Fall IVF Thread: Let's hear it for the BFPs! - Page 13 - Mothering Forums

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#361 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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blue - oh yuck! When it rains, it pours! I hope little Abby feels better soon and I'm sorry to hear about your furnace.  We still don't need the heater yet down here and I wish I could send you some of our warm weather.

 

Deborah - Good luck, girlie!

 

renavoo - Yeah, I'm just finishing up a knitted blanket for Liam.  It's kind of a basket weave looking pattern.  Next, I'll be knitting them cacoons (sleep sacks) cause it will be the dead of winter when they arrive and they can lay in those during the day.  I already crocheted Maisie a blanket.  I actually finished it about 12 years ago.  I started it on our honeymoon.  Man, that feels like ages ago.  It makes me sad to think about how much time has passed without any little ones.


Me: 33 PCOS Him: 33 vericocele
13 long years of TTC using various methods before the twins finally came - Too much history to list
IVF #1 11 weeks
IVF #2 Liam and Maisie (now 2 years old)
IVF #3 BFN and no frosties
IVF #4 BFP!!!! Twins again!

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#362 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 10:24 AM
 
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Okay, I've been freaking out on and off for the past 3 hours, because I ended up taking a pregnancy test and it is positive.  Of all fricken things, I'm two days shy of finishing up suppression and going for baseline u/s and b/w, and OMG...! 

 

Yesterday I phoned the clinic and talked with a nurse, and she said if I don't end up having a period by Thursday when the tests are done, they will check for pregnancy-- I'm late, and I've been feeling like I was having  pregnancy symptoms but I attributed it all to the Suprefact Nasal Spray (which is buselerin, BTW)--but then DH and I were thinking, why don't we do an HPT, because if we wait til Thursday, that is so many more sprays (5 times per day), and we are thinking, 'what if'?  I mean, I normally don't take anything for headaches, even when I'm not pregnant, unless it is really bad... and when I was pregnant, I was anxious about taking an OTC for a yeast infection I had once.

 

So, there is the bfp, and I put a call in to the clinic... I decide I'm not taking any more med... they don't call back right away (as per usual)... so DH, DS and I get in the car and drive over there, and we don't end up getting to talk to a nurse in person, the receptionist is like, "The nurse said to stop the spray, and she'll call you later today.  If you've got a positive test, then it's likely to make it".  Then, we ask to talk to the pharmacist, and she said not to worry, it' so early on, implantation was just days ago (I'm 15 DPO), my body has obvsiously over-ridden the effects of the suppression-- basically, it is likely to be a healthy bean.  I broke down in tears, thinking the worst because of course I've just exposed it to several days of the med... and she tried to reassure me.  Shi*t, why couldn't they have just gone and got the nurse-- I know they are busy, but, I just need to know what to do now.  The pharmacist hugged me, congratulated me, and said the nurse would definitely call... she'll tell me then if I need to go on some estrace or prometrium to help supprort the pregnancy, etc.  Ugh, I'm kind of annoyed, in addition to being so scared, because how hard would it have been to get a req for a beta done up to confirm the HPT?  And to check to see just how wonky my hormones are? 

 

I'm so much in shock right now, and scared... I don't feel joyful right now, it just feels surreal.  I'm not going to tell anybody irl other than my best friend, because I'm just feeling like I need to wait and see how things go... 2 early losses and a high risk of m/c because of my age has left it's imprint on me.  IF does that to us, heh?  Takes way the naiveity and pure bliss of a time like this.  I know I can't do much right now but wait, and try not to get to stressed out...

 

 


Me & DH ; DS (Aug 2010) ; DD1 (May 2012) ; DD2 (Nov 2013)
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#363 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 10:30 AM
 
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Hey I was just doing a quick stop by and OMG OMG OMG Congrats Tenzi!!!  I am sure everything will be ok but I understand your concerns.  Can't wait to hear the the nurse says!!


Lynne (35) wife to DH (38) mom to DD (9) ** TTC # 2 since 7/07 ** m/c 6/23/10** 2 Failed IVF rounds... moving forward on adoption; got a SURPRISE BFP EDD 11/17/14 - It's a BOY!
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#364 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 12:46 PM
 
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OMG tenzins!!!!  WOW!!!!!!! What a shocker!  I am so happy for you! Stick little one stick stick stick!!!  I understand your concerns.  please keep us updated on how everything progresses.  


Me: 33 PCOS Him: 33 vericocele
13 long years of TTC using various methods before the twins finally came - Too much history to list
IVF #1 11 weeks
IVF #2 Liam and Maisie (now 2 years old)
IVF #3 BFN and no frosties
IVF #4 BFP!!!! Twins again!

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#365 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 01:41 PM
 
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Thank you everyone for the hugs. I've been moping around today, even though it's my daughter's birthday so I need to suck it up and carry on. DH was kind about the bad news and let me cry on his shoulder, so we can't be too badly off. The nurse basically said there's no hope for the pregnancy so I'm just waiting for a miscarriage now. I've never experienced one - at 4 weeks would it just be like bad menstrual cramps and a heavy period?

 

We are travelling to visit family next week and take a bit of time in the mountains just the 3 of us (planned a long time ago) so maybe I'll broach the subject of trying again when we are alone and more relaxed.

 

Kewpie - I went out and bought a giant ball of yarn last night - knitting therapy - I hope it helps. It sounds like you are in good hands, though.


