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#121 of 253 Old 03-15-2012, 06:52 AM
 
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Sourire: I totally feel you on the sugar binge! I made Irish Potato Candy for my co-workers for St. Patrick's Day, and I ended up eating what felt like a million of them. They're just so darn good. Maybe that's why I was all weepy and cranky last night and this AM. I'm sorry you and DH had a fight, but maybe you'll have some awesome make up sex later tonight!!! Glad you caught the Femara in time. Not sure what CD you're on, but I know there is a little flexibility in when you start it. Even still, 2am is a good catch in my book!

 

Ladies, I woke up this AM to a chilly, dreary looking day, and I have to say that my mood matched. I didn't sleep well last night because I was super anxious about having already O'd and missing my window. I had to give myself a strenuous pep talk in the mirror that all was going to be OK. Well, let me tell you... it's more than OK. It's pretty amazingly awesome!!!! RE said he's looking for follicles that are between 16 and 22 - I had a 17 and a 19 on the right side!!!! And, I think I've mentioned before that he wants the lining to be at least 6mm and a structure rating of 1. Wait for it.... my lining was 11mm and a (1) !!!! I'm doing somersaults (well, in my head), I'm so excited. My lining has always been around 7mm, so this is a huge improvement. Going back for IUI #1 this afternoon and then #2 tomorrow! Yippee!!!!

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#122 of 253 Old 03-15-2012, 06:14 PM
 
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Sourire- Must be the weather or the moon or something. I am sitting here munching on Jelly beans (starburst fav-reds) and did all day yesterday as well... I know I shouldn't but I just can't stop. I will give you every detail on the surgery! I am planning on going back to work Monday (Thursday surgery) only because I have to. I don't get paid if I don't work and I can't waste vacation days or else I won't get any vacation this year (I only get 2 weeks). I would guess if you have it you can take more time. They suggest at least one week- possibly 2 out of work- just not realistic for my life right now. As far as scheduling it just happens to fall in that time for me, they will do anytime of your cycle. Good save on remembering the Femara in the middle of the night!

 

teresa- OMG all of those things sound amazing. Getting all that bad energy out let you focus all the good energy on amazing follicles and lining, YAY!!! Hope you had an easy IUI and another tomorrow :)

 

hope- you and DH sound like you are so well planned. I understand clearing the air before it becomes a problem- DH asks me from time to time when I say/do/respond in a crazy way whether it is just the meds. Sad to say most of the time I just don't know... somehow when our minds are that distorted we cannot comprehend that it is just the meds, our minds really do feel like it is that big a deal when on a normal day it would not be. Oh the things we do for babies! Yippee for O though!!! Get this thing started!

 

Sila- oh you are so brave and committed as I sit here eating jelly beans... I cannot say no to sugar. Though I try, it is my achilles heal. How long is this candidia diet before the fungus is all gone?? I'm excited for your new appt on Monday- only a few more days!

 

wave.gif Hi Wissa- we are pulling for you guys too!!

 

AFM- Nothing exciting today other than jelly bean eating. Well that and I think a cold is trying to invade my personal space. My nose is stuffy and post nasal drippy- little cough little sneeze. Hoping to sleep it off. 2 more days til test day. I feel not pregnant. sigh...


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#123 of 253 Old 03-15-2012, 06:28 PM
 
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Teresa - I knew it! I knew you hadn't ovulated yet! Did you trigger this morning then or tomorrow? I hope IUI #1 went well today and that the second does as well! I forget, does DH have any swimmer issues? Woohoo for excellent lining too!

 

Hope - It's kind of bittersweet that you guys know what to expect since you've done this before. I hope it truly works to your benefit and that you guys come out on the other side soon. It sounds like your DH is a great teammate and parter to know what he needs to do even if he isn't necessarily doing it with a smile and servant heart.

 

Hope/tfairy - DH and I didn't follow instructions to avoid/use protection given to us by our acupuncturist and I miraculously got pg only to lose the pregnancy around 5wks. Though I'm EXTREMELY stubborn, I think I might also be a little superstitious now. I just have to wonder...if we had listened none of that would have happened.

 

Sourire/Teresa - Have some treats for me! Sigh...

 

Sourire - I can just imagine you flying out of bed at 2am! That's what I would have done. Glad you remembered!

 

AFM - Boring. Just counting the days until my appt and until I'm done with Provera. I'm going to compile a little list of questions this weekend to take with me monday. We scheduled a camping trip for the second week in April and I'm hoping that AF comes in a timely manner and that our camping won't interfere with monitoring. 

 

 

 

 


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#124 of 253 Old 03-15-2012, 07:35 PM
 
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Hi ladies. Sorry I've been so quiet lately. I've been reading and thinking of all of you. I want things to go well so badly for all of you. I've been having a hard time with things and am upset with myself because I missed my appointment with the counselor. I thought it was this morning and was all ready to go when I realized it was actually yesterday. They rescheduled me for next Thursday without a problem. Phew! I'm going to test tomorrow morning since I know I ovulated the Friday before last. Technically my 14dpo will be Saturday, but since the uptown clinic isn't open on weekends I'm having my beta on Monday. Saturday is also mine and dp's 7th anniversary, so it would be nice to be celebrating a BFP too. I'm getting a lot of symptoms from the progesterone, but I don't *feel* pregnant. I'll let you know how the testing goes tomorrow.


