, or it won't, but never to give up and always understand that there is support for me no matter what happens.
Thanks everyone, who has been through it and survived, and still has their head in the right place. (even if it's a bit goofy like mine )
I have to say that coming across this thread meant a lot to me today. My dh and I are just at the beginning of our ttc journey--but pretty much to the day we decided to start trying (after putting it off a year after I felt "ready"), I had kidney stones and then developed a raging yeast infection which has morphed into some unknown condition that makes me uncomfortable all day and makes sex impossible (I'm due for yet another visit to the dr. tomorrow to see if they can figure out what this is and, more importantly, how to treat it). My level of frustration at this point makes me want to tear my hair out...and it's only been about a month and a half. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you ladies who have had problems for years. So just wanted commiserate (even though my problems seem fairly insignificant by comparison) and offer .
By the way: having looked into adoption myself, my understanding is that international and open adoption are extremely expensive, but that going through the state/foster system is not. I know there is a whole set of problems that come along with going that route, but maybe it's a possibility?
For me it was my diet, my stress about having a baby caused me to lean on Dr. Pepper and sugar. Bad stuff that screws with your hormones. Even refined flour doesn't help. I read a book I found by talking to the Editor of "The Compleat Mother" called "The Garden of Fertility" by Katie Singer. Besides the charting like the Taking Charge of Your Fertility book it goes into more depth about diet and toxins in our environment. I put myself on a organic whole foods diet and don't eat any refined sugar. I'm on my sixth month with this diet and for most it's supposed to take atleast six months for things to get back to normal. I'm definately not as moody as I was. It's supposed to make your PMS little to none and cramps little to none. Which it has made a significant difference (My husband likes me more now.) My temps were very low and are supposed to go back up to a normal level once you get back to eating better, but I have not been taking my temp lately because that stresses me out too. I'm taking a break I guess and de-stressing. I've been doing things that are fun and not sitting around thinking about getting pregnant all the time. That is hard to do. I'm starting my farm business and that keeps me busy most of the time. I was so depressed all the time because of the caffiene mostly, but ttc takes a lot out of you when you just want to look down and be able to hold your own baby and watch the little darling sucking away at your breast. It makes me crazy sometimes. I don't like being like this and am too looking into foster care with the intent to adopt. My husband wants a whole litter he says and I'm already pushing 30, so some might be adopted.
It makes me feel better that there are other people in the same boat and this thread has been really nice to read. I don't come to this group very often because it's just hard to think about.
for listening and and to everyone.
Cathy Mama to James(6)and Maggie Mae (1) Wife to Dave
And with #3 Due in August 2013!!!
I am very lucky to have a beautiful son, and have always felt so. I am definitely feeling it more keenly now. I am also blessed with wonderful family and friends who are very supportive and really pulling for me. I hate to keep bitching about things to them, because I know that they care, but it must be annoying/difficult to hear all the time yk? It seems like everyone I know, even the most unlikely of couples (not trying, on birth control, etc) are conceiving. Luckily I am still able to be thrilled for them - I hope I never lose that...but more than anything I hope to leave this forum forever. *sigh*
Here's my rant (hope you don't mind) I am infertile, too, and had to resort to injectibles to get pregnant (my insurance at the time covered it -- that was back when I lived in California and had Kaiser). I will not be able to have another, for many reasons, and I am angry about that. It took many years to conceive ds, at least partially due to denial but also because dh was against fertility treatments (I finally just did it anyway). I'm mad that I'm 39 with a two year old -- I constantly wish I were 29 instead, at least partially because my mom was still alive when I was 29. I'm mad because I didn't get to enjoy my pregnancy because I was always worried about m/c (looking back, I wish I hadn't).
Whew! I do feel better! Thanks!
Jen 47 DS C 2/03 04/29/08/ DD S 10/28/09 DH Bill '97.
mighty-mama and her sister Kundalini-Mama
This fall I'm going to start clomid, which I feel is really my last hope. Dh has gone from "just relax and let it happen" to "let me know whatever I can do to help" (thankfully!)
The hardest part has been seeing people who started ttc after me have their babies, and are now pregnant with baby #2. Hello?!?!?!??!??!?! When it is my turn? What am I doing wrong? And I've lost all sympathy for people complaining about morning sickness, or that they aren't getting enough sleep because their babies wake them up all night. Ummm, do they know what I would give to have their problems!
I guess I sound a little insensitive but I'm on cd3 of cycle # to damn many. I've been poked and proded and had some pretty uncomfortable tests done, all to be told they can't find anything wrong.
Yep - I wrote the original post forever and some ago....and now I am gearing up for my IVF retrieval on Tuesday.
My friend's baby just turned one. My other friend just had her second at the beginning of June. I get pretty annoyed too. I would gladly take a crying baby over having to wake up at 6 am to give myself shots. Color me nutty and all.....
Adina mama to B 4/06 and E 8/13/12 (on her due date!)
Go ahead. Vent. Rant. Get angry. I don't know any of you personally, but nonetheless, I am here for you.
I wish each and every one of you the best in the pursuit of mommyhood.
To all of you Infertility is an interesting road. I spent so much time on this board (so much time that I am the mod! ), and though I am pregnant now, there is a looming spectre of "What happens when we want #2?" I usually ignore it, and I say I will deal with it then. But it isn't like it is going to go away. In two more years, I might be right back on this thread.
I hope this thread sticks around for that long, and that people continue to find support here. I so wanted the Infertility board to be a place where people could find support, where people who were AP and NFL and who didn't always go with western medicine had a place to talk about all these things that we never thought we would have to face. I love that there are as many natural ideas on here as there are allopathic. I love that women still come to this thread and scream and cry. Sometimes, we all need to do it.
Adina mama to B 4/06 and E 8/13/12 (on her due date!)
I am just starting the IF road, again. I always thought, just give me one child to love, hold, mother...and now the longing is again. I tried to be tough the first time around and not let too many know how much I wanted a child, and how it hurt me to see them having one, two babies in the time it took for us to conceive one. But, I dont have the strength this time around to hold it in.
Don't exactly know what I am thinking...but, just nice to be here with others.
Originally Posted by OTMomma
Why does it hurt so much to want someone you've never met?
Originally Posted by AdinaL
"What happens when we want #2?" I usually ignore it, and I say I will deal with it then. But it isn't like it is going to go away. In two more years, I might be right back on this thread.
She said that it’s very important to relax aboutconception, stop thinking about it and this usually happen with couples that went through infertility exactly after they have their baby. So they relax, not using any contraception (as they think they can’t conceive naturally) and that is exactly when such couples get a lot of pregnancies.
So, I guess the key is to give it a try when it’s the worst time LOL!