The Fertility Challenged One Thread -Summer 2014 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 231 Old 06-16-2014, 03:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by adiejan View Post

Ok so don't get me wrong here...I am so so happy for all of you with your BFP's! I just have to say, damn it really sucks to feel like you are left out of the only club you've wanted to be a part of forever! I know you ladies will understand more than anyone. I'm just really ready to be in the cool kids club
I totally get it. My 2 SILs have suffered with infertility as well and I cried when one of them got a surprise BFP. This was last summer when we weren't sure if we could afford another IVF or not. I was happy for her on some level, especially since she didn't have to go through another IVF, but when you want it too and then they get it, you feel like it happens for everyone, even other infertiles and not you. It's tough and so hard to not feel left out. I'm not going to be trite and say "it'll happen for you," because no one knows for sure, but I am going to say that we get it and I want so badly for it to happen for you. Feel free to vent all you want. I'm sure I've said the same at least a few times in the past.
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Me: 33 PCOS Him: 33 vericocele
13 long years of TTC using various methods before the twins finally came - Too much history to list
IVF #1 11 weeks
IVF #2 Liam and Maisie (now 2 years old)
IVF #3 BFN and no frosties
IVF #4 BFP!!!! Twins again!

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#62 of 231 Old 06-16-2014, 03:52 PM
 
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Aide - hugs!!! I'm totally there with you... So over it, remember you're hopped up on the mega hormones right now... As they wear off it'll feel easier, lol although the cool kids club beckons
Kewpie - I know so many of you have been there and felt that, but as you say it still doesn't help the left out feeling.
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#63 of 231 Old 06-16-2014, 06:40 PM
 
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Hugs to you Adie - what you are feeling is totally normal and okay. I think all of us have been there. If you can't talk about feeling left out here, where can you talk about it??

Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, and one (9/13 @ 7w 6d); PCOS
*4***8***12***16***20***24***28**32***36***40** Oct 2014 it's a
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#64 of 231 Old 06-17-2014, 05:46 AM
 
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What I'm about to say is out of genuine concern and not made to make anyone feel badly. Adiejan's recent post reminds me of something that happened the last time I got a BFP. It was on these forums here; someone was rather upset about the string of BFPs and any talk of early pregnancy fears. At the time, I had only been a couple months out from a late 3rd month loss and had just had another gush of blood. I wasn't ready to move on the graduates thread, but was asked by this person not to post anymore.

Now, some sad feelings are being posted again and I'm really hoping that I'm not somehow flaunting it. I'm just noticing a trend that after BFP = sadness in the group. As I said earlier, I absolutely understand the feelings. I was childless for just over 13 years of active TTC during my marriage (I married young). I know what it feels like to be passed up again and again. This trend just makes me wonder if I'm doing something to bring these feelings on others is all. It's not my intent if I am.

Me: 33 PCOS Him: 33 vericocele
13 long years of TTC using various methods before the twins finally came - Too much history to list
IVF #1 11 weeks
IVF #2 Liam and Maisie (now 2 years old)
IVF #3 BFN and no frosties
IVF #4 BFP!!!! Twins again!

***4***8**12***16***20***24*** 28***32***36***40
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#65 of 231 Old 06-17-2014, 08:02 AM
 
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Hi everyone. Just popping in to say hello!

Me (32) - DH (38) - DS (5)
Expecting #2 in Dec 2014 ****5****10****15***20****25****30****35 ****40
I blog: allthingsandlife.blogspot.com
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#66 of 231 Old 06-17-2014, 09:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone,

Gone to the library today to work on my paper- I have 1 last paper for my 8th Master's course (it is due on Friday) and than I am off from class until July 2nd. Yippee! Really nervous about this paper though. I needed to get out of the house and away from any distractions. Haha!

Hi @tracyamber

Hugs @adiejan . I know what you mean, I want in the club too.

Hi @kewpie80 . It's nice to know that i am not alone in the way I feel- happy but also jealous/upset when others announce they are pregnant but it also is a source of hope for the future. I am glad we can be open and honest here. I am so happy to see everyone so happy and get their BFP. I know I am still a relatively newbie here but its nice to see that there can be success- a rainbow at the end of all this struggling. I need to know that others feel like I do. That there isn't something wrong with me- or that I am wrong to have these feelings and thoughts. You are amazing! Don't ever feel like you cannot post. I hope no one feels that way. I love seeing everyone who has been successful still posting here- it provides a sense of hope but also you all are great sources of information and advice!