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#125 of 253 Old 03-16-2012, 04:52 AM
 
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Sourire - She is very nice, I think I'm liking her!!  LOL on waking up at 2am to take the Femara.  I can just imagine the panic upon waking up and realizing that you forgot it!!!

teresa - That's AWESOME!!!  Nice pretty follies, a great lining, it's an amazing lead up into what I'm hoping is your BFP!!


tf2b -  It's so true though, is it the meds?  Is it crazy hormones?  Is it this journey wearing on us?  Who knows.  I hope you can fight off the cold, it's this crazy weather that I think EVERYONE is getting.  Ugh...  I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you for tomorrow and testing.  Let us know.


sila - It really is bittersweet.  We're really hoping that we learned enough from past experiences to make it easier this time around.  I really am lucky that he is such a great partner.  He admits that he doesn't understand some of the reasoning behind why we go through some of the things that we go through, but he's willing to do it, for me (and our DD).  The main one being that he is willing to go right to donor sperm, which we could do an IUI then instead of IVF.  But I know, and he has admitted to me, that he would love a biological baby.  I'm a lucky woman, I really am.  After we went through primary IF we actually split up for a year, and I thought there was no way he'd ever take me back.  But in all HIS insanity, he did with open arms.  A very, very good man, I am a very, very lucky woman.

Ugh, thanks for the FYI there.... it's so hard to believe that it actually COULD happen, isn't it?  Which makes it easy to NOT follow directions.... although admittedly my RE didn't say anything about us abstaining....

It's getting close!!  I love camping!  Where are you guys going?  We are camping for our anniversary this year, and I'm hoping that I'll be nice and uncomfortable sleeping in a tent, hoping that I'll be a couple months pregnant!!!
 

 shesaidboom - I've been wondering about you.  I'm so sorry that it's been so tough for you lately.  IF really does suck.  Badly.  I wish that none of us had to go through it, we don't deserve it.  I'm glad that your counseling appt got rescheduled.  Big hugs, sending baby dust your way for tomorrow.  goodvibes.gif



Me: 34, DH: 36, DD born 7/25/10 After 4 years of trying and failed IVF treatments (missing my angels).  IVF/ICSI worked this time! DS born 1/8/13!



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#126 of 253 Old 03-16-2012, 06:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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teresa - I'm supposed to start the Femara on CD3 but the nurse said to count CD1 as the first day of heavy bleeding and I only had heavy bleeding on CD2 so I started the Femara on CD4.

2 follies = double the chances I hope! And your lining sounds incredible! I hope this new approach is what gets you your BFP. Did you RE confirm whether you were on the verge of Oing on your own? How big have your follicles been for previous IUIs?

toothfairy - I hope you have a really quick recovery so that you have no problem going back to work after. If I get a note from a doctor I can take my recovery time as paid sick days so I can get as much time off as I want, I'm very lucky.

Whenever I have any doubt about whether my behavior is due to the meds or not, I blame it on the meds! It makes me feel less bad for acting that way, and DH feels less bad too because he knows that I didn't really mean whatever I said or did. Everyone wins!

Sila - I'm a big fan of having lists of questions for the RE. My next appointment is in 2 weeks and I've already started my mental list. DH and I even rehearse the list together before we go so that DH fully understands why I am asking each question and what I want the RE to do, that way he can back me up.

shesaidboom - I'm so sorry you missed your appointment. Thank god you got another one soon. Its ok to find things hard, we just have to take things one day at a time and do the best we can. I'm really hoping for a surprise BFP for you this morning.

Hope - when you and your DH separated was it before or after you got pregnant with your DD? Can you give the rest of us some advice on how to avoid having relationship issues? I'm always worried that I'll drive DH away with my crazy behavior when I'm on meds. He's mentioned that I talk about TTC/IF way too much so I've been making a conscious effort to talk more about stuff he's interested in. He also says I should "turn my tongue in my mouth 10 times" (French expression) before I say something hurtful which is a lot harder for me to do!

AFM - I have this plan to help minimize med side effects which worked really well for me last month: eat healthy, get at least 8.5 hours of sleep per night, and do yoga at least every other day. All of these are things that make me feel really good and they tend to offset the crappy feelings I get on meds. We'll I've totally abandoned all 3 of those things in the past week, and now I feel like crap! I really need to start doing them again.

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#127 of 253 Old 03-16-2012, 08:44 AM
 
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BFN. There's still a small chance that I'll get a BFP tomorrow or Monday, but I doubt it. I know I definitely ovulated two Fridays ago, so it should show up by now.


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#128 of 253 Old 03-16-2012, 06:00 PM
 
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shesaidboom - I'm so sorry.  I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that it will be a BFP, but I wanted to send you hugs.
 

Sourire - At least you know what helps/makes the cycle worse!  That's awesome, now you just have to keep up the taking care of yourself!!

Hope - when you and your DH separated was it before or after you got pregnant with your DD? Can you give the rest of us some advice on how to avoid having relationship issues? I'm always worried that I'll drive DH away with my crazy behavior when I'm on meds. He's mentioned that I talk about TTC/IF way too much so I've been making a conscious effort to talk more about stuff he's interested in. He also says I should "turn my tongue in my mouth 10 times" (French expression) before I say something hurtful which is a lot harder for me to do!

