What a journey this is for all of us. I am really starting to wonder if it is time to stop trying, the thing is that I do not know how to recognize it, or what to do to say goodbye to this phase of our life. I've been pregnant 5 times over the last 5 years. I have one beautiful three year old. Early this year I found out I have a genetic disorder that is likely contributing to the miscarriages and that my changes of success are much lower that other women my age. More recently I found out that I may be in premature ovarian failure (related to the genetic disorder). I also have major pelvic prolapse, and it seems that I am entering pre-menopause (I'm 39). My first pregnancy was rough. I had a lot of pain, vomiting (for seven months), swelling, and discomfort. I'm also soon undergoing tests for potential heart and kidney problems (also related to my genetic disorder). The heart problem (which I may not even have) would make another pregnancy dangerous.
I'm feeling so sick of being prodded and poked, I'm so sick of not knowing our family size, I'm so sick of my relationship with my partner being focused on fertility (not fun or intimacy). Not being able to keep a pregnancy is making me feel so inadequate and like I am a sick person. I am starting to feel like I want to move on. I want another child, but I also have always known (somehow) that it might not be in the cards for us so I've had time to mentally prepare for this eventuality. I think my partner is just now starting to realize this. We both agree that IVF (we would require a donor egg) nor adoption are for us - those are such personal decisions and I'm glad we are on the same page. But, when is enough enough?
Have any of you been here? What did you do?
Aug 2009; DS1 Sep 2010; Dec 2012; Dec 2013; May 2014
So when is enough enough? I dunno, I guess it is different for all of us. I do think though it is good that you are processing your feelings and possibly coming to terms with what you think is enough. Hugs again. Sorry to ramble.
But, for me.... You can see my signature. And, I'll be 39 in June. I've come to terms that our family may be complete. And, that's ok. BUT, we'd really like another baby. So, TTC has become sort of a hobby. I know that sounds wierd, but it's the same way that some people go antiqueing (or whatever). So, they go out a few times a month and try to find that item that's worth a ton of money. They spend time on research and the activity itself. They have some sort of budget for their hobby and they enjoy it. They hope to find that one great find the same way I hope to find that "golden egg." I know the odds are against me. But, I'm comfortable just continuing to try against the odds.
I hope whatever you decide you can find peace with your decision.
Married to one of the last good guys left Jim
Mom to AJ 4/07 and Genevieve 5/09
And then: I'm really, really tired of making angels.
But wait, could it really be true?
The whole story at: www.xerxella.blogspot.com
Aimee, mom to Mirah b. 08/09/08
and my angel, Nico, , lost to us at 19 weeks gestation, 12/27/12
Longing for our rainbow