Aaahhh. Now, I understand. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 02-15-2006, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had two pregnancies that occured while trying not to get pregnant. Some of you might hate me for that. We, however, were planning on at least two more babies. My husband had a tumor removed from his abdomen almost three years ago that caused him to be infertile. Basically, he makes sperm, but the nerve that allows it to come out was severed. So. We CAN have more children, but only through IVF.

We really will have to be creative to come up with the money to do this. I am ready to have a baby now, and it'll take at least two years, probably longer, before we can responsibly pay $10K to get pregnant. Now it seems like everybody I know is getting pregnant. Even people who didn't want to be, or just plain shouldn't be!

So, now I understand what a couple of my girlfriends who were suffering infertility while we were having our two (one after another )were going through. One of them skipped my shower. I was insulted. Now I know that I shouldn't have been. It really stings to watch other people just, bam, get pregnant, when there's nothing you can do to be that way yourself. We're talking about getting in with a doctor who has a payment plan, and doing it this summer, so our kids aren't so far apart. I don't know that that's realistic, though. It certainly wouldn't be responsible.

A part of me feels mean for feeling the way I do lately, when I see pregnant women, or hear that someone I know is newly pregnant. Another part of me just wants to wallow. Many people whom we know tell us to forget IVF, that we're being selfish, because we HAVE two beautiful children. That REALLY makes me mad. What right do they have to tell me I'm done having children, or not to mourne the loss that we've suffered? Oh, well. Sorry for venting, just frustrated. Sad.

Mama to two awesome kids. Wife to a wonderful, attached, loving husband. I love my job-- I'm a Midwife, Doula and Childbirth Educator, Classes forming now!

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#2 of 14 Old 02-15-2006, 07:45 PM
 
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It seems no matter how many kids you have, someone is going to comment. When really, it should be no one else's business. Recently I saw a post here by another mama who said she shopped around for her fertility clinic and got IVF much cheaper than other places had quoted her. She also said they bought their drugs from Europe to save money.

Good luck with your journey.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#3 of 14 Old 02-15-2006, 07:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hmmm. Food for thought. Never thought about getting drugs from Europe...have family in Europe...

Mama to two awesome kids. Wife to a wonderful, attached, loving husband. I love my job-- I'm a Midwife, Doula and Childbirth Educator, Classes forming now!

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#4 of 14 Old 02-15-2006, 08:37 PM
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Originally Posted by courtenay_e
Hmmm. Food for thought. Never thought about getting drugs from Europe...have family in Europe...
Nope, no family in Europe. It just our doctor who realizes that drugs are way too expensive in the US and therefore, not affordable for many people (MUCH more expensive than in Europe) recommended a good trusted place in Europe (a website) where his patients can order their drugs. They DO require doctor prescription though.
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#5 of 14 Old 02-16-2006, 10:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey, thanks. Perhaps when I get that far, I can pm you, get the site, and bring it to my doctor? Or does your doc order them for you?

Mama to two awesome kids. Wife to a wonderful, attached, loving husband. I love my job-- I'm a Midwife, Doula and Childbirth Educator, Classes forming now!

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#6 of 14 Old 02-16-2006, 11:23 AM
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Feel free to pm me when time comes.
You need to order yourself. They will require you to fax or email (if you scan it) your doctor's perscription.

Yulia.
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#7 of 14 Old 02-18-2006, 04:35 AM
 
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the site is www.ivfmeds.com
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#8 of 14 Old 02-18-2006, 10:45 AM
 
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Mama, I'm sorry for your frustration and hurt. I've had that feeling as well.

Our children are 9 and 3. The space is due to my PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), a hormonal condition that often affects fertility. A year before I became pregnant with our second son, I miscarried a baby. It was devastating. Moreso, I think, because I don't get pregnant easily and I was worried that our 'one chance' to have a baby was gone.

People didn't understand. They tried, but all they could think of saying were things like "You can always have another one" and "At least you have one...you should be grateful for that". Obviously I was incredibly grateful for the beautiful boy I already had! But nobody tells a fertile woman that she's being selfish for wanting a second, third, fourth, seventh child. No... Those lovely comments are reserved for the infertile couples.