Oh boy.  We split before getting pregnant with DD.  We were apart for a year.  Let me start by telling you what we did WRONG.  We talked about TTC/IF, a lot.  But we didn't really TALK.  I think we were trying to protect ourselves so we kept the conversations a little too 'surface' if that makes sense.  I mean, we discussed our fears, but there were things that weren't understood.  He didn't understand my reluctance to move to donor sperm.  He never clearly communicated that he was OK with going in that direction.  I had a difficult time communicating why it was so important to me to carry our child.  I had a hard time communicating exactly how the hormones made me feel.   I touched on the subject of getting on some meds for depression, and he scoffed at it instead of listening to what I was trying to tell him.  So instead of pushing, or just doing it, I let him make me feel like it would mean I was weak.  With each canceled cycle, each BFN, we didn't take the time to grieve the loss.  We just dove into the next cycle, the next attempt.  We didn't realize that we needed to grieve, so we never talked about it.  Because of these things that we didn't discuss, I started to find myself blaming.  Him that we were going through IF.  Me that my embies didn't stick.  Instead of getting counseling right away I sunk into myself and started drinking.  When I looked at him I could only see what 'he' couldn't give me.  It was a severe downward spiral into depression and I still didn't get help.  By the time we tried marriage counseling, I was too far gone and only went to a couple of appointments.  

 

The advise I can give.  First is to communicate.  I know that this 'seems' like an obvious one, but you need to take it a step further.  If one day you're having a really hard time because you're the one that has to take all the hormones, etc, you NEED to tell him.  But not in an accusatory way, which is easier said than done.  You need to explain to him going into the conversation that you are just trying to let him know how you are feeling and why.  Then tell him.  If you are feeling things but are keeping them in because you think it will hurt him, then seek counseling to have them help you through how to talk to your partner.  Allow yourself time to grieve, be it grieving between cycles, before moving onto the next step, grieve it being biologically yours if there is a donor involved, etc.  If you feel yourself hitting rock bottom, then DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  Take a cycle off, get on some meds, whatever.  Only you can tell what it is that you need, but you need to listen to yourself, reach deep inside and identify what it is that you need.  When I hit that boiling over point it was just too late, and that's when everything fell apart.  

 

We got to the point where we couldn't even have a civil conversation.  He started sleeping in the guest bedroom.  Then he moved out and in with his mom.  Then I took a job and moved almost 4 hours away.  The only reason we talked at all was because we still owned a home together.  I am thankful for that damn house, because after I moved we both went on with our lives, and it kept us in communication.  We both got counseling on our own, and eventually we became friends again, and then I think we both realized why we fell in love in the first place.  And we started over.

 

So my last piece of advise is this: when it gets bad, when you feel like it's rock bottom, take the time to remember WHY you are here and doing this.  What made you fell in love with that person.  If you don't want to let him hold you, do it anyway.  Cuddle.  Go away when it's not around O time for a long weekend and do whatever it is you have to do to make the other person feel sexy, and to make YOU feel sexy.  Bring it back to before it became baby making sex.  Rekindle those hours you used to spend talking about everything and nothing (that has nothing to do with TTC and IF).  Remember why you fell in love in the first place.

 

I know that's a lot, and it may not help.  But if one little thing I said does, then that's a good thing!!!  It was honestly one of the worst times in my life, one of the few things that I almost regret.  THIS is why we refused to try again without the counseling.  
 

 



Me: 34, DH: 36, DD born 7/25/10 After 4 years of trying and failed IVF treatments (missing my angels).  IVF/ICSI worked this time! DS born 1/8/13!



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#129 of 253 Old 03-16-2012, 08:25 PM
 
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I had grand plans of personals but I'm just too pooped. I'll try agin tomorrow.

 

I'm watching my pregnant best friends this weekend. I especially say "I" because DH works graveyards and sleeps most of the day so I'm doing it all with 3 kiddos. It's fun but I'm tired! 1 day down, one to go! I can tell my friend tries really hard not to complain about how sick and terrible she is feeling in my presence because she knows I would give anything to feel like that. Last night she was definitely wearing maternity jeans and she's only 7wks and of course not showing. It really pissed me off for some reason. Vent over.

 

I've had some cramping on and of today and would love for it to mean AF is coming sooner than later. I've also been a bottomless pit today and that is another good sign. Thanks to my diet I binged on rice cakes and tahini because they seemed so good. But not as good as chocolate. 2 more days of Provera...


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#130 of 253 Old 03-17-2012, 07:12 AM
 
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BFN here too, on top of the head cold from hell. Happy St Paddys Day, hope someone is making good use of my share of luck...

C + B + 10y together, 5y married, 4y TTC= endometriosis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, recurrent miscarriages
IVF 1/6/13 angel.gif @10w , FET 5/21/13 angel3.gif @7w, IVF 10/11/13 angel.gif @5w, FET 2/2/14 angel.gif @5w
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#131 of 253 Old 03-17-2012, 10:09 AM
 
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I'm so sorry ladies. Why can't we get some luck in here? grouphug.gif


Nikki crochetsmilie.gif, partner to Jeremy guitar.gif. Baby Joshua Nolan is finally here after a many year struggle with infertility. I blog at www.loliecraft.blogspot.com. dog2.gifcat.gifhamster.jpghamster.jpg

 

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#132 of 253 Old 03-17-2012, 02:01 PM
 
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How soon have you ladies tested after a 3 day or 5 day embryo transfer? What was the outcome? Please note whether it was a 3 day or 5 day transfer.

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#133 of 253 Old 03-18-2012, 04:50 PM
 
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saphrons- I'm not sure how much help we will be, I believe our only IVFers are renavoo (graduate- FET), and hope4light... I wish you great luck and hope that you get your BFP soon!

