Anyone else dealing with Male Infertility? - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-26-2013, 04:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have 5 children aged between 11-4. 

 

My new partner (after a divorce and other complicated stuff) have been TTC for over a year now.  Nothing has happened. 

 

He has some issues with his health.  Some affect his ability to ejaculate, get and maintain an erection and phimosis.

 

He is on the waiting list for a Dorsal Relieving Incision and to see a urologist that specializes in fertility issues.  Not sure whats going to happen about the ED.

 

My feelings on it have mostly been "it'll happen when it happens"  but over past two days, i am feeling a little down..not for me...for my fiance. 

 

There have been a fair few babies born/people getting pregnant etc over the past few weeks.  Including my brothers fiance.

 

I am happy for them, but i cant help feel that slight twinge of  "why not us"  not so much for me, i've done it all before, but my fiance has no kids, never wanted kids till last year and what with his health and age (38) he can hear his clock ticking.

 

I have heard all the standard comments such as

 

"stop trying, it'll happen then",  when dealing with Erectile Dysfunction, you cant really "try" cos it doesn't work when it should.  Even when he was on Viagra, he still didn't ejaculate. he was taken off the Viagra due to side effects. 

 

"but you already have enough kids"  I do, but doesn't my partners desires to have a child and go through the pregnancy/birth/baby stage count or should he as a man just suck it up and go without because he happens to love a woman with 5 kids.

 

I'm just venting a little i guess. 

 

Kiz

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Old 09-26-2013, 09:49 AM
 
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onemagicmummy, my DH and I have been going through issues surrounding male infertility for the last few years. I totally understand how my DH wanted to "just get me pregnant like everyone else around us" without having to think about it much except DTD at a well timed place in my cycle. To say the least there were some serious days of tears, especially after his first sperm count that showed zero sperm in his ejaculate and after our first meeting with a urologist where he gave us no hope of having biological children. DH's issues seem to be hormonal and we took a chance on supplements which actually took DH from a zero count to a 25 count.  Now for people that have counts in the millions, a count of 25 may seem like nothing, but for us it meant there was hope of biological children. We had to freeze several samples of DH's ejaculate and DH found collecting samples for freezing to be less than ideal ("I don't want to have knuckle babies"). But after several collections, we had enough sperm frozen to do IVF with intracytoplasmic sperm injection. Took us several more months to save up enough money to do the IVF and we went through one cycle and now I am pregnant with twins which our biological children. We are in fact going to have twin boys and when the time is right, we will be discussing the fact that they too could have issues with male infertility and to get checked sooner rather than later. Throughout the process it was so important to let my DH know that I loved him regardless of his ability to father children or to have an erection "when the time was right". I think the stress of having to DTD "right now" psychologically didn't do good things for DH although DTD wasn't the issue for us, it was that there was there were so few sperm that they couldn't make it to my eggs alive. Babymaking is supposed to be fun and relaxing, not planned and stressful.

 

The idea that "it only takes one sperm" is so misguided. Thousands of sperm have to attack an egg in order to get through its outer shell. Each of those sperm release enzymes that help break down the outer coat so a sperm can get in. Only one wins, but thousands are there working together to make it possible for the one to win. Now with ICSI, since the individual sperm was injected into the egg, we only needed 18 sperm to match the 18 eggs they retrieved from me. Four of those eggs weren't good for one reason or another, and one didn't grow like it should have, but we had 13 eggs that fertilized and we placed 2 back inside of me "because there was a 33% I would have twins and a 50% chance I would get pregnant at all". When we got the positive pregnancy test 2 years after we first started trying in earnest, we both cried for joy and relief. We believe in miracles! 


Crafty Geeky lady (37, hypothyroid) married 7/2010 love of my life (42, azoospermia). I believe in MIRACLES! Twin boys born 12/21/13 at 40 weeks 2 days! 3/52 crafts in 2014 Ramsey's BS1: Done! 2/17/12 BS 2 goal: 6/7/17 no sperm initial DX 3/23/12 BFP 4/7/13!
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Old 09-26-2013, 10:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the reply.  How awesome you two are having twins!! that is just...amazing :D

 

I remain hopeful that it will work out, but OH is feeling a little less hopeful.  He has resigned himself to the fact its more than likely not going to happen.  But he is going to just keep on keeping on and see what the specialists say in October. 