TTC since 2004

IUI Sept 2006 - BFN

IVF 2007 - beautiful DD stillheart.gif

Single FET June 2011 - BFN

Single FET Sept 19/11 - BFP, then BFN by the next week. No joy.

 

 

 

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#366 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 02:25 PM
 
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Tenzi - Holy cow!!!!joy.gifjoy.gifjoy.gif YOU are going to get your "FREE" baby.... well, kinda free baby b/c I don't know how much you have already spent on your meds but that is besides the point.  Congrats!!!!!!!  I can't believe that the nurse wouldn't even come talk to you or at least give you a beta right then and there.  Bummer!!!  I'm sure you are very concerned but i'm sure all will be fine since it is so early.  So did you and DH not use protection with this last month then?  So awesome that some miracles still happen!!!!  We have needed a BFP on this thread whether it's natural or not, i think that is awesome!!!!!!!!  Keep us posted for sure on how things go and when you get your beta and all that fun stuff.  Deep breath!!!  It will all be fine!!!!!!

 

Renavoo - love the profile pic.  Is that one of the pics you guys just had taken a month or so ago?  Cute!!!

 

Purple piggie -hug2.gif


After 5 failed IUI's & 6 failed IVF's we threw in the towel w/ ART and then got a NATURAL miracle BFP! Hoping and praying it is finally our take home baby!  Mother to our twins boys in heaven -lost at 22.5wks on 6/20/09 and 1 other little angel in heaven.

Our Miracle has arrived... Caden James...

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#367 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 02:47 PM
 
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purple piggie - I'm so sorry! hug2.gif I was further along when I had my m/c so I don't have any first hand experience, but I've been told that with a loss as early as yours, you can expect bad cramping and some tissue and it will probably be heavier than a regular period.  Ibuprofen helps with pain as well as a heating pad.  Avoid baths cause once the cervix opens, you are at risk for infection.  Sex is out until you stop bleeding as well for the same reason.  Did your nurse not give you any information about what to expect?  That surprises me.


Me: 33 PCOS Him: 33 vericocele
13 long years of TTC using various methods before the twins finally came - Too much history to list
IVF #1 11 weeks
IVF #2 Liam and Maisie (now 2 years old)
IVF #3 BFN and no frosties
IVF #4 BFP!!!! Twins again!

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#368 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Can't stay long but I wanted to say CONGRATS to Tenzin!! I'm so happy for you and don't worry...I'm sure everything will work out. They always say when you stop trying you get pregnant! :o)

 

Purple Piggie, I'm so sorry for your loss. hug2.gif I hope that you start to feel better and I'm happy that DH is being supportive.

 

Will check in later for everyone else!

 

 


Attempted induction at 38 weeks; ended up with a c-section.

In love with my baby boy Colin and baby girl Sienna!

love.gif

 

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#369 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 05:57 PM
 
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Was wallowing earlier and didn't read up far enough. Wow, Tenzins! What great news!!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. How wonderful!


TTC since 2004

IUI Sept 2006 - BFN

IVF 2007 - beautiful DD stillheart.gif

Single FET June 2011 - BFN

Single FET Sept 19/11 - BFP, then BFN by the next week. No joy.

 

 

 

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#370 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 06:04 PM
 
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first off, congrats tenzin!! i am so excited for you, you're getting exactly what we all dream about.  a free and natural baby! 

 

purple,  so sorry to hear your news.  

 

blue-  i hope your dog feels better soon!

 

kewpie- glad you have enough to keep you busy, and i'm glad the fear is passing.  keep your spirits up, soon you will have two beautiful babies!

 

renavoo- thanks for the insurance info! also, LOVE the photo.  i just rejoined ww too.  it's amazing how good i feel being in control of something again.  i'm actually just about to make some 2 pt pumpkin muffins, as soon as i can get my butt off the couch.  it's just...so....cozy....

 

afm- no news yet.  the dr hasn't called, but then again they didn't call after the last bfn.  i assume i will need to call them and see what's up, and when we should schedule our appt to come in and discuss.  i have a list of questions, and i want to know exactly what my options are. 


Making babies! Twins due June 10, 2013. joy.gif
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#371 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 07:39 PM
 
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Thanks, everyone, for all your kind thoughts and supportive words!  It really means a lot to me to have you all on here.  As for an update, a nurse from the clinic called with word on what my RE wanted me to do-- I went and got a beta done, as well as an estrogen and progesterone check.  Then, I had to pick up Rx from pharmacy-- I'm on Estrace and Prometrium now.  I don't know how the doc knows how much of each I need, since the Rx was phoned in before I had even gone to get the b/w... I don't know how long it will take for the results to be sent to the clinic and then for them to phone me.  I'm hoping tomorrow morning I hear something.  It's weird because on the info sheet for the Estrace it says 'Do not use when pregnant, it can cause effects in the fetus, blah blah'.  Ack!  But I guess I have to just put my trust in the RE.  Also, in my body, to carry this through.  I phoned my acupuncturist, who specializes in fertility and knows a ton about IVF, and she was very reassuring-- she told me not to worry.  The clinic nurse told me today that it only happens once or twice a year, but the acupuncturist says it happens more often than that-- she said that when she had conducted a study in conjunction with the clinic on the effects of acupuncture, she had 3 women during that time who had the same thing happen.  She also said that if there really were concerns about women getting pregnant during suppression, the clinic would insist that women not have intercourse during treatment.  Since it works to shut down your ovaries and it is so specific to that, I guess the thinking is that things with that follicle/eggie from earlier in the cycle, everything was as it should be for it to do what it needed to do to fertilize and implant.  I'm trying to tell myself that things will be okay in regards to having taken the med, because some women get pregnant while on BCP and everything is fine with the baby.  Oh, I just hope and pray that the little bean sticks!  Blue, in answer to your questions, we BD'd twice this cycle-- CD12 and CD18.  Since I am tend to ovulate later in the cycle, it's got to be from the latter.  As for the meds, yeah, it all came to just under $500.  We have 80% drug coverage, so we are really lucky that way.  I'm not counting myself completely out of a future IVF, just in case... so I'll hang onto them.  We can't return them to the clinic anyway.  If everything works out, I'd love for them to go to someone out there who needs them. 