Hi @chuord

Hi @monkeyscience

I would be lost without all of you. Thank you for your support- it means more than I can ever say to me.

Hi @NaturallyMo - how are you doing/feeling?

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#67 of 231 Old 06-17-2014, 10:27 AM
 
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subbing....

adie - big big hugs. I'm sorry about the way you're feeling, but it is completely normal! I'm glad you got some good eggs and hope that at least one of them turns into your take home baby soon!!

Tinya- congrats on the decision, it sounds like you are at peace with it, and that's wonderful!!

alive - congrats!!!


Me: 34, DH: 36, DD born 7/25/10 After 4 years of trying and failed IVF treatments (missing my angels).  IVF/ICSI worked this time! DS born 1/8/13!



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#68 of 231 Old 06-17-2014, 10:40 AM
 
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Hi all
Just wanting to say hi. I too know the feeling when people get their BFP's. It took over a year for me on this thread. My first pregnancy I guess I wasn't into posting. Anyway, sometimes it's hard to see but you always know you'll get your positive and everyone will be happy for you too, right?
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#69 of 231 Old 06-17-2014, 01:19 PM
 
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Adie- I can totally relate to being left out. It's hard to be the failed cycle amid a slew of successful cycles. But we both know, as is the experience of those before us who were among those BFPs, that they have their own history of being the failures as others succeeded. We can only continue to hope and pray that we are approaching our time to be part of the 'cool kids club' and can pass on our own wisdom from the other side. Thinking of you friend. Xoxo
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#70 of 231 Old 06-17-2014, 03:08 PM
 
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Kewpie - please don't in any way think you are a cause, or any of you newly pg ladies... As you all know (from experience as has already been mentioned) these are just the natural feelings we get from having a failed cycle, or a semi successful one like adie.
This thread is great, for all the support, successes, and the ability to lay your heart on the table... When you can put your emotion into words your body can grieve and start to heal. Never feel guilty about success - lol it's why we're all here right? Just know that at any one time on here, some of us are happy, scared, frustrated or hurting- Everyone gets a turn at each. Right now I'm in the hurting camp, but it's more to do with turning 40 during this process than even my cancelled ivf - nothing to do with all the success - like adie and tf2b I'm truly happy for you all!
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#71 of 231 Old 06-17-2014, 07:42 PM
 
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Hugs, Kewpie. I don't think it's anything personal to you. Though all the hormones that thread members are constantly awash in never helps any of us! I think on any given day, there will be someone who has a hard time reading about those who are newly pregnant. But there will be lots who really want to know how things are going, and would rather not face the full pregnancy blast of the grads thread to check on people. It's always a hard balance. I know that I want those who have cheered me on to know how I'm doing, but at the same time, I don't want to bring more hurt to those already hurting. So sometimes I update about me on this thread, sometimes I don't. I think it's extra hard for any who have been through losses to really want to jump right over to graduates when they know all too well it may not last. Bottom line, I think that everyone needs to be able to express their feelings where they feel comfortable - be they happy, sad, scared, angry, nervous, frustrated, or whatever - and we all need to know that how we feel is okay, even if it is sad/envious/etc. of our fellow IF sisters. I think those things can coexist.

Monkey (30) + Pirate (28) = a forever family (5/10) - Baby Bird (8/12), our long-awaited first, and one (9/13 @ 7w 6d); PCOS
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#72 of 231 Old 06-18-2014, 05:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone,

Got to go to the dentist (cleaning/routine this afternoon). Still need to work on my paper- made quite a bit progress yesterday.

Hi @hope4light , honestly I am excited and ready to start. I am feeling really at peace with our decision now more than before.
Hope you are doing well.

Thanks for the reassurance @tracyamber and @toothfairy2be

Hugs @chuord . You are very elegant with your words.

Thanks for sharing your perspective @monkeyscience

Hi everyone else!