 

shesaidboom- does seem like we just can't quite get on the lucky train right now... hopefully the spring brings up better fertility!

 

silamarila- I hope AF is making her appearance soon so you can get a move on! Good Luck with your appointment tomorrow, I hope they have a better insight to what will work for you.

 

hope4light- wow, you are so lucky that everything held together so you could make it work again. Thanks for your insight into parenting in general but more so parenting after IF. It is one benefit we have from trying so hard, we have a lot of time to appreciate the patience/love/support from our spouse and learn to ask for all of those things when we need them. I hope this is it for you, when do you get your test results. Seeing all the meds must be exhilarating and overwhelming... so many possibilities.

 

Sourire- Are you starting a Femara cycle now? I agree that working out and relaxing certainly keeps the crazy feeling at least controllable. I'm really pulling for you to graduate- come on BFP! When is your next RE appt- will you be inquiring about laproscopy?

 

AFM- AF is trying her damndest to come early... I think she will hold off until tomorrow but the spotting/cramps have been pretty bad. I may 'forget' to go for my beta tomorrow. It just seems silly since AF is here and I'm not doing anther cycle AND I'm changing doctors... I am feeling remarkably at peace, like any other day. I guess I didn't think this would work from the start so it doesn't hurt as bad. It helps that this is 'cheat week' and I have indulged in everything I haven't eaten since Jan 1st. Including but not limited to: pizza. cadbury mini eggs, ice cream with hot fudge, birthday cake, chinese food, munchkins, a raspberry croissant. I did make a nice healthy salad with grilled chicken and asparagus tonight because I don't think my body can handle more crap right now, my stomach is so sick. I am in every form punishing my body for not behaving... punishing myself too, but I do think if I saw a shrink they would relate my bad eating to what I just said, some subliminal or something way of punishing my body and myself I spose for not living up to my own expectations. I have myself all figured out, probably why I stay so stable through this crap , I've taken enough psychology to analyze myself and snap out of feeling bad for myself. At least for today, right?! Ohh let's think, anything torturous this weekend... I saw a movie that the previews had ' What to expect when you're expecting' and DH was even like WTF it is seriously everywhere. He said the same thing when we walked our dog today and there is an open house around the corner with a family getting out- 3ish yr little girl, newborn baby, parents both glowing-- ugh, that was our dream... Also, my cousin adopted my pretty kitty this weekend. I am happy she is at a new home and I hope they will love her. It is for the best, we really wanted to get down to just the dog for when we had a baby so we have been trying to get her adopted, but now she is gone and I still am not pregnant. Now after surgery I have no pretty little kitty to purr and snuggle me... DH is convinced she will be back in the next 6 mos anyway (cousin is 22 and just got an apt with his g/f and a roommate- at least they took our kitty for a trial run if needed instead of adopting a new kitty that would need a new home if it doesnt work out!!).  Wow, that was a long AFM- sorry ladies, not TTC is boring me already!


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#134 of 253 Old 03-18-2012, 07:48 PM
 
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Drive by to say... cait, shesaidboom - So sorry about the BFNs. greensad.gif Hoping that changes in the future bring better results!

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#135 of 253 Old 03-18-2012, 11:01 PM
 
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Thanks for all the well wishes.

 

toothfairy - I'm with you on wanting to "forget" to go to the beta.

 

My beta is early tomorrow morning and I just cannot sleep. I already know the answer, so it seems so pointless to go. Still, I'm trying to convince myself there is still a tiny chance. My lower back has been hurting badly over the past couple days, which I've never had before, and my nips are still really sore. Of course these are just more generic symptoms, but who knows. I want AF to show up as quickly as possible, but to be honest, I am dreading another cycle with injectibles. I am actually having panic attacks over it because of how sick they made me this time. I would be okay with it if I knew it was for IVF. A couple awful weeks and then we'd most likely have enough embryos for two or three rounds if needed. I can't do this two more IUIs and then IVF thing.


Nikki crochetsmilie.gif, partner to Jeremy guitar.gif. Baby Joshua Nolan is finally here after a many year struggle with infertility. I blog at www.loliecraft.blogspot.com. dog2.gifcat.gifhamster.jpghamster.jpg

 

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#136 of 253 Old 03-19-2012, 05:43 AM
 
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tf2b - I'm so sorry, big hugs.  hug2.gif   I'm glad that you're feeling at peace with this cycle.  Not good to punish yourself though!!  Try to take care, even though I know you're at peace!

I do consider it lucky that we were able to work things out.  I should hear sometime today to start Lupron, so I am very excited.  I couldn't fall asleep last night, I think in part because I was crazy thinking about today, and then crazy thinking about PIO in a few weeks!!
 

saph - I had a 3 day transfer in the past IVF life, and my beta was just about 2 weeks later.  By the end of the first week I just KNEW that I wasn't pregnant, and I was right.  I never did POAS, I just waited for the beta.
 

shesaidboom - hang in there, I'm hoping for a miracle BFP for you today a well.  I know what you mean about dreading another injectible cycle - they get really old, really quick.  And to know that you have at LEAST three more (potentially - the 2 IUI's and then IVF) is kinda disheartening.  I'm just hoping hoping hoping you don't need them!!  

 

AFM - just waiting to hear back on my bloodwork today, hoping to get this cycle started!!!



Me: 34, DH: 36, DD born 7/25/10 After 4 years of trying and failed IVF treatments (missing my angels).  IVF/ICSI worked this time! DS born 1/8/13!