 

I'm so exhausted right now, I'm going to leave personals until tomorrow.  Sorry it's been AAM.  But I do want to send out hugs of encouragement to each of you; we are all at different stages of our journey, and I just want to say that each and everyone of us have been through a lot and I really hope that we get what it is we hope and dream for.  

 

BTW, just finished reading a book last night called "When you're not expecting: An infertility survival guide".  It's a great book, I found it to be really helpful.  On the cover it says: "Calm your emotions; strengthen your relationships, recover from pregnancy loss, re-balance your life, access helpful resources". 

 

ETA, the author of the book is Constance Hoenk Shapiro (M.S.W., PhD-- she sure knows what she is talking about... She works in a fertility clinic, is founding member of RESOLVE in Central NY, and has struggled personally with IVF) 

 

 


Me & DH ; DS (Aug 2010) ; DD1 (May 2012) ; DD2 (Nov 2013)
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#372 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 08:20 PM
 
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Tenzins - I was told by my RE that there is no transfer from the mother to fetus through the placenta until week 10, so any drugs you take in the beginning shouldn't affect the baby yet.


Me: 33 PCOS Him: 33 vericocele
13 long years of TTC using various methods before the twins finally came - Too much history to list
IVF #1 11 weeks
IVF #2 Liam and Maisie (now 2 years old)
IVF #3 BFN and no frosties
IVF #4 BFP!!!! Twins again!

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#373 of 965 Old 10-04-2011, 09:10 PM
 
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Can I poke my head in for a moment? I just wanted to note that this seems like a very warm and supportive community! I'm a self-proclaimed lurker, but I spend a lot of time on the "Infertility" forum. My fiance and I will be waiting a few more years before trying to conceive, but I have been doing a lot of research. He is infertile (CBAVD), and I understand that ICSI/IVF will be the best option for conception. It is scary, and overwhelming, to say the least. I want to make certain that I am doing everything I can right now to prepare. There is a lot more than finances to consider! I hope this thread is still around for our journey . . . !

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#374 of 965 Old 10-05-2011, 11:57 AM
 
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Congrats Tenzins! Purple- Very sorry for your loss. AFM- starting birth control today, my injections should be arriving soon (will start them 10/22). Getting nervous and excited all at the same time! Hope I get my birthday wish :-).


Mama to my twin butterfly boys, Alan and Bruce, who passed away at 22 weeks gestation (3/24/12): Forever in Our Hearts. Our rainbow baby girl, my little bud of Hope,  joined our butterfly boys and Grandma Jan 1/31/13 at 9 weeks gestation. Love you so much. Next step: triadadopt.jpg
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#375 of 965 Old 10-05-2011, 04:03 PM
 
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Just doing a quick fly-by, to ask you all something-- the clinic just called me (finally, I've been waiting on pins and needles all day!) with my results.  Yesterday I was 15 DPO, and my beta was 524.  Estradiol was 2470, and progesterone was 156.3.  What do you ladies think of that?  Because I'm new to all of this, I haven't a clue.  Except that the nurse said all of these numbers are 'high', which she said is looking good, but they want me to go in for another beta and stuff tomorrow morning.  I won't get the results until Friday afternoon... Just like yesterday, I wasn't offered their lab to go in and get it done, I have to do to the public system lab, so I guess that's the delay.  You'd think that since they are getting the $1050 non-refundable portion from our IVF fee that we paid, that they would give us that ability... but I guess we're not considered their IVF patients anymore.  Oh well.  It's going to be hard to wait until Friday afternoon, I don't know how you all have done all your waiting for various things-- wait a minute, yes I do, it's called courage, resilience, emotional stamina...

 

I'll be back on a little later to do personals...


Me & DH ; DS (Aug 2010) ; DD1 (May 2012) ; DD2 (Nov 2013)
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#376 of 965 Old 10-05-2011, 06:24 PM
 
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Tenzi - Wow!!!  That is a really high number (beta).  I know when we were pregnant with our twins my first beta was like 70 and then 2nd one went up to 700 some.  Were you on anything the last cycle before this one like clomid or any kind of fsh med???  I sure hope they offer you a u/s if the next number is really high.  You have another child right?? Do you know what your numbers were with that one???  Some people just naturally have high beta numbers.   I think that the clinic should hold your spot for so many years in case you might need it years down the road.  Did you ask?  Keep us posted for sure.

 

Deborah - good luck!! I hope your B-day dreams come true!!!!