BTW, just as an aside, my boys are nearly six years apart and are the best of friends. They have an excellent relationship! We just found out I'm pregnant again and there willl be four years between our second son and this one, and nearly a decade between the oldest and youngest in our family! Fertility issues often mean we can't opt for that perfect sibling spacing, but the children can still enjoy strong bonds

Hang in there
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#9 of 14 Old 02-24-2006, 09:31 PM
 
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wow, Amanda...you and I are in very similar situations. I also have PCOS. My boys are 7 years apart (ages 10 and 3). I had an ectopic last year. My dh and I are currently TTC (with help) and if it takes in the next couple of months, there will be 4 years between the baby and our current youngest. And there will be nearly 11 years between the baby and our oldest.
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#10 of 14 Old 02-26-2006, 12:26 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Brayg
wow, Amanda...you and I are in very similar situations. I also have PCOS. My boys are 7 years apart (ages 10 and 3). I had an ectopic last year. My dh and I are currently TTC (with help) and if it takes in the next couple of months, there will be 4 years between the baby and our current youngest. And there will be nearly 11 years between the baby and our oldest.
Isn't that something! Our situations are indeed very similar.. Eerily so! Well, I hope that means that you'll also have pregnancy to celebrate in the near future I saw a naturopath in between my miscarriage and conceiving our second son; she did wonders for my body and fertility. I was also on a reproductive endocronologist waiting list when I became pregnant with our second little guy. I wish you all the best in your quest to become pregnant! I hope to see you (and everyone else who's TTC'ing with fertility in one way or another) in the pregnancy forum VERY soon
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#11 of 14 Old 02-26-2006, 04:37 AM
 
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Courtenay - IF sucks no matter how you come to it. I jsut wanted to thank you for acknoweldging your friends truth now. I have lost a few friends due to IF, and i wish sometimes they could see that it wasn't about them, it was about me/my husband. Of course, I doubt they'd ever get it without going through it.. and I wouldn't wish IF on anyone.
I hope that you're able to do IVF sooner rather than later... but anytime you get to it, I wish you success.

Oh yeah... some clinics won't allow you to get meds from out of country. Our doc was very clear that they wouldn't let us cycle unless we got our meds here (they gave us several places to get them from, and helped us find the best price).

Mamato Ruby Violet joy.gif(6 with autism) and someone 1sttri.gif who should make him/herself known sometime in the next month.

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#12 of 14 Old 02-26-2006, 06:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deleria
Isn't that something! Our situations are indeed very similar.. Eerily so! Well, I hope that means that you'll also have pregnancy to celebrate in the near future I saw a naturopath in between my miscarriage and conceiving our second son; she did wonders for my body and fertility. I was also on a reproductive endocronologist waiting list when I became pregnant with our second little guy. I wish you all the best in your quest to become pregnant! I hope to see you (and everyone else who's TTC'ing with fertility in one way or another) in the pregnancy forum VERY soon
Thanks! I hope to be there soon, too. I'm on my first cycle of clomid. Hopefully it won't take too long. Been TTC on our own for over a year now. I think my PCOS is kicking my butt, although I've done so much to control it naturally. Blech.
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#13 of 14 Old 02-28-2006, 12:15 AM
 
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hi courtenay_e! i'm hoping that i might be of some help to you. is your dh's condition that you described, retrograde ejaculation? retrograde ejaculation occurs when the nerves controlling closure of the bladder neck are severed and when orgasm occurs, the semen goes back into the bladder instead of being projected out of the urethra. if this is the case for your dh , you may have other options besides IVF. according to www.ivf.com (which has info from a group of reproductive endocrinologists in atlanta) " Antegrade ejaculation may be induced by treatment with alpha-adrenergic stimulation using sympathomimetic agents like Ornade, Sudafed or Tofranil. Alkalinization of the bladder urine with oral sodium bicarbonate or polycitra and retrieval of sperm from the bladder after ejaculation have been used successfully for artificial insemination." i hope this was helpful. good luck

rachel
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#14 of 14 Old 03-13-2006, 09:34 PM
 
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it's what Oprah calls an "ah-ha!" moment....lol I'm not usually much of one to quote Oprah.

I had 2 m/c that were unplanned pregnancies too. now I have my dd, but while technically I am fertile, realistically if we ever want any more kids, we'll need to do IVF either with PGD or a donor embryo due to chromosome abnormalities in me. (adoption isn't an option for us, no adoption agency would touch us w/ a ten ft pole for various reasons!) I don't even think we want any more kids, but just knowing we "can't" gives me that old familiar bitter feeling I had after my m/c's. I think it's the true unfairness of how easy it is for most people.
good luck!

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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