 

We have also discussed alternatives, such as known or unknown sperm donation. 

 

IVF would be not work for us, it is outside of our price range for various reasons.

 

Kiz

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Old 09-26-2013, 01:12 PM
 
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I never know quite how to answer this question. We're kind of maybe dealing with male infertility? We're trying to conceive after a vasectomy reversal. Neither us of has any children. He always wanted them, but his ex-wife didn't. Now we're hopeful and have been trying for four cycles since the surgery, but he currently has an extremely low sperm count due to swelling. He's totally open to any other options to have children; I feel strongly about conceiving a child that's biologically related to both of us. But as this process continues, I'm becoming more open to other options. Though I'm not sure how we'll finance them, especially since we're still paying for the reversal.

 

Dealing with male fertility issues is so tricky because of the whole issue of masculinity, and because it's weird enough in our culture for a man to say he wants kids, let alone to be distraught because he's having fertility issues. It seems like the support structure is very female-focused. I admit that I also haven't always been the greatest spouse because I'm still harboring resentment about the vasectomy, but I'm really working hard at being better. The whole thing is just very tough and sad. And yeah, the "It'll happen when it happens" stuff is bullshit and I say as much to anyone who says it to me.

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Old 09-26-2013, 03:03 PM
 
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The fact that fertility issues are so much "female" focused really was annoying to begin with especially when dealing with insurance. the people I talked with always were like "men can't have fertility issues" because "it is the woman who carries the baby."  Yes, but if sperm don't get to eggs there isn't anything I as a woman could do to get pregnant. Giving support to men who suffer from fertility issues is so important. They need to know that their masculinity is not in question by those of us that love them.


Crafty Geeky lady (37, hypothyroid) married 7/2010 love of my life (42, azoospermia). I believe in MIRACLES! Twin boys born 12/21/13 at 40 weeks 2 days! 3/52 crafts in 2014 Ramsey's BS1: Done! 2/17/12 BS 2 goal: 6/7/17 no sperm initial DX 3/23/12 BFP 4/7/13!
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:00 PM
 
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I understand the resentment you can harbor against your SO. There has never been anything more important to me than having kids but he had a vasectomy when he was with his ex-wife. It was the right decision for them and I knew going into our relationship that it was a situation out of the question unless we came into an unexpectedly enormous sum of money. We are both not well off at all now. Sometimes it's hard to deal with and I get angry and he blames himself. But I'm trying to be supportive of him and I've resolved to handle this disappointment by becoming a doula and nurturing others through their miracles. I'm very sorry to all of you that have to cope with a situation like this. It can sometimes feel like the hardest thing to deal with.

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Old 05-02-2014, 01:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My fiancé had a fertility test a few weeks ago, but as he has retrograde ejaculation it was a bit different.

We got the results last week, while he had a low volume sample, the sperm were good fro ICSI, but it's "unlikely Krystie will get pregnant by sexual intercourse".....so there we have it, unlikely, but not a definite no, so we are gonna keep trying, lose some weight, he's taking male conception vitamins, and we have some fertility gel lube stuff. We are getting married in 3 and half weeks, and will then spend the next few months getting debt free and see what happens, if nothing then we have a known donor lined up.

Kiz
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Old 05-02-2014, 06:19 PM
 
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Good ttat you have a plan. Good luck as you get ready for your wedding.

Crafty Geeky lady (37, hypothyroid) married 7/2010 love of my life (42, azoospermia). I believe in MIRACLES! Twin boys born 12/21/13 at 40 weeks 2 days! 3/52 crafts in 2014 Ramsey's BS1: Done! 2/17/12 BS 2 goal: 6/7/17 no sperm initial DX 3/23/12 BFP 4/7/13!
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