 

Treehugger - I'm sure this thread will be around when you need it.  I hope for our sake that we aren't here but you never know unfortunately!!  I'm not familiar with  your DH's condition? Can you explain a bit?  Good luck to you and congrats on your upcoming wedding (whenever it is).

 

Aura - did you hear from your dr yet?

 

rcr - you out there???  How are things... you are worrying me since we haven't heard from you and how things are going.

 

 

 

 

 

 


After 5 failed IUI's & 6 failed IVF's we threw in the towel w/ ART and then got a NATURAL miracle BFP! Hoping and praying it is finally our take home baby!  Mother to our twins boys in heaven -lost at 22.5wks on 6/20/09 and 1 other little angel in heaven.

Our Miracle has arrived... Caden James...

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#377 of 965 Old 10-05-2011, 07:04 PM
 
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Tenzi, I was hot under the collar for you about your clinic. They don't sound very sympathetic. Like you need to be waiting a whole day for your results! And non-refundable? What did they actually do toward that cycle yet? Not much!!! irked.gif Anyway, blowing past that, I'm THRILLED for you!!! Those numbers are awesome! And btw, my RE had no concerns about getting pregnant while on Lupron suppression. I agree with blue about the numbers, they are nice and high. My 14dpo hcg was 300 something and we had twins at first, but some people do just have naturally high hcg. Good luck with your next beta, and keep us posted! Ok, back to lurking....hide.gif

ps - blue, I'm so glad all your meds came in! I was nervous...how is your cycle going so far?

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#378 of 965 Old 10-05-2011, 10:34 PM
 
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Blue, I was recently on 3 consecutive Clomid/IUI cycles, with the last one being 2 cycles ago.  There wasn't any injectibles or anything involved; in fact, it was unmonitored.  I thought that number was rather high, too, but then I googled earlier tonight and found some charts that said there can be quite a range for what's normal in each woman; like you say, some women just have higher levels.  When I had conceived my son through Clomid/IUI two years ago, that again was unmonitored and so I wasn't given a beta at the time, although I did get a beta done in Emerg when I was about 7 weeks because I was having this weird pelvic pain.  So, nothing to compare to for this time period, unfortunately.  My acupuncturist, when I talked with her by phone yesterday when I was freaking out, said I should ask for an u/s at 7 weeks just for reassurance.  I see her on Friday, thank goodness, my other oasis in addition to this forum!  Actually, when I talked with the clinic nurse today about the possibilty of this little one not sticking and us needing to start another IVF cycle, she said that quite possibly I would get offered treatment the following month if that were to happen early.  Otherwise, things would need to be on hold for longer to get things back to normal, and then a further delay would likely occur because they are careful about the timing of IVF cycles when it comes to the week-long closure of the clinic over Christmas.  Ugh.  So matter-of-fact, over the phone... Why couldn't they have made some time for us to come in today, or even yesterday when we were there, how many minutes of someone's time would it have taken?  I really like our RE, and their success rates are awesome when it comes to 'live pregnancies', but the clinic leaves a lot to be desired in other ways, like how they handle call-backs.  I know it's because the demand for services is far greater than their capacity in terms of staff, space, etc.

 

Tear, yah, my comments at the end there is in line with what you are thinking... What exactly did they do that added up for $1050, plus the $250 admin fee that had to be paid to even get on the IVF waiting list.  Yep, if they had just said 'Come on in to us for a beta tomorrow' I would have my results just hours later, but now I have to wait.  On top of that, I was so confused because they phoned in the Rx for Estrace and Prometrium-- I didn't know how long to take it for-- so I ask the nurse today and she says I take it for 10 weeks.  Why couldn't the nurse have told me that yesterday?  I was wondering why there was so much, and it was only today that I had noticed there were repeats.  She wasn't that helpful-- even with me taking the aspirin daily, when I asked if I should still take it, she said, 'see what your family doctor advises' ... Um, excuse me, that's not his specialty!  WTH!  And I don't even know why I need the Estrace if my estradial levels are so high.  Oh, to add one more thing to my rant... then they tell me that our refund that we are going to get will be delayed, because they don't want our chart with some office manager, they want to have it on hand so they have easy access to it over the next couple of days. 

 

Sorry, I hope I'm not offending anybody by sounding like I'm not happy I got my bfp, it's just that I'm so scared and I'm not getting enough answers and I'm just not impressed with how things are handled.  We pay big money, the course of our lives is being determined at each step of the way on this IF journey... and I'm not about to make waves because I know that we have needed these people to get our DS (and who knows, maybe there is something in the previous months with the Clomid/IUI, or the recent HSG I had, or the IVF protocol that we did complete thus far, that helpd us get this bfp) and right now I'm just desperate to have them help us keep this pregnancy.  So I'm doing whatever it takes to be the 'good patient'... I have to work within the parameters and work within that gatekeeper system (I know my RE would be great to talk to, if we could just get in to see her!).  I do have periods of time where I am confident that things will work out, but then other times I have the worries come creeping up.  All normal reactions, I am sure.  I appreciate the time and space here to get my feelings out...  

 

Blue, how is Abby doing?  I hope she is recovering, poor pooch.  You have had a lot of things happen, just when you are starting your cycle!  When do you and Blue head to the Aunt's place?

 

Kewpie, a couple of times I hit a button or two and it brought me to your profile-- beautiful pics!

