I know there are some out there and I would like to start our own thread. If there are enough people we can possibly have our own forum!!!
so...thats my story. We have asked family, friends, even acquaintances. We have mixed reviews, some fell silent, some offered prayers, some questioned my abilities to get up at night...as if thats the hard part! Im a stay at home housewife and my husband is a senior executive with a hospice company. We are financially set for life and a secure couple. I had no idea this stuff would be the hard part!!! As far as the donor egg goes, in a dish or in a surrogate, I want someone who looks like me. Im 5'9", @21400 athletic build with blonde hair and blue eyes. And apparently there js a shortage of these eggs. Had I known, I would have had mine frozen and sold them for the big bucks!! (Sorta kidding). So....I need some eggs and a uterus. Am I in the right forum???? Lol
Hi! Glad I am not alone. What state are you in? We are in oregon. We feel like this is our last chance too. My story is a bit different. We have male factor infertility and tried forever before we knew. Once we knew we had IVF and I got lucky and had my son in 2011. But we used all of our frozen eggs since and no pregnancy. Now , we don't just have male factor but my eggs are old.! So donor eggs it is. You think it's hard to find someone similar to you, ha try finding someone of african descent!
I'm glad you posted.
What are you doing exactly now? We have our consultation in 1 week. I am so excited to get the ball rolling.
Wow, tracyamber! Ok, you win this round. For now.
We already met with the infertility doctor, which alone was weird since I always got pregnant without even a discussion. My youngest was conceived after a vasectomy..he wants a t-shirt that reads "Vasectomy Survivor", we laugh because we know he was meant to be, therefore we can joke.
The doctor told us pretty much everything we already knew but needed to hear, like you probably. He went through our options and told us our pitfalls of finding a surrogate and the right egg donor. He was glad to hear that I was emotionally at peace with using an egg donor, he said that seems to be the biggest hurdle aside from finding a surrogate. I second guessed it for one minute one night and realized that I'm being greedy to think I should or could impregnate someone with my old, dusty eggs for egos sake. I'm not willing to risk the entire process for a genetic strand I already have walking the earth. So I'm fortunate in so many ways, and I know...but its just not good enough!!!! (lol). I want a baby, now, darn it!!
So is your appointment the first with a fertility..or Infertility doctor (hate the negative already stated in the title) for egg donor discussion?
So you can't find donors in Oregon that share your ethnicity? Really? What specifically are you looking for in a donor as far as race? And seeing as we are the only ones on this thread, the same age, blessed with a child (or three) already and desperate for just one more baby in our lives...I think we are really good friends now. So I feel free in asking....what are the hurdles you are seeing besides needing sperm, eggs, a surrogate (?) or are you using your own uterus? Also, how many times did you do IVF with a frozen egg? Seems like a lot to put your body through...not that I wouldn't have done it, just wondering how you are doing after going through all of that.
By the way...I'm in Flori-duh...but don't hold it against me. Highest rate of opiate abuse and highest rate of newborn withdrawal, so you can assume we aren't really interested in adoption in these here parts. My husband is too old for consideration from India, where they will wipe their a$$ with one hand and wash with the other, and China, where they throw them off bridges if they don't have a penis. But 53 is waaaayyyyyy too old to adopt from there!!!! Besides, it would take 2 years. I checked Uganda, which is where a family lives that we have supported for about 12 years, but we would have to reside there for at least four weeks. Not sure if I'm able to do that, and again could take 2 years.
So, I'm so glad we met tracyamber and I look forward to holding each others hand through it all. When is your consult exactly?
Ask away. We tried 3 frozen transfers with 3 frozen embryos each time( my eggs and dh sperm) and no go. The doctor said they were probably not genetically viable. So they were probably old eggs then too... I guess and when I did get pregnant with my son from our first and fresh cycle .I got pregnant with twins so my son is basically 1/16? My other son his twin died at 23 weeks. Heart failure. It was sad. Anyway, I looked at the SART for the clinic I used and they are 0 for the years 2012 and 2011 for FET transfers. So part of me wonders if the doctor I used made a mistake like placed the embryos too far or what not. I gotta get over now right? I guess I feel like how could it be because I too feel awesome and healthy and the best I have ever felt. But those eggs those eggs are the age they are.
