August 2012 Infertility One Thread -- Bring on Those Late Summer BFPs! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 175 Old 08-10-2012, 04:31 PM
 
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You caught me. Remember, stalking is caring. 

 

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Another lurker/stalker caught. Back to the bushes I go. privateeyes.gif

 

 

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Milk!! What???!!

 

love.gif  So much stalking love.  I understand because I myself, am an experienced stalker also.  Zub, that'll teach you!  

 

 

Smiles:  Frickety Frick.  censored.gif  I understand what it is to be sidelined by terrible news, and to have to withdraw.  I've done it.  Of course you need time to process and make decisions.  

Personally I have previously made the decision (like after my third loss) not to try again.  Of course clearly I went back on that decision.  It happened again earlier this year when the specialist told me to basically find a surrogate.  It took a lot of time to process that, and figure out what I wanted to do with the information.  Ultimately, getting another opinion was the right thing for me, and set me on the course I am on now.  I honestly don't hold out a lot of hope for us being successful ever, but while even the tiniest glimmer of hope is there, the minutest possibility, I guess we will keep trying.  Which is not to say that it's not hard, and terribly heartbreaking.  I know this post seems AAM, but I'm just trying to let you know that I understand, and that I don't think anyone of us would mind if you stuck around and wanted to talk it through.  Much love to you blowkiss.gif

 

SSB: Thanks for doing my blurb.  My inner bridezilla is dying at the moment because another girl at work is newly engaged and talking wedding stuff all over the office.  Hers is all Big Fat Greek wedding style, but I still wanna butt in on the conversations alot.  The whole not actually being engaged yet puts a damper on that.  People at work think I am crazy enough, us being together so long and not married.  

 

Cait:  Sangria recipe sounds fabulous - please, I'd love the recipe!  Yes, I like the distraction factor, and I would secretly love it if I were engaged in time for the party so there was a focus other than the million pregnant women that will be there.  (See, I need alcohol!)  

Glad your period & spotting is better!  How crazy are we to rate our periods though, really?  How is the tea?  Is it awful?  Pretty sure I could never drink anything like that.  Hoping for CD13 O for you, or CD12 might be a very late night!! 

 

SKJ:  Glad that the doc did another u/s for you.  There is a lot of anecdotal evidence of increased fertility after HSGs, so I would imagine that an SHG could have a similar effect!  Here's hoping.  

Temps up - shouldn't that be good?  I'm sorry that I fail at chart talk!  

 

Jukim & Dakipode - thanks for checking in.  It's good to know who's out there stalking.  Jukim - congrats, and Dakipode - welcome.  

 

Sourire - The ring is hidden, but I know where - I swear, I found it by accident!  I'm not taking it out to look at though.  How's that for self control???  Glad you had a nice time with your niece.  Time with babies can go either way for me, so I'm glad you enjoyed it!  Good job handling the wedding preggo patrol.  Hope you have a great time @ Wicked - I'd love to go.

OMG - I CANNOT BELIEVE that you had that conversation with your Dad.  I'm dying of embarrassment just thinking about it.  You, lady, have balls of steel!  

 

Teresa - glad you felt like checking in again.  Awesome news that you are going to hang with us!  I'm in a holding patter for this month at least, so company is always a good thing.  We can hold your hand until the new RE takes over!  You will have to wait until the ring is on my finger to find out more, friend!  

 

Krunchy - I've heard a lot of good things about that book too.  I might have to go eBay it now, because you gave it such a great rap.  

 

AFM:  Well, my OPKs never arrived, but I'm about 97% certain that O'd last night, which was a very early (for me) CD14.  I had a few fleeting moments of temptation to jump DP, but I held strong.  Much to his disappointment, I'm sure.  But at least I O'd, which is good news after last month's curse of the never-ending +opk.  It's really hard to let a month go by like that though.  

I had some bloods drawn a few weeks ago, because I've been struggling with lack of energy and ongoing tiredness for ages now.  My vit B & D were both pretty low, so it's good that I'll have this cycle to try and build them up.  Unfortunately my kidney function was red flagged as really low.  This is a big problem, because I only have one.  (my screwed up uterus & missing a kidney go hand in had).  Sooooo, I have to have a renal tract u/s on Monday to see what is going on.  From what Google can tell me, my results seem to fall into the first stage of chronic kidney disease  Not so great, my doctor seemed pretty concerned about it too.  However, Google also says that elevated blood pressure is almost always associated with kidney disease, and my blood pressure is and always had been perfect.  I guess I'll have to wait and see.  


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#32 of 175 Old 08-11-2012, 07:42 PM
 
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Hello All.

 

I (obviously) took a break from participating this month. Surprisingly I ovulated by myself, without meds, on CD22. Not too shabby at all. It was a much more relaxed month without the RE. AF arrived this morning. I'm not sure what is next for us. At this point we do not feel like continuing IF treatments is what we should be doing. We will continue to try on our own for now. We are starting to explore the idea of adoption (I'm specifically wanting to do embryo donation but there are a lot of conversations that need to be had). In the meantime, if I'm ovulating, it could eventually happen.


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#33 of 175 Old 08-11-2012, 09:01 PM
 
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Just stopping by for a minute to give everyone a hug! grouphug.gif So much tough stuff lately!

 

shesaidboom - I hope your MRI shows better things for you. Those test results sound pretty scary to me - but I don't know a ton about heart conditions. Like you need more health problems on top of IF! What ever happened with all of your lab work - has your RE rethought the PCOS diagnosis? I know your AMH levels were low on the retest, too, but if you said anything else, I missed it.