 

Speaking of pics, Renavoo, I love your new profile pic.  The thoughts that come to my mind when I see it are... strong, united, loving, fun.  I know that you two had a great time doing the shoot, and NYC is such a great backdrop.  I was there a few years ago, and absolutely loved it.  I can't wait to go back, but it's really expensive!

 

Aura, I hope you have an appointment to get in and talk with your RE.  How are you doing?

 

April, your profile pic always make me smile... your smile is absolutely full of sunshine.  How are you?

 

Purple, I'm so sorry to hear of what's been happening with your beta.  That's heartbreaking.  I hope you and your DH can come to some sort of peaceful resolution about getting through it together and deciding on a plan for what's next.

 

Belly, rcr, Keria... ?  Haven't heard from you in awhile.  Hope all is well!

 

Sorry if I've missed anybody.  Off to bed.  Night night!

 

P.S.  If anybody has any experience on oral Estrace and/or Prometrium (vaginal suppositories), do you mind sharing what you know about possible side effects, etc.? 

 

Oops, just saw how long my post is... I feel so narcissistic (I'm sure I spelled that wrong, but I'm too tired to look it up...)

 

 


Me & DH ; DS (Aug 2010) ; DD1 (May 2012) ; DD2 (Nov 2013)
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#379 of 965 Old 10-06-2011, 04:16 AM
 
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tenzinsmama, hug.gif I totally understand not wanting to make waves with these people but I'm very frustrated for you as they're supposed to care and to be your advocates. hug2.gif I took the prometrium, baby aspirin, and I believe estrace for 10-12 weeks. The progesterone may just make you moody and feel, well, even more pregnant from my experience.

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#380 of 965 Old 10-06-2011, 08:58 AM
 
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Tear, thanks so much for your understanding.  Yeah, I woke up this morning and was thinking about how I was supposed to have gone in to do my baseline u/s and b/w to know when to start stimming... so, I think the clinic easily could have just accomodated me to get my levels checked since the space was there for me to begin with.  Anyway, I guess the best thing to do right now is to let it go, and as long as nothing else happens with them where they totally frustrate me, things will be easier at least that way. I appreciate, too, one of your other comments-- about how your RE said there were no concerns about getting pregnant on Lupron suppression.  Thanks for the info about the meds... when I googled them, I came across a comment somebody had made, that progesterone had "ruined" her life.  Not sure what that was all about... sometimes I think it's better if I don't google things!  Anyway, it's nice to know that someone else on here has taken the same 'cocktail'.  Was that because they were worried about something in particular from the start or was it just part of the protocol and was an automatic precautionary thing?  I only know a little bit from your siggy and what you have have written recently since I haven't been on here that long, but, it sounds like you went through a lot... so sorry about your loss of Baby B.  I hope your little miracle girl is doing well.  I think it's really kind and generous of you to be on here, giving your time and energy, rooting for us all. Honestly, you and so many other ladies are totally an inspiration to me!


Me & DH ; DS (Aug 2010) ; DD1 (May 2012) ; DD2 (Nov 2013)
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#381 of 965 Old 10-06-2011, 10:43 AM
 
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Tear - I'm doing fine w/ this cycle so far.  Not much going on so far b/c I'm on Lurpon and just waiting for AF to show up probably on Fri, Sat or Sun this week and then I'll have my baseline and get the ball rolling.  So just waiting around like normal.

 

Tenzi - I was on Estrace and Crione (which is a progesterone vaginal gel) and I didn't have any major side effects at all with them.  Hopefully you won't have any either.  It was funny b/c when i talked to my RE after that cycle and he said did you have any symptoms from the Estrace taken vaginally.... I said "No, and i was actually taking it by mouth".  I guess sometime you might get more symptoms taking it by mouth, so they will tell people to take it vaginally maybe.  Who knows.  I can't imagine using the progest. vaginally and the estrace vaginally.  That would be a lot going on "down there" at one time.  How sweet of you to check in on Abby....  I think Abby is doing better actually.  Hard to believe it has only been like 4 days, but she isn't asking to go out as much, so that is good.  We have been keeping her busy though with lots of walks and playing ball, so that might help too b/c she has been super tired which is nice b/c then she isn't into everything as much as usual.  Abby and I won't be going to "the aunt's place" until I have to have my 2nd U/S.  So i'll have my 1st (baseline) one here in OH and then we will figure out when i need my 2nd one and then i'll probably drive the ~5hrs to MI the day before that 2nd u/s & bw.  Hoping Abby will do okay in the car that long.  She is a really good traveler and i just leash her in the back of my car so she doesn't jump over the back seat and she just sleeps or looks out the windows at all the cars which she seems to love.  He longest car ride so far was 2hrs, so we will see how this goes.  I was even thinking of getting her one of those doggie seat belts so she could be in the front with me, but buckled in.  Not sure how those things work and i'm always against buying something that she is just going to out grow, but she might be at the right age/size now.  We will see. I just figured if she gets restless in the back after so many hrs of driving i could stop at a rest stop let her potty and then bring her up front with me and seat belt her in.

 

Belly - how the heck are you doing girl???  Haven't seen your name in awhile too?  What is going on with your FET cycle right now???  Fill us in.