Me 28, DH 30 wheelchair.gif, 2 Kitties cat.gifand working towards having Baby #1. 
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#73 of 231 Old 06-18-2014, 03:53 PM
 
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Hi monkey how are you traveling? How far now?
Tina - thanks, I just always write what I feel, lol sometimes it just works out that way. I'm glad it sounded ok.
Good luck finishing that assignment!!! Hope it happens soon and you can relax. Glad you are relaxing about using a donor, I think your dh being ok with it has helped you a lot
Everyone who is still here that's got their bfp - can you tell us where you're at in weeks? It's nice to work out the progression, and maybe there's a timing pattern that could work for one of us still waiting
Tf2b - how are you? What is fun in your life right now?
Adie - any news on freezing report?
Afm - I'm starting to be my cheerful self, thanks for your patience and love - it truly helps
So although the doc reckons the bleed I had wasn't my period, I'm assuming it was and getting ready for bd season... I know natural is a long shot but I'll try any opportunity and a fail is no big deal. Has anyone had a cancelled cycle? Can you tell me if your ovaries were still tender 3.5 weeks after missed trigger?

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#74 of 231 Old 06-18-2014, 05:51 PM
 
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Seriously the craziest day of my life. Last Friday my betas were 630 or so. Yesterday they called and said my Monday draw was 2600. Can you see where this is going?

We had a 7:30 a.m. ultrasound. She turns the monitor towards me, I'm seeing double.

Twins!

We are in shock. We really only wanted one more. I would have loved twins with my first but this is crazy, on just 50 mg of clomid, first time!
Shocked and worried about high-risk pregnancy and how all the monitoring is going to work with our crappy insurance. I feel like this is going to be so expensive I just can't. I'm just scared, plain scared. I'm only 5 weeks. I should be like 5weeks 5 days, but she said they were measuring around 5. I don't know what that means. I am going back in two weeks to look for heartbeats.
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ecstatic about BFP #2 after another round of Clomid,
TWINS!
EDD 2/15/2015
thrilled to welcome #1 after 17 months of ttc, 1 round of Clomid

DS LG  08/03/12
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#75 of 231 Old 06-18-2014, 05:56 PM
 
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Wow, that is amazing! Congrats.

Kyle and Jordan - Married June 22nd, 2013

TTC #1 since October 2013.

My chart -

One loss - March 2014 (5 weeks)

BFP on June 13, 2014 - EDD 2/25/2014
First Beta at 12DPO-186. 15DPO-598!

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#76 of 231 Old 06-18-2014, 06:15 PM
 
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Boots - I hope, then, that she just had the "3-d" mode on! Do twins maybe usually run small? I hope everything works out well for you.
Chourd - iI'm 18 wks, and seriously stunned by it. I feel like there's been a lot more lately! I'm glad to see new faces - I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone, but this is a wonderful group to be on that journey with!
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#77 of 231 Old 06-18-2014, 09:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by iixivboots View Post
Seriously the craziest day of my life. Last Friday my betas were 630 or so. Yesterday they called and said my Monday draw was 2600. Can you see where this is going?

We had a 7:30 a.m. ultrasound. She turns the monitor towards me, I'm seeing double.

Twins!

We are in shock. We really only wanted one more. I would have loved twins with my first but this is crazy, on just 50 mg of clomid, first time!
Shocked and worried about high-risk pregnancy and how all the monitoring is going to work with our crappy insurance. I feel like this is going to be so expensive I just can't. I'm just scared, plain scared. I'm only 5 weeks. I should be like 5weeks 5 days, but she said they were measuring around 5. I don't know what that means. I am going back in two weeks to look for heartbeats.
That is amazing and stressful I bet. Congrats and hugs at the same time!!!
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#78 of 231 Old 06-18-2014, 09:09 PM
 
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@chuord , I'm glad you are starting to feel yourself. I too think that must have been your menses. Have fun bding!!!
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#79 of 231 Old 06-18-2014, 09:12 PM
 
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Hey Everyone! I really didn't mean that I was hurt in any way by any of your BFP's!! Just really ready for a sticky one of my own. I really appreciate all of the love, support and commeradery that comes from being a part of this group. There is really nothing like it. I am so so happy for all of you and actually more so dread you leaving!! Love to you all!!

