Secondary Infertility Vent - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 02-28-2006, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't know where to put this, as there is not a secondary board, but I just feel like the whole infertility deal will never go away. Through IVF ICSI we have two beautiful girls that I feel absolutely blessed to have had. BUT, what if we want to have more kids? So many people can decide they want their family to grow, then just do it. I just get so frustrated and I have no one IRL that can understand what it is like to not be able to just make the choice. Not even to mention the fact that so many people can just do it for free without any drugs or ultrasounds or a gazillion appointments. Now with the prospect of deciding we want to get pregnant one more time, we have to worry about how in the hell we are going to come up with $10,000 and even if we did come up with the money, there's no guarantee that we'll be able to get pregnant. What kind-of deal is that?

Sorry for the vent but I guess it's just been building. Thanks for reading.
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#2 of 5 Old 02-28-2006, 11:20 PM
 
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Hugs, Alisa. I understand. We have a beautiful daughter by IVF, and are planning a FET for May. It wasn't fair then, and it isn't fair now.
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#3 of 5 Old 03-01-2006, 03:21 AM
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I am only pregnant with my first via IVF and know that every time someone asks me how many I want, that my options are limited. It isn't fair, and it is frustrating and discouraging.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#4 of 5 Old 03-02-2006, 10:18 AM
 
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It's not fair. And it is also not fair that you can't find support or sympathy irl. We struggled 2+ years to conceive our first, and then got pg "easily" with our second. (But still with ART) and are still working on #3. (8 medicated iui cycles, a successful ivf with a mc at 11 weeks) When we miscarried my bil said "well, you can try again. Sometimes this just happens." Well, yes, but sometimes people don't spend 50% of their income or two years actually getting pg! GGrrr....

With secondary infertility, you also have your other kids to be concerned about. We ended up telling our 5 (then4) year old what we were trying to do, just so he wouldn't worry I was really sick. I mean, he was driving to the 4 or 5 x/week appointments with me for months on end and we didn't want him to imagine the worst. I think the miscarriage was hard on him too. Sometimes he'll talk about our baby growing, and I have to remind him that it stopped growing and died.

I'm not sure about you alisa, but I also feel guilty for wanting this other child so badly, when some people don't even get one (or two). And I feel guilty for spending $$ that could be spent on the kids I already have. Then I feel guilty for not being able to give them another sibling. Can't win!

I guess in 20 years we will have moved onto other issues, but the thought that I will always regret not having another haunts me. And in 20 (heck- in 5) years it will be too late to do anything about it.

I'd love to have some sort of peace to offer you, but I can only commiserate with you.

Me.  With 1 spouse, 4 kids, 16 chickens, 74 matchbox cars, 968,562+ legos, a dishwasher waiting to be emptied, a washing machine waiting to be filled and a lost cup of tea in the house.

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#5 of 5 Old 03-02-2006, 12:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It's brings me comfort to know that there are people I can "talk" to that have understanding of what it's all like.

Mum, the guilt to which you referred is very prevalant in my life. It's been really hard to explain to people how the cost of just getting pregnant is actually taking money away from the children we already have. I just really would like them to have the opportunity to be big sisters and to have a bigger family. I am so sorry for the loss that you had to endure. The fact that your BIL said that to you goes to show how little people understand about IF. One not only has to mourn the loss of their little one, and deal with all of the money that has already been spent, but it also means more and more appointments and more and more drugs in your body.


AdinaL, Congratulations on your pregancy . I know it is so hard, people asking about how many, etc. I always get asked if we are "done". I feel like no way am I done, but that is a decision that's not really up to me...

sophsmom, sending encouragement your way for your FET in May. Congratulations on having some frozen ones! How many are they going to transfer?

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. Thanks for letting me vent.
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