 

 

AFM - I swear that Lupron makes me crave sweets!!!!  The last couple of days I have been wanting something sweet to drink.  Normally I only drink water, but we have some pop in the fridge for others that come and the last two days i have had a sprite. Mmmmm... tasted so good.  Anyone else get cravings while on suppression?  Not much else going on here.  Just waiting for AF to show up like i said above... probably Fri, Sat or Sun.  I'm suppose to have my annual pap on Monday that i wasn't able to reschedule, so I just left it and will just cancel that morning if AF shows up this weekend.


After 5 failed IUI's & 6 failed IVF's we threw in the towel w/ ART and then got a NATURAL miracle BFP! Hoping and praying it is finally our take home baby!  Mother to our twins boys in heaven -lost at 22.5wks on 6/20/09 and 1 other little angel in heaven.

Our Miracle has arrived... Caden James...

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#382 of 965 Old 10-06-2011, 02:21 PM
 
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Blue, we had a seatbelt for our one dog--the rescue dog from Mexico-- because he needed to be restrained when we first had him and started traveling with him.  He absolutely had no car legs-- everytime we turned or hit the brakes even gently, he was toppling over.  And that made him tense all the time.  The seat belt worked great.  I don't know how it works now exactly, because we haven't needed to use it for a long time (he did develop car legs over time), and it was my DH who put it in the car-- we have a sport utility and so the dogs rode in the back with the seats folded down, and what I do know is that the seat belt was such that it kept him to one side while our other dog had the other side.  He could sit up and lay down, but couldn't move otherwise.  Yeah, our other dog-- the Golden Retriever-- is so mellow, I actually went down a slow-moving (not too deep) river with her on an air mattress one summer, and she loved it.  Of course, she and I did that before we got the other dog-- it was before my DH, too.  Boy, that was a fun summer-- the two of us traveling around the West Coast.  Road trips can be such great times with your pet-- you and Abby can plan to have a couple of stops, pack a picnic or grab some take-out, take a few pics along the way... Thanks for the reassuarance about the meds, btw -- that's encouraging to know that some people don't get side effects.  I'm still trying to figure out if I do-- the estrace is by mouth, and sometimes I think that I'm a little nauseous, but it could be beacuse of my pre-natal, too.  The prometrium is like these little pearl-like balls, and those are taken vaginally.  That's a little messy. 


Me & DH ; DS (Aug 2010) ; DD1 (May 2012) ; DD2 (Nov 2013)
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#383 of 965 Old 10-06-2011, 07:57 PM
 
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hi ladies,

 

feeling really down today.  i'm finding myself getting depressed in the evenings and i'm not sure how to get over it.  yesterday my mom triggered me... she started asking all these questions about what the drs said, etc.  of course i haven't even spoken to the drs yet and i have no answers.  today it was facebook, a high school friend announced she's pregnant with her third child.  three!  and i can't even have one! 

 

all i can think about is how a year ago i figured this would be a breeze.  yes my dh had sperm issues but at least i was fine and we'd find a way to get pregnant.  now we both seem to have issues and i feel so helpless.  and hopeless.  ww is helping because at least i feel in control again, i've lost 10 lbs in one week, but i think most of that was hormone/af weight.  my dh is sad that i cry every night, but i don't know how to get out of this funk.  

 

i'll be back for personals later, sorry, just had to vent. :(

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Making babies! Twins due June 10, 2013. joy.gif
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#384 of 965 Old 10-07-2011, 02:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Aura, I just wanted to give you a big hug and say I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know it has to be difficult...getting the BFNs over and over again is just the most depressing thing and really has widespread affects on your life. just try to take as best care of yourself as possible. i hope that your dh is also taking good care of you and that you two are really helping each other through this difficult time. it's so important to have the support.

 

I am trying to stay away from facebook because I think it's really depressing during this time. I can't take any more announcements or photos of newborn babies when i can't seem to get pregnant. Maybe you should take a break too?

 

However, yah for losing so much weight! It doesn't matter what weight it is...a pound is a pound!! i'm so happy for you and i'm hoping that the empowerment from losing the weight translates into other areas of your life, like your fertility!!!

 

As for your REs, I can't believe they still haven't called you. This really is unconscionable to me...after all the time, effort and heartache that went into this, the least they can do is give you a call to discuss and hopefully, to give you a plan of action. It's just ridiculous that they haven't. Have you tried calling them to demand some time?

 


Attempted induction at 38 weeks; ended up with a c-section.

In love with my baby boy Colin and baby girl Sienna!

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#385 of 965 Old 10-07-2011, 06:41 AM
 
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blue, I hope you either get your free baby, or AF decides to cooperate this weekend. You know I'm always thinking of you! blowkiss.gif

Tenzin, my RE didn't really know why it wasn't working for us, so we took all those things as a precautionary protocol. The only thing out of the range of normal was my FSH, and my RE thought maybe I was starting to just need more stimulation to ovulate mature eggs. It's weird to still not really know why we needed help, but I've come to peace with it and hope that it won't be an issue when we try to have another child.

As for being on here, I find it really generous that you ladies open your hearts to me and let me stick around. I have several ladies on here that I shared my journey with and who I just have to stalk and root for, and in the process I've gotten attached to all the rest of you, too. This is just such a hard journey, and you ladies all deserve to get your babies!