 

smiles - I am so, so sorry about the POF diagnosis. Not totally surprised after all that you've said over the past year or so, but very sad for you. I think it would be worth it to get a second opinion as far as options go, but I totally understand if you just need to close this chapter of your life right now. I wish I had something better to say.

 

teresa - I hope I said it at the time, but I can't remember if I did - I'm sorry for the way everything turned out for you. I was so hoping for a miracle fighter baby for you. But I still hope it is a sign of good things yet to come!

 

Cait - Sorry things are still not quite lined up for you, but I'm excited that your new doc has a new idea about exactly what's going wrong, and excited about the no spotting!

 

Sourire - Glad you had a fun trip, and WOW at having the nerve to talk to your dad. I think I would die before doing that. When we did our medicated cycle, we were staying with my grandparents. Luckily, we had a guest room in the basement, and they mostly stay upstairs. We did tell them several times we were "going to bed" rather early... which was kind of true...

 

milk - W00T on the ring!! Can't wait for it to be official. Any idea if that will be coming any time soon?? I will definitely want to hear about wedding plans! And yay for ovulation... even if you did restrain yourself! Booooo on the kidney function. Hoping and praying that it's something that can be improved, and not the start of a downward slide. What did they say about the prognosis when they first found out you have only one kidney? Is kidney failure common if you have only one? I know they do living kidney donations, so I would guess that it's not that much of an increased risk, but I don't really know. Anyway, you're another person that just doesn't need to have other health problems get worse! C'mon, universe!!

 

deborah - Hope you are doing okay, and that you're feeling more excited about your appointment next week. I think about you a lot, especially when I moved to the top of the grads list... you should have been before me, and there is definitely a hole there since you lost your sweet boys. Let us know how things go next week - I will definitely be stalking, even if I don't comment much any more.

 

Ooookay... so I guess I had more to say than I thought. And I'm sure I've forgotten 50 bazillion things I wanted to comment on, but haven't. I'm still hoping for another run of BFPs like we had awhile back. It's sad to see all the missing months on the grad roster. greensad.gif

 

AFM, almost 40 weeks, and mostly doing fine. Still not believing I'm really getting a baby out of this. I think I'm going to be in complete shock when I go into labor... if I even realize it is labor. I have been a total emotional basketcase the last few days, which has been... fun. Continuing to try to check off as many pregnancy symptoms as possible (carpal tunnel syndrome, anyone?), but glad that baby seems as healthy as ever. Other than that, just hanging out and "feeling swell" as dh likes to pun. :)


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#34 of 175 Old 08-11-2012, 09:27 PM
 
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So far, looking good.  First beta was 220. Second beta three days later was 970.  Going in for a third beta on Monday. After that I will reject the clinic's standard procedure of doing three ultrasounds ... because I don't trust ultrasound tech at all. I'll let them do one during the 6th or 7th week to confirm the heart beat ... and then I'm looking foward to a low-tech, natural pregnancy (in contrast to everything that came before)!  We also have an almost 4 year old from my initial IVF surgery in 2008.  And in 2011 I had an unsuccessful FET. 

 

Just started a thread about struggling toward a natural pregnancy after going through the harrowing, high-tech experiences of infertility treatment.  Would love to hear your thoughts:

 

http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1360397/natural-pregnancy-after-infertility-treatment

 

P.S. - Although everything looks great, I notice that my husband and I aren't letting ourselves admit to/really enjoy this good news yet. It took us years of trying before we had our daughter, and then another four years and one unsuccessful fet before getting this result.  We seem to be overly concerned that there may be a miscarriage -- despite good hcg numbers and me feeling healthy and nauseous with morning sickness ... I find myself hunting down a chat forum at midnight ... so that I can put on paper (metaphorically speaking) that it worked! I'm pregnant.  We've been quite cautious in allowing it to sink in.

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#35 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 08:25 AM
 
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So far, looking good.  First beta was 220. Second beta three days later was 970.  Going in for a third beta on Monday. After that I will reject the clinic's standard procedure of doing three ultrasounds ... because I don't trust ultrasound tech at all. I'll let them do one during the 6th or 7th week to confirm the heart beat ... and then I'm looking foward to a low-tech, natural pregnancy (in contrast to everything that came before)!  We also have an almost 4 year old from my initial IVF surgery in 2008.  And in 2011 I had an unsuccessful FET. 

 

Seriously? You come post on an infertility thread for the first time to announce you're pregnant? I'm sure you've had a very difficult journey an all, but I have no idea what that journey has been (because you didn't really bother to tell us much of it).... anyways, congratulations on coming to rub your pregnancy in our faces. You must be a wonderful person (***sarcasm***).

 

I woke up in the early hours this morning lying in a pool of gushing blood. Another pair of underwear and another set of sheets ruined. I'm at 7 dpo. I'm very angry and felt the need to lash out at someone, and Mensch00 your post just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.


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#36 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 09:10 AM
 
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I have spent about $15,000 out of pocket. It took me 6 years to get pregnant with my daughter and another 4 years before getting this recent bfp.  So to put that in perspective, I started trying to have kids when I was 28 and now just learned that I'm finally pregnant with number two at age 40. Statistics show that there is still a 20+ percent chance that I will miscarry.  I have miscarried and I've also had an unsuccessful fet. I've had surgery to remove endometriosis and surgery to remove polyps.  So yes, I am announcing a bfp.  People do it on infertility forums all the time.  Because when you get pregnant after going through the hell of ivf and while you're still sticking needles in your backside every night ... you still don't even believe it. You're paranoid that something could go wrong. You tried so hard that you think it is impossible. I still think that it is impossible and my husband doesn't want to talk about it because he is still pretty SURE that it isn't going to work. 