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#137 of 253 Old 03-19-2012, 06:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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toothfairy, shesaidboom - so sorry to hear about the BFNs.

Hope - thanks for sharing your story. I cried when I read it, that must have been so hard. I am so glad for the advice you gave, I know it will definitely help me and DH.

saphrons - I wish I could give you input but I've never had an IVF yet. Best of luck with your testing.

Sila - I hope you survived the weekend and that AF shows up soon.

toothfairy - I would totally forget to go for the beta too if I were you. It seems like a waste of time. I hope that you're enjoying your punishment, all that junk food sounds pretty yummy!

shesaidboom - sorry about the panic attacks, they are not fun! Can't you just skip to the next step right away instead of doing 2 more IUIs? It sounds like they are causing you a lot of anxiety.

AFM - I just took my last dose of Femara yesterday. My ultrasound will be on Wednesday and I'll probably trigger then too. I have an appointment with my RE next week and I'll definitely try to convince him that I need a laparoscopy.

Me (32), married to DH (35)

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#138 of 253 Old 03-19-2012, 01:04 PM
 
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hope4light - you're exactly right.

 

Sourire - that's what I'd like to do but our RE said no. I made an appointment to see her again tomorrow and hopefully things will change.

 

 

AFM, had my beta this morning. I already knew the result, but it sucks to have it confirmed. I'm going to see my RE tomorrow to see if we can't do IVF now instead of waiting another two cycles that I already have no hope for. Come on AF, let's get this next cycle started!


Nikki crochetsmilie.gif, partner to Jeremy guitar.gif. Baby Joshua Nolan is finally here after a many year struggle with infertility. I blog at www.loliecraft.blogspot.com. dog2.gifcat.gifhamster.jpghamster.jpg

 

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#139 of 253 Old 03-19-2012, 03:57 PM
 
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Because I'm really excited about how things went at my appointment today and because DH is sleeping, I have to tell you guys! I'm sorry, I promise I'll go back to being less self-centered soon and do some personals when I have the time! Then Mothering was down ugh and now I only have a few min. If you aren't interested, just skip this post winky.gif

 

This RE was much different than my first one. So much more professional, knowledgeable and extensive! It was totally worth waiting the 2 + months to get in with him! 

 

He is definitely more concerned with DH's IF than with mine. He is confident we can make me ovulate no matter what, but not at all confident in DH's swimmers. He's ordered a Sperm Penetration Assay for DH (count, motility, morphology will be done at the same time). Basically seeing if his sperm can even penetrate an egg if they are put right in front of it. Results may be better than IRL because of the test conditions, and if they are good, then IUI us still an option. If they are 0 and poor, we'll being going straight to IVF. He also ordered b/w for DH since he has never had any and may send him to a Urologist as well. 

 

AFM - He answered all my questions very well. He was not happy that my previous RE did not do an HSG and I'll be scheduling it once I get AF. As for why I don't ovulate well on my own, he thinks it may just be my body's "normal" in a sense. Even though my FSH comes back within normal, it's not enough not make me ovulate. We don't know if a higher dose of Clomid will work until we try. Even so, I'll be on to injectables to get in 2/3 cycles if I'm not pg by then because we can only up the Clomid 2 more times. And because of my age, time is on our side blah blah blah. The official plan as far as meds will be decided after DH's penetration results. There were 2 things I had not been tested for recently that he tested for. DHEAS and testosterone. A yr ago I had my GP run all my hormones as a start and I'll have dig out the paper, but either DHEAS OR DHEA was quite high. If it's DHEAS there is something he can do to fix it that doesn't effect getting pg. If testosterone is high out of luck because BCP is the treatment. 

 

I had an u/s and he said my ovaries looked just as he expected. Polycystic, multiple follicles on each side like cottage cheese just like they always do. I took my last Provera yesterday and have been spotting with pretty good cramps since yesterday afternoon. My lining was 7 so coooome onnnnn AF! 

 

Plan for this cycle is the testing. It may or may not be too late to do something this cycle. After my HSG he may have me come in for a baseline to see if anything is happening on it's own (HAHA!)  and if not we can possibly do something this cycle. If it looks like chances will be better (depending on DH's results and waht we decided to do) to just start with a fresh cycle I'll be doing Provera or progesterone injection again.

 

Now I just have to break the news to DH and to somehow sneak in the fact that if his results are poor, then IVF is really our only option...


Married to my love stillheart.gif, Mommy to W ('09) homebirth.jpg and Doula.

 brokenheart.gifbrokenheart.gif God has answered our prayers & we welcomed our baby girl earth side 11/24/13 h20homebirth.gif

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#140 of 253 Old 03-19-2012, 04:21 PM
 
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tooth fairy & shesaidboom - So sorry for the BFN's. 

 

Sila - Sounds like your new RE is a good change for you.  He sounds a lot like my RE, who told me with my PCOS he could make me ovulate.  The only catch to that was how many eggs we would get, but in the end he was right!   I hope your DH's swimmers aren't so poor you have to skip right to IVF.  However, it sounds like if you do egg # & quality might not be an issue for you.  ...And if I remember correctly from all my research on PCOS, lowering your insulin resistance is thought to lower testosterone....

 

toothfairy - I like the new name...a fresh start all the way around.  I was reading your post and it broke my heart.  The longing for a family...I remember how much it hurts.  Seriously, you did crash your diet.  However, you know what I say to that  Whatever!!!  Honestly, all the diet changes never did anything for me.  In fact, the cycle I got my BFP I ate half a bag of choc chips.   In the end it was getting the ovulation meds right.  I'm so hopeful that the surgery will help you and give you some answers.  Did you ever ask them about why the 6 week wait?   When I had my lap they on told us to wait a few day before BD (I basically had no restrictions).  Anyway, it makes me think they looking at serious endo for you. 