You mention that I must have gone through a lot. I've put a lot of thought into that. Yes, we went through a lot of waiting, procedures, and loss, but we were also really lucky and got our DD on our first IVF. When we were going through the struggle, the hardest thing for us was not knowing what would happen, and if we could ever get pregnant at all with a healthy baby. Now that we've had our DD, it feels like it automatically disqualifies us from saying we had it hard somehow...even though it WAS hard. The thing is, that tormentuous "not knowing" is gone, and looking back 2 1/2 years of TTC isn't THAT long in our life. I don't know if this is coming across clear. What I'm trying to say is that 2 1/2 years was an ETERNITY when we didn't know, but now that we do know it's changed the whole picture. What I'm trying to say is that infertility is a journey that is so hurtful because, when you're in it, for however long, you live with uncertainty and perpetual grief. It's a grief that is hard to come to terms with because it becomes fresh and raw with every failed cycle. This grief and uncertainty that I KNOW is a part of infertility make me then feel like an imposter hanging around here, and makes me worry that my presence may cause someone pain because, not matter how hard it was for us, we did get to move on. It makes me so grateful that you ladies let me continue to be a part of the community. I think AlexisMom said that infertility changes a person, and I certainly feel like a part of me will always be in this forum. I hope you ALL get to hold your babies in your arms soon, and put this chapter of your lives behind you. grouphug.gif

Our little miracles are here!!joy.gif
energy.gif DD Born 7/15/11 biggrinbounce.gif DS Born 4/3/13
love.giflove.gif Keep growing healthy and strong, beautiful little fighter babies!!!

Auntie to Nell, Greta, Maggie, and Elsa!

Remembering our 3 losses
 

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#386 of 965 Old 10-07-2011, 08:02 AM
 
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Aura and Tear- both of your posts leave me sitting here crying, my heart breaks for everyone going through this and I want so bad for all of you to get your dream. 


Loving life with DH, DD-8/98lady.gif, & our miracle twins 12/4/10babyboy.gifbabygirl.gif after 3 IVF's and 3 yrs TTC

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#387 of 965 Old 10-07-2011, 09:43 AM
 
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aura - (hugs) I can so relate.  Back when we first found out that we were having troubles getting pregnant, that was about 2001 and had been 2 years since we started, I felt so defeated.  I would spends days in bed and cried until there were no more tears and then I would just stare at the wall.  Every procedure we had would give us hope and then a huge let down.  We started our first round of clomid in 2003 and we could only do it for 3 cycles at a time.  Each month was torture.  Meanwhile, my SIL had 1 ovary and got pregnant without trying.  Friends around me were all announcing pregnancies left and right.  It got to the point where I didn't want to see or talk to anybody.  We used clomid off and on for quite some time.

 

We took about a year off and then in 2009 finally got in to see a really good RE.  He discovered that DH had a problem too and no amount of clomid was going to help us.  I WAS PISSED that my old doctor never checked my husband.  We lost years!  Back to depression I went.  Nothing could make me happy and I was basically just going through the motions of living.  When DH's surgery failed to help, it killed us a little more inside.  Every time we had a silver lining, it was ripped out from under us.

 

Even now, I feel like this isn't actually happening and it will get taken away like the last baby.  It's a terrible feeling.  I'm telling you all this so you know that you are not alone and we know how much this hurts.  I wish I could make this work for you, but I can't.  All I can do is listen and hopefully you can feel our virtual hugs.  It would probably be a good idea to stay away from facebook for a while or at least block those who are pregnant and have new babies.  Perhaps volunteering at a shelter or library or find something to fill the time when you feel the saddest.  While it's ok to feel sad, deep depression is not a joke and I wish that I would have found something to make me feel better during my darkest times.  It's just something to think about... 

 

Please vent to us any time you need to!


Me: 33 PCOS Him: 33 vericocele
13 long years of TTC using various methods before the twins finally came - Too much history to list
IVF #1 11 weeks
IVF #2 Liam and Maisie (now 2 years old)
IVF #3 BFN and no frosties
IVF #4 BFP!!!! Twins again!

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#388 of 965 Old 10-07-2011, 01:42 PM
 
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Aura - We all know how you feel, and it's okay to share your feelings. I know the roller coaster ride that we've all been on every month as we get AF and we get a little more pessimistic and cynical about the world around us. When we have bitter feelings towards someone who is pregnant or has children, then we feel guilt for feeling bitter and jealous. Being invited to a friend's baby shower and not wanting to go or to hold the baby. Having to work with pregnant people and watching them grow bigger every day and talk about feeling the baby moving, etc. It all builds up inside of us and sometimes we have to cry and rage and vent and get it out or we might just explode.

 

Kewpie - I understand that you can't really believe it is really happening and that you may fear that if you let yourself start believing, it will be taken away from you. That's a familiar feeling. It's so hard to keep hoping after so much disappointment. I find myself being very pessimistic sometimes, like when AF is a bit late I think "why waste money on a pregnancy test when it's just going to be negative anyway?"

 

Does anyone else feel like you've become a "glass half empty" kind of person (in general, in all aspects of your life) because of your infertility?

 

Tear - I get what you're saying and sometimes I feel the same way. What right have I to weap and moan when I have a child already? The journey is no less painful the second time around, unfortunately. I actually feel worse now than I did before. Looking back, I was pretty naive the first time around and we were very lucky to have it so easy the first time. I also felt like I had lots of time then, and my husband and I wanted the same things at that time as well. It wasn't until after DD was born that he changed his mind and declared that he was done with it. Now time ticks by louder and louder and I'll be "celebrating" my 38th birthday in a week. Blah. I guess I wouldn't feel as desperate if I was younger and had a supportive husband to help me cope.

