how do you cope with infertility? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 01-27-2017, 12:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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how do you cope with infertility?

yeah hello I am new here, my name is Claudia. 42. I have been ttcing for 4 years already, had 2 ivf oe, both - negative. i do not know what's wrong with me as at the time of my treatments my amh was 5,4 and for the second tx it has lowered a bit but still was normal. doctors told me that i have no fertility issues, no, I am lying, they have told me that they can't find any, therefore they out me in the unexplained category. which is ridiculous. I am really struggling to understand how can they not find anything wrong with me when not even fertility treatment helped me with getting pregnant..
so how do you cope with your diagnosis? how? I am sorry to bring this up but it bothers me a lot. I do not know if it is the right place to ask something of this sort but maybe we can help each other, I think that I am not the only one who feels that way...
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#2 of 24 Old 01-30-2017, 05:12 AM
 
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@rhutes
Hello, Claudia!
Reading your story I feel like these are my own memories. I also had one failed cycle by another, 3 actually, and I started at 43. Btw, your AMH is incredible! I only had 1.2ng/ml and I was told it's pretty good for my age, although it's rather low if we are talking about chances to become pregnant naturally. Well, with your results I thought there would be no problems. I can say that we are in the same boat..I was advised to have donor egg IVF, although I wasn't satisfied with the option, I agreed but it has also failed. Now I'm on the way to have my 4th round and I hope this time I'll do this! Anyway, I'll know it very soon. It's my husband who helps me to cope with this and I want to give birth to our child!
Try not to lose hope! Keep strong, you are not the only one who faced this issue.
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Last edited by Petrer; 01-31-2017 at 12:03 AM.
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#3 of 24 Old 01-30-2017, 05:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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yes as you see I was surprised too by the outcome as my amh clearly was on the decent level but I guess for some of us this is not their fate to become parents
well, if nature itself is against it I will find another way to make my dream come true. even if it will take a fortune. but we were lucky to find the option that is fine by our own standards. and also very cheap haha
and you how are you?
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#4 of 24 Old 03-06-2017, 09:18 PM
 
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I do not know how much this will help you, but it helped me a lot so I thought I would share. I had so many people tell me I needed to "let go and let God" or "think positive and it will happen." I had friends get pregnant and offer me their "baby JuJu" like they could magic a baby for me. I have to be honest and acknowledge that I am very much not the type of person to let go and let anyone do anything that I can do myself. So I owned that. I am currently in my second stimulation- my husband has low T with associated male factor infertility. I have an amh of .65 at 32 and rheumatoid arthritis, which further complicates my IVF. Knowing why doesn't make anything any easier than when we did not know why, but it does give me the power to control the things I can- what I eat, my activity levels, being mindful of each moment as a beautiful thing in itself, loving my husband, how my medications are organized, the people I choose to have in my life, whether or not I put on real pants that day.

I cannot change the fact that we are infertile, nor that I need to go through IVF to have any chance of conceiving. I read the statistics before I ever started my first cycle (which was cancelled during stimulation due to non-response by my ovaries- I did end up with three months of cysts though) so I know that I am likely to have to go through 3 frozen cycles to get near 60% chance of having a live birth and that for me the number may be significantly lower for live birth versus pregnancy because the RA may increase my risk of complications. All I can do is what I can do.

When I need to, I cry about it. When I need to, I make jokes about it. Sometimes I calmly but firmly refuse to talk about it. Sometimes I mention it casually in conversation because it happens to be relevant to the topic at hand and it is just a fact of my life right now. I just try to be aware of where I am mentally and what I am feeling and to honor that for myself, and for my husband who has always dreamed of being a father and is, I think, struggling with this more than I am. This sounds really zen but I assure you that sometimes that has meant allowing myself be very, very angry, or absolutely devastated or almost manically hopeful. I try to temper my more extreme moods in their expression to mitigate collateral damage but if I feel it, its ok. Just be kind to yourself. I know it is hard to hear but there may never be an answer as to why and sometimes we do not get happy endings. Keeping that in mind and reminding myself that it is nonetheless up to me what I do with my life, what meaning it has and what I contribute to the world has been my biggest help.