 

Sourire - I hope this is the cycle for you.  What cycle number is this for you on femara?  Have they increased your dose or plan on doing anything different?

 

Hope - Good luck with this IVF cycle!

 

Teresa - How did the IUIs go?  How's the 2WW?

 

 


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#141 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 03:50 AM
 
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If I were superstitious, I would say that I am not meant to post here.  I wrote a nice intro post the other night, and then my puppy walked past and pulled my laptop cord out, and it crashed and I lost it.  I did another this morning, and then MDC went down, and I lost that one too.

 

I am hesitant enough to post here in the first place, and it's kind of like the universe is telling me not to!  But a few people have told me that I should check this thread out - most recently, a certain raptor-loving friend (and GRAD!).  I've ummed and ahhhed about it for a while now.  You can see in my sig that I'm certainly not the technical definition of "infertile", and I don't really wanna be in a place that I'm going to make anyone uncomfortable.  

 

But, I've been here (MDC) a long while now.  My "safe" threads, and their inhabitants have all but disappeared (ie, successful pregnancies).  I've been posting in the loss forums for what feels like a million years (three, actually), but I really don't fit there anymore.  It has had an incredibly high turnover in recent months, and I am getting tired of putting energy into people who ultimately leave and never come back.  I guess most of the women there really can't relate to recurrent loss.  Also, I'm getting into some pretty in depth testing, and plan on very high intervention in the next phase of ttc/pregnancy, which I don't think a lot of people understand either.

 

Anyhow, I've been reading along here for the last week or so.  I recognise a few faces too wave.gif.  I thought I should just throw myself out there and see if y'all would mind me hanging out here.  

If you think it will be awkward, just tell me - I can take it.  I won't be offended.  

 

PS: Sila - I'm glad you had such a productive RE appointment.

 


          Me & him and our beautiful fur boys Duke and Chopz
Forever missing our little ones lost
 
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#142 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 05:17 AM
 
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Sourire - thanks for asking!  It's a tough story, but the fact that we lived through it and came out the other side in one piece is proof positive that a good strong relationship can make it, even if it seems like it can't, or won't.  It's such a shitty road to be on, and if I can, at any time, help someone communicate better simply by telling my story, then I will tell it over and over and over again!!  Yeah for the last dose of Femara! 

shesaidboom - I'm so sorry about the BFN.  I'm glad that you're going to check into IVF now.  If it's wearing on you that much, and you're willing to move on, then the RE should be willing to listen. 


Sila - wow, that sounds like an awesome appointment!!  I'm so glad it went well!  It sounds like this RE really knows what you need in your specific situation.  Talk about building that trust from day 1, there is nothing better than feeling that way and being comfortable then with how he moves on.  It amazed me that my past RE hadn't done and HSG either, it seems like it's such standard protocal!  Hopefully if you have to wait it's only a cycle, and maybe the HSG will help force ovulation so it'll be a 'normal' cycle that allows you to move on!!  Keep us posted about the test for DH.  At least then you'll know, and won't continue to do something that really would never work for you.
 

Milk - Welcome!  You are absolutely welcome here!  Recurrent Loss fits into the IF world if you ask me.  So what that you can get pregnant, possibly unlike some of us, if you can't CARRY that pregnancy!!!  Have they done testing to try to figure out why the losses?  What are you doing now, and what are your next steps?  Fill us in!
 

 



Me: 34, DH: 36, DD born 7/25/10 After 4 years of trying and failed IVF treatments (missing my angels).  IVF/ICSI worked this time! DS born 1/8/13!



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#143 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 06:45 AM
 
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MILK!!! Please come here, so much easier to stalk you when I already stalk this thread! And there is at least one other lady here with RPL, though she doesn't post a lot right now. I'm so curious to hear about your plans for the future. Did you finally find someone to do all the special immune testing and treatment?

Other wonderful ladies, I know I am sucking at personals. I make so many comments in my head that never get typed. I will try harder!

Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, and one (9/13 @ 7w 6d); PCOS
*4***8***12***16***20***24***28***32**36***40** Oct 2014 - it's a
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#144 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 10:00 AM - Thread Starter
 
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shesaidboom - how did it go with your RE? Did you manage to convince her to let you do IVF? It seems silly that an RE would unilaterally decide what to do with your treatment without taking your opinion into consideration... after all it's your life, your body, your money and as long as they give you all the info you need to make the decision, it should be YOUR decision.

 

Sila - that's so exciting about your new RE! It sounds like this guy has what it takes to get you pregnant! I hope all the testing brings you the answers you need.

 

wissa - this is cycle 5 of Femara, cycle 4 of Crinone and cycle 3 of IUI. I really don't think its going to work but the plan was to do 3 IUI's so I'm just getting it over with so I can move on to other things. I have an appointment with my RE next week to discuss the next steps. I might ask them to increase my Crinone dosage at the same time, I feel like that's my only chance of things working this month.

 

Milk - welcome! I remember you from the BSL thread even though I didn't post much on there. I definitely think you belong in this group... after all we all want the exact same thing: getting to hold our baby in our arms, even though we all take different paths to reach that goal. What would you like your blurb to say in the first post?