AFM: definitely hyper stimulated...hasn't been fun! Just glad we didn't put any embies back because it would be much worse since I would be pregnant...right?!? I have been off work this week just resting and hanging out with dh before he heads back to work. Planning my sisters baby shower...yup that haha! Hoping to do FET next month. Trying to get my giant ovaries under control!

Me- 35 blowkiss.gif pcos DH- 36 thumb.gif no issues

TTC since December 2008 9 clomid cycles...break! 2 more clomid cycles with trigger and TI

IUI #1 April 2013- BFP Ectopic May 2013 angel.gif IUI #2 July 2013- BFN IUI#3 August 2013-BFN IUI#4 October 2013-BFN

IVF #1 Dec 2013- BFP! angel.gif MC 9 1/2wks.

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#80 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 02:29 AM
 
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Boots - no easy answer on the stress... Congrats on the wonderful success!!! Can you think about that and the fact you won't need to do fertility treatments ever again? Just do whatever you both need to do to relax, then in a few days when the shock is over think it through... When alls said and done you are in awesome company on here... Xerxella and Tracy are both twinned up lol... Kewpie did we find out if you're one or two yet?
Autumn - wow!!! Man 18 weeks already!!! Time does fly fast, you're almost half way. Thanks for the update it's really nice to know
Adie - hope you're doing ok? My doc said 3 ltrs fluid a day and lots of protein in small meals - I used protein shakes. (Sorry if repeating I just want you well ASAP lol) so glad they didn't transfer, apparently the ohss gets heaps worse if pg - the extra hcg increases it. Did you find out how many they froze? Btw my ovaries are still do swollen I feel them every time I pee - that's 3.5 weeks after expected trigger, so be patient xxx
Tracy - where are you at time wise?
A friend is doing a challenge where she has to mention 3 things she's grateful for every day - I did it to myself in the car today and I feel wonderful, great stress relief if anyone needs xxx

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#81 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 05:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone,

We have our psychologist appt for July 7th, right before next cycle. Once I finish my paper/course on Friday, we will start looking at the websites for donors. Got a solid draft of my paper right now.

Hi @chuord , things feel better than before. I think its knowing the truth/reality and knowing the path you are taking. I am hoping to get this paper done soon too- due Friday at midnight. Love that you are starting to feel better dear. Add your positives here- I definitely want positives/gratefulness here and in my life as well.

So happy for you @iixivboots . Try not to worry yet. You have plenty of time for planning. Wow! Congrats dear

Hi @alivewithyou and @tracyamber

Glad to hear from you @Autumnlaughing

I dread everyone leaving too @adiejan - I am so glad to have all of us here. It's really reassuring. Hope your sister's shower goes well. Enjoy the time off- take some time for yourself dear

My husband is using protein shakes too- our plan to get as much protein as possible is to add in soy milk, greek yogurt, and protein powder.

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#82 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 07:46 AM
 
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@chuord I don't know if I have twins. I will find out next week wednesday at my ultrasound. Something tells me I have just one little bean. Guess we will see. Have a good day or night I forgot the time Australia glad you are feeling better.
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#83 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 09:48 AM
 
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@tinytina - what are you getting your master's in? I hope your paper wasn't too rough...or the dentist haha!

@chuord - thanks for the advice love. I seriously feel like I'm smuggling grapefruit! I'm sorry your ovaries are still aching! What is your plan of attack now?

@boots -congrats! What a roller coaster!

@tracyamber - I'm going to be sending you lots of positive energy on wed! How are you feeling?

@kewpie80 - how is it going love?

@toothfairy2be - thanks for your sweet words. How are you? Moving forward with anything?

@Xerxella , @monkeyscience , and @alivewithyou - HI...what is going on for you ladies?

Me- 35 blowkiss.gif pcos DH- 36 thumb.gif no issues

TTC since December 2008 9 clomid cycles...break! 2 more clomid cycles with trigger and TI

IUI #1 April 2013- BFP Ectopic May 2013 angel.gif IUI #2 July 2013- BFN IUI#3 August 2013-BFN IUI#4 October 2013-BFN

IVF #1 Dec 2013- BFP! angel.gif MC 9 1/2wks.