I hope that everything works out for you and you are able to live the dream you have of motherhood. Internet hugs.
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#5 of 24 Old 04-04-2017, 04:09 AM
 
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@rhutes , sorry for that. infertility is hard issue in any case. I've been struggling with infertility since 2009, I had a hysterectomy and due to it I lost the ability to carry a baby. Years of devastation made me think about other ways of dealing with this issue. I was advised to use the reproductive medicine. Frankly, it was a shock for me because i was always against this. I didn't understand those who use this kind of treatment. But when I started to explore this sphere I got to know that it's not so scared as it seems to be.
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#6 of 24 Old 04-06-2017, 10:24 PM
 
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Consulting a doctor is the best option in this case.
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#7 of 24 Old 06-09-2017, 04:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by JuneBrown View Post
Consulting a doctor is the best option in this case.
you cannot just say that you have to see your doctor and it will solve all of your problems, I think that it does not work this way. we all should admit that sometimes our doctors cannot diagnose something and we patients have to live with it.and I do not blame anyone but in my case, doctors were not that sure what was wrong with me that I could not get pregnant. They simply told me that I am infertile for no obvious reasons. then i have proceeded to ivf oe and failed 2 times which caused me to become a very depressive woman. when I had ivf de in a clinic that is like on the periphery of the world and yet managed to get a positive! so it is not always that simple!
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#8 of 24 Old 07-08-2017, 01:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by rhutes View Post
yeah hello I am new here, my name is Claudia. 42. I have been ttcing for 4 years already, had 2 ivf oe, both - negative. i do not know what's wrong with me as at the time of my treatments my amh was 5,4 and for the second tx it has lowered a bit but still was normal. doctors told me that i have no fertility issues, no, I am lying, they have told me that they can't find any, therefore they out me in the unexplained category. which is ridiculous. I am really struggling to understand how can they not find anything wrong with me when not even fertility treatment helped me with getting pregnant..
so how do you cope with your diagnosis? how? I am sorry to bring this up but it bothers me a lot. I do not know if it is the right place to ask something of this sort but maybe we can help each other, I think that I am not the only one who feels that way...
i would suggest you to go to a clinic named biotexcom in kiev, ukraine doctors over there are specialized in infertility problems and you will find the solution of your problems. Good luck.
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#9 of 24 Old 07-11-2017, 11:00 AM
 
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Takes time

So sorry to hear about your situation. I found myself in this situation called unexplained infertility too. It takes time but you have to pull yourself up - for yourself and your dear ones around you!
I am now looking at clinics for treatment. BioTexCom is high on our list. May be this helps.
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#10 of 24 Old 07-18-2017, 03:09 AM
 
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Unhappy it sucks

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Originally Posted by beth_brown View Post
So sorry to hear about your situation. I found myself in this situation called unexplained infertility too. It takes time but you have to pull yourself up - for yourself and your dear ones around you!
I am now looking at clinics for treatment. BioTexCom is high on our list. May be this helps.
hi there, I've been advised to egg donation as I did not have other ways to deal with my situation
after mc and failed one round of egg donation I'm looking for advise here, I'm too tired form failures, I want to gain peace and live a normal life, is it too much? Why we have to suffer from fertility issues? why lots of young women can't get pregnant for so long? why we should look for any fertility treatments? These questions always in my mind since I've got to know about my issues
sorry for being annoyed, just need a small dose of support
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#11 of 24 Old 07-18-2017, 08:05 AM
 
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hi there, I've been advised to egg donation as I did not have other ways to deal with my situation
after mc and failed one round of egg donation I'm looking for advise here, I'm too tired form failures, I want to gain peace and live a normal life, is it too much? Why we have to suffer from fertility issues? why lots of young women can't get pregnant for so long? why we should look for any fertility treatments? These questions always in my mind since I've got to know about my issues
sorry for being annoyed, just need a small dose of support

I've been advised to egg donation too.. due to poor egg quality because of advanced age. The ones coping with infertility issues we all have the same questions.. Why am I infertile? Why is it so hard to conceive? Why can't I be pregnant whenever I want? It is so unfair. I feel I'm greedy sometimes. But it is just a normal, common desire for motherhood. It is an instinct.
Hope you feel better... you are not alone in this journey x
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#12 of 24 Old 07-20-2017, 10:36 AM
 
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Hi, Here just to share my some feeling for the women who are facing a problem with infertility. infertility mean is it to adapt or go with IVF ?? being a lady it's too difficult to think upon. We consult doctors in Ukraine - almost after 2 3 years of waiting and trying we choose for IVF.