 

And from shat I understand ... when I see a thread that says "bring on those late summer bfps" ... when you announce that you got two positive hcg tests people are supposed to say "yay, lots of sticky baby dust." Or something like that, and wish you luck.  I just re-read your message. Hadn't read all the way through, after being shocked by the first part ...  You are really in pain, so I can completely understand your message. Give yourself time to recover.  I stayed away from forums when I miscarried.  Didn't want to read anyone's positive news either.  I jumped back in later, when I was ready to try again (sometimes taking a year off).  Wishing you the strength to get through it.

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#37 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 09:45 AM
 
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And from shat I understand ... when I see a thread that says "bring on those late summer bfps" ... when you announce that you got two positive hcg tests people are supposed to say "yay, lots of sticky baby dust." Or something like that, and wish you luck. 

 

Yes I am happy when someone gets a BFP and I will say exactly those things to that person... someone who has been on this thread while TTC and has shared their ups and downs, has supported me and been supported by me throughout the journey. However I will reiterate: you don't come join an infertility thread when you're already pregnant!!!! You could have joined us long ago when you were still trying, and if you had, I would have been so happy for you right now! It seems to me like you are just looking for people to congratulate you. I'm sure you can find plenty of people to congratulate you elsewhere. If you read the first post, there is a link to another thread for people who are pregnant after infertility. The reason that thread exists is so that those of us still going through the pain of it all don't have to read about them when we don't feel up to it... and on days when we are feeling up to it, we can go read what's going on with them. Seeing as you have gone through this infertility crap for so long, I would expect you to be the first person to understand why this setup is best for everyone!!!!

 

Yes you have been through a lot. But when you just barge onto this thread and announce you're pregnant, how the heck are we supposed to know that? It could have been your first month trying for all we know! Did you seriously expect a wave of congratulations from us? Ok ok I don't speak for anyone else, maybe some other people here are not feeling as bitter as I am right now and will want to congratulate you.

 

Also if you think I'm miscarrying, you clearly didn't read my post, or my blurb at the beginning. I have never had the opportunity to get a single BFP in my life, so there's no way I could possibly be miscarrying. You didn't bother to take any time to learn anything about anyone on this thread, how can you expect us to care about you? I read along on this thread for months before joining.

 

As for being worried about whether the pregnancy will last, I'm sure that is tough. Obviously I have never been in your shoes so I wouldn't know. However every single woman in the Infertility Graduates thread has been in your shoes, and I can guarantee you that they will be able to provide much better support than I would.


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#38 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 10:31 AM
 
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that's just silly.  I have been in these forums a number of times before, but of course not on this thread.  Around midnight last night I had the need to write down the words "I had a bfp" as part of admitting it to myself, so that I would believe it and bring it good luck, and would stop looking up stats on tubal pregnancies and the like.  My god, it had nothing to do with bragging.  I may not have written supportive threads on this forum before, but I have posted them on other forums.  I just haven't posted on any forums lately.  And I feel the need to do so now because I find myself extremely paranoid that the pregnancy will not work out.  I've never tried to bully anyone on a fertility forum for announcing that they are pregnant.  When a woman goes through more than 10 years of fertility treatment, she knows what others are going through. She is not bragging.  Despite the bfp I am still a bit wacko about the issue ... because the whole long painful process makes you wacko.

 

The thread that I tried to start (which no one has responded to yet) invites people to talk about trying to do a natural pregnancy after going through the extremely invasive/high tech process of ivf/ infertility treatment.  The reason that I started it is because I have just told my infertility clinic that I will be rejecting their proposal to do three ultrasounds. they want to do an ultrasound at 5-6 weeks to confirm that it isn't a tubal pregnancy and then two more.  I believe that ultrasounds can do harm to a fetus.  I recognize that I have a higher chance of having an ectopic pregnancy than women who have conceived naturally. And so the doc is telling me that I am putting my health at risk by making this decision.  It's a relevant topic for anyone on the mothering forum who is battling with infertility and also hoping / planning to become pregnant ... whether or not they have become so.  Because the infertility treatment we go through actually runs counter to the kind of lifestyles many of us would ideally lead.   I buy unpasturized cow's milk from an amish farmer because I think that it's healthier, for ex.  But I've also shot myself up with lupron even though I know that it is bad for me and can cause weird side effects, like memory loss.

 

I don't think that threads should be as exclusive as this one seems to be.  We all know that there are lots of people who lurk, who are dealing with similar situations, because they don't have the heart/guts, or whatever, to post.  And if my bfp goes south in two weeks ... I can already tell you ... I'm going to cry into my pillow, and my computer is going to be shut off.  I won't need a discussion forum then. I will be way beyond that.  I have found that I need one now because I am trying to convince myself to be joyful rather than completely and obsessively paranoid. Which is what I am.

 

Honestly, I've followed many infertility forums and threads and have never seen anyone tell another person to go screw themselves for managing to get a bfp.

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#39 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 11:35 AM
 
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Also, just for the record ... the two positive hcg results that I have received are just a blip on the chart.  Many, many women get bad news after that.  So I'm definitely not going to join a "graduate's forum."  Not after getting a bfp a week ago.  I did spend a half hour reading through messages before posting. But you need to join a conversation before you actually start to familiarize yourself with people.