We have an appointment just to go over logistics and see if a donor is available. The clinic we are going to is one of the top 10 and have a71% rate to egg donor transfers and live births.We found one young woman who is French and Colombian and is of african descent. Lara, we are polar opposites in what we look like ....,.. I'm laughing. I am a mixture of everything. I am Ethiopian, European, and Cherokee. My husband is Chilean(no native blood. All his family is from Germany) and jewish( which is basically polish and Russian) so we want a child that look like they could be ours( a little brown and it is hard to find in Oregon) but really I don't care. My husband is the one attached to this . I would carry our child to term.
Florida huh, I lived in Tampa for a few years when I was 10. I loved the weather but now after living on the coast I think I could not take the humidity. Good for your skin though,
It is good you and your husband have the funds to do what it takes to get your baby. Yes, 52 is too old for 'China. We are not that well off but we budget and save and we have the means to do this and look for a house to buy in the next couple of months we have an appointment with the realtor on Saturday to look at a few interests.Our only bill is my student loan.. Ekes!i hate that I went to UCLA for so long and now I'm in Oregon.
Have you look online for a surrogate? Are there any odd laws for surrogacy in Florida?
Okay, I am glad we are hanging out.
Hi,ladies! I we with husband were going through egg donation process, for us it was a last chance to complete our family. We used services of specialized clinic, I was matched with donor according to my phenotype, also we used my husband's sperm so our boys are genetically related with my husband. It was difficult decision for us, we hesitated but than decided that we should use our last chance. It was easier to do as we thought, the sum was not so big as we thought. it took not so much time and I decided that the ain thing was to begin. Now we are happy parents with twins (2 boys). Also important to find good, qualified specialist. Want to say that it is right decision to use this chance!
@tracyamber First off, I want to apologize. The first thing my brain thought of when I woke up this morning was the two comments I made in my message to you that were sarcasm out of frustration and just showed poor form on my character. I regret my statements about India and China. If either of those countries would allow us the option to adopt, I never would have written/thought those things. I didn't mean them, I'm not sleeping, I have little to no emotional support and buckets of pressure because I adore my husband and want to do this for us. So, please, please, please let me get away with being horrifically distasteful this one time and in the future I will plug in to my feelings more and not my sarcasm. I apologize, that's not how I feel about people.
You have me dying laughing at your combined heritage....yeah, this is a tough one. And yes, I thought the same thing..in Oregon!! Its a beautiful state and a great place to have a family from what I've read. Wanted to get a house in the Coos Bay area many moons ago when I wanted to run away from my high pressure job and hide with my children.
Is the French Colombian woman as close as you have been able to get as far as skin tone? My niece is a beautiful and petite of Italian/Polish (her father), German/Welsh (her mother, my sister) blend who married a dark skinned African American who is an incredibly tall man. Their children are the things fairy tales and dreams are made of. The most beautiful children I have ever seen with exotic features and soft mocha skin, wide round eyes (his are hazel and hers are deep brown) and light highlights of dark blonde on her little curls. I asked her if I could just order one from her..she said no, then I asked her to carry mine with a donor egg and she said yes, but next year..which is too late.
Maybe you can keep looking outside of the state of Oregon for the eggs(?). How'd you find her anyway? Whats your opinion on an ad on Craiglist or in a Pennysaver for surrogates?? People are suggesting it to me, but I cant tell if it is a way for them to feel like they are helping after they say no to carrying our child or if it is a viable idea? I was worried about someone eating Doritos and drinking Red Bull while pregnant until our doctor said he would be worried about contracting Hepatitis or HIV, fetal alcohol syndrome and drug use....I hadn't even considered that!!!
What about the sperm part? Does your husband have a brother or cousin or even an uncle...anyone who would be willing?
As far as having funds....without sounding pretentious, I thought that would help. I mean, heck!!! Offering someone 20-30k just to carry a baby, not including all expenses, I thought would help encourage someone we know, but it means nothing. I've had two people say yes but one wants to wait a year and the other 2 1/2 years.
What kind of support are you getting from family and friends?
Glad we met Tracy!!!!
Welcome and thank you so your comment. It is encouraging that others have taken this path and had success. I bet your twins are beautiful. I may have questions for you if you don't mind!
Yes, well the clinic we are going through has their own data base of donors so selecting from there. Partly because if we select form another place the egg will have to be frozen and I want to do a fresh cycle where they can immediately inject dh sperm and we can wait for it to turn into a blast then implant. Higher rate for fresh IMO.
Hey what wrong with red bull while pregnant? Lol yeah seriously right? I think craigslist would not be a good place to search but what do I know.
Hey have you looked here;http://www.surromomsonline.com/classifieds/index.htm
No support from anyone yet as we have not disclosed anything about our plans yet.