I am undergoing the process, I missed my periods, fortunately, good news indication when we plan for a baby and period missed !!!!!!!!!! I started vomiting and high migraine issues. we went to the Doctor for checking up, they asked us to do Ultrasound in next appointment.
Hope for a good,: wink: let's see !!!!!!!
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#13 of 24 Old 07-20-2017, 10:41 AM
 
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I am feeling like becoming a mum after talking treatment. I was feeling curious, nervous, stocky, freaky and wonder. egg donor and other many processes which I have gone through to solve my infertility problem. To enjoy Happy motherhood at the end we choose IVF treatment which was convened to us. In this, they transplant Egg formation in women ovaries to get developed.
For me, this was amazingly a miracle experiencing time. day by day I am feeling different symptoms, frustrating a lot with changing feelings. I became happy, became over possessed to my underdeveloped infant baby. caring more, loving my body, feel so healthy and responsible.
It's an amazing one, thanks, xxx Doc.
________________________________________
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#14 of 24 Old 07-21-2017, 01:20 AM
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Well my advise to you is you get a second opinion. I had the same experience before, I was not working out with my doctor,so I switched doctors, and I met DR. ANN instead. And, she helped me a lot with my pregnancy. You can set up a consultation with her if you think that your doctor is not qualified enough.
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#15 of 24 Old 07-24-2017, 07:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Anna Knudsen View Post
hi there, I've been advised to egg donation as I did not have other ways to deal with my situation
after mc and failed one round of egg donation I'm looking for advise here, I'm too tired form failures, I want to gain peace and live a normal life, is it too much? Why we have to suffer from fertility issues? why lots of young women can't get pregnant for so long? why we should look for any fertility treatments? These questions always in my mind since I've got to know about my issues
sorry for being annoyed, just need a small dose of support
Anna, you are just talking like my best friend. Hun, please don't talk like that, looks there is a solution to every problem. I am sure there is one for you as well. Firstly, I would like to send send you some warm *hugs*. Did you think about adoption? or surrogacy?
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#16 of 24 Old 07-26-2017, 07:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by trupti0126 View Post
Hi, Here just to share my some feeling for the women who are facing a problem with infertility. infertility mean is it to adapt or go with IVF ?? being a lady it's too difficult to think upon. We consult doctors in Ukraine - almost after 2 3 years of waiting and trying we choose for IVF.

I am undergoing the process, I missed my periods, fortunately, good news indication when we plan for a baby and period missed !!!!!!!!!! I started vomiting and high migraine issues. we went to the Doctor for checking up, they asked us to do Ultrasound in next appointment.
Hope for a good,: wink: let's see !!!!!!!
Hey @trupti *Hugs* and love to you and the little one ^_^ *Congratulations*
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#17 of 24 Old 08-02-2017, 12:21 PM
 