 

Until yesterday, I didn't know there was an infertility thread on Mothering. And I haven't been able to find the forum that I used to post on. And I really was happy to find one here because Mothering is known as a great community for granola-minded souls.  If you haven't had a miscarriage yet, then man ... you don't know what I'm talking about. Two weeks pregnant isn't really pregnant at all. No heart beat yet.  Until your about 7 weeks along and you get a heart beat it is not so much a believable pregnancy as a hopeful hcg number.  So why would I want to join a forum for "graduates."  Puh.

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#40 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 11:35 AM
 
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Honestly, I've followed many infertility forums and threads and have never seen anyone tell another person to go screw themselves for managing to get a bfp.

 

Well I guess it's just your unlucky day! Any other day I would have ignored your post, but when I read your post this morning I was already angry and looking for a fight, so you seemed like a convenient target! I must say you've risen to the bait admirably, this fight has been very satisfying so far! My DH would also like to thank you because if it hadn't been for you, he would have been on the receiving end of my anger right now! It's so much easier to say mean things to some random person on the internet, don't you think?

 

Yes I am fully aware that I'm acting like a crazy person right now. That's why I see a psychologist on a regular basis... too bad for you that I missed my last 2 appointments with her due to being scatterbrained and forgetting what date & time they were at.

 

Also I should add a disclaimer: everyone else on this thread is much nicer and more supportive than I am being right now. Don't judge the others by what I am writing, they don't deserve it. And all your assumptions about this thread being exclusive (to people who are actually TTC! I know how crazy that is, yes I do! of course we are always happy to hear from our graduates as well) are totally based on what I, the crazy person, have said, and do not in any way pretend to reflect the opinions of others.

 

Now back to the real fighting:

Perhaps I should just follow your advice and avoid this thread any time I'm feeling down, because god forbid I might encounter a stranger in the mood to celebrate. It's true that the amazing ladies here have provided me with great support in the many months I've been around here, and helped me through so many tough times. But according to you, discussion forums should be avoided when times are tough and people should only come on here when they have happy news to share! I guess I was wrong about this thread all along! Thank you so much for educating me on what discussion forums are for!


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#41 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 12:18 PM
 
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 If you haven't had a miscarriage yet, then man ... you don't know what I'm talking about.

 

That is precisely what I've been trying to say!


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#42 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 12:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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cait - I'm glad this were better this month! Let's hope that means this cycle will be the one!

 

skj - I've heard so many people say they've gotten pregnant after the saline u/s, so who knows, it could be lucky for you! Like you said, it could have swept out all the 'cobwebbs'.

 

jukim - congrats! Thansk for the good thoughts for us all.

 

dakipode - feel free to drop in any time you need to. I hope things go well for you!

 

sourire - I'm hoping so too, but I'm frustrated that they haven't called to book it yet.
I'm sorry you have a deadline coming up too. I hate that this fertility stuff is making your anniversary anything but a happy time. 
I'm glad you were able to enjoy the trip and spending time with your new niece. What is with us being pregnant lady magnets though? It's so unfair!
The story about your dad is hilarious. It's good you got a BD session in though!

I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I'm thinking of you hug2.gif

 

kparker - thank you for the good thoughts!

 

lilacvioletiris - I'm so sorry AF showed up. I was really hoping you'd start a BFP trend. Gentle hugs to you.

 

teresaresa - Thank you! I'm pretty sure it's just another bump in the road, nothing too serious.
I haven't been keeping up with the IVF thread. I'm so very sorry about the miscarriage. That is heartbreaking, especially after all you have been through. I hope your new RE's office fits your needs better. We'll all be cheering for you too.

 

krunchy k - thanks for sharing the book recommendation. I think I may pick up a copy too.

 

milk - oh that must be so hard to deal with! Hopefully soon you'll be right there with her talking weddings and all that fun stuff.
Hurray for O! I'm sorry about your kidney results though. I hope your U/S goes well!

 

silamarila - I'm glad you had a much more relaxed month. O'ing on your own is a great sign. I hope that means it does happen without the treatments.

 

monkey - thank you. I was/am nervous about the results, but I think everything will end up okay. Hopefully I can have the MRI soon. My RE said that I may still have PCOS even though there are much less cysts on my ovaries and my AMH levels are so low, but she is most concerned about the AMH levels. I don't really think she is concerned with the PCOS label either way, just getting things to work.
Wow, almost 40 weeks! I'm going to be stalking you forsure. I'm thinking good thoughts for your labour and delivery.

 

Mensch - I am so happy for your BFP and I do wish you lots of sticky baby dust and hope that things go very well for you, but I do hope you can see where Sourire is coming from. Of course everyone is welcome here, but the way you approached this thread can be seen as a little hurtful. If you had come in and said it in a "I struggled for so long and finally got my BFP, I wanted to share to give you ladies hope" kind of way, shared more of your story, mentioned that you had been following the thread but hadn't been able to post until now, or even introduced yourself or said hi, that would have been great. I'm so glad you started your other thread because I think many women will find it helpful, and I agree with your stance on ultrasounds, but in this thread none of us are there yet. We are still at the hard part of wondering if we will ever get that BFP, and even thinking about those things can be hard. I understand the need for a discussion forum, and I really do understand not wanting to join the graduates thread just yet, but the ladies there really can relate to what you're going through better than we can since some of them are in the same place you are. Of course you are welcome to stay here and share your journey and experiences, but I do hope you can understand that a lot of us in this thread really do appreciate when those who have gotten their BFP mostly post about pregnancy related things in the graduates thread because some days some of us here just cannot handle those pregnancy posts. I hope nothing I've said has offended you.