 

 


Me (32), married to DH (35)

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#145 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 10:10 AM
 
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silamarila - I am so glad your RE experience was good! I'm so excited for you!

 

milk8shake - welcome! Of course you're welcome to post here. I hope we're able to support you on your journey.

 

Sourire - it went well. We are jumping on the IVF train! The only issue is my weight, which I need to drop fast.

 

 

AFM, so I talked to our RE and she agreed that we are ready for IVF. GOOD! She doesn't do IVF, so we will be doing it with another doctor at the clinic. The only issue is my weight is higher than they want it to be for IVF, so I need to lose some first. So I'm stepping up the diet. Instead of pictures of models on my fridge to keep me from eating, there will be a picture of a baby. I'm only half joking. Oh, infertility.


Nikki crochetsmilie.gif, partner to Jeremy guitar.gif. Baby Joshua Nolan is finally here after a many year struggle with infertility. I blog at www.loliecraft.blogspot.com. dog2.gifcat.gifhamster.jpghamster.jpg

 

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#146 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 11:33 AM
 
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toothfairy: BFNs suck – sorry friend.  I’m sorry you won’t be able to take more time off after your surgery. I hope the time you do get at home will be peaceful J Mmmm…. Cadbury Cream Eggs. Yum. Must find some now. Sorry you had to give your kitty up, but hopefully your cousin will fall in love with her.

 

SilaMarila: Camping sounds like so much fun! We used to camp every summer, but we’ve gotten out of the habit. I think I’ll propose a camping trip for June/July. It would be good to reconnect with Mother Nature.  I am so super psyched about your RE appointment. It would stink if you had to jump straight to IVF, but on the other hand, at least you have a plan with clear action steps. Looking forward to hearing about your HSG and DH’s spermie tests. April has got to be a better month for all of us… March kinda stunk. PS. Wearing maternity jeans at 7 weeks is just ridiculous. I’d be annoyed too. How’s the Candida diet going?

 

shesaidboom: I’m sorry about the BFN lovely lady. BUT, great news that your RE is going to support you on the road to IVF. When do you have your first appointment with the new doctor? I can’t believe you need to lose weight. You look like a skinny Minnie to me (on your wedding website). If you need to lose weight, then I’m in serious trouble come IVF time!! I know you’ll do great – a picture of a baby on the fridge is sure to be great motivation!

 

hope4light: thanks for sharing your story. I imagine your marriage is so much stronger now. With all the emotions we’re going through thanks to IF, it’s hard sometimes to use those communications skills we know we should be using. Did you start the Lupron? I’m so excited for your cycle!! Woo hoo!!!

 

Sourire: I love your “minimize med side effects” plan. Wish I could follow it too! I just don’t have that much discipline, sadly. Are you having your u/s Wednesday as in tomorrow? That seems like so soon after finishing your Femara! But I guess in Feb, I went in on CD10 too, so…. It just all goes so quickly sometimes. It was really torture waiting for CD15 this month!

 

Wissa19!!!! Missing you – I need to make time to go stalk you over on the grads thread J

 

chicajones: “chica, chica jones, where are you?” (Scooby doo theme) – I miss you!

 

Milk8Shake: Welcome! May your stay with us be short. I think we all agree that RPL falls into the realm of IF, and hopefully, we’ll be able to offer you support and comfort on your journey. Come here to scream, curse, cry, and even laugh sometimes – we’ll all be here to help in any way we can.

 

AFM: Various people asked various things of my cycles, so hopefully I’ll catch everyone. I think generally my follicles have been around 16 or 17 on trigger day. I’ve never had two strong follicles in one go, though. Technically, DH does not have sperm issues, but we’re in the process of reevaluating that situation.  I went back to the RE on Thursday afternoon for IUI #1 and my trigger shot. DH had gone to the office before me to give up the goods. Count was at 40 million with motility at 10-20%. Not great, but not the end of the world. IUI was fine … just the usual cramping. The HGC injection site always hurts for a few days after – does anyone else get that? We went back together on Friday AM. We waited over an hour for the sample to be cleaned only to find out that there was 0% motility. So, no IUI. I had to get to work so we didn’t discuss. Long story short, he ditched me Friday night to go out with friends (we were supposed to go to the movies). I was furious. Huge fight. Huge. Resolved it enough to have a decent weekend together. Talked to my therapist about it Monday. Figured out that he’s way behind me in processing all of this because he’s really only been “involved” for the last four months of IUIs. Previously, he didn’t have to actively do anything (other than have sex). Now, it’s more real for him. We had a good adult talk about it all last night. I told him that I won’t try to control him or tell him what to do, but he has to do something. I can’t be trying to make sure my lady parts are the best they can be if he’s not going to try and make sure his swimmers are the best they can be. I tried to reframe it for him and instead of saying that his swimmers suck (which is his view), I told him that his swimmers are good, but they could be better. And, I said that’s true for everyone. No one (or maybe some rare demi-god) has perfect swimmers, so there’s always room for improvement and it’s his job to make sure they are the best they can be. That seemed to resonate for him. Part of me feels like he’s a teenager who just doesn’t feel like doing the work. I told him that going straight to IVF or taking a month off (his suggestions) would be me letting him get away with not putting in the work. And I refuse to let him off the hook. So, he said he would call the doctor. We’ll see, but at least I got it all out on the table!! DH is visiting his fam in VT the next two days which I think will be good for both of us. Other than that, the 2ww has been relatively uneventful. Keeping my fingers crossed that one perfect sperm found one of my perfect eggs and that they are about to live happily ever after for nine months in my uterus J Thanks for listening ladies.