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hi Claudia!
I've been trying to conceive for 4 years. no results! I am 25 and my husband is 34. we were tested for every possible problem one can think of. eventually, we found out i had a low egg reserve. moreover, my eggs are low quality and can't turn into an embryo.
in other words, I am infertile!
it's been a huge blow for both of us. I developed depression and my husband tried to forget about the problem by drinking. of course, this put a new strain on our relationship. luckily for us, we managed to overcome this dark period and now our relationship is stronger than ever.
we are now receiving counseling, which is highly beneficial - I recommend it! and we're going to try to conceive with an egg donor
hope you will also find a way to come to terms with your infertility
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#18 of 24 Old 08-19-2017, 06:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by rhutes View Post
yeah hello I am new here, my name is Claudia. 42. I have been ttcing for 4 years already, had 2 ivf oe, both - negative. i do not know what's wrong with me as at the time of my treatments my amh was 5,4 and for the second tx it has lowered a bit but still was normal. doctors told me that i have no fertility issues, no, I am lying, they have told me that they can't find any, therefore they out me in the unexplained category. which is ridiculous. I am really struggling to understand how can they not find anything wrong with me when not even fertility treatment helped me with getting pregnant..
so how do you cope with your diagnosis? how? I am sorry to bring this up but it bothers me a lot. I do not know if it is the right place to ask something of this sort but maybe we can help each other, I think that I am not the only one who feels that way...
My journey was also very long and painful and your remind me of that. I am 43 years old. I have conceived two times but faced miscarriages. Then gone for TTC which is also not fruitful way for me. As the time was passing I was getting more depressed and anxious. I want a baby to keep my relation strong because we both are disturbed. It feel bad when you are ill and you want something seriously. I really want to be a mother because of my relationship. I didn't find any hope as there is always light in the end of the tunnel and there is. I also want a way out from my situation. Sometimes I feel helpless this is the reason I am here for an answer.
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#19 of 24 Old 09-09-2017, 10:56 PM
 
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This is really difficult to cope with the problem. You have raised a crucial topic no doubt. But there is always a hope in the darkness. You have to believe in that. I am also believing in that. I desperately want to be a mother. I got married 7 years ago. I was TTCing for 2 years. Nothing happened. Then we decided to go for IVF. Which is again difficult. Infertility is the worst thing happened to my life. But my in laws are very supporting. The true love can some how calm your soul.
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#20 of 24 Old 09-11-2017, 03:02 PM
 
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Hello, Claudia.
I'm very sorry that nature is so unfair to women. When you are 40 to conceive almost impossible. I also ran into this problem, but a little earlier, at 38 years old. I always thought "I can give birth to a child later, I want to pursue a career." But as it turned out - I can not. My husband was very supportive of me the first year, but then he could not stand it and left. I did not believe that I could survive it, seriously. Luckily my friends kept me afloat. And my friend invited me to go to Ukraine to use the services of the reproductive center. I hesitated a long time. I was sure that I could raise a child alone, because I have my business. In short, I went to Kiev. It was a long journey, which I remembered for a lifetime. My first memory is an excellent hotel. Further there were a lot of medical procedures, several cycles of fertilization and ultrasound images of my baby. Biotexcom provided me with a sperm donor and a surrogate mother. It happened very quickly, I was impressed.
Now the meaning of my life is my son. He is the main man in my life and I'm proud that I bring him up myself. Ladies, never give up. Children are great happiness. Good luck to all of you
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#21 of 24 Old 09-13-2017, 09:12 PM
 
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Raising a child alone is very hard. I am understanding it. I am also planning for surrogacy quite a long time. At the first when my husband told me about it. I was nervous and was thinking that we can plan it in some other way. May be there is some chance of having our own child. But after putting some effort into it. I came to know that I can never make it because I am infertile. It's given to me from nature. So yes now I am all set for surrogacy. I can understand important of a child in the family. So I am here for research on this. Surely it will be a great moment also when we will become parents.
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#22 of 24 Old 09-13-2017, 09:50 PM
 
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You can ask a specialist that can explain your situation now. Do not be lonely. Maybe this is not yet the right time. Do not be discourage. Just keep on going. Do not stop until your desire is granted.
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#23 of 24 Old 09-13-2017, 09:53 PM
 
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Try to consult other fertility clinics like in Ukraine. I am sure you will find a clear answer to your problem and a definite solution to it.
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#24 of 24 Old 09-21-2017, 07:16 AM
 
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Hey, dear, I am new in this group. I am researching on surrogacy. But I do not want to get famous through this. For that, I am here. I want to about a clinic which never compromises on the privacy. I am ready to pay every price. I have 2 abortions in my history. I have to do that because they were from my boyfriends. I cannot keep them this was the need of my career. What should I do now? I am very disappointed with all of my fertility treatments. My friends told me about surrogacy is best. But I need to be secure.
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