 

 

AFM - beta test tomorrow. I am terrified and I am really not handling it well. I am feeling this need to get up and MOVE, but DH is not feeling great and wants to lounge around today, which I understand, but it's not helping either.


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#43 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 01:02 PM
 
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No, I'd just assumed that you were actually in the process of having a miscarriage because you mentioned sitting in a pool of blood, and that was the only excuse that made sense to me for your behavior.   Check out the discussions on that 'graduates' forum, which I hadn't heard of until you'd mentioned it.  Those women all have due dates and large bellies.  They are seeing midwives and obstetricians. They didn't get a positive hcg last week. 

 

Jeez, though. I suppose that I can certainly live without this thread. Although I have no interest in the one either.  

 

You all have really defined this thread too narrowly.  If people are doing their 2ww's here, if they are getting their betas, etc.  They shouldn't be jumping directly into some "graduates" forum.  On other infertility forums that is not the case.  And if you go to a fertility clinic, we are all still sitting in the same waiting room, still getting blood tests. 

 

I personally, find transitional periods to be the most difficult.  If things go smoothly, I also don't see myself posting any baby bumps to a 'graduates' forum.  Why the heck would I want to do that? For a 40 year old woman there's something like a 25% chance that a bfp will end up as a tubal or chemical pregnancy, or will just never have a heart beat.  And in other forums I've followed, those women are all still very active in the same threads where women are ttc.  They're not being banned to a 'graduates' forum.

 

But if you comforted by the logic of this, so be it.

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#44 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Mensch - I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are. Nobody is banning you or trying to tell you that you are not welcome. Everyone is welcome to post here, of course, and if you would like to you can keep posting. The ladies here are very supportive. I was really just trying to explain the reaction you got after your initial post. Admittedly, I haven't been to the graduate's thread in months because it has been too hard for me so I didn't realize there were only heavily pregnant women posting there.

 

As for posting to the graduates forum when things are going well, a lot of the women who post there have built up long term relationships with the other women on the thread. That's how they keep in touch with each other.


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#45 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 01:17 PM
 
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Ok I promise to stop acting like a crazy person now! I'd like to apologize to everyone for creating an unpleasant environment around here, and especially to Mensch for being so mean. You did not deserve that.

 

teresa - I followed your entire journey on the IVF thread and I'm really really sorry how things ended. I was thinking about you and wishing things would work out for you the entire time. I'll be glad to have you around again (even though I wish you were on the grads side instead), you've always been such a great cheerleader to the rest of us. I'm really hoping the new RE works out for you!

 

SKJ - yeah I also had some pretty crazy temps when I took Clomid. That's too bad about your clinic getting hung up on the fact that Femara is off-label for infertility. I've never heard of another clinic having an issue with that before!

 

Krunchy - Hi! I hope you're doing ok. I still stalk your blog every once in a while!

 

Milkshake - how convenient that you stumbled upon the ring! Hehe! Maybe he's planning to wait for the big party? Urg about your kidney... not fun!

 

Sila - welcome back! Congrats on Oing!!! Sounds like you have some serious decisions to make.

 

Monkey - wow you're so close! Unbelievable!

 

shesaidboom - wow I could sure learn a lot about diplomacy from you. You're my hero! My fingers are crossed for your beta tomorrow... you have so much riding on this, it must be terrifying!

 

Mensch - I'm really sorry you ended up being the target of my anger. It wasn't anything personal I swear. Honestly now that I've read your whole story, I think you deserve a lot of hugs for going through so much. On the other hand your story scares the crap out of me because we both had the exact same beginning: I too started TTC at age 28 and I have endometriosis. I'm only 2 years in, but I've always imagined that by the time I'm your age I'd have 3 kids and never have to think about about TTC again. If I thought I might follow the same path you have, I'd probably go crazy (oh wait! I already have! haha) Best wishes to you and I really hope you end up with your take-home baby this time.


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#46 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 03:18 PM
 
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Mensch - I have to say that I read your post last night, and found it to be incredibly upsetting.  I thought that I would go away, and come back to it in the morning. 

 

I actually thought to myself - who is this person, talking about their betas?  Why don't I recognise their user name.  I even had that thought that it was an existing member who had changed usernames, because the post was so blase.  I then went and read your other posts, and realised that you were a totally new member.  Of course I also read your story, and can see that you have had a very difficult time.  I haven't been through IVF myself, but I have been through five pregnancies, and five losses.  I know that early pregnancy is a difficult time, and I have also felt like moving to the graduates is a difficult thing.  Often our existing members will waver between the two threads until such time as they feel comfortable moving to the grads.  And we all support that.  

 

However, the way that you posted, and the way that you suggested that women in an infertility thread might have input on "natural pregnancies" (when they have, as yet, failed to achieve ANY pregnancy) is pretty inconsiderate.  It's difficult to be supportive of someone who shows little or no support of the ones they expect support of.  Presumably after your journey, you realise that pregnancy announcements can get the best of us.  This is a great bunch, and if you wish to be a part of it, until you find your place, I think you will find that.  Keeping the in your face pregnancy stuff to a minimum will probably help though.  