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#84 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 11:24 AM
 
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I guess that I belong in the IUI/IVF group. My name is Aimee (38) and I live in Baltimore with my husband and my almost 6 year old daughter. About a year and a half ago I lost my son, Nico, at 19 weeks gestation, due to prom. It turned out I had Incompetent Cervix (IC) and so last summer I had a transabdominal cerclage (TAC) on my cervix so that I would be able to carry another baby. We have been trying for almost a year and I was just diagnosed with secondary infertility. We are not sure if it is because of the TAC (I am in the middle of tons of testing) but it seems likely as it is an uncommon but occasional side effect of the TAC, and I always have gotten pregnant fairly easily before I had the procedure. We are hoping to start IUI in my next cycle, in July. Waiting to hear back on blood tests and semen analysis. The HSG test looked fine. I hope to be able to do one round of IUI without hormones, but not sure if the doctor will support that. Has anyone here had a similar experience? Or used IUI without hormones? I can't find any information on success rates. Thanks, Aimee

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and my angel, Nico, , lost to us at 19 weeks gestation, 12/27/12
Longing for our rainbow
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#85 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 01:23 PM
 
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@radiowave - I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. So awful! I've never had a nun medicated IUI so I'm no help there. Do they have any clue about what exactly is getting in the way? Welcome!! The ladies here are great!

Me- 35 blowkiss.gif pcos DH- 36 thumb.gif no issues

TTC since December 2008 9 clomid cycles...break! 2 more clomid cycles with trigger and TI

IUI #1 April 2013- BFP Ectopic May 2013 angel.gif IUI #2 July 2013- BFN IUI#3 August 2013-BFN IUI#4 October 2013-BFN

IVF #1 Dec 2013- BFP! angel.gif MC 9 1/2wks.

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#86 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 02:12 PM
 
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@radiowave - I'm so sorry about the loss of your son. So awful! I've never had a nun medicated IUI so I'm no help there. Do they have any clue about what exactly is getting in the way? Welcome!! The ladies here are great!
Thank you for your thoughts. The idea right now is that the transabdominal cerclage (TAC) has made it more difficult for sperm to reach the uterus, thus the IUI next cycle. But I just got a call from the doctor today saying that my husband's semen sample showed low sperm motility. He is going to discuss the possible treatments for that with us next Friday. As far as I can tell from a cursory google, IUI may be indicated for that, as well. I am confused about taking hormones for the IUI, since I don't seem to have trouble ovulating.

Aimee, mom to Mirah b. 08/09/08
and my angel, Nico, , lost to us at 19 weeks gestation, 12/27/12
Longing for our rainbow
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#87 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 03:04 PM
 
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Tracy - hmmm I remember your betas were quite high but we will wait to see for sure.... Man your ultrasound is killing my patience lol!!! I need to know 😜 how are you for symptoms? Anything much?
Re the gratitude, yesterday it hit me again that my dh has finished all his studies and although we are waiting for business to increase we have made it through the hard bits (he finished 18 months ago lol) it was an amazing feeling. I met him in 2000 he was already a dentist and was halfway through post grad medicine, after that he had an entry exam to get on the surgery training, a first year exam, five years of training and a closing exam (each exam was national and a weeks worth of testing) now our lives are ours and the fact he's not working full time is great - we have time to enjoy living, and just enough cash to get there - who needs more really?
Adie - my ovaries don't ache so much as I'm just aware of them and the fact they're swollen lol! Btw the best thing for me after each ivf cycle, by the time I recover and mostly deflate (like now) I've lost a little weight that's a happy little bonus!