 

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#147 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 02:26 PM
 
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Sorry about all the bfn's, they totally suck. In the same boat. I give myself a day to feel sorry for myself and then I get motivated for the next cycle. Welcome milk, this is an amazing group of women!

 


artsy nurse (29) married to artsy grad student (32) since 2006. ttc #1 since may 2011  http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/374a78

 

 

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#148 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 03:11 PM
 
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Thanks y'all.  Maybe the universe isn't against me joining after all!  

 

I'm not going to jump straight into personals, because that would be well, too personal.  ROTFLMAO.gifI'd like to get to know you first!  

Monkey & Sourire, it's good to see some familiar faces - and Monkey, don't worry, I stalk you too... ever so quietly and sneakily.  

 

I guess I will fill you all in on me winky.gif <brace yourselves>

I've lost 5 pregnancies in the last three years.  It's been a long and rocky road, physically and emotionally.  We've had nearly every test in the book, and all of my babies seemed to have been fine, except my last little girl, who was found to have downs syndrome.  The problem appears to be with me, although they haven't been able to narrow down what the problem is - yet.

I do have a known uterine abnormality (unicornuate uterus) which basically means I have half a uterus.  I've known about this since I was about 20, and was always warned that it might make for a difficult pregnancy in the latter stages, but supposedly it is NOT the cause of my RPL.  Oh, and id I mention the endometriosis? 

 

The last two pregnancies I was taking aspirin, progesterone, and clexane.  I've also tried a vasodilator, with no success (obviously).  I'm reasonably convinced that I have some manner of immune issues, but none of the doctors I have seen (and there are a LOT) will take this seriously.  They all think I should just "keep trying".

 

Anyhow, I have an appointment next week with the "top" reproductive immunologist in Oz.  I'm flying interstate to see him, and to have a biopsy to test for natural killer cells.  Even if my test comes back negative or normal, I am going to ask for a prophylactic treatment plan, because I don't feel like I can do this again without a plan.  Also, I did email him my history a few weeks back, and he replied saying that he thinks he may be able to help. 

 

Having said all of that, after having a million and one tests, I don't have a lot of hope for this one.  I am definitely expecting my results to be normal, because that's what always happens.  I'm definitely not expecting any answers, because I haven't had any as yet.  I am totally underwhelmed by all of it, and I am past thinking that there is going to be some sort of "magic answer" to my issue.  I guess part of the reason that I ended up here is because I don't just want to be in a thread where there is blatant fake positivity.  I feel like I need realism and not blind optimism.

Which is not to say that I won't be secretly hopeful, but I don't want to get my hopes up.  It's tiring, and heartbreaking.  

 

Oh, and we are avoiding this cycle, due to the testing.

 

I guess my blurb can be:

 

Me (28) & Him (29) TTC#1 since 04/2009.  Battling recurrent pregnancy loss, endometriosis and a wonky uterus.  Currently on hiatus, awaiting NKC biopsy on 29/03.


          Me & him and our beautiful fur boys Duke and Chopz
Forever missing our little ones lost
 
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#149 of 253 Old 03-20-2012, 08:07 PM
 
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Welcome Milk8shake! I was on BSL too, changed my username (formerly cbaa2010). I'm glad you are here with us. I think RPL is certainly included. We all hope for eachother to graduate, long term, ASAP, but it is certainly my most favorite pace to pass the time. Your NKC appt & my Lap are the same day. Well, technically since I'm 24ish hours behind you it is the day before. i'll be thinkn of you!

Too late to post to all but I was reading along all day. Catch you in the Morning!

C + B + 10y together, 5y married, 4y TTC= endometriosis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, recurrent miscarriages
IVF 1/6/13 angel.gif @10w , FET 5/21/13 angel3.gif @7w, IVF 10/11/13 angel.gif @5w, FET 2/2/14 angel.gif @5w
Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.
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#150 of 253 Old 03-21-2012, 06:42 AM
 
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shesaidboom - yeah for jumping on the IVF train!  I'm so glad that your RE listened to you, it makes all the difference.  Have you met the other one in the practice that'll be doing the IVF yet?  Did you like her/him?  When are you going to get started?

teresa - yep, started Lupron Monday night, so I'm 2 shots (of too many) in LOL.  I'm sorry that you guys got into such a big fight, but it really sounds like you sat down and talked it out.  That's awesome, and will help so much to get through it all.  I'm hoping that you'll get your BFP!

mexi - sorry about the BFN hug2.gif

 

Milk - your story is heartbreaking to me.  I can't imagine getting pregnant only to lose it, again and again.  Keep pushing until they figure out what's wrong, obviously it's something or else you wouldn't be in this situation!!!  Unfortunately I don't know anything about RPL and causes....   I also think it's crap that they tell you to just keep trying.  It's obvious that something must be wrong!!  at least to my non medical mind.  I have to think if you just find the right doctor, the one that will listen to you, that you will be able to figure it all out. 

Hope.  It's one of those things.  We all need it, but it's part of what makes this so difficult.  There's nothing worse than hoping, and believing that it'll work, only to have another failure - whatever that failure is.  It IS tiring, and heartbreaking.  I hope you get your miracle soon!


 



Me: 34, DH: 36, DD born 7/25/10 After 4 years of trying and failed IVF treatments (missing my angels).  IVF/ICSI worked this time! DS born 1/8/13!



www.3hearts2hold1love-emms.blogspot.com

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