 

AFM - I have been crying and depressed all week and now I've finally got the phone call today - my HCG is 1.6. No more baby. I thought this would be my darkest day but I feel more at peace now that I've vented all my emotions. I've let out all the depair and anger towards fate and my husband (last night I really hated him) and I went back to a list I made a few years ago of 25 things I'm thankful for and reread it. Now I actually feel pretty lucky to have what I have (though the feeling never lasts very long). Although my journey with infertility started 7 years ago, I'm really lucky to have a beautiful child as a result. Sometimes I find myself focusing inwards too much and the more miopic my world gets, the more depressed and angry I feel. This forum helps me to see there are others out there with similar problems and feelings and I'm not alone.  Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and feelings.

 

Live one day at a time and keep your head up. Carpe diem, and all that.


TTC since 2004

IUI Sept 2006 - BFN

IVF 2007 - beautiful DD stillheart.gif

Single FET June 2011 - BFN

Single FET Sept 19/11 - BFP, then BFN by the next week. No joy.

 

 

 

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#389 of 965 Old 10-07-2011, 05:37 PM
 
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aura, tear, kewpie and purple-- I really don't know what to say here, other than I am deeply touched by your honest expression of emotions and the sharing of your personal stories with IF.  Many strong thoughts and emotions have flooded me as I read each of your words, and I have an outpouring of tears.  Many things resonate with me with so much.

 

purple, I don't know if I would say I am 'glass half-empty' kind of person at this time in my life, but I certainly was for many years, as I struggled with anxiety and depression on and off from about the age of 10.  In my twenties, when I first began struggling with IF in my first marriage, I didn't get as down about it then because I was going through a lot in that relationship (it wasn't always the most healthy of one).  So if I had a failed cycle, I would pacify myself by telling myself that it was for the best anyway, and then I would think about leaving the relationship because of all the issues, and then back to a honeymoon/ttc'ing stage we would be... it continued like this for a long while and then eventually I found the strength to leave.  When I met my DH four years ago and discovered what a healthy, happy relationship was like (and by saying that, I'm not implying that we don't have our arguments and our annoyances and all that sometime-- we do), I just thought that I wouldn't have children, because I was 38 at the time we met and I had this IF cloud (Unexplained) hanging over me for so long.  It's been a roller coaster, where one day I would feel hopeful and then next day I would be in despair, but I don't know if I ever felt half-empty most of the time in the past 4 years... However, having said that, anxiety is another issue.  I have to be careful with that in all areas of my life, and with IF, unfortunately, it likes to rear it's ugly head.  When I was pregnant with my DS, two months after the bfp my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, and my mom slipped into a depression... and I struggled with reconciling the fact that I was carrying new life while it was looking like my dad may lose his-- dealing with beginnings and endings all at once.  It somehow felt like I didn't deserve to have things going 'too well' for me in life, and that's why those things were happening.  Then, I stressed that all my stress would affect the baby, and I ended up seeking some therapeutic help to get me through it all, and then into the post-natal months for a bit, too.  (My dad ended up doing well with treatments and they can't find any signs of the cancer since finishing it in July of 2009-- yay!)  Anyway, I share all that because those experiences have colored my thoughts and feelings going into this pregnancy, and though I'm not feeling 'half-empty-like' I am thinking, 'Okay, what is going to come my way this time around'.  Even if I didn't have those specific experiences forming part of my lens, IF certainly does... it's taken away any innocence I might have had otherwise.  I don't take anything good that happens for granted.  In fact, this 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' is actually not a good way to be, so I'm working on being cautiously optimistic.  And because of IF, I have been filled me with thoughts and feelings that I have a hard time admitting to myself, when it comes to things like others' pregnancy announcements, etc.  Jealousy, envy, hurt, grief, anger... But, I know that is so normal to go through that... and I have to work on forgiving myself in a lot of ways for different things.  The one thing I definitely have taken solace in has been sharing my experiences with others who could walk in my shoes--those who know what IF feels and looks like. 

 

grouphug.gifI just want for each of us to have what we are hoping and dreaming for, so badly, that it hurts.


Me & DH ; DS (Aug 2010) ; DD1 (May 2012) ; DD2 (Nov 2013)
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#390 of 965 Old 10-07-2011, 05:54 PM
 
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It is amazing to read all your stories. Thank you all for being so open.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by blueyezz4 View Post

Treehugger - I'm sure this thread will be around when you need it.  I hope for our sake that we aren't here but you never know unfortunately!!  I'm not familiar with your DH's condition? Can you explain a bit?  Good luck to you and congrats on your upcoming wedding (whenever it is).

 


Thanks :) It seems like a very active and supportive community. My fiance has congenital bilateral absence of the vas deferens (CBAVD). Quote "It results from improper development of the vas deferens and causes infertility. The vas deferens is a tube through which sperm travel from the testi to the ejaculatory duct. A man born with CBAVD typically produces sufficient quantities of sperm. But, the sperm never reach their intended destination because there is no transport system." Does that make sense? I have been doing a lot of research, and I think that ICSI/IVF is the best option. That being said, it is very overwhelming and scary. I'm also worried about my own fertility, but I don't have the finances (yet) to explore further.

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