Radio wave - welcome! Re the medicated iui, I have no problems ovulating on my own either, but they do like for there to be a couple of extra eggs produced for an iui normally - the idea is that it will increase your chances. However if you are more concerned about multiples (and extra stress on your cervix despite the tac) point that out to the doc. Essentially we have all found in varying degrees that we are able to try things more our way if we feel strong about stuff and what we want to try is not crazy or off path, so just make sure your doc understands how you feel. It may mean you have a lower success rate - but it's your money and your sanity. Re the iui hormones - they aren't that bad and typically it's just a 5 day stint - if you need to do it you will cope fine
Good luck and keep us posted!
Xerxella - a little worried that we haven't heard from you, could you let us know how you are?
Alive - how's things?
Oxford - sweety how are you doing? How have you settled down after it all?
Mo - lol I think of you and just feel mellow and happy, I hope that's where you're at gorgeous!
Afm - still riding that happy buzz of being grateful, I can't recommend it more xxx
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#88 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 03:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by chuord View Post
Tracy - hmmm I remember your betas were quite high but we will wait to see for sure.... Man your ultrasound is killing my patience lol!!! I need to know 😜 how are you for symptoms? Anything much?
Re the gratitude, yesterday it hit me again that my dh has finished all his studies and although we are waiting for business to increase we have made it through the hard bits (he finished 18 months ago lol) it was an amazing feeling. I met him in 2000 he was already a dentist and was halfway through post grad medicine, after that he had an entry exam to get on the surgery training, a first year exam, five years of training and a closing exam (each exam was national and a weeks worth of testing) now our lives are ours and the fact he's not working full time is great - we have time to enjoy living, and just enough cash to get there - who needs more really?
Adie - my ovaries don't ache so much as I'm just aware of them and the fact they're swollen lol! Btw the best thing for me after each ivf cycle, by the time I recover and mostly deflate (like now) I've lost a little weight that's a happy little bonus!

Radio wave - welcome! Re the medicated iui, I have no problems ovulating on my own either, but they do like for there to be a couple of extra eggs produced for an iui normally - the idea is that it will increase your chances. However if you are more concerned about multiples (and extra stress on your cervix despite the tac) point that out to the doc. Essentially we have all found in varying degrees that we are able to try things more our way if we feel strong about stuff and what we want to try is not crazy or off path, so just make sure your doc understands how you feel. It may mean you have a lower success rate - but it's your money and your sanity. Re the iui hormones - they aren't that bad and typically it's just a 5 day stint - if you need to do it you will cope fine
Good luck and keep us posted!
Xerxella - a little worried that we haven't heard from you, could you let us know how you are?
Alive - how's things?
Oxford - sweety how are you doing? How have you settled down after it all?
Mo - lol I think of you and just feel mellow and happy, I hope that's where you're at gorgeous!
Afm - still riding that happy buzz of being grateful, I can't recommend it more xxx
Thanks! I am nervous about the meds because of multiples, but also because hormones make me CRAZY. I couldn't stay on the pill for even a week! But, we'll see. What, other than IUI is used for men with low sperm motility?
Thanks again!

Aimee, mom to Mirah b. 08/09/08
and my angel, Nico, , lost to us at 19 weeks gestation, 12/27/12
Longing for our rainbow
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#89 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 05:04 PM
 
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Hey everyone.. still following along here and wishing you all well. I admit that the emotions involved with TTC can be very complicated. I am glad everyone here is so supportive with each other. It's really amazing to see.

Welcome @radiowave !

I had my second beta drawn today and it looked really great. 186 on 12 DPO (in the evening) to 598 on 15 DPO (in the early morning). No more betas for me now.. which I am happy about. They give me serious deja vu because of my chemical and give me anxiety. My fertility specialist is doing an ultrasound next week to check for ectopic (also makes me slightly nervous but i realize the chances are low...) and then after that I get to set up an appointment with a regular OB/GYN. Now, I just need to find one and hope that this strong little bean keeps growing as well as he/she has been.
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Kyle and Jordan - Married June 22nd, 2013

TTC #1 since October 2013.

My chart -

One loss - March 2014 (5 weeks)

BFP on June 13, 2014 - EDD 2/25/2014
First Beta at 12DPO-186. 15DPO-598!

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#90 of 231 Old 06-19-2014, 05:52 PM
 
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Hey all. Don't mean to worry you. I'm completely following along on you all and cheering you all on.

My current mantra is "I have no reason to believe there's anything wrong", which is the completely true. Everything's been textbook. I'll have a third u/s tomorrow. Fingers crossed. :fx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Married to one of the last good guys left Jim
Mom to AJ 4/07 and Genevieve 5/09

And then: I'm really, really tired of making angels.

But wait, could it really be true?


The whole story at: www.xerxella.blogspot.com
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