 

Also, you probably won't get much (if any) response to a pregnancy thread (your other thread) in an infertility forum.  You might want to think about requesting it be moved to the "I'm Pregnant" forum.  

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#47 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 04:52 PM
 
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Ok, very exclusive group. In online forums people usually come and go. They're supposed to function as an anonymous space where people can find support without judgement. Many of you are within a week or so of where I am.  Perhaps infertility forums for folks who have gone through multiple rounds of ivf / fet / etc are more mixed / less closed, for whatever reason.  People pop in to share their worries and announce their joys and failures, even if briefly. And ivf/fet patients are at high risk for not having a clinical pregnancy after having a bfp, so perhaps that is the difference.  No idea. I checked and this thread is only a week old, so you all have become exclusive fairly quickly. So, in other words, if I'd joined in a week ago and started out by telling you that I've gone through 12 years of infertility treatment w/o insurance ... than it would be dandy.  But since it's a week later, screw me.

 

I will not check further updates. One final note though -- you might want to change the title of your thread - "August 2012 - Bring on those Late Summer BFPs".  Most threads with a title like that are very open to people announcing bfps. In fact, that is supposed to be the goal!

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#48 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 05:47 PM
 
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Mensch00 -  I'm  former member here.  I think you miss-understood the thread.  Some of those women have been on this thread together for years, so yes they are very close.    It's meant to be a thread to support women as they are trying to get pregnant...in the past few months they have made several posts about how even seeing a pregnant woman is upsetting to them (I don't think you could have known this.)

 

It's not really meant to be a place for random BFP posts and that's why you struck a nerve. Even though I still check up on them I rarely post because I know that having a pregnant lady weighing in can be upsetting for them. I just cheer them on silently.

 

I'm sorry you feel like you couldn't join the graduates thread with a bunch of "heavily" pregnant women.  While most of us are in the 2nd or 3rd trimester it's doesn't mean that we don't remember what the first few weeks of pregnancy are like!  Two of us are in our mid 30's and have 4 four year old little boys.  

 

I would also tell you that the ladies on Infertility forum know very little about Betas and the like because all they can focus on is getting to that point.

 

I think if you came and posted in the infertility graduates thread you would find support for where you are right now from women who have been close to where you are.  


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#49 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 06:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wissa, you hit the nail on the head. It's nice to see you, by the way! Another note is that these "Infertility One Thread" threads are an ongoing series. We start a new thread each month just so people who jump in can easily catch up. Some months we end up with 30 or 40 pages of posts so it makes more sense to start new threads. We're definitely not an exclusive group, we do have members join in all the time and some who come and go as they can. I can see how the title could be confusing, but it is really meant to be hopeful of all of us finally getting a BFP. If others feel the same about the confusion though, I would be willing to change it. We normally add a little tag line at the end of the title just for fun. I'm sorry this whole situation happened. Normally this is such a positive and supportive place for everyone.


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#50 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In a moment of weakness I decided to POAS. Big Fat Negative. I feel so stupid. 12 more hours of hope would have still been 12 more hours. I know there's still a chance. This was evening and not as sensitive as a blood test, but I think we're going to be doing IVF. I knew this was going to be the outcome, but I really wish things had turned out differently. We had so much riding on this cycle. Ladies, why can't this ever be easy?


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#51 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 07:04 PM
 
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Mensch- I don't know if it is worth giving my two cents to this whole situation, but being a longtime 'member' of this thread I feel I just can't be silent. I think you are absolutely right, this is not like any other infertility forum you've joined, because we are more like family than just ladies who post anonymously whenever they feel the need. We are here to support eachother, good days & bad, ups, downs, ins, outs. Many of us have been here, on this thread, for over a year, not just trying that long but in this physical location sharing our journies, month after month, sacrifice, surgeries, tough decisions, losses, hopes dreams and even pregnancies. So yes, we are all happy to hear someone who has suffered through. Infertility has finally found success and wish you the best and hope this is a sticky baby for you, it feels insensitive to burst into our 'house', a place we feel safe with our emotions to announce without knowing anyone. Whats done is done, but being a grown woman and someone who has experinced the heartbreak of a long journey through infertility, I think we just expect more compassion to our emotions. Anyway, good luck. We aren't bad people, neither is Sourire, which you'd know if... Whatever.

Sourire, you're entitled to your emotions, 'knowing you', per se, for way too long, and your getting AF at 7dpo, let the crazies flow, i'd be in a blind rage at life in your shoes. I have to say i'm just plain pissed for you. What the hell really... Are you on to IVF now? I just don't understand why no improvement? I'm just so sorry.

Shesaidboom- oh my gaaaaash, I will pray so hard that tomorrow is Positive for you. We need a stroke of luck, so so badly. Any gut feelings?

Monkey- ahhh I can't believe you are so close. I seriously remember the day you got your BFP. Where did the time go. If baby boy monkey holds out another week he can share my bday, the 21st.

Sila- i hope you know we'd love you to stick around however you decide to proceed. Are you and DH both still in acupuncture? I know I'm a NaPro pusher, the one man fan club, but seriously, they have great success with PCOS, jus' sayin'. I think embryo adoption is amazing too.

Milk- you're so strong for holding out. I always panic last minute that what if it is my perfect meant to be egg. It never has been (duh) but I keep trying. I hope tje kidney thing is not a problem & that DP pops the questio soon. I don't know how you're doing it, the suspense is killing me & I am legit on the opposite side of the world!