I will check back in my son is begging for me to build a pillow cave
Check this. https://www.ohsu.edu/women/services/fertility/egg-donor/index.php/donors/search_results
@tracyamber When exactly is your consult???
I got a donor egg by the way!!! xerxella sent me a link of three people she found with with ease...I have no idea why i never found that link. Found someone who could have been my sister. We look like twins in our baby pictures and have led the same kind of life, same industry same avenues....weird but awesome!
Now I need a surrogate!!!! LOL its a puzzle!
When exactly do you see the doctor? Thinking of you and your pillow fort!
So everyone we have shared this with, with the exception of one or two, have not been very supportive. My children aren't very supportive either. My youngest just turned 18 on March 1st and my oldest is here visiting (23) and they both just told me they would like to see me do something for me, that I am always taking care of people and they want me to just take care of me. I tried explaining that maybe that is how I want to spend my life and I don't see it as "taking care of people" as much as I do just living my life.
I was the caregiver for their paternal grandfather while he died of cancer and then their maternal great grandfather who passed at 101 years old as well as their maternal great grandmother. I also had a "significant other" prior to my current husband but after their father and I divorced (there have only been three men in my life..sounds like a lot when you out them in one sentence). I was with him for almost 10 years and he went through renal failure, dialysis and finally a transplant while we were together. All that while I worked and took care of them. So, I see their point but it makes me feel very alone when I would rather be celebrating.
I spoke to my mother today and caught her up on everything. We decided not to share this with her until we had the ball moving, and her reaction was that she didn't feel I was "capable" of doing this. I'm like WTF??? I've already done it...three times!!!!! Cold dinner and no sleep don't scare me...stepping on Legos and the age 15 scare the crap out of me...not babies and PTA.
I have not shared any of this with my sister as she gets confrontational when I share that I want to cut my hair. Turns into an argument of why I cant just put it in a ponytail and I argue because I want to cut it short and it goes on and on and gets really ugly. And I'm in my 40's!!!!
This is such a joyous time for me and for my husband and I'm not complaining but I am typing on a computer to a stranger across the country to share it with. Isn't something wrong with that? : )
How are you doing? I'm excited for you to get past this week and have some knowledge and move ahead!!!
(sorry to vent...you dont have to read it and I'll never know LOL)
Try https://myeggbank.com/donors/preview.asp. Last I looked there were donors from all kinds of racial and ethnic backgrounds, including many mixed-race backgrounds. You get 6 vitrified (frozen) mature eggs that your fertility clinic can use for IVF.
married since 2000, mom since 2007
Hi I'm Susie. I've always thought of being a surrogate mother. I'm 33, half Jewish, half mutt. I'm not a homeopathic, organic, super-vegan. I like red meat, junk food, & the occasional brewski. I have kids & quit all unhealthy stuff while preggers. (Hey, just being honest.) My kiddos are all healthy and I'm healthy. I don't think I would like to have someone else's eggs (procedure is creepy). I'm not afraid of being inseminated. My husband would never let me, but he's gone now, so I'm going for it. BUT..... I'm in Oregon. IDK, but God orders all things. LMK, Blessings
What you're talking about is called traditional surrogacy. That's where they use your natural cycle and your eggs and you're inseminated with the man's sperm. This is generally NOT a recommended way to do a surrogacy. Because, it's not legally safe for the family. If you decide at any time that you would want to keep the child there's nothing the family could do about it because you're the genetic mother. The father may even be forced to pay you child support.
That's why most people do gestational surrogacy. Even if the woman can't use her own eggs she'll most likely get an egg donor and have those embryos put into the surrogate.
You say the procedure is creepy, but the procedure is no different for the surrogate. With a traditional surrogate the doc puts the sperm in your uterus at the proper time and with gestational surrogacy the doc puts embryos in your uterus at the proper time. So really not different.
If you're really interested in becoming a surrogate you should contact an agency and that can set you up properly.
Married to one of the last good guys left Jim
Mom to AJ 4/07 and Genevieve 5/09
And then: I'm really, really tired of making angels.
But wait, could it really be true?
The whole story at: www.xerxella.blogspot.com
I wold love to hear your thoughts on discussing donor issues with kids. I have been talking to my son about it (he is 6), and the concept is so abstract he doesn't get it (even though he was actually in the room when the embryos were put back inside me!)
Here she is:
Mom to DS 12/07 and DD 11/13, plus a bunch of chickens, dogs, and cats.
Moving past many years of infertility and always thinking of my friends in the infertility forums.