AFM- loving the Spice Girls at closing ceremonies. I'm so sad the Olympics are over, now I have no more emotional release. I seriously cried at every event! In fertility news, the doubled dose of Femara is killin me, I've had hot flashes every day. It may be the fertility blend tea I added too... Annoying anyway. I'm CD7, starting to imagine the worst that DH wont make it home for O. He will be back the afternoon of CD12 but last 2 months day 12 was peak day so I worry. I'm having pasty cramy CM which my doc said this early signals a poor pituitary response to ovulation, blah. I just want 1 good egg (and husband to be home in time to catch it).

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#52 of 175 Old 08-12-2012, 07:16 PM
 
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Shesaidboom- damnit. I was typing & missed your last post. Sorry greensad.gif any news on the IVF cycle? When do you find out about your heart? I wish it were easier.

Wissa- hey lady! I still cheer you on too!


Another note, my former coworker told me on our lunch date yesterday she's expecting #2 in Feb. Made it hard to finish my lunch. Actually, once she told me I couldn't eat anymore, i don't think she noticed as I was nearly done (for what I typically finish anyway). I'm happy for her, I love her & her family, our husbands are good friends... I just feel sad for me. I thought I'd have my first shortly after they had their first... Another person passing me with #2 before we even get started with #1.

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#53 of 175 Old 08-13-2012, 02:58 AM
 
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Just a quick post to say that my kidney is fine - so there are no worries there.  Back to check in tomorrow (my birthday!), friends.  


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#54 of 175 Old 08-13-2012, 05:04 AM
 
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Hi all, just popping in to say thanks for your words of kindness and understanding, means a lot.  I am actually doing ok.  Partly because I did most of my immediate grieving after the initial blood test because I knew it was not a lab error and partly because I still don't believe that I will never have another child.  I just don't believe it.  My dh and I have been coming up with what we call perks of my diagnosis, just silly meaningless things that is helping us to deal (cause there are no real perks as far as we are concerned) but a little humor can help.  They are mainly centered around my lack of a period...

 

Milk - glad your kidney is okay.

 

Sourire - don't know what to say to af on 7dpo hug2.gif

 

TF2B - Hope your dh makes it home on time to catch your egg.

 

SSB - I hope that you were just too early with that test.

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#55 of 175 Old 08-13-2012, 05:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sourire - how are you feeling? I'm thinking of you. Thanks for the good thoguhts.

 

milk - I'm so glad to hear your kidney is fine! I've been worrying about you. Good thoughts to you on your birthday!

 

Cait - My cardiologist is back in the office today so I'm going to call as soon as it opens and see if I can't get him to at least talk to me on the phone. Hopefully he'll say everything is good. I haven't gotten a call yet about scheduling the MRI so I'm a little worried he's going to want to wait.
I totally missed the Spice Girls at the closing ceremonies! I was upset because DH and I were saying in the beginning how it was so weird that they were including all these British bands and the Spice Girls were HUGE at one point and they weren't being included. I guess they were after all!
I hope the Femara side effects back off soon. I am praying that O holds off until DH's return. Come on good egg! We need some good news for Cait please!
I'm sorry about the news about your coworker. Of course you're happy for her, but it's so hard when you should be there too. Hopefully your #1 will come soon after their #2.

 

Smiles - Me too, thank you. I'm so glad that you and DH are dealing well together, and you know what, this doesn't mean things are hopeless. I'm still praying you do get your BFP. It can happen. I'm glad you're doing ok.

 

 

AFM, just got back from my beta, cuddled my dog, and did some yoga. I'm feeling awful, but still trying to remember there is a hint of hope. Things could all come back great. If not, my cardiologist may still say it's fine to go ahead with IVF and we'll get started on that. I have a ton of phone calls to make (paypal issue, have to return the defective bike I was sent, and the cardiologist of course) so hopefully that'll keep me busy. I'm also planning a nice long walk with the pup and maybe a trip to some thrift shops with my mom. That should last me until 2pm! I started doing another "day in the life" again today, but I think I may just give it up if my result comes back negative. It's real, but it's pretty depressing.


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#56 of 175 Old 08-13-2012, 07:16 AM
 
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shesaidboom - sorry about the BFN yesterday. I really wish the result had been different. I hope you get to do IVF soon!

 

toothfairy - yikes those Femara side effects sound awful! You took all the Femara at once right? The half-life of Femara is 48 hours, so every 2 days the amount of Femara in your body will be reduced by half and I'm hoping your side-effects diminish at the same speed! I'm wishing you good timing this month. Oh yeah and having people "lap" you (aka get pregnant with 2 babies in the time you've been trying for 1) is the worst!!!! I recently experienced that for the first time too... it's a sign that we need our BFPs ASAP!!!

 

Milk - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! Maybe you'll be getting some sparkly jewelery from DH today??? :D

 

Smiles - I also refuse to believe you won't have another child!!! It just has to happen! There is a website I really like called naturalfertilitybreakthrough.com ... it's run by a naturopath in Australia and she has tons of great advice on how to improve your fertility without using high-tech fertility treatments... there is a ton of great info and articles on there that you might find interesting.

 

AFM - I'm feeling a lot better today. Thanks to those of you who asked.

 

I don't think my AF has actually started. My body likes to play tricks on me like that. My bleeding yesterday morning was bright red and very liquid. Since then I've been bleeding a medium amount of tar-black sludge. Gross I know. Add that to the fact that I've been spotting since 1 DPO (yep that's right - 1 DPO!) and that all my post-O temps have been super low (if I hadn't had a + OPK I would seriously doubt whether I O'ed) and it's pretty clear my body is a wreck. If anyone wants to see what a chart should NOT look like here is mine: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/2d1bce

 

I kind of wish AF had actually started so I could just get on with things. AF is due on Friday and then I start one final IUI cycle... I just want to get it over with!!! My plan to survive the next cycle is to excercise almost every day (either yoga or biking) and get tons of sleep, hopefully that will keep me saner than my last medicated cycle when I didn't do any excercise at all. DH and I tried to go for a bike ride yesterday evening but it started pouring rain as soon as we left the house, so I did yoga instead and I felt so much better afterwards.


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#57 of 175 Old 08-13-2012, 07:16 AM
 
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Shesaidboom - Crap. Sorry friend. That really sucks. I'm glad you have what sounds like a fun day planned!

 

Cait - Yes, we still go to acupuncture weekly. Last week I even went twice at the "perfect" times (9 & 11dpo). I have looked into NaPro and would totally do it. But there don't seem to be any NaPro Dr's close :( Which is odd being in Orange County where we are swimming in RE's. I already miss the Olympics too. Though I do have one child, I have friends that are "lapping me" with #3...sucks big time. Hugs. 

 

Milk - Whew. Happy Birthday!

 

Sourire - Hi friend. I'll have to read back about your cycle I guess. I hope you were able to get most of your anger/crazies out!

 

AFM - My AF was the worst. It started with a terrible migraine (which I haven't had in 4 years!), then the worst back cramps I have ever had. Totally kicked my ass. I was useless for 24hrs. My bleeding on Clomid was always pretty thick, even stringy, small clots and my lining was always thick and "perfect". This first cycle off it's thin and runny, nothing like on Clomid. It makes me wonder.... I'll ask my acupuncturist about it.

 

I'm just going to do everything I did last cycle since it seemed to work. Minus the pregnant part. In the meantime I'm doing at least 1hr of research/educating myself on donor embryos. At this point I'm not sure if I'm just using it as a distraction or if it is something I'm that serious about already.


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#58 of 175 Old 08-13-2012, 08:36 AM
 
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Wowee! So much is going on!

Sila - Sorry you had such an awful AF. I hope your acupuncturist can sort it out. Welcome back BTW. I hope so bad that you get a free baby this month!

Sourire - Sorry about your annoying and confusing cycle. Is that "normal" for you when off meds? Glad the exercising is helping with your mood. I'm so annoyed at the universe that you and the other ladies are still here. I want this so bad for all of you.

SSB - I'm so sorry about the BFN and the uncertain future. I hope all goes well with the cardiologist.

ToothFairy - I really, really hope you body holds off on O-ing. And, sorry for all the side effects you are having. That sucks.

Milk - partytime.gif Happy birthday lady! So glad the kidney is fine. That's a relief!

AFM - I"m on CD9. Had my first monitoring appt this am and it's go time. I have 2 follies - a 26 and 16. I triggered at 9 and my IUI is scheduled for 1 tomorrow. How does the timing work when you trigger in the morning? Last month I triggered at night and had the IUI 36 hours later. This time, I'll have the IUI 28 hours later. I don't think there's any way around it b/c I can't have it 36 hours later b/c it will be 9 pm. Any thoughts on this?

Despite my best efforts (acupuncture, femoral massage, L-arginine, heating pad on abdomen, pomegranate juice, fertility yoga, herbs) my lining is the same as last month. A 6. So, no improvement, but I guess a 6 is acceptable for my RE. So, I'm going to keep up my supplements and stuff until the IUI and pray that my lining thickens before implantation.

I'm excited to get this cycle going so soon, but was totally shocked this morning.

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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#59 of 175 Old 08-13-2012, 10:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So as I thought, BFN. Not expecting much doesn't make it any less devastating though. I kind of want to crawl under a rock and stay there. Now I'm waiting to hear back from the cardiologist who just came back from vacation today so probably won't call.


Nikki crochetsmilie.gif, partner to Jeremy guitar.gif. Baby Joshua Nolan is finally here after a many year struggle with infertility. I blog at www.loliecraft.blogspot.com. dog2.gifcat.gifhamster.jpghamster.jpg

 

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#60 of 175 Old 08-14-2012, 07:20 AM
 
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SSB - even though you expected it, it doesn't hurt any less. hug2.gif I hope the cardiologist calls soon and that the last test was a fluke. I'm hoping so hard that you get to move ahead to IVF. You deserve some good news.

AFM - I'm officially "clomid crazy". I stupidly went to a baby shower last night for two ladies in my moms group who are preggers with #2. I would have been due 1 week after one of them if I didn't have the m/c. I'm so angry at the world today. I've got my IUI in a few hours and then we "have" to have sex after and again tomorrow. Instead, I want to join SheSaidBoom and hide under a rock alone, crying. I seriously don't know how you ladies have done this for so long. It's just so, so hard.

And, I looked at the calendar and the next two (maybe 3) cycles I'll be out of town during the important parts of my cycle. I feel lots of time pressure given my DOR diagnosis. Not sure what can be done about it. the first trip is to baltimore, but the second is to south america. Any thoughts on what i can do while I'm traveling?

S (35yo) wife to T (36yo) and mamma to my princess M (5/10/10).  After 3 losses in 2012, found an AMAZING doctor and gave birth to baby sister S on 11/12/13.
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